Age gap between babies - what to aim for and how to achieve it??

Piglit I have 54 weeks as well...things are a bit hairy at the moment (2 lots of teething, one stinking cold and one v hungry baby), but it's not all that bad. I just wish we could get out more, although I am sure that will come.

dd was 3 months old when I became pregant with identical ds's. The twins came really late so it's literally just over a year, but then they were 7.5 lb each!

curlygirl, I was you a year ago - had a DS of 13 months and was due again in Setember.

I was petrified of how it would work out, but it has and is. We still manage to get out and about, which is good. DS goes to nursery two days a week which is also good - it means DD and I get some time on our own.

I think I worried about DS imagining him at the age he was when I found out I was pregnant - when DD was born he was 22 months and very different from the 13 months he was.

So how do you manage 3 in 1 year?

Managed 3 in one year! Obviously wasn't exactly planned that way but 6 years on and we've worked out we couldn't have planned it any better if we'd tried. I read someone's thread which said something about, you'll cope, whatever the age gap and I think she's right. Yes, it was hell for the first year, but we got through it and now we have 3 siblings so close that we never have to worry about boredom or loneliness, the dynamic between the 3 is more like triplets so they each have 2 best friends. I would say get the nappies and sleepless nights out of the way as quickly as possible, but then I don't know any different....

I think it depends how old you are when you start off, don't you? My mother had her first child when she was 21 then another 7 years later, then me 10 years after that. I went the other way and DD (4 today!) and DS are 14 months apart - but I didn't start until I was 35. My brothers and I are 'remote' though, although we love each other just the same. It's great to see my 2 being so very close and it makes the 'what shall we do now' so much easier - they like the same things!

I have 54 weeks between mine. The youngest is 10 weeks and although it's hard I'm looking forward to this time next year when I'll have 2 toddlers who will play together and let me have some time to myself. Ha ha ha....

3 years here too - it was a calculated decision which fortunately came good conception-wise(both April babies). 3 year olds are pretty independent from a fetching and carrying point of view which makes looking after a newborn much easier.

Another vote for 3 years here - I have a 3 month old and a 3 year+3 month old and so far it is working REALLY well and has frankly been a bit of a doddle. I'd aim for a 3 year gap again.

My 1st DS was 2.2 when i had my second DS, and he was not impressed, he kept telling me to put the baby back. I think he was too young to understand the whole pregnancy thing, and had become very used to being the centre of my attention, so having to share me with someone else has been hard on him. I have 3 brothers & 3 sisters and there is around 2 years between each of us and we all get on great & have grown up pretty close. I think my boys will be close as they grow older, but at the moment I always feel guilty about not spending enough time with them individually. I especially feel bad about cuddling my baby then my toddler is around as he gets so jealous.

I have 2 beautiful daughters Lauryn was 2 in Nov and Ashley has just turned 1 there is 13mths between them and although Ashley wasn't planned and i had a very hard time when she was a newborn
its great now!
They get on really really well and Lauryn goes around telling everyone how much she loves her 'baby sister' shes always kissing and hugging her and they play really lovely together. Hovever if you are not a stong person it is extreemly difficult! Trust me i wouldn't want a gap quite that small again

sorrry, that should be you can't plan it

whatever you decide NEVER assume it'll work out the way you want it. I conceived DS first time of trying but we have been trying for number 2 for 2 years - and we've never had any fertility problems before so there was no indication that this might happen. It's unexplained infertility and can happen to literally anyone. You can plan it IMO.

i have 11 years between my two!! i had my Ds when i was very young, so didnt have anymore for obvious reasons. i love the difference between them, Ds has been asking for a baby for years, it was lovely when i told him i was pregnant, he cried (with joy!) and his sister is his princess, and she adores him.

oh and one more thing
we did want a smallish gap because I would like to stay at home with both of them until they go to school. so financially there is a limit to how long I can afford to do that.

OK I have almost exactly two and half years between my two dd's and it works well right now (newborn stage). my older daughter is just starting preschool (she is two years and seven months) and has a little independence and plays well on her own, giving me some time with the baby. She is old enough to understand that, for example, the baby needs to take priority sometimes and needs gentle handling.
she can also help me a little with practical things and, for example, I can leave her playing in the bath while I am feeding dd2. She is feeding independently and generally doesn't need full on attention from me. She doesn't need the pushchair and sleeps well at night. She LOVES being the big sister and is old enough to express any jittery feelings very clearly to me, and to understand when I explain things to her.
but tbh quite a lot of it is due to personality I think.
BUT being pregnant with a demanding toddler was not a bundle of laughs tbh.
The important thing for me was that the two of them would have some time at home together to build up a relationship before dd1 goes to school, but that is a personal thing.
FWIW I have four sisters - there are around 20 months between all of them, then a seven year gap before I came along. The older two, and the middle two are very close and always have been. BUT I am closest to the two sisters who are seven and fourteen years older than me! because we have most in common.
and my bf has probably the closest relationship with his sister that I have ever known and there is six years between them.
So apart from the convenience of the early days, I think the rest is probably down to personality.

