Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

blizy ooh exciting! I hope this is your month!

I'm on CD13... no sign of ov yet according to CBFM! I'm expecting a high reading any day now though!

Fan- only fish! How are you? Shred ard you in your cycle? I think im a few days into the 2ww now......

blizy does you DH not like animals then?

Razz- I'm do glad you have your date. I hope the days zoom past, only 10 more days for you my lovely- hang in there. X

Fan- I k ow what you mean about having a pet, I have felt the same way especially with Dh working away from home so much, he is not keen though.

Too- I hope you get some rest today . X

too i really do enjoy planting and looking after my flowers. I have missed in the past 18 months because I was at my parents house and couldnt do anything really, they are very proud of their garden and well its theirs, not mine.

Rats I really want because they are clever and small and you can teach them tricks. I really want a ferret, as I used to have one before but he died within the year of a terrible illness. They are so funny and playful, but we cant really have on in this flat, and I would like to have them oputside anyway. So rat seams the next best thing. We cant have cats or dogs, I would love a dog but DH doesnt like them and also its not fair to not have a garden.

He did seam to come round to my way last night but we have to thing of somehere in the flat to put them.

Rats, Fan? Are they nice? I like the idea of having something to nuture. My dog is a great comfort and requires lots of nurturing - he'll come and cuddle up to you when he's cold or lonely, and if you're upset he'll come and sit next to you and try to lick your face. We both work full-time so we got a dogwalker to come in at lunchtimes and she takes him out for about 2 hours, sometimes longer. It's lovely to have something that you can make happy so easily - scratch his ears, take him outside and throw a ball, feed him - he jumps for joy when you take him out, and it cheers us up to watch his uncomplicated pleasure. Planting things also sounds nurturing! Do you enjoy it?

Razz, I'm finding it hard to sleep too, most of the time. I spent all last night rolling over and over. I was so uncomfortable before bed, though - constant BH and rock hard tummy, but it's gone this morning.

wtw so if you see a female working on the flower beds in f'town could be on the roundabouts or the ones by the library that's me!

Had a really lovely few days of chillaxing with DH, we had a lovely walk yesterday and a chat about things. We so want a child but we are so grateful that we had opheliaa.
I'm trying to persaude him to let me have a couple of rats as pets, I think he's coming round to it, or at the very least a hamster. I feel that I need to look after something, not a baby substitute but I just feel I need to nurter something and plants are not enough.

Can't believe how close some of you girls are getting now! I'm excited to hear the news of the arrivals and hear the names you have decided on.

I'm back to normal gardening duties in two weeks time they can't keep me in the office anymore, but I have managed to wangle it so that I'm with the planting crew so no working with chemicals so a lot safer for when ttc.

Hi all, not been around much this week as so busy with half term!!
ciwi Im really pleased you got your date sorted now, two weeks will fly by, so very exciting.
cheese so pleased that Ella is doing so well, cant wait for the news that you have taken her home.
too Im doing ok to be honest, just finding it difficult to sleep at night now as soooo uncomfortable. 31+1 now, 6 weeks today until my section date so very jealous of you ladies over the next few weeks

My best friend should be in theatre now as I type, her waters went this morning at 35+2 but baby is breech so a section was the only way to go. I am so excited for her but defo envious that she has managed to go early!!

Really hope you are doing ok blizy and you also fan after your mothers remarks.

Ciwi, I love the idea of doing a high-five every morning! I might pinch it. 34 weeks today, so you must be 36, wow!

Wtw, I think it is a huge step forward not to be jealous of other people's babies. I know I was, at least at first, and I still have a pang when I'm watching something like OBEM when there are easy water births - I wanted that!

Razz, how are you getting on? How many weeks is it now?

Angel, Spilt and Cheese, much love to the rainbow babies.

Blizy, how are you getting on with this month?

fan ttc is stressful enough without people putting extra pressure on you. I am sure she was just trying to be helpful though, just got it a bit wrong x
too you really are getting there, glad bean is growing well. It must be hard for your dh thinking like that, it is routine for the vast majority of operations to store your blood like that so don't let that worry you. I think when you have suffered such a loss like we all have it does make you worry more about the people closest to you x
Winnie I hope you can get your testing done as soon as possible, it must be hard waiting like that x
No real news from me, just trying to keep myself busy. Every morning now, dh and I do a high five to celebrate being one day closer, silly I know but it puts a smile on my face.

Oh how sweet Fan! I love the idea that you and Wtw are so near each other. Mums can be v weird sometimes. I'm sure she was trying her hardest and it just came out wrong. Would the docs be able to do anything about the fibroids, or is it just a case of letting nature take her course?

