Age gap between babies - what to aim for and how to achieve it??

Sunnydelight - how do you run a family with a big age gap. I am wondering how I will get on as mine get older (now 9, 6 and 9 months). Any tips!?

I have big gaps between my three - now 12, 7 and 2. The gap between the boys was slightly bigger than planned due to a m/c and planning didn't come into it with DD Personally I would have hated to have lots of small children at the same time, though I can certainly see the advantages as they get older. Generally the age differences between them work well - DS1 ADORES his little sister and will be old enough to babysit soon - but it can be hard to plan a day out that keeps everyone happy.

Not at all Wallace, in fact it is far easier than i thought it would be. But ds's needs aren't great atm, he is only 5 months - when he is a toddler i suspect it might be a bit different. It's part of the reason why we want another one - so we will have two pairs of kids at similar ages, so they always have a peer to be with who has similar needs. Watch this space!

I didn't want a small gap as I tend to need to feel in control and thought if I had 2 very young ones I would find it too hard! I wanted my first to have us all to herself and then have a second once she was in pre-school. So we started trying when dd was 3, got pregnant straight away. Unfortunately had a molar pregnancy which put the brakes on everything.
We now have a ds who is 5 and a half years younger than his sister. Lovely in the majority of ways and suits us.

agree with lots of others who have said you can't really plan - despite what you want and how hard you work at it

whatever gap you get you work with - we have 3 years between our girls and I desperately wanted a smaller gap, but we didn't get that, so we've made the gap work and it's brilliant. lots of luck , hope it all works out for you!

think there's a lot to be said for 3 years as they seem to have a helpful stage around 3 but its not too far apart that they can't play together. Also for not veing heavily pregnant in August. However no idea how you'd manage it

I'd forgotten I asked until I saw your reply

Do you find it hard fitting the baby in with the routine of the older two?

Wallace - sorry, you've probably given up waiting for the answer to your question! There is 6.5 years between dd2 and ds - slightly bigger than our original intention of having a five year gap, but I had changed my mind about having more, then changed it back again!!!

I always wanted mine close in age as I come from a large close familly and loved it, but now that I am 4m pg wit number 2... dd1 is 13m I am remembering the trauma ofsleepless nights and totally lack of any sort of patterning that we had first time and feeling mildly worried though also very happy and exited! also worried about how dd1 will take the new arrival though as previously mentioned will be under 2 so hopefully not too jelous?

we wanted a small gap of 18mths and i got pg quite quickly to plan but ended up having a missed mc. Concieved again within 3mths and now have a 2.2yr ds and a 3wk dd. Gap seems to be quite good as DS has been really good with dd and no jealousy as yet, although am also right in the middle of toilet training as quickly realised 2 in nappies is not for me..lol If we have more it will be in about 3yrs that we would try again.

Well, have a 16 month old daughter & am expecting second in September a week after her 2nd birthday.....it's what we wanted!! Get it all out of the way....

I think there are pros and cons to any age gap. Also think that whether siblings get on is due to characters not age gaps IMO. I have a 3 year 2 month gap between No 1 and No 2 (planned, I was really lucky and fell pregnant first month both times) and a 5 year gap between No 2 and No 3 (not planned! No 3 was a little 'surprise'!). A 3 year gap was nice. A 5 year gap is nice - feel like I can really enjoy this one, have more time for him. I know people who have had a 13 or 15 month age gap and although its really hard work at first once they get a little older its really easy to go places and do stuff with them. Not quite to easy for me to entertain all 3 kids going out having a 8 year gap between No1 and No3. Turns and roundabouts IYSWIM

Glad you felt encouraged shaysmummy!!! When are you due!? All the very best!!

after reading captaindippy's post, i am really excited now! sounds like fun!

There will be 14 months between mine!! Other people have said it works really well as the kids have so much in common. I was dreading waiting for number 2 till I was out of the baby stage and enjoying sleep and not having to heave bags of baby junk about.

good to hear so many positives for the 3 year age gap Pyschologists recommend this gap as by this time child 1 has developed their role in the family, established their personality.

