The all new rat smacketers thread, this way for a 2012 BFP we are BROOKING NO ARGUMENT

Hello ladies,

Well 18.1.2012 is officially over and 19.1.2012 is looking slightly better no?

I'm glad that things are looking slightly brighter today for the smacketeers.

Maybe, date night sounds like a fab idea, life can be so damn busy and it's important to have a bit of quality time sometimes and remember why you fell in love in the first place. DH and I try and do that too although it's not very regular unfortunately.

I can't really offer any different advice than the other ladies have already given far but at least you have had a proper discussion about it now. I'm pretty sure if you concentrate on SFF at the weekends then that might ignite a flame so that DH fancies the occasional SFF in the week too. And actually if sperm can live for 5 days then there's every chance that weekend shagging could cover most of the week in terms of ovulation so a BFP is still possible. I am in the Biscuits school of seduction, poor DH is told that he needs to shag me well in advance whether he fancies it or not - fortunately after 2.8 years of trying for DC2 he is pretty resolved to it and we can have a laugh about "doing our duty", we often joke about TTC being about sheer determination and bloody mindedness in the face of adversity rather than some romantic liasion! I am sure it will all work out - for all of us I hope!

Bean Doctors appt sounds very postive, I hope DH comes on board with reducing the a bit for TTC. HSGs are magic too so it won't be long now until little bean #2 is made

Smegs still not convinced that its AF but it does sounds odd, what CD are you on?

Waves to Shiny, Pops, Generic, Beedle, Imps, Musical and all the other rat smacketeers that my sieve like memory has forgotten

Bean will DH gave to go to the doc to get the results / lifestyle lecture? I'm sure if he just cut down a bit that would help wouldn't it? A couple if glasses every night could be cut down a fair bit without cutting it out totally?

Just remind him if it works you'll be giving up booze for 9 mths plus!

Thanks Pop and Biscuits

DP has been on manvits and Chinese herbs for a couple of months when he got this result. I think we could tackle it with no booze and he even offered to try acupuncture but he may dig his heels in as may feel hurt.

We should test again, but we will have an app' at fertility clinic in 2 months.

At least we have something to work on instead of me doing everything under the sun to get pg.

Smegs - hope you get some answers. Will you go to doc?

Oh bean I'm sorry to hear about DHs results. Was the Dr confident he could improve them by drinking less? (that's a silver lining, at least??)
I think I may find myself in your boat in 6 months if I'm honest; DH drinks twice a week but really goes to town when he does. At least he's cut down on caffeine

Will you get another interview do you think? Though you weren't that keen anyway were you? :o

smegs have you had any investigations done, other than your thyroid bloods?

Oh Bean that is difficult isn't it. In a way it's nice to know what the problem might be, but then there's still no magic fix for if.

You're right my DH had low motility in his first sample. He doesn't drink a lot of alcohol at all really, or smoke, or wear tight pants. But he did drink a lot of Pepsi. So he totally gave up pepsi and started taking wellman conception vits. 3 mths on and he got a normal sample.

But they also say how one sample can be an odd result. And I recall DH saying it was hard to catch that very first but, which they emphasise you have to get (sorry TMI). Maybe he was better at getting the sample the second time? Good that you're getting the HSG done too as that can clear out any sludge or anything in the tubes.

Does your DH take any vits at the mo? And how long will you have to wait for your HSG?

Oh Scrambled - utterly pissed off for you. x

Brookers, what a strange day.

I'm afraid to my shame I didn't make the interview because my doc's appointment ran over by an hour but I wasn't willing to give it up.

FINALLY - a breakthrough. My progesterone levels are good. I am definitely ovulating. I was instantly referred for a HCG (?) at King's. No argument! Phew. And - and this is horrible instance of being right but wishing I wasn't - DP has motility issues back from SA. He is not going to like these results as he was dead confident that his two glasses of wine a night are fine and that his wrigglers were fine. At least his count is good, apparently.

I am going to leave it to the doc to deliver a sermon on lifestyle. And feel sorry for DP, but possibly maybe there's a slither of hope.

Biscuits - sounds a bit like your story? But your DH doesn't even drink is that right?

I don't know how DP will give up booze. I've spent this last year taking control of my fertility and wishing he would but it's been fruitless and I love him to bits and I know how much he loves his glass.

Maybe just go straight down the IUI route, save him the hassle! Not that this is likely to work of course.

Advice welcome.

Sorry - will now read all your news.

Looks like the ov bleed theory was a bit hopeful. Lots of pink cm today and I'm only 3dpo per FF. arse and .

