Husband doesn't want to try yet

You all make me laugh - in a nice way! By the way, Londongirl I am really pleased for you - good luck!

My dp and I seem to doing fine after "that weekend" too - we also had the chat and I did tell him I was scared too, he took some comfort in that (if taking comfort in my fears is a good thing?!). I still have concerns but it did suddenly occur to me the other day that worse things could happen - but I would just rather not go it alone because I am more than fond of the silly old fool. He is of me too but is more prone to doom and gloom moments, a luxury I can't indulge in!

Plus I currently work with a lady who has been told, at the age of 40, that she cannot have children and she is understandably heart broken. There is nothing physically wrong and there is no obvious reason.

It doesn't help that it is just the 3 of us in our little team and my announcement wasn't expected! (even by dp and I). She and I have had a good chat because of our extreme circumstances. But news like that can still get you thinking. . .

I really appreciate you allowing me to ramble on!

I was so fed up with blokes pissing me about that I pretty well went for it the minute I met dp - but our reaction was a bit of a mutual 'oh shit' too. In fact he said 'oh shit...I'll have to get a bigger car'

Well done Londongirl. Good luck!

Londongirl YEAH YEAH YEAH!!! Well done!!

Coddy when I tested +ive I shouted Oh Shit and spent the next hour until dh got home trembling and wondering if it was what I really wanted (ludicrous after 3 years of trying isn't it!) So you are not alone...

When I gave dh the pissy stick he said Oh Shit too (after saying eurgh have you weed on that and throwing it on the floor lol!)

Cd realised that there was no way out! I really wanted the baby - much planned -but the dawning realsisation that this was it!!

Fab news Londongirl. Bonus points to him!!! Extra eyebrow plucking!!! Lucky chap!!!!

Message withdrawn

Londongirl, well, parenthood certainly throws you into the thick of 'life'! Good news. My dh never 'wanted children' in the abstract - I don't think many men do - but you couldn't imagine a more loving or committed dad.

Londongirl - thats fantastic! Get on the TTC thread No.6!
I'm hoping to be able to announce a positive before March.... that thread is getting quite busy now!

why coddy?

I remember when I got my first positive sign - I was almost sick with fear!

Nerthus, best of luck, sorry to hear that you are having probs. You should join us on the Anyone trying to conceive no 6 thread, you will be in good company.

FWIW my dh said that he would have children mainly because if we didn't because of him he thought I would resent him in later life and feel unfulfilled - bless him. He is a very enthusiastic daddy now

In my humble opinion most men (in fact most women too) will have that panic when thinking about ACTUALLY trying for a baby. I know my DH did..... but by that point I was 5 wks pg!

It is definitely a responsibility issue that, as long as its not on a relationship ending scale, disappears whenever they feel the first kick... or perhaps when they hold their baby for the first time.

I think if we all had planned children and discussed when to start trying then alot of us just wouldn't have any! And that would be a shame.

MEN!

How's it going Londongirl and Libb.

BTW when we got married neither of us wanted children at that point, we agreed that in 5 years time we would think again and if one did and one didn't then we may have to split. Luckily we both did (well I did and managed to persuade dh, fortunately by the time we finally managed to conceive 3 yrs later he was frothing at the mouth for it!!!)

If I can add my twopennyworth Londongirl - try and find out why he doesn't feel ready. Is it just blokeish-ness, or real serious doubts? The problem with some men is you often have to be very light and gentle and non-nagging when talking about this kind of thing or they'll just clam up and start acting like a little boy with their mother. Any men reading this, I'm sorry if that sounds sexist but that's just my experience.

At 30 you do have some time, but please don't let yourself get into the situation I got into with my first husband - he put us off and put us off, accusing me of nagging and worrying needlessly. He said he did want children but not quite yet. Finally we started trying when I was 35. I miscarried, he decided he didn't fancy the whole thing at all and promptly ran off with another woman. I've now remarried but I'm 40 and have lost what may well be my last good childbearing years thanks to my ex's pissing me about. Me and my lovely new husband, who does really want kids, are trying desperately but I now am having uterine problems because of my age and have to face the prospect that I may have lost my chance of childbearing altogether, something I would find it hard to forgive either my ex or myself for. Please don't let this kind of thing happen to you.

I was 28 and DP 37 when we first got together. He told me he never wanted children and I told him I did and that would break our relationship up if he didn't. It took him about 2 or 3 years to come round to the idea - I was lucky I had time on my side. But now I'm 34 and suddenly all my friends in there early 30's have started to get pregnant. Another year or two might make all the difference

Hi all,

This is a really reassuring thread as my partner told me at this weekend he wasn't sure that he was ready - I am 13 weeks pregnant! It wasn't planned and we've only been together approx. 6 months but I thought we could get through it.

We have spent the whole weekend churning everything over and the dust has finally settled, however I find myself now expecting the worse and every time he says something remotely negative I find myself fighting the insecurities off. He tells me it was a touch of the heeby jeebies and things will be fine but I can't help thinking that I should be setting up some kind of security - just in case . . .

I would really appreciate some kind of objective insight with this one!

My love and wishes to you all, Libb xx
ps: I really hope I haven't stomped on any toes with my heavy handling of a delicate subject.

Buy lovely underwear and promise fab sex, that usually helps too!

Londongirl, you and your dh sound about the same as us, we got together 5.5 years before we were married, got married when I was 28, but we didn't start trying for a baby until I was 32 and dh 33 - we both did a lot of growing up in those extra 2 years and were both happy to wait until then, but we didn't realise it would take 3 years! It is a risk you take if you leave it much after 30, fertility does decrease, so maybe that will convince him (hope so!)

On the other hand it is much easier having a baby if you are both well up for it. Maybe you could strike a deal and try in 6 months or a year? But as I said he will prob never feel ready to be honest.

I told my dh I wanted to have 2, and from all the research about risk factors I wanted to have them both before I was 35, therefore from all the stats about how long it takes to conceive and from our thoughts about gaps and work, we'd have to start at 30. He was a bit taken aback - I think he thought it all worked more naturally - but he was convinced by the statistics! Maybe try the technical approach rather than the emotional one - not sure men ever 'feel ready' necessarily, but that might just be tough IYSWIM? either start now or risk not having any ever?