TTC for 10+ months, part 4

sorry the witch got you too euro. I know it won't feel like this but moving on to the next stage means you are a step closer to a baby. That's the way I'm going to think about it anyway when we come to do IVF.

Oh no I'm so sorry for the ERTD for both MrsD and wine. And it arriving on your birthday wine is especially cruel and unnecessary. It sounds truly, unutterably shite . I am sick fed up of this lark now, it is just being so unbelievably harsh on all of us. Not just a case of realising it's another failed cycle, but it's all the changes to our cycles, and the ironic ease with which others seem to manage. I think we talked before about the "average time to conceive". It really does seem to be bollocks doesn't it? You either get diffed super-fast, or it takes forever and ever and ever. And mrsd I agree re your friend, that it horribly unfair too - I'm still raw from the SiL announcement so I feel your pain.

For me, I've got to believe it WILL happen. But I know for others those are just meaningless platitudes. So have a very large glass of (mulled in my case) and have it guilt free. I got fairly wrecked on Friday and intend to do so at my 4 (count em!) parties over next weekend. Fuck virtue. I'm joining gin with her 2 fingers up at Zita. I've clearly got a tumblewomb anyway, so how is staying sober going to help?

Gift buying is another minefield though isn't it? I was on skype to my sister yesterday (she lives abroad) and even in the 6 weeks or so since we saw my nephew (20 months) he's changed again. He was glorious yesterday. Blowing me kisses, showing me the cool t-shirt he had on, making funny animal noises on command. He even said my name for the first time. It was all I could do not to sob there and then . But back to the point, she asked me to buy him something specific, so I went into Mothercare yesterday to get it, and was back to feeling like a baby-stalker. But added to that, turns out people often take their unbelievably cute children into baby shops. So I was in full-on blinker mode again - eyes forward, focus on job in hand, do not look at children or I might cry. I must look like a miserable cow to others in the shop.

Dammit. The mulled wine is finished. Sloe gin now I think .

happy birthday wine

I'm so sorry AF had to come and spoil it for you. I've been in the depths of self pity all weekend, I've cried myself to sleep for 3 nights in a row. Milestones are so hard so I can understand how you feel about your birthday. In some ways I feel ok about not being pregnant this cycle, I knew I wasn't likely to be but I'd hoped for a christmas miracle. I know that 2012 will be lucky for us, it must be our turn.

Hi mrsden mine came too, on my 35th birthday, together with a letter for 35-75 health screening . I have had a bit of a low patch, I really had hoped that I might escape the lap and that it would all turn out ok. Having started trying at 33, it feels unbelievable that I'm now 35. Poor mr wine, I've been pretty evil and relatively inconsolable. What started out as, it's time, I'm 33 let's have kids before I get too old, has become an overwhelming broodiness. I want children in the house, and Christmas brings that home particularly. And I want our children, that we made together, by ourselves. But I guess that might not actually be how it turns out in the end. I watched the sun come up on my birthday with period pains and sobbed like a baby, which has been the first time I've cried in months and months about this. So, no trying this cycle and onto cycle 14 in 2012. Wish I didn't have to have the lap though.

Now that period hormones are subsiding I've thrown myself into Xmas bakery. I finally made the rocky road today and threw in some popping candy and crunchie bars. It is very tasty indeed. I've also made the mince pies to freeze. Salted caramel truffles are next up this week.

nelly glad you had a chat and nice to hear of ivf successes. I guess I can have Christmas tipples which is one good thing, but booze generally makes me feel guilty these days. A good friend had her baby this week, so baby gift buying was needed. I got a very nice swaddling blanket and will visit before christmas and force a smile

Have lost track a bit with where everyone is up too..

Sorry lemon you've had a bad spell, hope you're feeling better.

How is everyone else? Good weekend?

AF arrived yesterday . Oh well, I didn't want an August baby (that's a lie, I couldn't care less what month I have a baby, I just want one). I got a text to say my friend is pregnant with her second, due in May. She had her first just before we started trying and I can't believe she can be onto her second already, am I wrong to think it's so unfair?