Personally I would have liked a March baby ( had DD is the very hot summer of 2003 & sat around in my nursing bra feeling VERY fat & hot !) with a 2yr 9mth gap. Got pregnant & then had a miscarriage. Baby 2 is due this August, so all being well, there will be 3yrs + 1 month or so.

Only advice is, plan, but don't plan ! Give yourself a min gap & then work from there, if it happens, great. If it doesn't happen, you find that it's great anyway

well blondinlondon, I have 2 yrs then 22 mo between mine and it has been fine.
FWIW there are arguments on both sides - bigger gap - more independent older child, only 1 in nappies, easier in the short term
Smaller gap - siblings may be closer, never have to get used to not having nappies and pushchair (! sounds bonkers but it is a valid point), hardly need to put the baby stuff away etc...
But I just wanted to say, watch out for trying for too exact an age gap. I know someone who had a DS, planned an exact 3-yr gap then had a stillbirth followed by miscarriages. Finally she had her much-longed-for second child and the gap is actually six years.
Horrible horrible time for her of course (and I am sure there are many other MN-ers with similar stories), and not something which I would wish on anyone, but I'm just trying to make the point that it doesn't always go the way you plan....

Mmmmm, I have a 15 month age gap between DDs 1 and 2 - It is certainly not good for the stress levels and there are times when I think "what have I done!!?", but DH and I are already discussing our next - so it can't be all that bad!!

DD1 is almost 2 now and DD2 is nearly 8 months and a lot of the time they are VERY sweet together - DD1 is very loving and caring of her little sister - passing her toys and making sure that she is ok. She also climbs all over her and is a little "over affectionate" at times cos she is too young to understand what behaviour is appropriate.

I have been told by loads of people that the small age gap is hard at first, but pays off in the end and I am looking forward to that - At the moment I need at least eighteen arms, five brains and eyes in the back of my head - and super human strength (we have about 8 flights of stairs in our house and I often have to carry them both up and down to avoid jealousy induced meltdown!!)

Mmmmmmm, nope I love my small age gap and I am glad that I didn't have to "re-learn" all the new baby stuff again - Would like a slightly bigger age gap next time though - Planning to have next baby when DD2 is 2 (so DD1 will be coming up for 3.5) - Have fallen preggers first time with both - so hoping it'll be as simple next time ......

you can't really plan

I have ended up having 2.9 between dd1 and 2 and there will be 3.5 between dd2 and new baby

I love a three year gap you get to be a real soppy SAHM with new baby while 3 year old is at nursery

I have big gaps between first four dds nd a small gap between youngest dd and this baby.

My eldest will be 20 (years!)when the baby is born and the youngest will be 20 months.

Reason being first three dds were terrible terrible sleepers and literally had no sex for years at a time youngest dd turned out to be not a bad sleeper, well, a lot of people say she is a bad sleeper but compared to my others she's not....

and look what happened.

Liked having big gaps though as other dds all had their own lives by the time the next dd came along and there was absolutley no jealousy or anything along those lines, adn they were even able to be of real proper help. Methinks am in for a different experience this time round though!

There are 16.5 months between my two. If I had been younger I would have probably gone for a 2-3 year age gap but time was pushing on so I considerer it best to get on with it in case I couldn't conceive a second.

3 years. We've only got 2.5 and it's a rough go, IMO. Would have preferred a longer wait, but it took us months to conceive each girl so we couldn't afford to be too choosy.

Also, if I had to do it again (which I won't!), I'd prefer having one in the late Spring/early Summer.

Had a little girl 10 December - during cold and flu season w/an older sibling - NOT fun.

Well there's going to be an 11 year age gap between mine! - I really don't think it matters hugely, there are pros and cons to any age gap...a big plus for me is that I'll have a built in babysitter in a couple of years

22 months is working well at the moment (16 week old and 25 month old)

We intended about a three year gap but DD was too impatient to wait that long

there are pros and cons for all age gaps. we have small gaps 17m then 2y8m and i found the shorter gap easier in some ways.

especially as they get a bit older, my 5 and 4 year olds are like best friends and all 3 are constant company for each other. so it's probably harder at first with a small gap but it comes into its own as they get a bit older - mine are rarely bored and never need a playmate.