Winnie, how many weeks are you now? I hope the CVS goes well and am praying that nothing untoward will be found. How soon will they be able to tell where your placenta is? I had an amnio with Bean as the Down's risk came back as 1:10. They discovered this at 13 weeks and I had to wait until 16 weeks for the procedure, but the results came back very quickly and luckily were clear. Waiting for the amnio to come round while worrying about what to do if the results were positive was horrible. Razz also went through something v similar to you with waiting for genetic testing. I know it's hard, but post on here as much as you need to and we'll try to hold your hand.

Wtw, hope your sickness has eased a bit.

I had another consultant appt today - no particular news, just getting closer! I'm not getting another scan because Bean seems to be growing well - measuring between 34 and 35 cm today at 33+6. Next appt at 36 weeks, which will be the last time I see the consultant until the section. Getting there, slowly but surely!

DH has been having nightmares where I die during the section. Bean doesn't, and he has to raise her himself. I'm not sure it helped to hear that they take a sample of my blood and keep it in the lab in case they have to do a blood transfusion due to excessive bleeding during the section! I'm a bit worried about how he'll be after the CS, and how he'll get on having to go home on his own. I think my mum and stepfather will go stay in our house, though, so at least he won't be completely alone, and he won't get kicked out of the hospital til 9pm.

Its been a bit quiet on here this week.

I'm a bit annoyed with my mum, she said some very strange things yesterday like asking when do you have to go to the doc's when I havnt conceived? And not making a lot of sense about some of u girls getting pg already. I had to tell her straight that I've told her already we are trying but I don't like talking about it with people in RL coz it stresses me out. I think she thinks we've been waiting for something, she got a bit hysterical actually and I had to nip it in the bud. I thought afterwards that it was a bit insensitive of her, to make out I needed to go to the doc's after 9 months of trying. They would laugh in my face anyway, I've already been pg its not like I can't get pg, I just have fibroids that make my uterus bumpy which makes it difficult sometimes.
I ended up ranting to DH about when I got in, he wasn't happy either. I think I know where it stems from my SIL has said a few times that my nephew might be an only child and so my mum is worried that he won't have any cousins either.
I hate this pressure, don't they think its pressure enough for me already with out questions from people at work asking about whens the next one coming and you are trying aren't you. And then they are always looking at my belly, with a look on there face trying to work out if its a bump or just the spare fat tyre left over from the last pg.

Anyway, wtw I hope you don't mind but I found your Erins grave and I placed a little flower on it, I was in the cemetary doing work and just happened to be in the childrens area. Her little windmills were going round a treat.

Hope everyone else is ok?

Oh I see! Xx

Thanks Angel,

I know what we would do if the results were positive for the main test as we are looking for a specific genetic condition that our son Toby had. He died aged 2 years 9 months and only after the pm did they diagnose the syndrome. He had a good life and was able to smile despite being severly disabled and lack of any real development.

I think I just found it hard when they mentioned that the test may have to be done later in preg ie 15 weeks if my placenta is at the back and they cant get to it.

They will test for other more common syndromes too, which me and dh will discuss if and when we need to.

Love to all: we re fine here .Phebs truely adorable ,eating,sleeping & the other well !!! She is gorgeous.
Winnie with regards to your post ....I never had the nuchal test with either Georgie or Phoebe as it can t give you a definitive risk , that result is not 100% reliable and I knew ultimately i wouldn t terminate.you quote ( paraphrasing) you know you should test , it's better to test but only if you know what you re going to do with the results.we knew because of my age my risk would come back higher .why is it better to test if you re not sure what to do with a " positive" result???
Good luck with your decision xx

cheese* fab to hear you re doing well? Love to you all xxxx
Ciwi 2 weeks my word!!!! Nearly there ..well done xxx

Cheese it's lovely to hear about little Ella, hope u get her home soon x

Even though me and dh had a take away curry tonight I couldn't eat much but now I'm lying in bed starving! Gosh it's annoying wish I had one slice of choc orange at the very least!

Sorry long bit coming up!

I spoke to a specialist foetal nurse from the hospital today and she is organising a dating scan for me in the next couple of weeks. She is also the person who is organising the combined scan and the cvs test.

I had a few questions for her whilst on the phone and I'm now feeling a bit more nervous than perhaps I was before.

1. The cvs is likely to happen when I'm 12 weeks but if for some reason my placenta is on the back wall then I may have to wait till 15/16 weeks.
2. The results are likely to take upto 2 weeks so potentially 14 or 18 weeks preg.
3. If the worst happens and there is a positive result and we choose to end preg, they can only give oral drugs for this and don't do anything under general so id have to go through some of the motions ( have no idea what this may be like as not had to do this before)

I know that the benefits of having the tests (to make sure all is well) totally outweigh not having tests but I'm still scared and shitting it really. In my logical mind there is nothing I can do and what will be will be but it's always there at the back of my mind. I don't really wanna think about it and will cross that bridge when the time is right but I needed to share my feelings with others who most likely can understand or may have gone through anything remotely similar.