Pookey, If I wait 5 or so years and have 2 more then that will be 6!!! DH has 3 other children so 9 is a bit much!! I only have the room for 1 more as far as bedrooms go and I think 5 is plenty!! I also likt the idea that by the time I am 30 they will all be at school so if I have another sooner rather than later I will still be about 32/33 when I get some freedom back (maybe I can become a "lady that lunches")

Dazedandconfusedmum why don't you do a Miaou and wait 5 or so years then have a couple more . I was planning to have 2 close together then a 10 year gap then 2 more before I got pregnant with my first now I think 1 more in 2 or 3 years and call it a day

I have 22 months between DS1 & DS2. 2 and a half years between DS2 & DS3 and 13 months between DS3 & DS4!! All in all, 4 boys in 5 and half years but we love it. They all love eachother (most of the time) and the older 3 can all play together (DS4 only 4 months) and they all adore DS4.

It is VERY hard work and routine/timing is key to my whole day but it is lovely that they are so close and will all be at school together. I do dread it when they are all teenagers though with the whole girlfriend thing (sharing/stealing etc) AAGGGHHHH!!!

My biggest problem is that DH and DS1&2 all want another baby and I am undecided if I can/want to manage 1 more. We have the space/room and can manage financially but with all the boys so close in age I wouldn't want the last one to have a big gap and like I said, I don't know if I can do it all again so soon.

Anyone in the same boat and got any advice??

Congratulations curlygirl!! I have a fifteen month age gap between my 2 DD's and you just manage with the 2 under 2 thing - you find strategies to cope - Have to admit that I don't go shopping with them much - is a bit crazy, but have a wonderful Phil 'n' Teds pram, which helps with the "space issue"!! All the very, very best!! hopey ou have a lovely, wonderful pregnancy!!

Thankyou. I have very sore boobs

I have just discovered I am pregnant again, due in September and my dd is 13mnths. I am a bit worried about the work involved and silly things like how do you get out and about with two under two's. The thought of going shopping with a double buggy fills me with dread.

I have a big gap and a small gap (well what I consider small enough - lol) with my 3 boys. DS1 is 12 (on Wednesday ) DS2 was 3 in December and DS3 was 1 on the same day! So 9 years between 1 and 2 and exactly 2 years to the day with 2 and 3.

I do have a reason for my big gap, my first baby boy was stillborn, 13 months before DS1. My pregnancy with DS1 was soooo stressful that I just couldn't doing the whole being pregnant thing again...or so I thought until we decided it might be nice to have another. Hence DS2. That gap was brilliant as DS1 adored his baby brother and was so proud of him and very helpful. But we decided to have another close in age to DS2 as we felt that he would find it quite hard when DS1 goes to uni/leaves home etc as he will then only be 9 and left at home on his own, so to speak. So we had DS3. Didn't actually plan to have him on DS2's 2nd birthday, but there you go.

I found having a tiny baby and a 2 year old ok. The baby didn't do much and DS2 has never been jealous of his brother. Indifferent at times, but I think he thinks DS3 has always been around and doesn't remember a time when he wasn't. It's getting more difficult now that DS3 is becoming his own little person and is very interested in what DS2 is doing. He does like to interfere Also we have jealousy from DS3 when I cuddle DS2 as DS3 is a real cuddly mummy's boy. Not that I would ever stop cuddling DS2 just because his brother isn't happy about it!

Saying that though, they clearly adore each other and I am hoping in a few months when DS3 has a little more control they will play really well. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I draw the line at any more close to their age though!

Another vote ofr 'you can't plan and there are good bits to every gap'
I desperately wanted a small gap - started tryign when dd was 5 months - didn't get pregnant until she was 3.75!!! SO had dd2 the day after dd1 started school....
Plan A would have been incredibly stressful in the short term - but maybe nice in the long term ( tho not guarenteed - I have more than one freind with children close together who fight like cat and dog...) but plan B is lovely in that dd1 DOTES on dd2 - hasn't showed the slightest resentment or jealousy - and I get to enjoy being like a first time mum for most of the day! AS someone else has said ( and I've read on Mumsnet sevral times before )- whether they get on really does depend on their prsonalities and not on the age gap.
Good luck anyway!