Anyway, I feel a bit better today. At least I can drink and eat what I like over Christmas and maybe 2012 is a much better year to get pregnant in. Sorry for the me, me, me post. I hope you've all had nice weekends.

Hello all! Crazy busy week at work and having a friend to stay has resulted in no mumsnet time for me, so just catching up.

Loving the drinking theme (kitty drinking in bed sounds a VERY good idea) and am now doing my best to spend between now and Christmas indulging in mucho Xmas alcohol!! And 2 fingers up to taking charge of your fertility & zita west

pixie hope the clomid is still going well.

euro thrush on nipples?! Yuck! Am pleased that the baby visiting was all very pleasant.

Stasi hope your Christmas party went well and nelly pleased to hear that yours did go well. I love hearing ivf success stories and it's great that there's someone at your work you were able to confide in. I'm not going to our Xmas lunch this year, bah humbug! Actually it's the same day as dh's urologist appt, so i'd spend the whole time worrying how he was getting on and would prob get pissed and tell all and sundry! Plus we're off out that evening to see some bands - far better than work do!

mrsd and pout know exactly what you mean about the blind panic when thinking about a childless future. I just can't imagine it. Bah, pass me a mulled wine...

lemon that's fab news that you are now on track to getting a treatment plan. Well done you - see total breakdowns can be very productive. Hope you are now feeling a bit better and that's good news about the egg. Have fun on Monday...

Waves to everyone. Hope you are all having good weekends

Hi all. Thanks for thinking of me joycep I didn't get blown away! (not sure I knew you were so close to me izzy, we are in thebit that I'm never sure is East, West, or Central belt ). Weather was anti-climactic to be honest, well here anyway Somehow we missed the worst.

Welcome back lemon, sorry you have been feeling so low. I'll bet that cancellation appointment was a bit of a shock.

OH had SA yesterday, he said it went fine (don't want to think about what that means ) and was careful to tell me it was no problem doing it. By which I mean he was recognising what I'd have to do will be much worse, so he was being very stoic

Christmas party last night. It was food fun, managed to tell no-one new about all this. There was a nervous moment when I was chatting to a former boss who was ver drunk and said "dare I ask about babies". He's a lovely guy actually and I have a feeling he suspected something. Anyway the moment passed when some alcohol filled colleagues appeared to save me answering. I did chat with the friend I rnentioned. Turns out it took them 3 years and IVF, and haven't used contraception in the 2 years since he was born (1 year post breast feeding).

Turns out it is nice to talk to someone in RL who understands. She will never tell anyone, won't ask stupid questions, but will be there if I need to talk. Kind of like you guys

Wow that was a long post on my phone. Off to make a coffee to help my hangover tiredness. Sorry to anyone I've not mentioned (ie most of you!!)

Hiya, I'm in a town just ten mins away from Glasgow and weather was wild yesterday. Lots of workers sent home early which was nice, I work part time but hubby was home around 2pm :)

I'm on cd 12 and low on my monitor. I ov really late anyway so just enjoying sex without worrying about timing the now! TMI sorry!

Hope all is well. Glad the clomid hasn't caused too many aide effects as that is our next step as long as I can get my bmi under 35! To be fair its only . 6 above so u should manage!

Afternoon lovelies!

Sorry I fell of the face of the earth. Last weeks arrival of AF did send me spinning into panic as well and lead to complete emotional break down.

It did make me realise I was getting ready for some treatment soon, so I made myself call up the hospital. Much to my shock we got a cancellation appointment for this Wednesday and we have been and seen and will need some re-tests (as the SA is no longer valid, too long ago). And we are to see them again in January at which time they'll have a treatment plan . Unfortunately I had to own up to skipping my smear test and getting one on the spot, which of course was fine (totally at ease now with a dentist's lamp and a lot of stuff going on down there), but to my shock I had some bleeding after this morning's SWithoutI. That is normal right?! I don't have anything horrible wrong with me?!? Please... They also had a sneak peak with the dildo-cam and apparently I have an egg which will pop on Monday. Apparently it was quite early (CD7) to have a dominant follicle, but it goes well with my shorter cycles...

