TTC for 10+ months, part 4

mrsd - you really have to go and see new borns or pregnant friends when you're not hormonal. This is one thing i have learnt. From now on i won't see anyone unless my mental state is stable. I sound like a nutcase but I found it took me days to get over that lunch with all those newborns. Then when it is our turn and we are sitting there with our cheshire grins, we can explain to people really what it was like to go through it. Also i know what you mean about your smug friend. My friend is like that but she doesn?t mean it. She is lovely and I adore her but her positivity and her happiness just rubs me up the wrong way and makes me feel even more miserable. But she is the sort of person who also thinks that because she is a mother, she is more important than those who aren?t. It?s really weird and i?ve noticed this a lot with some mum friends that they grown this air of importance. Again , perhaps it?s my twisted imagination working overtime.

pout - i just loathe those kind of walks where you can?t muster a positive emotion. Are you in a town or a village now? And the right colour flower is important Pout ? hormonal stomping of feet is definitely allowed on that one. I put Manuka in my porridge. I feel totally gullible buying it. I bought 3 pots and i?m embarrassed by how much i spent. However all my cash goes on ttc now.

lady - great that you enjoyed your first acu session. Acu has to get one of us at least a bfp. My acu said his clinic get 750 bfps a year and then he was saying that he was dealing with some women who had awful AF problems like women who only bled black blood. Also I remember when I was 16 and a teacher told me that everyone at school gets together in the Spring time and I guess it?s the same with conception, it?s when rabbits breed and all.

Euro - glad you are on the mend.

My pregnant colleague just caught me with my hands wrapped around the kettle trying to get warm in the office kitchen and she told me I should get pregnant because that would warm me up. I laughed it off and said not for ages yet. I have no problem with her pregnancy because I know it has taken her 2 years to get pregnant and so I kind of like speaking to her about it. She is 39 and she certainly hasn?t taken anything for granted.

For those of us looking at IVF soon, info on IVF in Spring

Sorry it's from the DM, it's all I could find in a quick search!

x

Good going on the health kicks mrsd and joycep. I'm hearing the ladies who say mirrors should be banned in places of exercise though - I can't abide seeing myself looking all sweaty, clumsy and nowhere near as toned as anyone else in the building!

Sorry about those suffering from dreaded hormones and at dud months and newborns being thrust upon people.

I had my first acu session yesterday and loved it. Never done anything remotely woo before so I was sceptical but it didn't feel woo at all. She talked so much sense - lots of things about diet but also she said that my body struggles to get blood flowing/produced, which explains my cold hands/feet but also my spotting each month as everything is just stagnated - lovely! So she's focusing on getting my blood flowing and producing more blood. I came away with some magnetic gold dots for DH too... can't remember what they do but he's giving them a whirl!

kitty - interesting what your acu said about cold and reproduction and not having enough energy, it makes a lot of sense. I told mine about probably starting IVF in the new year and she said that Spring was the best time to do IVF as it's the most natural time of the year for your body to reproduce - there's research to back it up apparently...

Well, my long SWIweekend starts here... relaxation, theatre and a bit of retail therapy.

Hope everyone has lovely weekends.

Zumba can be quite fast but I wouldn't worry everyone is too busy concentrating on getting their own body in the right direction at the right time to notice anyone else.

pout I've had ewcm this month but my temps have stayed low so I really don't think I've ovulated. Today is CD20 and I think that's too late to ovulate now. I always thought that cycles with no ovulation were long ones but mine have been short (28 days ish) so if I wasn't temping I would think it was a perfect cycle.

Clocks in exercise areas should be banned too. One place I went to zumba I could see a clock and if I was having a lower energy day I found I was watching the clock for how long was left.

mrsden does your friend know you are ttc in which case she is being a little unfair and if she doesn't then blame baby brain lol My cousins baby was born in October and despite the initial its not fair thoughts I can't wait to meet her and hopefully hold her. Have seen lots of pics and she is gorgeous lots of dark hair but she may have a hearing prob in one ear.

Pixie FX for BFP rather than the Clomid. Do you feel a little more positive knowing that there is something on the horizon that might be helpful?
Being a cake and all things junk addict I would say that ginger cake will definitely get you upduffed! I fully intend to track down a Lidl and stock up on all their Continental Christmassy ginger/cinnamon things, purely in the interests of science you understand

Kitty It sounds like your DH's last SA was just an erroneous result owing to him being ill. Your Accupuncturist sounds really good.
I'm always cold too and am currently in central heating wars with DP. It's interesting about the energy thing. I am a bugger for not eating anything sensible substantial in the daytime so I'm obviously not helping myself.

Joycep I'm sorry that you are feeling all hormonal too. I'm also glad that I'm not the only one walking down the road in a right strop. I was walking the dogs at stupid o'clock this morning in the dark and cold and was being all weepy and pathetic, muttering away. Way to make a good impression on the new neighbours!
Despite the very low key wedding I am still finding ways to make it more difficult and stressful than it ought to be. I think because we aren't doing/having much, the few things that I have got in my head I do want suddenly become disproportionately important. I am currently having dramas because the florist reckons she can't source the coloured rose I want, or anything close, in my corsage. Cue more hormonal ranting at DP!

