Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

Shakey, congratulations! What lovely news to wake up to. Rose is such a pretty name. Much love and best wishes to you both.

It is odd that someone thought of Shakey yesterday, just as she was having Rose! Psychic or what? Was it you, Wtw?

Fan, you poor lovey, you will get there and you will have a baby. I know you will!

Angel, Disneyland Paris is so much fun! I haven't been since 2004, but I love it and am dying to go back. I spent an exchange year living near Paris and we went to Disneyland twice while we were there and it is so magical. We came out once thinking the stars were dancing, quite blase at Disneyland's ability to arrange this, and then realised it was just a plane!

Cheese, thank you for your wise words - I suppose deep down I do know that if that's what I have to deal with, then I will. It's Bean's kidney that worries me - no one knows yet how much of an impact it will have on her, although it may be very little.

Aaw shakey massive congratulations! Welcome baby Rose xxxx

Shakey- huge congratulations! Rise us a beautiful name, I'm so happy for you. How you are both well. X

Fan- thank you, I know what you mean about looking back. I have been doing a lot of this recently. I am ok'ish, I think like angel says the build up will be worse (I hope).

Miasmum- i don't have any words of wisdom to share but I can send you a huge hug. Hope you are ok? Xx

wow its been so quiet on here and then suddenly everyone posts!

shakey a huge congratulations on the safe arrival of Rose. Cant wait to here your birth story. Im so happy for you, I shed a little tear but I now have a massive smile on my face.

blizy been thinking of you all the time, especailly yesterday while I was feeling a bit low. I hope you are getting through it all.

too yay for early mat leave!

miasmum big hugs to you, were in the same boat, ive been crying alot over the unfairness of it all, and why we have all had to suffer like this. But we shall get through it. My DH always says to me that we have been lucky, we got to hold our baby, she was born into this world, she just didnt live. You were so lucky to have Mia, and if only for a short while she lightened your life, sometimes you have to think of the positives in the darkness to help you through. I am hoping so very much that all us ttc'ers get pg as soon as possible.

I had a bit of a rough evening, I had held in my sadness and crying all day yesterday at work, put on my happy face and joked with everyone else, tried to carry it on when I got home, but i just couldnt. I burst out crying and had to be looked after by dh. I just thought about where I was this time last year, I was getting bigger and we had bought the pram and were gettign the cot ready.

shakey your news has really cheered me up.

Wow huge congrats Shakey ...enjoy xxxx

Hi girls sorry been awol was getting myself worked up and nervous about having my baby, I thought it would be easier as we lost grace at 20 weeks, however I am pleased to say baby rose was born today by c section weighing a lovely 7 lb 3 and is absolutely gorgeous. I was under a general aneasthetic so didn't get to hear her first cry or get cuddles straight away but she is absolutely beautiful. Thanks for your support over these difficult months. Will catch up when I get home but hugs to all that are feeling low.

Too thanks big squeezes duely passed on to my gorgeous girl. Xxx
Cheese thanks for " be friending" me!!! Ella is delightful & gorgeous . Well done xxx hopefully you ll be able to see my pics of Phebs on FB.
August congrats on 15 weeks. Glad you had a good holiday.
Blizy xxxxx hope you get through Zoe's birthday but as I've said before I quite often find the run up to these important dates much worse than the actual days theirselves. I think, I m relieved when the actual day is here. Sending you much love & many hugs xxxx
Fan hoping for a BFP for you so very soon . You so deserve one (& Blue oh & Blizy!!!)
Phebs is good so adorable & doing so well . We re just buying her a high chair etc... Now to start weaning soon eek... Can t believe where the time has gone she's now 18 weeks & I ve only got 7 weeks mat leave left!!! Urh... However , have just booked a trip to Euro-Disney in August & Ant gets his " compo" from his old job tomorrow so I m desperately trying to " coerce" him to booking a holiday!!!
Love to all xxx

august I'm envious of your South Africa holiday, glad you had a good time :) Glad that your pregnancy is going well, I used my doppler quite a lot and found it very reassuring.

Too I was worried about scbu but I think I got a little used to the idea as it was so likely that she'd need some kind of hospital stay because of my GD even if she hadn't been early. It was really hard coming home without her though, I'll be totally honest there, but going in daily and spending as long as possible with her really helped. We had to juggle the other dcs as well but spent the majority of the day there and did all her care and feedings etc too.

