Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

Finally uploads some photos! Now going to read and catch up while Ella is still asleep.

Thanks Angel, Fan and Blizy. I've had a lovely nap and a sandwich and I feel much better.

Fan, , I hope you feel better soon and it's not a UTI. Maybe sod's law will work in your favour re the tools - you'll get pg and then you'll have to come off the tools again within a month. It does suck to have to tell everyone so soon, but being pg again will be so great that you might not mind too much. I really hope it happens soon for you. Are you still getting a rat?

Oh Blizy . You can do this! You can get through Zoe's birthday. Have you taken Tuesday off?

Ciwi, sorry, when I asked if you were counting down to Monday I meant the 29th! For some reason I thought Monday was the 29th and I've just realised it isn't.

Too- how nice of your husband to offer support to whatever, what a lovely man you have. Hope you are feeling ok?

Whatever- how are you and Dh?

Fan- oh no, I hope it's not a uti!

I'm not doing so good just now, I'm so emotional and crying at the drop of a hat. It feels very much like being back in the early days. I can get through Zoe's birthday .

Ciwi- how are doing?

that is true too. I guess it sounds so great because ttc is so tiring!

You rest up today and post on here when you get bored, I will be here to post aswell, work is so boring! Im also feeling a little rough today, hoping its not another UTI. Im fed up with them and their symptoms that feel like early pg! I guess reading that yesterday made me want to be pg even more if that possible! Its gutting to think some people get pg without noticing, why does that happen and others of us have to toil away at trying and trying. I guess Im just having one of those days where I feel utter dispair at my situation and wish so much it was different. I just have this longing at the moment to have something to hold and look after, that is what I should be doing. Maybe its because I am going back out on the tools the week after next, my hopes of getting pg before this happened have not come to fruition, and its depressing. I will now have to let the whole world know Im pg again, I dont want to have to do that, I want to be able to get my head around it before I have to tell all. If my pg in July had of held I would be nearly due and probably on my mat leave by now. I hate what if's.

Im not upset just a bit angry at it all, I know you all understand.

blizy I hope you are holding up ok and if your not thats ok too.

Too rest up & take care xxx

X post, Fan! Yes, that would be great, sailing through 25 whole weeks without worrying. Of course, then I would worry about what I'd been drinking or eating instead.

Gosh, everyone's gone a bit quiet.

I have just phoned in sick to work because I had BH for a lot of yesterday afternoon, and then they came back during OBEM and were really uncomfortable, mixed with stabbing pains in my cervix. Couple that with a dodgy tummy this morning and work is definitely low on my agenda for the day. The community MW is coming to see me this afternoon anyway, so I thought I would just take it easy. The staff nurse told me not to drink tea, coffee, hot chocolate, orange juice or milk in case I upset my tummy further - I really want a cup of tea! Might compromise on decaf.

Read a story on works intranet yesterday of a lady who works in another office saying she only found out she was pg at 25 weeks. Its had me thinking that wouldn't that be wonderful, to get to that stage without the worry of knowing you were pg.

DH and I used to go for huge long walks over the hills in the early weeks. Not saying much but just being together and walking until we were exhausted.

I thought of something else that might help your DH, Wtw - helping him to relax physically. For instance, massage/back scratching, hot baths and, ahem, whatever else helps him to un-tense, as it were . I can't think of any other examples right now, but there must be some. Exercise! Exercise, like Fan says.

wtw I am... big challenge! DH is going to change my FB password at midnight...
It is both posting and reading... I spend an awful lot of timing reading through lots of threads

I made lots of pancakes, and stacked them with chocolate spread in the middle and served them with ice cream, DH loved them lots!

talking about physical exercise it does help, DH does lots of cycling and weights, and it helps you feel good. Hoping your dh feels better soon, or finds out how to deal with his grief better. Hugs to you and yours wtw

justmat thank you for your words from a mans point of view its very interesting and insightful.