How do you eat your Manuka honey? I hate all honey and wondered if I could somehow disguise the taste.

Mrsd Wow, I am impressed at your motivation. No snivelling & snotting the way along the pavement for you!

I'm sorry that you think you have had a dud month. I don't understand PCOS either and don't feel that I have had any more non OV cycles than any woman naturally would have. It's all a bit weird. I wonder sometimes whether I have more duds than I realise but the gynae said that if you spot EWCM then it is unlikely that OV won't happen because a chain of events has started.
I'm hoping that a new GP might be a good move too, like it might provide a new impetus to things

Cakes I'm with you on the willing AF to just get on with it & agree with Mrsd that the few days leading up to AF are the worst. I am dramatic but I feel like I know that AF will inevitably come and I will feel awful and depressed when it does so I just want to get that feeling and crappy couple of days out of the way.

Is Zumba that really fast paced dance? I would be too afraid that my flabby bits might make slapping noises as I jiggled not in time to the music.

I used to go to aerobics but I stopped going mainly because the walls were mirrored and it really disturbed me to watch how clumsy and generally bleugh I looked compared to everyone else. Mirrors in a gym should be banned.

How awful to have a newborn thrust on to you joycep. I'm supposed to be going to visit my friend who gave birth on Tuesday but I've been putting it off. She is a very smug person anyway, one of those "my life is so perfect and blessed" types. I'm being mean, she is lovely but just a bit happy and positive which doesn't suit my mood right now. She has texted me every day since Tuesday to tell me how beautiful her son is, how happy she is, he's so perfect etc etc. I wish new mums would realise that every mother thinks her child is perfect and beautiful, it goes without saying and we don't need to be told.

This is only the third time ever that i've had spotting. I never even understood what it was until August.

Glad about the ginger biscuits :)

Zumba is excellent fun and despite not really talking to other people it still feels like a social event. I reckon it takes about 4 or 5 classes before you feel like you have half a clue what your doing.

Well done mrsd - that all sounds great. I did zumba last night for the second time this week. It was busy last night and I was next to a really annoying lady (very tall, thin and beautiful) who seemed to have extendable arms and legs which kept pushing me in to the wall. She got so in to it that she was taking up a ridiculous amount of space. I then felt competitive to really get in to it myself but I have no rhythm, 2 left feet and i can't follow the movements. Anyway it's great exercise because it does feel like you're at a party with fun music and it's a really quick hour. And it doesn't matter if you can't follow it.

I'm sorry about the dud month. snap on that one. I just find it very irritating. It's great thinking that you're not ttc - and i am finding it annoying now when friends ask me ' how things going?'. I especially loathe it when my friend with newborn asks that because she thrusts her cute baby on to me and it just sounds like she is being smug. Of course i'm probably reading far too much in to it.

cakes - ginger in all forms is good! It's a warming food. I eat ginger biscuits a lot. Sorry you're feeling rotten - before af is awful.

cakes I find the days leading up to AF to be the absolute worst in how I feel. I can be so positive and then the next day total negativity. I think it's hormone related. Are you just spotting then? Do you normally have such a long lead up to AF?

Hi all Hope everyone is having a good day. Sun is shining, Christmas is coming, plenty to be positive about!
Do you think ginger biscuits would help keep me warm? After a month of being fairly good with diet and exercise i'm back on the chocolate and ginger biscuit diet :(

Who am I trying to kid i'm not feeling positive at all. I left gynae Tuesday feeling upbeat with thought of- start af properly(instead of spotting i've had since Mon) have day 3 blood test, HSG, get confirmed diagnosis, hopefully start Clomid, get pg. Went to Reflexology on Wed who said af may be slightly heavier, left there feeling calm. Instead day 3 bloods were yesterday and I still haven't started af properly and it's driving me mad which is probably making it take longer anyway! I just want to scream.

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Health kick day 1 and I've been for a 30 minute jog before work and eaten a low GI breakfast of granary toast and peanut butter so I think I'm doing well so far. The test will be if I can keep it up over the weekend. Have you been to Zumba again joycep? I might see if there are any classes here I can go to although I am very uncoordinated and have two left feet.

My temps are still low so I'm certain this is a dud month. PCOS is strange, I don't understand why it is only some months I don't ovulate. I've been charting for 11 months and I've had 3 including this one where I haven't had a rise. If DH had perfect sperm I suspect I would have got pregnant as I think the non ovulation cycles are the exception. I want AF to come now so I can get on with the next one. I've been trying to think if there has been anything different about this month but I can't think of anything. I just don't get why my body sometimes decides not to let an egg go.

