Age gap between babies - what to aim for and how to achieve it??

this thread is a blast from the past

I would now recommend starting ttc at the smallest age gap you think you could cope with

3 years is working really well for me. Dd 6 and ds 3 play so well together they are almost like twins. Dd is all big sistery with lots of ideas and ds copies everything she does. They just take off together. Dd loved ds from the moment of his birth.

I think it totally depends on the child! I have two friends who had 2nd babies when the first child was 18months....one child was a little helper and was amazing even getting nappies and wipes ready for her mum....the other one was utterly oblivious, carried on utterly normally whizzing round at top speed and usually this involved the mum having to be 'goalie' to protect the newborn from flying toys/fists/feet!!!!!

so both had same age gap with utterly different experiences

DS is 12 months now, thinking of trying again once he reaches 18 months. Not sure what I can expect of a 2.3 year old. Is it possible to reason with them? I always thought I would wait for DS to be at school before trying again, but am incredibly broody now and want to know the disadvantages of having a 2 and a quarter age gap !

Hi im joanne my daughter is 11months think this time is the one if it is she will be 19months if we are pg with #2 confident i could cope regulary look after my sisters dd who is 11weks younger than my dd

It's quite funny reading an old initial post and finding I posted on it before (in my old name of PiccadillyCircus). DD who was 16 weeks then is now 19 months . Age gap of 22 months still good, although I can see there will be battles ahead.

At the moment, I worry about not having enough time with just DS (3.5) so DH and I are trying to make sure we both have time with just him (separately - DD isn't abandoned ).

At first i wanted mine pretty close together, it was going to be 18 months, as i got pg on first try when ds was 11 months, sadly m/c at 3 months, and then got pg again when he was 18 months, so it will now be 2.2 years. (due Aug)

I think in some ways it has been nice to spend more one on one time with ds. They develop and learn so much as toddlers and he is now pretty independant at 23 months. One mum commented at playgroup today "that she thought he was 3 or 4 as he speaks so well and is so developed" (proud mum moment)

I guess you just don't know what and how it will work out, but it will work regardless the age gap
if i have another (3rd) I may like others wait till ds is at school, so new baby can have alone time too. I also think age gaps are less important than personality in children being close to each other. All my friends and myself get on/ don't get on with siblings because we have similar intrests and personalities not because we are close in age.

Interesting thread. I have 2 DDs with exactly an 18 month gap. DD1 wasn't planned, DD2 was. I liked the idea of having it all done in one go. Everyone thought I was mad at the time esp with double buggies and two in nappies but I loved it, was absolutely great and they are so close now.
Having said that DH has just agreed to No3 which will give me DDs at (prob) 7.5 and 6 plus a newborn. Would be interesting to know views on this. Am a bit worried DD2 will resent not beng baby of the family or poss new baby could become too spoilt?

So you're going for it Siennammm?! I think deep down I know we'll go for it too ina few months so that the gap will be just under/around 2 years. As another MN just said you really don't know what life is going to deal you, so it may end being a bigger gap after all!
Another interesting one... gender!!
As I already have two boys, a girl would be lovely but friends who have 3 or 4 chn of the same sex were all told that the more you have of one sex the more unlikely it is to change. Has anyone else heard this? One friend who already had 3 boys, then fell pregnant later on was told by her consultant that she had a 30% chance of having a girl. And she did end up having the predicted boy.
I would be extremely happy with either scenario, the thought of my little army of boy soldiers is lovely as is being able to buy things of a pink nature!!!
Que sera sera!! Wonder if the conceiving early in the cycle approach really does work?

Only read original post.

We aimed for a 2 year age gap it did take us 4 months to concieve but then i miscarried so that was that age gap out of the window, waited a couple of months & tried again it then did take us a few months to concieve again, we now have a 3.3 years age gap but to be honest i love this age gap, i had ds toilet trained day & night, he was at nursery 5 mornings a week & i gave me time with my new baby & also it was probably a bit easier than having 2 in nappies etc.

I don't think you can plan these things to an extent because things can happen which don't make this possible but don't feel upset if things don't plan out because to be honest it works all ways, i love my 3.3 years age gap & do now believe it was for the best for me.

I went through a hard stage with ds between 2-3 years & to be honest if i had another baby is well i think it would have tiped me over the edge, they say things happen for a reason......in my case it was probably for the best.

beckieb, i know what you mean, i am 38 too, 39 in a few days though and we have a nearly 5 year old and an 8 month old daughter - we are ttc now because i dont want to leave it any later because i dont want to be too old. Its a difficult one because the age gap between them has been fine but not sure how such a small age gap would be if we conceive again - dd took around 7 months and we have been trying for around 4 months already!

All this talk of 2 and 3 year age gaps- my dd is 4 and I'm only just THINKING of ttc again!! I always said I wanted her at school b4 I had another but it really is personal choice.