The staff were very good and so nice which made it a bit easier but I found I just got on with it. It's more so that I'm thinking about it all now and realising how crappy it was. I really don't doubt that if your bean did need a stay in scbu (which hopefully won't be the case) then you would cope well and be ok with it.

I didn't stay in hospital at all, I went home the same night. I convinced the drs to let me go as I just couldn't bear to be on the ward with other mums and their babies when I didn't have her with me. I was going to discharge myself if they didn't agree though! They were worried because of my low iron but I felt fine and was much more comfortable at home.

Miasmummy, I wish there was something to say that would take your pain away, but there isn't. Of course you want Mia back. I can't imagine the agony of losing an older child, and so suddenly and unexpectedly. I am so sorry this happened to you, and to all of us. I hope everyone ttc does fall pg very quickly and that all the rainbow babies stay to bless us.

Wtw, hope you and DH enjoy the gig tomorrow! Have a lovely time. And I hope the birthday party goes well - 30 4 & 5 year olds - wow! Bravery.

Angel, hello - love to Phoebe.

Cheese, I think my biggest current worry (well, ok, apart from the obvious!) is that Bean will be ill when she's born and need to stay in SCBU. I think I'll go crazy if she's separated from me. I don't think I can cope with going home empty-handed again. You were so brave and strong. I am in awe of your strength.

August, glad to hear you had a brilliant holiday - welcome back! 15+5, yay! And how marvellous to be feeling flutters already.

Oh wtw, will be thinking of you also on Saturday - I just passed the 6 month anniversary of Jacob's birth and found it very hard. Lots of tears.
You too blizy for Zoe's first birthday -

Hi Ladies. Sorry I went AWOL there. We went to South Africa to visit DHs family, had a lovely break inspite of MIL!
First things first, massive congratulations cheese on the birth of your beautiful daughter Ella. So so happy for you.
ciwi you're almost there too, I can't imagine the fear - watched OBEM last night and the midwife seemed so sympathetic to the lady who had lost her first baby, saying how after a loss you convince yourself that it's going to happen again, but it's just you not daring to hope. I'm watching this space for news of your rainbow.
Fan how's it going? I think I might have a uti too , will be the third one in as many months and I dont want to take any more antibiotics. Will be cracking open the cranberry with you.
Hey too no more work! Hope you're managing to relax and feeling a bit better.
miasmum your sadness always has me welling up - I wish things were different for you, I sometimes think of all of us a few years down the line, all with our rainbow babies but still all remembering our lost children together and it's a nice thought - that time will come I'm sure of it.
I see blue's given us up for lent... maybe she'll be back with a bfp by Easter
Hi wtw I read you've got yr nuchal scan on 1st march, is that right (on phone and cant look back to check)? Will keep an eye out for updates. I got my results back yesterday and I'm in the low risk group so that was a relief.
And manic waves to everyone else - hope you're all ok

Quick update from me - I'm 15+5 today and feeling good, well except for a stiff neck and terrible constipation but I'm not complaining.... that much. I've felt a couple of 'kicks' in the last week and can find the littl'uns heartbeat really easily with the Doppler now. I'm actually quite excited, for now at least.

ciwi I hope you're ok when you visit your sister. I would definitely ask for a second opinion, it's unreasonable of your consultant to refuse to move forward your induction. My consultant was so understanding and was going to induce at 36 weeks but she would have gone a few days earlier, if I couldn't cope, I suspect. Hang in there, I felt so anxious and I only went to 34 weeks. I couldn't have gone 37 weeks without losing my mind. If it doesn't happen sooner then I hope Wednesday goes well, my cervix wasn't favourable at all (my bishop's score was 3) and they even tried moving my cervix forward when they put the gel in but it wouldn't budge; so don't be disheartened if yours is similar as I went into labour easily. I really hope they agree to start inducement sooner though.