Or perhaps I could have him to cook me lunch while you're at work and then I'll send him home in time to get your dinner on?

Perhaps we could share him? I don't want the younger one because he keeps going on about how old and over the hill the old one is and he's the same age as me

You can keep the kitchenaid if I can keep the older brother? :o

I might marry the older brother just for his kitchen aid - is that wrong?

No offence at all Generic my lovely

I've read about this smegs but I don't think it'll catch on.... Besides, it was in my interests to get DH to SWI so if he doesn't think of making it up, I'm not going to suggest it

Oh my, I'm watching the fabulous baker brothers from last night. There is an amazing looking chocolate cake / chocolate pot recipe (apparently you can use ramekins for cooking? Who knew....) and some delish Eggs Benedict with spinach muffins - yummy

Oh Biscuits I know - I hope I didn't offend.

Biscuits there is this amazing invention called lying you know...

I feel I should point out that that isn't my usual seduction technique it was definitely desperate measures and certainly wouldn't expect it to work for most people! I think we were just both so fed up with it all.

And we did have to factor in the fertile window dictated by our monitor (see my essay below) - if we didn't SWI in the window the money back thing was off..... Mind you how they would have checked I'm not entirely sure....

Thanks for telling me, Maybe. I just popped over to the ante-natal thread. I'm so very sad for her.

Just popping in - will catch up and post properly.

Maybe - Imps is en vacance I belive shaggin DH senseless. Hopefully she'll return home with a baby called Pina Colada.

Far I am glad you have had a talk - it sounds like you need to keep talking to get past this. I know you feel like you're having to shoulder a lot of the TTC burden (I do too) but I do agree with others that you should definitely keep the details of your cycle a secret. I know you try to do this anyway, but what you said about him psyching himself up in the bathroom before bed thinking about babies is probably not going to get most men going! I'm sure they are a delicate species and instead need to think about their hot wife rather than why they are shagging (ie making babies!). I quite liked the suggestions from Imps and Smegs about letting them know re fertile days and then the DH has to do the seducing if and when they're in the mood. Alternatively, I take the approach of not saying anything about when I'm fertile (God knows if he even understands re ovulation and luteal phase etc!) and just either seduce myself or hope he will on the right days. Obviously this is a bit hit and miss and luckily DH doesn't have the same anxieties as yours, but I'm sure that if I adopted a Biscuits-like approach (sorry Biscuits!) I'm sure he would refuse to shag me and we would have a massive row. Different things work for different people! I like all the suggestions about having a regular date night, making more time for yourselves and as a couple and maybe going back to sex when you both feel like it rather than SWI. It might do both of you some good, but I totally understand your frustration in wanting to just blooming well get (and stay) pregnant. Me too. (HUG)

Bean you go girl! You give that doctor what for and then get on with saving the world!

Popcorn I love Boots - I go most lunchtimes and always buy myself little treats!

Maybe I'll be glad when January's over too (even though it is my birthday very soon). I saw some snowdrops today and thought that spring must be coming quite soon.

Bean and pop I didn't mean to miss you out, my bloody MN didn't show your posts!

Good luck with the interview Bean

Pop Boots is a dangerous place, as I can somehow justify in my head that it is ok to buy everything in the shop

Far I am glad you managed to have a chat about it this morning. At least you know he definitely wants a baby I can't imagine how hard it must be for both you and your DH with respect to the performance issues. It must be frustrating as well. The only trouble I have with my DH is that he is always tired. He could fall asleep standing up which is why sex is always a cert at the weekends, just not always during the week.

Biscuits that was very interesting. It's amazing the gadgets you can get now to help with TTC. I half wonder though that if none of this was available, whether it would make TTC less/more stressfuol

Smegs, Little had an mc this week ( I hope you don't mind me saying this Little). We are all thinking of you Little

I too am looking forward to January being over. Then it's DH's birthday and Valentine's day! Whoop. DH has asked me if we can do some baking together this weekend (as if I would ever turn down that offer!). But in reality what this involves, is DH deciding what he would like to eat, me baking it, him pouring the wine, and then him eating the results Though I see this as a win-win all round!

Where's Imps?

Has something happened to little (desperately hoping she's ok, poor love)?

Off to docs. Then interview to run the world a charitable trust.