My ds is 6 months old, I am 38, would love another babmbino and am wondering whether to bite the bullet in a few months and ttc another one therefore having quite a small gap, or to wait and have a gap of around 2 to 2 and half years, but then I would be 40ish........Help, I feel a bit lost! Everyone says its hard having a small gap, what part of it is hardest?
I also have another ds aged 9, who has shown no jealousy about the 6 month old, but would having another one be pushing it?!!!
It took us 6 months to conceive second son, will it take longer or am now "ripe and ready?"
Yours, dazed and confused and probably still hormonal!

i have to say if i had to do it over again i'd aim for a summer baby. there's something about being able to take them out in the fresh air for hours a day that's advantageous.

I was thinking about two years between babies would be good......
However the age gap between my two is 19 months.

I read somewhere that the ideal age gap is either whilst the first child is under two, or over four...dunno why, I think I may have read it in a mother and baby mag.....

hi there is 2 yrs 4 mths between my dd and ds but my next daughter was born 5 yrs after my ds. we have decided to try again in a couple of months so there will be 2 yrs between my latest daughter and her new sibling! i think around 2 yrs is a good age gap! my first dd was nappy trained by 2.5 yrs and my little ds was trained by 2 coz he copied his sis. they play well together now! my dd is now 8 and ds is 6! baba is almost 12 mths and hopefully new baby will be conceived by june so the age gap will be same again between last 2. sayin that though my eldest dd loves being a big sis but i don't know how lonmg this will last! ds is kind to her but not as interested!

DD was 6years 8 months when unplanned ds came along. Easy at first as dd was sleeping through and was at school. But now she is 15 and he is 8, the gap is too big. Great for babysitting(but i have to pay!) but he gets in the way when her friends come round, and holidays and days out are difficult as they want different things.

I've got a a 3.3 year gap between my two ds's oldest is 4.3 and the younger has just turned 1. I would have like the gap to be a little smaller, but am not devestated that it isn't, but wouldn't have wanted it to be any bigger at all. I worry about the next one (there will definitly be a next one) and the gap between that baby and my first. Not ttc yet but will be thinking about it over the next 6 months. I always said that when he as a year then we would go for it, but i only stopped breastfeeding a couple of months ago and i don't feel ready to be pregnant again yet. Although i feel ready to be expectng a baby!
I was one of two children, But there is a 7 year gap between me and my little brother. We have always been at totally different stages of our lives, this is what i really didn't want for my own kids.

I only have one 7 month old daughter at the moment. However, as one of three siblings each two years apart, I can say I would recommend children being close together. I am the oldest, with a brother and sister (brother being the youngest). People say two's company, three's a crowd, so three children close together isn't advised. I have to disagree. There was always someone to play with and talk to, who was around the same stage. We had our own lives, but were interlocked. So it was and still is easy to do things alone and to have the support. Our parents agree that it was good for them. There were problems, but we usually amused eachother, and sorted out arguements between ourselves (two argued, the other sorted it out). Even as children. Which gave our parents a break.

I had 5 miscarriages and 3 babies in 5 years. Planning was irrelevant, we just kept at it.I was always pregnant! Now I have 3 with c. 3 year gaps and it's lovely. 3 years is long enough to be excited by the next stage each one goes through. They are 3, 6 and 10 now and at 3 diffent stages so I can really enjoy each individually. Not at all what I planned but perfect.

daughter 1 is 12 years old, daughter 2 is 2 months old. it's fabulous. really the best thing.
feels like starting over again - and a chance to put into place some of the learnings!

my sister and i were two years apart and it was a nightmare, and i read somewhere that the least age gap (in terms of evolution, i.e when we were nomadic tribes) was four years - so that the first could be walking while the second was being carried.

i think - however - that the whole thing depends upon one's circumstances. we are building our families so it's up to each person to design ther as they wish. 'Homelife' is a work of Art.

I have a gap of 10 1/2 years between my two and it is great. DD1 is brilliant with her little sister and extremely helpful. Recommend it to anyone.

I have 13 months between dd1 and dd2. Both weren't planned. It was hard work to start with but fantastic when they play together and are so close to each other. Then (another unplanned) dd3 came along with 3.5 year gap. I think whatever gap you have has pros and cons. If I had planned things better, I would have avoided having the baby a month before dd1 started school, as I found lots of attention from other people was focused on dd1 starting school and dd3 being born. Dd2 was a bit left out! But that is down to how you handle things at the time, isn't it, and people soon learned to visit and ignore the baby! Another slight drawback was the closeness was hard to deal with when dd1 started at school, dd2 really missed her. But ultimately, you get what you get and make the best of it anyway!

That's about it. I think with 2 v close together you have to accept that you aren't going to have much time for anything in the short term apart from nappy changing and running around like a headless chicken !

Podkin - I'm glad I'm not the only one! I'm afraid the only time we all go out (apart from when dh is here) is when I pile everyone into the car and we go off for a nice walk every afternoon. It's a real military style operation but worth the effort.