Too We also changed hospitals, thankfully, never been so glad of anything before. Dh couldn't go back to the other hospital, not at all and neither could I, it was horrible going back for the PM results. Glad you've finished work now :)

Miasmummy (hugs) it's so difficult trying to deal with everything, take it easy on yourself xx

whatever haven't heard from Shakey, hope she's ok. It is lovely having Ella home with us now, it was awful at scbu seeing her so helpless and with all the wires in her. So glad that she's ok and I know she needed to be born then but it didn't make it any easier to cope with.

Angel I'll send you a request :)

Mia I know it's so hard. I want Georgie & Phoebe here. They should be it's not fair. Take care xxxx
Ciwi you will get there.see if they ll let you stay in if that will help. I found being in hospital helped me as we live a good 20-30 minutes away & I couldn t risk that. I m sure your sister will understand you have to do whatever you need to at the moment. I found the last week the hardest & truely felt like I would go mental!!!so much that on my section date I was obviously nervous bit also hugely relieved that the waiting would be over xxxxxx I know you can t imagine it but if I cam do so can you, you will be fine xxxxx
Too yeh for mat leave. Glad you re resting xxx
Cheese glad all is well ... Will you send me a friend request on FB? Then I can see your photos pls? Louise Sadler-Harris xxx
Hi all love to all xxxx
Love to Blizy & Zoe xxxx

Hi everyone. All your worries and concerns have hit me too. Sitting here crying. I want Mia back. I want to be pregnant, I want my life to be different. I can't bear any more sadness and disappointment. I want all the pg ladies here to have their beautiful babies safely, and all of us ttc to get the wonderful pregnancies we long for. Most of all, I want our hearts to be filled with the love and joy given by our beautiful children... Sorry. Just realised that four months ago this time today, Mia was still fine and feel totally overwhelmed.

Ciwi, huge hugs. I don't think I could go back into the same ward. I've changed hospitals, and when we had to go back to the first one for the amnio and for the complaint meeting, I hated it and was convinced it would jinx Bean. I don't even like driving past it (luckily don't have to very often). I'm sure your twin would understand. I'm a twin too and my sister wouldn't be offended if I didn't come in, under the circumstances. One thing about being so close to someone is that you can explain to them what's going on in your head and they get it. I hope the monitoring helps to keep you calm(ish) - you will get there and you will have a baby! FX for labour starting spontaneously tomorrow. Are you having any labour symptoms?

I didn't expect it to be this difficult either! Sometimes I feel really optimistic, and sometimes I feel like these are the last few days of Bean's life and I should savour every moment because they're all I'm going to get. Sometimes I even get as far as picturing bringing her home.

My boss has advised me to just stay off now because mat leave was starting a week on Mon anyway - yay! I'm going to see if the GP will sign me off, and if not I'll sign myself off until Wed and then advance my mat leave by 2 days to cover Thurs and Fri. Hooray for no more work!

And breathe ...
Thanks girls, I have had a little lie down and baby was wriggling everywhere so that made me feel a bit better. It's my twin sister and she is the closest person to me apart from dh, I think thats why I would feel so awful if I don't go in. My other 2 sisters are coming with me and they all know I am apprehensive so they are all geared up to support me if needed. I have broken down several times now and the midwives have tried to get him to change his mind but he won't. I am going in for monitoring again tomorrow and on monday and they said they may try and do a sweep so I suppose there is a small chance I could go into labour before Wednesday. It's so hard because I know that only people who have been where we have been can possibly understand just how real the fear is. This forum is a god send!
cheese your photos are lovely, she is so cute x
too the last bit is by far the hardest isnt it? I didn't really expect it to be this difficult.
blizy birthdays are hard and it does bring all those raw early day feelings back. I got through by just keeping as busy as possible mostly by making Ciaran a birthday cake. Its been 16 months since we lost Ciaran now and the feelings I have felt today makes it feel like yesterday :(
fan totally understand your frustration at people who are so blasé about ttc, it just doesn't seem fair when we try so hard to have our babies when others just drop them out without worrying. I saw a programme the other day about a drug addict who kept having babies and having them taken off her, she took drugs all through her pregnancy and baby was fine. It just doesn't make sense when we all looked after our babies so well and I worry if an egg yolk was slightly runny! It sometimes seems that the less you care, the easier it is.
Hi to everyone else x

Oh Ciwi, I'm sure sister will understand that you can't go to the hospital for visiting, it is completely understandable. I second cheese about badgering the consultant. I really feel for you right now and wish I could do something to help you. X