That's really interesting biscuits - it makes FF's subscription price seem quite reasonable! I suppose a lot of people get to the point where they're desperate enough to pay that sort of money, which is kind of sad but very very understandable says the girl who just bought a £££ CBFM

Far it's great you had a chat about things. I wonder if the weekend-only shagging is something you could work on in the context of trying to improve your relationship/sex life? It doesn't need to be an olympic effort, a quick fumble can be really fun and bonding. And it's a great stress reliever at the end of a long, hard day imho.

No cheapo CBFMs at boots - it's undergoing a refurb so half the store was empty! But they do have all their xmas gifts on 75% off so I bought a pretty mirror that looks like a birdcage for £5 :o

far am glad you and your DH had a good conversation about ttc. Am loathe to diagnose over t'internet, but have you considered that his testosterone levels may be a little low? It could be one of the reason for his low sex drive, although his job and stress levels may be to blame too. Maybe a trip to the GP to find out?

We've had problems with DH and expectations to perform too. I had a hissy fit and told him it was his responsibility to decide when to dtd now and try to instigate it with a very reluctant me. It worked for us as he's very keen now, but it's a bit of a gamble so I don't advise it!

I think these problems are far more widespread than you would imagine, so don't think that all your friends are merrily SWI away.

Is little ok? Haven't checked the ante-natal thread yet. Only 11 more days ( not including today) till misery January is over.

Farfalla - I'm glad you and DH have had a row-free conversation about it all today. Do you feel a little better? I know it's still hard to know what to do though. I guess for a while it's just got to be SFF? I guess DH doesn't need to know when it's time to ov even if you do? Maybe if you have a little while with the pressure off, just SFF at the weekends or when you want to you might find you get some of the spark back into it? Then that might in turn mean you might be able to work up to some midweek SFF? The more you get the more you want or whatever

Pomme I had a Duofertility monitor for a mere £500 . Honestly I'm not sure it was worth the money, although I did get pg . Basically it just took my temps, but you wear a little sensor under your arm so it gets the temps for you after the right number of hours of sleep etc. then you sync the sensor with a reader and connect the reader to your computer and it uploads all the temp data. Then it basically does what fertility friend does and works out when you ov'd. In addition you get access to their 'fertility specialists' which is potentially helpful. They will look at the results of any tests you've had done, although they obviously aren't actually offering you any treatment. But for example if they looked at SA results they might say 'oh, you should perhaps try every 3 days instead of every other' or whatever. So they can offer advice. You can actually buy the monitor and then subscribe for the support service monthly I think and then the monitor is only £100 ish (?) but you do have to subscribe for the support at something like £40-£50 a month or something. Obv cheaper though if you get pg within a few months.

What I would say though, is that when we got it we were very desperate and looking hard at IVF so £500 didn't seem so bad in the context of several thousand.

Also I had never heard of mumsnet or fertility friend. In my opinion, i think you get nearly the same level of advice from
MN (I know technically we're not qualified but there's a lot of experience here) and I'm sure fertility friend does exactly the same, especially if you subscribe to the premium service.

Like fertility friend it would sometimes change its mind as to when I ovulated and did this extensively the cycle we got pg. to the extent that as they were telling me I must not have ov'd I was getting a BFP .

Oh and the other thing was that it gives you a 'fertile window' to aim for. You have to SWI twice each cycle in that window for the money back guarantee to be valid. At first it just assumes that you'll ov mid cycle but it is supposed to 'learn your cycle'. We fell pg on cycle 3 so I can't comment on whether it ever did learn anything about me.

However, when changing its mind about when I may have ovulated, it also changed the fertile green window for when we should have been SWI-ing. However, it did this retrospectively! So it was a bit late to go back in time and shag at the time I should have done iyswim? Then that made me wonder whether they would try to stitch me up on the money back thing. When I asked them about it they said hat they recommend you shag every 2-3 days throughout your cycle anyway . Kind of defeats the object of having something to predict your fertile window one would think .

Umm, what else? Overall I'm not sure it was worth it. If I'm totally honest I thought for £500 it must do something more than just take my temps. I might have been expecting some sort of witch doctor magic . I was sold on the 'learning my cycle' and 'predicting my fertile window' but it wasn't as clever as I thought. I think you pay A LOT for the support services. On reflection I wish that I had perhaps got a CBFM and then taken my own temps to confirm ov. I also had a regular cycle so was fairly confident I was ov'ing. I was just fed up with having to shag all the time .

Oh, and last thing, although we got pg while using it, I think this was a result of our HSG and improved SA. The monitor just hanged its mind about ov time and that almost made us stop SWI too early? Who knows.

Anyway, that was an essay if anyone was interested .

Lots of hugs all round lovely ladies xxx