Fantastic 40+ thread - part 6

our thoughts! What is the matter with me? No, don't tell me...

Incaminka lovely to hear from you. Sounds like you've had so many hurdles to jump. Fingers crossed for you tomorrow.

Gum are thoughts are with you. Totally understand where you're coming from. I'm a planner, too. Think that's why this process is so hard - you simply can't plan ahead and it can make you feel like your life is on hold. in the Ozzie sunshine xx

PS hugs to gum and cupcake :-)

Hi, can I join? I am 42, and we have been trying for ten years. We did ivf and ran out of money, then fell naturally 2 years ago but mc'd at 14 weeks.
Now I am 7 weeks but with a lot of spotting - I am having a reassurance scan tomorrow at start of 8 week. Let's hope it really is reassuring! :-) Don't think I will relax this time till after 14 weeks though.

Can't stop - just ran into the snug to give gum a cuddle. I definitely hear what you're saying, matey. ((((()))))

Hi mrscupcake, so sorry to hear of your mmc. It's awful isn't it?

I'm just waiting to miscarry, I think. I've started to have some period like cramping,and a test this morning was so faint, I would have dismissed it as negative if it was the day my period was due. I know that the test would definitely have been positive if my bean was alive and growing. I just want it over with already.

I'm starting to feel angry and sad,and having trouble keeping it together. I have to take DS to swimming lessons this morning, where I'm surrounded by pregnant mums and new babies. I'd love to stay in, but DS loves his lesson and is expecting to go.

I have to let this go now. It's been over two years and two miscarriages and this one (I suppose you'd call it a chemical) and I just don't want to live my life always hoping and being let down.

This has also made me realise that I don't want to shoulder all the emotional burden either,which is what is happening as my DH really isn't involved with any of it.I suppose one consellation is that I don't have to break the news to him.

And I'm one of those people who has to "have a plan", so all this uncertainty is difficult for me.

It's time for a different plan. How strange to be saying that.This plan has been at the forefront of my mind for over two years.

I'm so blessed to have the children I have,and having a wonderful three year old will help. It's just hard to give up and change hopes and dreams.

I have loved being here,a part of this great group of lovely supportive women, and I hope all of you can get what your heart desires.

Hi, can I join in please? Stats: age 42, first pg age 36 ended at 14 wks due to chromosomal abnormalities, ds born 2007 now 5, mmc June 2011, mmc now - ERPC booked for next wed. Want to TTC again asap

Thanks

Tina great news that you're on the list. How exciting!!! Interested in the hypnotherapy. Isn't it weird that you felt totally 'with it' but were told that you were 'under'? I had a hideous reiki session once when the guy told me to close me eyes; he wouldn't touch me and the only way I would know he was there was through heat coming from his hands. To this day I have no idea where he went, but when my hour was up and I had the courage to open my eyes he was coming back into the room putting his fleece back on. Creepy!!

Gum big hug ((( ))). I think the same way as Hippy. I'd have done all the testing, too. You may know in your heart of hearts before any test tells you. Then again, if you read back through the thread you can see how many of us were jittery when we had no symptoms whatsoever for a day or so and panicked for nothing.

When I lost the last one (4/5 weeks) I woke up and didn't feel 'pregnant'. I tested and the number hadn't risen from 2-3 weeks. I cried buckets - it said everything. I only told my doctor afterwards as a formality. From then on it was a matter of just waiting to 'come on' - and it was just like a normal period, with normal cycle (ie next period came 28 days from mc date). If there's any good news to come of this situation, it is that the cycle does not appear to be interrupted. However, I totally get that you've had enough. TTC is emotionally exhausting and, if the worst has happened, you need to recover. Sending you all my love! xxx

Sending hugs to gum - with my second mc I used those devil sticks which tell you how many weeks you are and the fact that the number didn't go up told me all I needed to know - what I'm trying to say is I would absolutely have peed just like you did. I have my fingers crossed that this works out, my love. X
Jolls - whoop whoop - a boy (who would have known that? )

gum hope things do work out for you, as others have said try to stop testing it'll only confuse you and mess with your head.

diege dh and I were just chatting and talking about our relationship, work, life in general lol, I blame him for plying me with alcohol but at least I'm better now, will have a detox and rest my liver for a bit now!

I've now paid to be added to the donor egg register at Care in Nottingham, need to start saving but it'll be around 8 months so all being well I shouldn't have to put too much on a card (if I need the eggs am hoping not!!)

had my first hypnotherpay session last night, I was a bit nervous but it was fine, not sure if I went under but he said I did, I was very conscious of the noises coming in through the windows, dog barking traffic etc and i think i was trying too hard to relax but we'll see, I don't feel any different I have to say?!

Oh Gum I really feel for you; horrible to be in limbo and must be doubly difficult without dh to confide in. How are you managing on that score? Keep us informed with how you're doing - we're all here for you x
Jolls lovely news, you must be delighted . How old is your other little boy?
knicky good that you did the deed regardless. It has to be done and I bet you;re glad you made the effort
Love to all - sorry not to name check all but a bit crazy here and have seconds before it all kicks off (toddler/baby combo).

I've just come back from acupuncture which was lovely. My acupuncturist is so loving. She said that my pulses were all strong,but she said a pregnancy pulse can be so similar to a pre menstrual one that she can't decifer them.

Just when I think I should accept it will all be over soon, my boobs have started to get tender again. But those light tests have me thinking that I will be bleeding soon enough. There is no sign of blood at this stage and only the sort of cramping I normally get in early pregnancy,but I know it can take time. My first miscarriage was a missed one,so chances are my body isn't so good at giving up babies...

All I can do is wait it out. I still hope all will be well, but I don't really have an instinct for what will happen. I feel relatively calm considering.