I've decided that the best thing for me is to pretend that I'm not ttc and to accept that we won't be ttc until we start IVF. I enjoyed a glass or three of wine last night which was nice to do without feeling guilty. I am pleased that we haven't told anyone on RL about ttc because it does mean that I can more easily pretend that we aren't ttc. We have out skiing holiday to look forward to and a tiny part of me is happy that we didn't have to cancel it which we would have done if I'd been pregnant.

pout have you registered with a GP yet? Are you still in the same pct area? I wonder if you might get a better response from a new GP, it doesn't seem right that you have effectively been told to bog off. I have very grumpy days too, I had a go at DH the other night for no real reason other than I was feeling angry about everything. I'm pleased he takes no notice of me when I'm in one of those moods. I hope you're feeling a bit better today.

euro how are you doing today? Are you back to work?

Happy Friday everyone. I feel a lot of bfps coming on with all the warming ginger teas that everyone's drinking. and twins for those who are eating manuka honey at the same time. Damn, i don't know our gps didn't advise this a year ago!

Mrsd excellent news on the health kick. We can compare notes so we can keep up the motivation. I find it so easy to fall off the wagon and will often spend hours slumped on the sofa in front of crap tv.

Pout - i'm sorry about the horrible pmt. Those damned hormones can change us in to the most horrible of moods. But once you're out of it, hopefully you'll be excited about your marriage...That's really exciting and something to look forward to. I don't blame you having a quiet one. If I was to do it over again , I would definitely opt for something more simple and low key. I found it all so nerve racking.

Kitty - how depressing to get that result. But as people have said, i think this is probably a blip considering that he has had ok results in the past. Also interesting what your acu said about being cold. I am always low on energy and it tends to be because I'm cold. As soon as i sit at my desk i just feel the blood drain away and i turn in to an ice block.

Well my hormones are really out of kilter this month. I've been walking in to work every day this week really angry. Not overtly so but just muttering nasty thoughts especially about my gynae and just generally feeling bloody cross about everything. NOt sure whether being miserable is better. Eeek!

If your DH has been ill kitty then this may well have affected things temporarily. I think a high white cell count can indicate an infection so he should really talk to a Dr about it, can he speak to his GP or someone at the hospital who analysed the sample? Good news about your HSG and it sounds like the sperm thing is a blip so hopefully all is ok and there is no need to panic.

Thanks pout. feeling a bit better today after speaking to the acu lady, she said not to worry too much as soerm analyses only provide a snapshot of what's happening at the time, and that result was a snapshot of an ill person.

Also talked about being cold and she said it shows you are low on energy as your body doesn't have spare energy to do all the non essential things like keeping you warm and reproducing.

How is everyone else today? X

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I've not started the clomid yet Pout, though I will be in around 2 weeks unless of the elusive bfp appears.

I'm not sure either about the idea of ginger tea, do you think ginger cake might have the same effect?

Kitty I'm so sorry that you have had bad news after your positivity about getting the HSG over with. It really does feel like one step forward and then three back sometimes. I agree with stasi that they will order another SA because the result varies. Doesn't sperm regenerate every three months or something like that. Fingers crossed that this result is because your DH was ill. Thinking of you.

Cakes It will be interesting about whether you are prescribed Clomid. It does seem to be the first port of call for many Consultants, except mine

Pixie I didn't realise you had started Clomid. How are you finding it?

Euro Yep, I think a lot of my anger was frustration induced. It doesn't help that the house is a tip and my DP doesn't do anything useful until I have a few meltdowns first!

It's nice that you feel that way about your friend. I'm still reeling over the last FB preggo announcement and it is in a toxic nasty way

Stasi I like your bathing in ginger tea idea.

It must be hurtful that your family seem to be forgetting you a bit. Do they know that you are TTC?

As for egg sharing I don't think that I could do that even though I know what joy it could bring to someone in a similar situation to me. It's the thought that, in biological terms anyway, my child would be being brought up by a stranger. Maybe I would change my mind if I had a definitive answer that I would never conceive on my own and I could properly mentally explore all the options like egg sharing and adoption etc.. but while I still have the hope that it might happen I find that difficult.

Thanks stasi. This is his third SA. The first one showed morphology of 2%, the second 7%, after supplements, cutting down on booze, more fruit and veg etc. so this is a massive drop down from that. :( and I'm worried about the excess red and white blood cells. The count ha always been quite high (above 200m) but motility has dropped to 33%. am off to acu shortly so will see what she says :( :( :(

Kitty - very quick google gives me an affirmative. Illness can affect sperm.

"Illness or infection: Low sperm count can be caused by something as simple as a virus or infection. If your partner has recently been ill, this could contribute to an abnormal sperm count."

Hope this is the reason. Has he had a SA before? They like to do it at least twice, as a result can be a one-off and shouldn't be accepted as 'the Truth'.

Just read my post and realised my punctuation (or lack of) implies Kitty is getting a PCOS diagnosis. I meant to say sorry for the people who are getting them, not kitty who as far as I know isn't...

My memory has just given up trying and gone to hide under a rock somewhere. It's so awkward to read back and post at the same time.

Maybe I'll put my programming skills to good use and design a new way of doing it. Perhaps for Android phones..

Oops sorry accidental post there. No one to discuss all this with at the hospital. DH had had flu the week before; do you think this could have had such a disastrous effect? God I am sick of ttc, talk about one step forward and two back :( sorry to moan x