wtw I just wanted to say that my DH has had periods of crying, and well it is tough to deal with, he feels that he needs to be strong for me, and hasnt really thought of himself. The other night he went out and well I think I remember postin gon here that he well had a cry when he got in, it was over what someone had said at work and well he wanted to end it all. He went out with his mates after work to get away from it all. I felt awful as I had a go at him when he got in, but then he started to cry and said that he is only here because I am, otherwise he would have topped himself. Really hard to hear, but also good in a way as I knew I wasnt the only one having hard days.
I understand what justmat has said, I dont approach DH with questions about his feelings, but when I feel hes down ad try and let him know that Im here for him and will listen if he wants to talk, I dont verbally say this to him and I cant say how I let him know, asI think its a couple thing with us I just know and he just knows.
I do talk about Fi alot to dh, I say stuff like Fi would have been a little girl who would have loved this..... or do you think Fi would have liked this?.... or Im so glad she had your hair. I find it really helps us, and also it leads to questions baout the future and future DC's. Im not sure how your relationship goes along and what works for us might not work for you.

razz Im so glad the little one is fine, cant wat to hear more about him.

spilt yuck at the cat sick! why are cats so prone to puking where you dont want them to, why cant they be sick int he sink or the toilet or at least on the wipe clean kitchen floor! mums cat is always sick under the table or partly on the curtains!

I dont really watch OBEM, used to when I was pg, but havnt watched it since, I remember in the first seris they had a lady on there who had lost 2 baby boys I think, so sad, they were a lovely couple and wanted lots of children but they only ended up having two boys including the one she was pg with in the programe survive. They showed her memory boxes and also I remember she wore one of those ashes lockets round her neck. I remember thinking you poor couple dont know how you deal with that, and now I know.

blizy me and DH are thinking of you and yours xxxxxx

oh just to say I am the one who will deliver the news to you guys if blue gets her BFP this month! oooooo how exciting!

hello all...it may be obvious from my name, but i am too's dh...and as she asked me if i had any advise for whatever, i thought i would post myself...

the obvious thing to say is that everyone, both men and women, react to this sort of thing in different ways, but i do think that i went through what i think your dp is going through. I think, as men, the idea of counselling goes against the grain for a few reasons:

1. "talking about it" is essentially revisiting a scenario in which we had no control...we felt helpless both for partner and baby...this is obviously a very humbling/frightening experience and reliving it is not, in my view, something that men like to do.
2. it is exposing vulnerability to another person...and having gone through something like this, that has prob happened a lot stripping ourselves back is a difficult thing to do.
3. for me, there was always the underlying feeling, that no matter how much counselling i received, i would still do/behave/think the way i thought was best, and so counselling was essentially pointless.

A few ideas about supporting him...

1. don't pressure him...(not suggesting that you are or would, but sometimes an innocent "i'm ready to listen whenever" can sound like an expectation
2. if he has a hobby (ideally something physical)...encourage/facilitate it...i did some serious gardening in our immediate aftermath and it really helped to be "doing stuff"
3. don't be worried about the not talking about new pg just yet...part of the "man-thing" is to build up protective walls in our minds to help us cope with difficult situations - i went through, and still am a little bit, a phase of not allowing myself to be too hopeful/become too invested in the idea..."just in case"...i recognise that that is sad, but it's something i needed to do to retain some semblance of normality/sanity.
4. ask him to help you with stuff...physical or emotional - it helps men to be strong if they have to be strong for their partners.
5. give him time (bit cliched....but valid)
6. ask him to consider that he might be depressed...irrespective of what some people say, it is a medical condition, and can be treated...my gp was really understanding and basically let me determine my level of treatment, and i stopped when i felt better able to cope with life...i was also signed off work for a while which allowed me the time to deal with things in my head....it's not something to be ashamed off, and it is unlikely that any sensible colleague/manager would grudge that time....

i hope my rambling (and admittedly long-winded) post is of some help....if you want (and can cope) with more male views, let too know...

love to you all and be strong!

Razz, so glad to hear that it's nothing too worrying. Extra growth scans sound great, just for a bit of extra reassurance.

Blue, you must come back if you get a BFP! Will miss you.

Blizy, that sounds like a lovely way of remembering Zoe. I don't want to remember the day Thea died either. We will do something to mark her birthday but I don't know what yet.

I watch OBEM too - I can't help it and nor can DH, even though it usually makes us both cry. Thank you for the warning, wtw - that would have been a shock.

