Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

fan good luck! I was going to say thinking of you... but that just sounds so wrong

hello womanlytales so sorry to hear your story. What a beautiful name for your son. Does it mean anything special? You sound strong to me, and very aware of your own feelings.

I agree, there are dark days and good days. I lost my beautiful redheaded 13-month-old daughter Mia in October, totally out of the blue. For me, there is still so much confusion, endless love balanced with unrelenting pain. I still cry every day, several times, although I realised that yesterday was the first day I didn't. However, my DH and I very much want a brother or sister for Mia. I like being on this thread because it does give me hope as I see other brave women go forward with their lives, and share their joy, their uncertainty and their love with the rest of us. They make me think that there are still happy possibilities out there somewhere in the future...

womanlytales what a beautiful name, can I ask if it has a meaning? I remember feeling very alone, vunerable and numb the first few months, every now again I can smile with the memory of my ophelia but I still have very dark days. Be gentle with yourself and let the grief take you sometimes its the bodies way of coping.

I'm ov'ing today yay! So must go! Lol

Welcome Womanlytales sorry for your loss. As Spilt said the pain never goes away you just find ways to cope I think. My gorgeous DD was stillborn at 41 weeks in
October 2010. I still grieve , in fact just been having a little cry just remembering my darling Georgie.
Take it 1 day at a time & if you can or want surround yourself with good RL support. I wouldn t have got through without my DH, family & friends.
Take care xxxxx

Yes we did name our boy - Maruti Ananth. Thank you for welcoming me. It's baby steps for me as I try to crawl out of the darkness.

womanlytales you are more than welcome. My dd1 was stillborn at 36 weeks last april, we thought I was in labour and that we were going to be parents to a healthy baby only to be told they couldbt find a trace and that our ophelia had died. She died from an actual knot in her cord.
I hope you find the support you need from the thread here, I know it has helped me through some pretty bad times.

blue I am getting on with it lol! I would be getting on with it right now if blasted work didn't get in the way!

Yeah she is, thanks! Although she woke up this morning with her pj's covered in blood! she had been scratching during the night, she's got some eczema and moloscum spots and had scratched them open :( she asked if I could cut her nails :)

and while getting dressed the cheeky monkey had scribbled all over my cheque I had ready to pay for playgroup. She said she'd written her name on it

She's getting better thanks blue, doing lots of sleeping and comfort feeding. Hope Ella's feeling better too?

Hi womanlytales I'm so sorry you find yourself here, and so sorry for the loss of your son. Did you name him? I lost my DD Bobbie at 20 weeks pregnant in Oct 2010 due to an infection. We went into the 20 week scan thinking everything was fine, only to be told she had died. You are so early on in your grief, I remember the terrible rawness of the early months. You will in time find that the raw agony softens but the sense of loss will never leave you . I can't speak for anyone else but I haven't found peace yet, I don't know if I ever will. I hope we can be a support to you here, talk as much as you need to about your son and your grief xx

womanlytales I'm so sorry you had to find us here! Did you name your little boy? I had a late miscarriage at 20 weeks 4 days last June. We named our little girl Sterre (which means star in Dutch). Much love to you x

blizy booooooo for AF...

fan glad you had a good weekend! Now get on with it...

razz how are you feeling today? little one kicking about a lot?

Same for you Too, everything ok?

wtw enjoy your last week off... and good luck with telling your boss! I'm sure they will react fine! :)

spilt how is your gorgeous one doing?

Hi everyone, I had a late miscarriage at 22 weeks on Dec 20, 2011. I lost a beautiful baby boy. There are bad days and good days - this morning on my run I started crying. I try and distract myself with work or something else but part of me wonders if it only makes the grief and sense of loss fester. Other days I have cried and cried and feel physically ill as a result - the days following I seem to bounce back as if my body and mind can only do so much grief at one go. And then there are all the reasons for being positive and looking to the future and all the excuses and explanations - I read in a blog yesterday that God shows us death so that we can appreciate life and I thought to myself - what rubbish / how can we not appreciate life when pregnant... Much of it sounds meaningless and just some words that sound pretty or deep... I know before the miscarriage I too believed these views and explanations but now I know different. There is no discounting the darkness that is always there with the light - there are no reasons for why some of us go through that darkness. In my case, the miscarriage was sudden and out of the blue. My cervix opened and there was no warning of it - all the scans and tests were normal. I feel horrible for letting down my baby and yet my body did that and I had no control over it on the day. How I prayed through my 24 hour long labor for the contractions to stop but they did not.

