Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

I was convinced that AF was coming before I got my BFP, though - crampiness, spotting etc, and I took 2 negative tests before the positive. I wish the symptoms weren't the same! Still, shorter cycles is a good thing, isn't it, because it means you're ovulating more often? In your case, anyway, because your cycles were so long.

Fan, good luck! Hope you feel better soon too.

Wtw, how's the first day back going?

Ciwi and Razz, sorry to hear that you're both struggling too. It's so hard - like Ciwi I'm scared to start going in for monitoring because I'd never be away from the hospital, and I can listen to Bean's heartbeat on the doppler if I need to. I'm currently not seeing the MW again until the 17th, which I agreed on Friday before this last panic attack. I was quite cheerful on Friday because Bean was dancing the fandango. I've got the consultant on the 16th and nothing between now and then. The MW did say to phone her if I was worried at all, so I could ask for an earlier appt. Angel, I think work is going to help me too. At least when I'm here I'm distracted. Razz, I know what you mean about part of you wishing for a 34 week delivery! When I was being monitored on Thursday DH was really hoping I was going into labour just so it would all be over. What you said about never going through another pregnancy has really struck me, because I do want more children (assuming Bean is ok, please God). If Thea had lived I would now be starting to think about baby no 2, and I do want Bean to have siblings. I think it is going to take a long time to pluck up the courage, though.

blizy how are you? Did you have a good trip away?

Oh blue, huge hugs sent your way. X

it definitely feels like AF is on its way :(

blue hugs to you.

Hmmm don't know what to think now... just went to toilet and ever so slightly spotting when wiping... I really hate my body being so cruel! It did exactly the same last month!
It does mean my cycles are shortening...

I hate waiting too blue. I'm alright really I think its a mixture of a slight head cold and not wanting to go back to work after having a long weekend with DH. And also if I feel sorry for myself about a cold then I'm not thinking about symptoms all day long.

blue it sounds like it's too early for you but how frustrating not knowing when to test. I prefer fr for early testing, I have always had a positive on them before the cbd's. Am keeping my fingers crossed for you x
fan good luck for Monday too, will have my fx for you too x

It probably is too early, I had the same with the other 2 girls, with DD1 when living in Belgium, never had a positive HPT, went to docs and blood test confirmed pregnancy. With Sterre, had 3 negatives spread over 2 weeks and then a positive...
I was hoping it would be different this time around as I ov'd quite in the middle of my cycle, but we will just have to wait... I hate waiting!

hope you feel better soon fan x

blue hoping its just too early for you.

I feel dog rough this morning, have a head ache and a bit of a head cold. Wish I was still in bed.

Well that was a waste of a CBD... BFN but will test again in few days

wtw I'm due on sunday, but might see if I can hold out till monday as that is shop day and I don't have any poas's in the house so will have to buy some then.

But yesterday I was convincing myself that I wasn't pg as I don't have sore boobs. I am very hot though. But trying not to think about it.

think so too It says you can test up to 4 days early with it... so there is a chance... if I have a 32 day cycle... I ov'd CD17... so +2 weeks is 31 days...

I wish I could...

I have a CBD that expired end of January... which I would like to use as soon as possible before it doesn't work anymore...

wtw good luck tomorrow!

when is AF due? good question... sometime between CD32, which is Wednesday and CD44, which is 20 February.

blue thats does sound promising, when is AF due? I would be inclined to say to you to wait till then, but I know how hard it is. Do another test tomorrow guess. fx I really hope its a positive.

hello all! sorry been away at conference in Eastbourne! back now... been having achy breasts, feeling queasy and bloated all weekend. Did a cheapo test this afternoon, which was negative, but my pee was probably not strong enough...
now debating whether to do a test with FMU in the morning with my expired CBD or my new shiny FRER or another internet cheapy... or shall I wait a bit longer... pffft
I'm on CD29, 12DPO...
With Sterre I tested positive 12DPO with CBD... but that was a longer cycle...
I just don't want to get my hopes up...

Congratulations cheese, hope Ella and you are still doing well, you have coped amazingly well with the stresses of the last couple of weeks x
too like you and razz I am not coping brilliantly, I am obsessed with movements and terrified it will all go wrong again. The midwife has already agreed to see me every week but I broke down on her last week and told her I was so frightened of losing him. She gave me several numbers and said they would see me more often than weekly if that would help, I can go to the day ward and get a trace whenever I am worried but the thing is, I am wary of doing that because I know once I start I will be there all the time. Deep down I know he is moving enough but I worry anyway. I really hope the consultant agrees to 37 weeks, I can't wait any longer. Got a scan on wed so counting down to that at the moment. Hang in there, it will all be worth it in the end x
blue any news?
Hi to everyone else x

Too & Razz you ve both done so well. Can you arrange to see your MW more regularly? In the last month I saw my consultant every 2 weeks & my MW every 2 weeks. For me being at work was my saviour and that's why I worked right up to 10 days before my section. I would have worked that last week had it not been Georgie's birthday.
Why don t you ask your consultant or MW if you can go in to Ante- natal unit once a week for a trace??? My last week was full of scans ( well 1 ) & consultant appt but as I was so worried I did attend 2 other days for a trace. They also admitted me the weekend before for my peace of mind ... As crap as it was being in hospital it did reassure me ... What about discussing that?
It's crap , the whole process from the BFP to the arrival but as I say not long before it's all just a distant memory & you ce got your gorgeous babies. Just look: you ve come this far you ve dine the vast majority of the stressing..... Nearly there xxxx

too did you get in touch with your midwife? Maybe making a weekly appointment with her and see if you could have another scan in the next couple of weeks. Tell her how scared and stressed you are and that you need more reassurance that everything is fine, Im sure they will understand. But if you are ever really scared that something is wrong just take yourself to the hospital, they are not going to turn you away and get a scan. My MIL who has two angel babies one died at 36 weeks and the other at 20, when she was pregnant with her last baby 8 years ago she tells me she was at the hospital alot getting traced and what not in the final weeks, she said that she didnt care, it was her body and she knew if somethign was a little not right, but also to put her own mind at rest.
I will be trying my hardest to do this when I am pg, your nearly there just a few more weeks, and I know that this is the scary time now, but it was also scary in the first 12, 20 and 30 weeks you are well over half way you have managed to get this far with a degree of sanity () you can do it hun, you are strong you would be here if you wasnt. Keep saying the angel mantra 'today I am pregnant'.