Jolls, it is such good news about your scan and little boy. Thanks for your input,it really helps. I don't know if I can use that mantra: FTIAP, as I'm just not sure what to think!

Gum - I once had a mc at just a week after my period was due and, yes, I didn't notice any difference between that and normal flow (tbh, I don't even count that one on my list as it was so straightforward). I know that positivity is a good thing, but I'm answering that part of your post because I also know that, when I lost the last one, I knew for the whole almost-ten weeks that it wasn't right and wondered why no one else believed me. So, although people are absolutely right to say it's not all over yet, I also think that if you feel it is, then . . . oh dear, I'm getting in a pickle here. I think I just want to say that you should deal with it however you want to, which is what is brilliant about this thread rather than RL.

Jollster - how absolutely lovely! You must be delighted - take care x

gum I had a chemical pregnancy. I had a positive test at around 12DPO, then started to bleed around 15DPO. It was much the same as a normal period. About 3 or 4 days later I tested again and it was negative. I didn't need any medical interventions and my period next month was nearly bang on time. I hope that your feeling is wrong. I think though diege is quite right, stop the peeing for now, very hard to I know, but at the mo I don't think it's helping and you must be feeling really anxious and crap when you do it. Huge hugs.

No news from the knicks house. SWI week in full flow though the romance is somewhat lacking. It's all a bit prescriptive ie me and DH are feeling knackered and almost couldn't be arsed last night, but felt we had to as we might miss the golden opportunity. Not a great winner in the romance stakes. Lots of love to all xxx

gum so sorry to hear how down you are . I don't know about testing at that stage so can't comment on the validity of your test, you must be feeling awful though :(

jollster how lovely to hear from you. Really pleased the scan was fine. 20 weeks seems to have gone so fast ! Did you do anything differently this time? We 're the same age so i wondered if you had tips? I know i can get pregnant as i was a few months ago and my day2/3 tests were all ok, just frustrated that I havent got pregnant soon after my MMC, though if i've been releasing duff eggs then i don't want them to stick for a short while either.

gum stop the peeing! It doesn't help. Try to relax my love, unless i've missed it you have no bleeding yet? FTYAP. xxx

Had just popped on to update really. Had my 20 weeks scan on Tuesday, and all was fine. And to my surprise it's another boy.

Sending you all very best wishes and luck wherever you are on the TTC journey.

Jollster 44, 1 DS (4 tomorrow), TTC#2 since June 2009, 3MMCs 2 early MCs. Now 20+5.

xx

Gum sorry xxxx but " it ain t over to the fat lady sings!!!" or something like that!!!
The 2 CP s I ve had have just been like normal periods & had I not tested I 'd have been none the wiser. Xxx
Diege you make me feel less guilty ... when I left her the other day it was the only opportunity to do it as my AL from last year is all gone now!!!
Hi all;
Love to all xxxxx

Thanks for all your support and kind words. I do, think, realistically, that this isn't going to stick. I know I shouldn't have peed on a stick this morning, but I'd rather prepare myself. I did a first response test on Monday (at 14 DPO) and had a lovely dark pink line. This morning's FR test has a very light line.I know from past pregnancies that the line does get darker - particularly at 17 DPO. I also have no more boob tenderness.

And it is okay. I'd rather lose it now than later, and hope that it'll just be like a late period. Those of you who have had early miscarriages - will it be like that?I really don't ever want to go through another ERPC.

I know symptoms do fluctuate in the early weeks, but I think the light test is indicative of falling HCG levels.

One thing is certain - if I loss this one, I'm not going to ttc again. I'm really tired of the whole thing. I've had enough of uncertainty. I know it would be worth it in the end, but I just can't do this to myself anymore.

Sorry about the negative post, just had to get it off my chest.

congratulations shandy on your daughter. How exciting, 2 babies on this thread in quick succession!

twirly I can't believe people are so insensitive to say all those things, how mean.

tina I hope you recovered from your wobbly start this morning. I do feel less guilty about going out drinking 2 nights running this week - ok not very much either night, but what about my poor eggs....

hopeful hang in there, I hope this one sticks for you, but there's no easy way to get through the first weeks. Stick to you "don'ts" list - no more POASing.

miasmum & clicking I hope all is well and things are progressing as they should be.

waves to everyone else

Arghh missed out my hello to Lol

Ah Gum, I really hope all is well - you don't deserve any more heartbreak. On a positive note though so many people (myself included with dd2) have had the fainter line thing - peeonastick.com I think it is talks about this and how it's not just your wee, but the concentration of dye in each brand (even each batch in the same brand) that affects the line darkness. I really hope this explains it for you, and will be willing everything to be fine and dandy xxx
Twirly, yes, no early testing!!!
Angel, I've lost track of the times I've kept the dcs in nursery when I get back early from work. Hell, I even book leave the week after they're back at school/nursery
Tina, that does sound like a good night...what on earth were you up to until 1am?

That does make sense, thanks for the explanation! Another reason not to test early I guess . . . I'll stick that one on the ever-expanding list!

Twirly a chemical pregnancy is when you get a BFP early but the pregnancy doesn t stick. I ve had a couple where I ve tested positive early ( cd 23/24 ) a faint line then a few days later I ve got my period. So if I hadn t have tested I would never have known about the BFP ( if that makes sense!!)
Xxxx

And lucky - what a horrible thing to have said to you. Some people are just so thoughtless.

I've had it all this time from the usual 'well, it's nature's way - for the best really' (with a side order of . . . 'at your age') to 'bet you're relieved really, in a funny sort of way' (no, not in any sort of way) to 'ooh, you'll be more careful now I expect!' To be honest, I can almost brush that all off, it's when someone hugs me or is lovely that I get a bit flustered and don't quite know what to do.