Spilt, ew to the catsick, and yay to Freya learning to roll, even if it is scary.

Your poor DH, Wtw, and poor you too. It is horrible to watch someone you love struggle so much. I hope you don't mind, but I told DH about it and he was going to post some advice from a man's perspective.

Ciwi, you must be counting down to Monday! Good luck!

Oh blizy I really feel for you. To me the day it all ended was far worse than the day I delivered Thomas. That was the day that all hope was gone and the dreams of the future totally changed. I hope that you manage to do something on Zoe's birthday that can make you smile somewhere within the tears.
wtw your poor husband, it must be so difficult for the men in our lives. They grieve inside yet try to be strong for us and protective. For what its worth my dh still doesnt talk that much about this pregnancy, only if I have brought it up. It does get to me sometimes.
spilt I so can not believe that Freya is now 6 months, it is so lovely to hear you enjoying her so much.

My scan went well. I do have an increase in fluid when it should be decreasing now but it is not a dangerous level. Baby is measuring on the 75th centile. They feel that I am now going to need regular growth scans (he was only just over 50th centile 3 weeks ago) but it will be up to my consultant when I see him on thursday. I think they believe that my glucose levels are going to be involved in the sudden increase. He is still breech. I do feel better about things now though. They switched the machine onto 4d briefly and it was lovely to see him again, even I could see that he had chubbed out from 2/3 weeks ago

blue I agree that you should have a clause in your absence that says you can drop in with BFP news!!!

spilt 6 months wow! Thanks for making me boke with the cat sick
On her birthday we will visit the crematorium with some balloons, I think we will also make a cake and have her birthday candle burning. I don't think we will do anything on the Sunday, I dont want to remember that horrid day.

razz hope everything is ok?

spilt I was thinking that too

thinking of razz now, hope they are running on time x

blue I think maybe your rules should allow you to run in and post if you get a BFP Hoping for you!

Glad you and blizy are feeling ok this morning. Sending you strength for the coming days blizy. Are you planning to do anything on Sunday or Tuesday?

Freya's fine thanks. 6 months old tomorrow. Currently lying on my lap munching away mid doze. She's really rolling now and can make her way all across the room . I have padded the hearth with blankets (everytime she goes front to back her head goes thunk on the floor), and have some foam hearth edge strips on order!!

Came down this morning to a lovely present on the kitchen table. Copious piles of cat sick. Nice! Freya watched on happily from the sling as I used half a kitchen roll and masses of antibac to clear it up. Appalling creatures.

blue will miss you but hoping that giving this up for lent will help with your ttc. You can email me if you like. PM me and I shall send my email to you.

spilt I dont think it ever gets easier, my MIL has a little break every anniversary of her two girls, my big and little SIL's would be 32 and 14 this year.

Blue- I wish the best of luck and pray for a bfp. I will miss your chat, speak to you soon and take care. X

Spilt - I'm ok I think. Just been keeping myself busy. The hard dates will be next week. It will be a year since Zoe died on Sunday and her birthday on Tuesday.
Hope Freya is good?

Big waves to everyone and thanks whatever for the heads up about obem. I still watch it every week, I think I like to torture myself.

I'm ok today! Got my first high reading this morning, so in SWI mood! :)
Who shall I email to update you if I get a BFP in a few weeks time?
DH was very pleased last night when I told him about giving up FB and MN

Just read the last page

cheese fab that you are all home now, that must be so wonderful . Hope DH is loving it too xx

razz those measurements are really dodgy. I was still measuring 29 weeks at 34+4. Got sent for growth scan. Freya was then born at 40 weeks, 7lb7oz so totally average, not small at all. Easier said than done, but please take a deep breath and try not to panic too much. Hope your scan today is reassuring.

blizy and blue big cuddles for yesterday. How are you both now?

It's Bobbie's due date on the 25th. Last year that was total meltdown day for me, but so far I feel ok about it this year. Her real birthday in October feels like the more important date now. The due date comes more with a sense that we should have been in the run up to her 1st birthday now, but in itself doesn't mean anything. I thought the date was wrong anyway!