Oh my goodness so sorry for longest post ever!! I am and will remain positive and I'm also v excited too so its a whole mixture and roller coaster of emotions right now xx

cheese great to hear that Ella is doing so well, hope you can take her home soon. They say there is no indication to induce me earlier but they are still keeping a close eye on me and that might change if my circumstances do. At least I know it will be 2 weeks tomorrow at the most. Just going to take it one day at a time now, every day is one step closer.
wtw a little break will be lovely for you, you seem to have got to 11 weeks quickly, I bet you don't feel that though!
blue enjoy your dominoes, thanks for your post on my other thread, looks like I am going to have to speak to someone about dh staying with me, I can't stay overnight alone.
Bedtime for me now, just watched gypsy weddings, love that programme

Cheese, so glad to hear Ella is doing well and I hope you get to take her home soon. I have been reading your posts out to DH to encourage him. Hope Ella has gained lots of weight tomorrow. You are a star dealing with commuting to the hospital, giving your other kids lots of love and attention and expressing all at once! Can't wait to see photos when you get around to it.

Ciwi, yay for a date! Not long now. It is annoying to be fobbed off with the registrar, though, especially when they threaten to add on a week! You can do another 2 weeks, even though it feels like a lifetime now. It is weird how different trusts have different rules, though - I've had my date since the 28 week appt. It is 9 March, 37 weeks exactly. This is because 38 weeks would have been 16 March and Thea's birthday is the 13th. In fact, the consultant first suggested that it should be the 12th or 13th of March and I asked if we could avoid that date because of Thea and she agreed and volunteered to do it earlier just in case I went into labour on the 13th. It's a section. I have forgotten what yours is . Memory like a sieve.

Angel, we don't do cards either - just food! Sometimes presents but not this year.

cheese so happy Ella is doing well... still sounds a bit strange knowing someone else with an Ella
take it easy! you are doing great! I hope she can come home soon and you have more time to rest when she is having a nap, and that the other DC can see their little sister too! :)

Hi everyone. Ella is doing really well and we're hoping to bring her home soon, she's now 10 days old and we're itching to have her here with us. She's off all her wires other than an ng tube and apnea monitor. She's been feeding really well from me the past two days but when they tube feed her she isn't tolerating it as well and is throwing up so we're going to talk to them tomorrow about bringing her home which will hopefully stop the issues.

Depends on her weight too though as she's lost a bit since birth, keeping my fingers crossed that she's gained in the past few days. Really knackered as we're spending all day at scbu and coming home for the kids about 6ish plus expressing every 3-4 hours and during the night, feel run ragged. Would be so much easier with her at home!

I have no photos on my netbook but I'll try and sort that another day, I've put some on fb from my phone as that's where they all are at the moment! Hope to get some on here soon. It all still feels really surreal to me, I can barely believe she's here and alive.

Ciwi glad you have your date but I'm surprised they are making you wait longer, I was 34 weeks exactly but they made the right decision as my blood sugars were so low and she was hypo (low blood sugar) at birth. I'm not sure how much longer she would have been safe inside me so I'm hugely grateful they decided to deliver her when they did.

blue we didn't bother with cards or anything this year, too tired! Your evening sounds lovely :)

Too tea in bed sounds bliss! I'm about to stick a pizza in the oven and relax.

fan sorry af arrived :( glad you're feeling better though xx

blizy (hugs) the anniversary is a hard time. I found it harder to cope with on the run up to the actual days and surprised myself that I coped better than I thought with it. Still bloody awful though and I'm thinking of you xx

whatever lovely news about your sil, are you going to tell them about you pregnancy yet?

razz it's great that you have bought lots of baby things, I ended up doing the same after thinking that I wouldn't; it felt right too jsut throw myself into it and try to believe that everything would be ok!

Going to try and keep up more, I'm sure it'll be easier once she's actually home! Feel so tired all the time and stressed but obviously so very worth it. Worked out her weight the other day and she was actually 5lb 12 at birth and not the 6lbs they told us; she's gone down to 5lb 1 now so I'm really hoping she's gained now. Hope everyone is well xx

ciwi 29th of February! That's going to be a special birthday

DH didn't buy me card, I did and a bar of toblerone for him... he came home with a bunch of roses this afternoon :)

We are having our usual Domino's 2 for Tuesday deal, but fell for their Valentine's deal that comes with chocolate melts for dessert! Yummie! looking forward to it! :)

DD and I had a nice afternoon baking biscuits and cupcakes!