Over 40

Hmm, I sometimes think my one is keeping me young, other times I'm quite sure she's making me feel a hundred

oops meant cope

I have a friend who had both her boys in her forties after miscarriages, both healthy. I sometimes wonder if I was to hasty in saying two was enough - I'm 40. It is purely a personal decision - health and happiness come into it as well as the question will I hope as an older mother. Personally i think my two are keeping me young

I think the risk of having more twins is your main concern - if you feel you could do that again then go for it. After all you will only be 4 years older than the first time - the longer you think about it the older you will be.

I had a healthy lovely baby at 41. Your ageis oemthing to consider ut the risk does nto go up after 40 like everyone said, it goes up after 35. The real issue is the drop in fertility. But it sound like your heart is telling you to try for it and if it doesn't happen, then at least you will nto wonder later when it really will be too late. I will bet that if you do have a third, you won't be able to pry her from your mom's arms. My mom worries about me too, they are our moms, but, it is your life in the end, not hers.

Hi speedymama, I turn 41 in March and have told dh that what I want for my birthday is to start TTC for baby no.2. I had ds at 38 and would love to have another. FWIW, I had a very early miscarriage several months ago and my mother was horrified that I would "let" myself get pregnant again. I've decided not to tell her until I am hopefully well along with the next pregnancy! Dh is 57 and has some concerns about his energy levels with 2 children, so we have been discussing it quite a lot.

Oh, and as far as potential problems, I was also very concerned. Dh stated that at his age he did not think he could face caring for a disabled child. I elected for an amnio and we would have aborted if a problem had been detected. Fortunately we have beautiful healthy ds!

Thanks Elibean!

Good`luck with your decision.

It makes me realise how the "age barrier" shifts over time. We were fortunate to be married young, enjoy 4 childfree years & hae children young. DH was adamant that children should be born before we hit 30!(DS in his family). I am almost 40 and feel no different health wise (apart from more tired as now dealing with teenager & 10 yr old) as at 30. If I hadn't had my children yet I would definately be trying.

Totally agree with Arabica's advice.

Arabica, I will borrow your 'think 50' tip to help me make my decisions, thanks. More importantly, congratulations - wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy!

Nobody can make this important decision for you, but in my case (I'm 44 and nearly 11wks pg) I just thought ahead to my 50th birthday and asked myself whether I would feel relief or regret if I didn't try for another baby after my miscarriage last year. It helps that I have a 46-year-old friend who's just given birth to a healthy baby and she is coping fine. Good luck whatever you decide.

I have 3 children, conceived when I was 33, 36 and 39. I am now 41 and would love one more. Its true the risks of miscarriage increase with age ( I had one mc between ds1 and ds2 and two between Ds2 an ds3) and that the risk of Downs syndrome (andother chromosomal abnormalities) increases with age but more children are born without these problems. In the end its up to you, but I always remember someone saying that you are very unlikely to regret the children you do have , but might well regret not having the ones you want....

I say go for it!

loads of luck and love for your future what ever you decide...your already a greaat mum

thank you ..

'too old for me' is exactly it: its such an individual thing. My pal who had her dds at 40 and 43 felt her 'cut off' age was 44. My sister's best pal had twins (naturally, and by 'mistake') at 49. Others feel too old at 36.

Almost, please do'nt feel bad! Its absolutely true that health risks increase with age, even though of course they can happen at any time - I for one am fine with what you posted! I'm sorry your Mum went through all that, and you too - it sounds rough. xx

I had my dd after 10 years of ttc. I did have an amnio and it confirmed what I was convinced of already - healthy child. yes the risks increase after 40 but it's not that strange for women in their 40s to have babies. It's just that in the past women would have large families spread over 20 years as opposed to starting in your 30s. My dp's mum had him at 48 - he is the youngest of 8. DDs now 4 and if I could have another one I would go for it.
Given that I've managed to get pregnant once every 10 years I reckon I will get pregnant again at 50 and that is too old for me.

I didn't get married until I was 41, I had ds at 42, no problem conceiving, then had a miscarriage 15 months later. Then fell pg again no trouble and had dd at 45, I am now 48. I made sure I took folic acid, didn't drink too much, generally fit. I have 2 very healthy happy children (thankfully). It's the luck of the draw, I know younger mums who have children with all sorts of problems.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

I think you have to decide based on your views of disability and abortion.

I was 38 when I had my son. I knew I was at increased risk of Downs syndrome, and had a CVS test to check for it. DH and I knew that if Downs was found (or any other abnormality) then we would abort. This was mainly because I am disabled myself, with an undiagnosed condition, and I know what life is like as a disabled child, and what my parents went thru during my childhood (my sister and I both disabled).

If you couldn't cope with the possiblilty of a disabled child or abortion, then I guess the risk gets too high.
On the other hand, if you and dh can rationally discuss what you would do in those circumstances, then it's your choice to try for another baby.

For what it's worth, I didn't tell my family we were TTC, and when I told them I was PG (at 15 weeks) they were HORRIFIED.

But it's your life.

when i was nine mum used to colapse a lot and it took a few years to find out she had a heart problem ..i really didnt men to put you off or upset you i feel really bad now ...she has had heart attacks and a pacemaker fitted.two replacement hips.etc as i said women these day look act and health wise are a lot younger

I know you wanted positives but I got pregnant accidentally last June at the age of 42 and had a missed miscarriage in August. I found out after August that the risk of miscarrying is very high at our age- something like one in three instead of the usual one in five. We haven't ruled out trying again but I'm not too hopeful.

AlmostAA, what happened when you were 9? I couldn't follow that bit of your post, hope you do'nt mind me asking - it sounded as though your mother's health deteriorated, but not sure. I'm so sorry about your Dad. Thanks for posting your point of view, I find it helpful to hear lots!

My mother, and father, and grandmother (98) and sister are all trying hard not to say so, but they think I'd be mad to try for another at 45. They were really anxious for me through the last pregnancy, too.
They might be right, but its not their decision either!

Oops, pressed 'post' prematurely

Don't want to hijack your thread, but am also trying to make a decision about TTC a second time, and feel embarrassed to say so at my age...but its true. I don't have the worries about 'old eggs' as I'd be going through IVF with DE again, but I do have worries about coping with pregnancy and a toddler at my age, and then the added energy needed for two kids. SHould probably screw up my courage and start another thread on this one - just to say, you're not alone!

Also, I agree with Aloha, GP not necessarily helpful - and its YOUR decision, no on else's!