Thanks fan and too :) With the GD it's supposed to go, I should have an appointment sent out for a blood test around 6 weeks after birth I believe to check my sugar levels. I've been feeling well though so I'm hoping it's all ok. I have quite a high chance of developing type 2 diabetes in the future now I've had GD though, around 50% if I recall correctly.

ciwi oh huge hugs. Can you go back and see your consultant? It's really not in your best interests to be so anxious and worried. Your mental health is really important too and if you're so distraught they should be taking you seriously. I would definitely ask for a second opinion. 37 weeks is very respectful and I can't see why they wouldn't induce. At the very least can you go in for daily monitoring or be admitted?

If going in to see your sister is too much for you then please don't do it, wait for her to be home. Say you're ill or anything if you don't want to say the truth, not sure what your relationship with her is like. You need to take care of yourself right now and that includes your mental health. Your baby will be here soon and you will feel such relief. Wish I could do more to help xxx

Hi everyone,
Don't mean to sound like I a having a moan but I am just really struggling through these last few days, I just can't believe that everything is going to be ok and a week feels like a lifetime. I am 37 weeks tomorrow and I have begged them to bring my induction forward but they won't budge on next Wednesday. On top of this my sister has had a beautiful baby girl and I feel horrible saying it but I am so jealous, she has her baby safe and I am so scared I will lose mine. I am supposed to go and see her later but she is on the ward where I lost Ciaran and I just don't think I can go there, she has had a section too so will be in a few days, I was hoping she would be home quickly and I wouldnt have to go in there. It's so hard but just thinking about going back there is bringing back too many memories, I can't stop crying.
I will post properly later when I have calmed down, just needed to get that off my chest, dh is at uni and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone else as they are all excited about my sisters baby.

Ohhh, look at baby Ella, she's so cute! Cheese, she's beautiful. I am so ! Don't feel guilty about her birth - it wasn't your fault and you did everything you could to keep her in and to keep yourself healthy. She must be doing well now to be allowed home, so don't beat yourself up. What happens now with GD - does it just vanish?

lovely photos cheese shes a little cutey.

maxpower thank you! I remember you from Scarlett's antenatal group :) hope you're doing well too x

blizy huge hugs, I found the time leading up to Scarlett's birthday worse than the actual day, it was difficult but the anticipation of it was harder for me. I hope you're getting through the days peacefully xx

fan hope you're not getting another uti. I know what you mean about the what ifs, I go through so many in my head; not only about Scarlett but with Ella also. I feel somewhat guilty that she had to be born earlier than we thought because of the diabetes, all the tubes and wires and I feel responsible :( I'm obviously immensly grateful that she's here and healthy now but I guess I have the time to reflect on the scbu stay now and it's quite hard.

I couldn't watch obem after Scarlett died, I enjoyed it before then though. I've seen a couple of the recent series now but it's still a difficult watch. There was part of one that hard my heart in my mouth and I found very emotional.

Too I had those stabby cervix pains and like to think they were doing something along with all the BH! My labour was quite easy really so maybe they helped!

whatever my dh did struggle a lot and the thing that really helped him is when he started counselling. I think it was partly because he could actually just sit down and it was about him for the hour and talk without the worry of upsetting me. He spent a lot of time trying to make me feel better and not upset me so I think it was good for him to be able to talk about how he felt.

I saw a big difference in him after his sessions which lasted and he's gradually dealt with things a bit more. He was the strong one for the first 6 months or so after we lost Scarlett and I fell apart. He was there and did everything. Then I got pregnant and found things a bit easier in a way so picked up a bit and then things hit him. We swapped roles at that point and I was the strong one but it worked for us. It was a conscious thing but one that we just naturally fell into.

razz glad your scan went well. I had tons of extra fluid and it was down to GD, she was also large for her gestation with a bigger tummy. Scarlett was breech right until the end but this time Ella turned a few weeks before she was born having been breech for ages! I hope you get some answers about the size, fluid and sugar. I had sugar in my urine a few times but I had GD so that would explain that.

spilt 6 months! Wow, that has gone so quickly!

blue I couldn't give up fb and MN, good luck though and hope you get a bfp soon xx

ciwi thinking of you xx