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Conception

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Original poster

Indecision - how to decide to ttc?

27 replies

MysteryCat · 08/01/2012 15:52

Hi everyone. I'm new on here and just wanted some advice before ttc.

I've just turned 36 (happily married for 7 years, no kids yet) and have never felt broody. I've always been one of those people that said they would never have kids. However, in the past year, I've begun to wonder if I've changed my mind. It could be my biological clock ticking or could be that my closest friend has recently had a baby - but now I'm starting to think that perhaps I would like to start a family.

The problem is that after years of being convinced that I didn't want kids now I'm worried about whether ttc is the right decision. I'm generally a cautious person who doesn't rush into things but I'm aware that at 36, if I do want a family, I need to decide and start trying.

I just wondered if there was anyone out there who wasn't 100% sure about whether ttc was the right thing but went for it anyway? I feel a bit of an idiot being undecided as everyone I know seems to be sure one way or the other. Confused

OP posts:
Chunkychicken · 08/01/2012 17:16

I've always wanted to have kids 'at some point' but when my almost husband said quite literally 'I'm going to get you pregnant' (DTD actually, TMI I know, & it seems a bit callous & perhaps a little out of order) but if he hadn't done that, I would have put it off again & again, & then be mid-thirties & maybe find it difficult... It happened straight away, which was a surprise but immediately I knew I was totally happy with it. It's the best thing I've ever done, for me it put everything into perspective & now we're TTC #2.

Do it when you feel 'ready' because it will still change your life in ways you've never dreamt of & you'll think I'm not ready for this a million times. Obviously very few mums would come on a site like this & say I wish I'd never has kids, so not sure how many people 'change' their mind, but I suspect once those pg hormones kick in, most women feel they've made a good decision.

Good luck & fingers crossed you get what you want...

eurochick · 08/01/2012 16:28

I have some sympathy with your position. I am also one of those people who said they would never have kids and was not the slightest bit broody through my twenties and early 30s. Some time in my early 30s, my view started to change. It took me quite a while to fully come to terms with my about-face and also to get my then boyfriend (now husband) on board. The first few times we tried, it felt a bit like jumping off a cliff. It is taking rather a long time for me, so I have now had plenty of time to come to terms with it and am now sure that this is what I want (although I do still sometimes have moments where I get scared when I think about how much my life will change). BTW, I think it was my friends starting to have children that started my biological clock ticking too. It went from being something completely alien to me to me thinking "that looks like a nice life".

You are right that you don't have too much time to dither about this decision though. Whilst plenty of women do manage to have kids in their early 40s, many don't.

I don't think everyone is as certain about their decision as you think though. I've seen plenty of "what the hell have I done" posts on here from people who have got their BFP, often after trying for quite some time. The good thing about pregnancy taking 9 months is that you have some time to get used to the idea once there is no going back!