I have been reading some of the stories shared on this thread and hope to join you. I would like to have a child and also find peace with the loss of my son.

Blizy xxxx sorry xx roll on this month xx

Boooooooooooooo blizy that sucks! And aldo that you find that out as well all at the same time. Boooooooo that's all you can say isn't. Have a big bar of chocolate and roll on the next months cycle.

Waves madly back

blizy I am so,so sorry for AF arriving and with your friends pregnancy it must have felt like a double kick in the guts. I will light candles this week for all of you ttc xx
Thanks to everyone for their good wishes, hopefully we can race on to the end!!
Hope you all have a good day......I am off back to bed for a bit as really struggled to sleep last night and working the night shift tonight which KILLS me!! Wo is me and all that

xpost

Razz and too, I can imagine how frightened you must have been! I am so glad all is ok.

Whatever- enjoy your last week of freedom!

Well, fecking af is here . Dh and I were away with friends at the weekend and we found out our friend is pg with her second. God it was so hard not to cry when she told us..

Hope everyone is ok? X

whatever don't worry I'm sure your work will be happy, they won't want to seam heartless by complaining, and I think dachs very unfortunatly has the exception in a boss!

Hope its going ok dachs remember if you need some heavies to come up there and sort her out get me a pm!

I'm doing ok, had a nice day out with dh yesterday, he got a new tattoo. I should be oving today but we shall see when I test later. I feel like I will though. Even though its bloody cold I am boiling, so got to be a good sign!

Hope everyone has a good day.

Oh Razz, you poor thing. I'm so glad that the ctg was good and that you're now being booted again. There's nothing like that horrible soul-destroying panic. How often are you seeing the MW? FX for both your DH and Angel's with the job search.

Wtw, hope your boss is okay with it. Mine were touchingly delighted to hear of my new pregnancy, but I know it depends on the boss and the business. It sounds like a good plan to get the news out before you go back - one less thing to worry about on Day 1!

Blizy, hoping for you with all my might! Fan and Blue, you too.

Cheese, how are things with you? Any news of DS2? You and Ciwi are getting so close now!

Thanks Razz good luck to u re hubby too xxx glad alls ok & your mind has been put at rest. Take care xx

Oh too I so no where you are coming from as I have just returned from 2 hours monitoring on labour ward after having a few quieter days then no certain movements from 4am this morning. Panic set in but I kind of felt similar to spilt and was so nervous to go to hospital. They were fab with me and the ctg picked up lots of movement that I couldnt feel.....bloody anterior placenta. Anyway, he has given me a few boots now. So glad that bean is back to her active self, the relief is enormous Im sure.
fan I hope that you are feeling a bit better. I wish so much for a bfp for you and of course all the other brave ladies that are still trying. It really must be so hard.
angel I hope Ant gets some good news this week re a job. My dh has some interviews this week too so Im praying for a good outcome.
ciwi how fab that maternity leave is finally here for you, put those feet up and smile as your time is nearly here, wonderful.

Spilt and Ciwi, I have had mornings where I refused to get dressed until Bean kicked too! More earlier on when I couldn't feel her very much - luckily, she seems to be fairly active around 7 am, so it doesn't happen too often.

I was seeing the MW every 2 weeks and the consultant every 4, but because the MW cancelled the last session I haven't seen anyone official since 28 weeks. I will call her on Tues and set up an appt to be going on with. She has offered in the past to see me every week if I need her to, so it might be time to step it up a gear.

of you having finished work, Ciwi! Only 5 more weeks for me and then nothing until the New Year.