So that was me-me-me... On doing the SA, after a while your other halfs will get used to that as well. My DH didn't even bat an eyelid, just trying to plan it in around SWI and work is a challenge.

Un-MN hugs for the others with panicky thoughts!!! It is so part of this weird experience, that is TTC... I hope pout will get to see her new GP. Really hope you'll get a little further soon, he/she should not deny you the referral! Or tell him the drizzle will come to haunt him in her sheep's costume - I'd do that, no pro. And mrsd I second the feelings re: Christmas without a hint of a BFP. Not nice! Fingers crossed it won't be for you though. It ain't over and all that... Intriguing about the chinese-cold-womb thing. I never feel like ice cream on my period, my longings are for chocolate, tea or wine - and that is very good for you. I hear you about the obsessed pregnant (ex)friends...

Pixie how is day 5 of clomid. I hope you'll keep feeling fine on it, that sounds good. And of course I am crossing things for perfect eggs. All crossed bar the legs of course

Waves for fly-away Stasi pleased the weather was not too bad where you are. I am officially confused about sperm too, nelly, but I wanted to say, I am sure your horseyness will give you some stamina! Well done on the run euro and on the pleasant baby cuddles. Joycep that story is scary - I would prefer snakes in prams. But in our case, at least there would not be an older child being embarassed. Also, with you with the avoidance on 1-lines, if a baby turns up in about 8-months, you'll figure it out, one way or another. A quick pat for ladygee and well done on crying only after the nativity. When we took the nephews out a few weeks ago, I loved all of it, except leaving them at their parents afterwards. Although I was totally shattered...

Happy birthday to wine and I hope it is a good one, without your horrible aunt showing up. Waves at kitty and snow and everyone else. It is Hard To Catch up if you've been AWOL for a week.

Hello everyone,

How are we all today? I'm spotting so I expect AF tomorrow. I feel totally gutted that another month is a failure and that I won't be pregnant at Christmas for a second year. Sigh.

nelly the sperm thing puzzles me too. I'm sure there is supposed to be a constant supply so I don't really understand the lower amount when SWI frequently thing. But I have read that they go bad when hanging around which is why there needs to fairly frequent ejaculation. So it's tricky to get right I reckon. I too have noticed all the fertile people on conception at the moment, it makes me feel so jealous. wine I hate the pregnant to order stuff. I have friends who say they are going to have a 2 year age gap or something like that and that's exactly what they got. I have a friend who got upset because it took her 3 months to conceive so she didn't get the Christmas baby that she really wanted but a march one instead which didn't fit with her plans of a snuggly newborn under the tree.

pout I do the over thinking / panic thing too. I cried last night in bed because I was thinking about it all and how I need to have a life plan that involves not having children. This terrifies me. All my life I have wanted to be a mum, I'm not exaggerating to say it's all I really want so I don't know what will happen if it doesn't happen. DH tells me off for worrying about it because he is certain that I will get pregnant one day but I'm not so sure anymore and I frighten myself thinking about what our life would be like if we never have children.

Have you seen a new GP yet pout?
at saucepans for new babies. I torture myself by spending ages browsing baby stores for presents, I probably spend far more and buy nicer things that if I wasn't going through this. I do sometimes wonder if all these people I buy presents for will ever return a gift if I ever have a baby.

stasi well done to your DH for getting his sample in. Fingers crossed it comes back ok.

joycep I agree with the writing off friends thing. People I know who have had babies recently have sort of dropped from my life in many ways which is sad. I am particularly sad about this because my best friend is currently pregnant and I have distanced myself from her a bit these last couple of months as I find it hard to be around her and her bump. She is very obsessed about her pregnancy and I can't cope with the constant baby talk. I know that once the baby is here we won't have much in common any more and also that she now has a whole set of pregnant friends that she is sharing an experience with.

I was with a friend for lunch yesterday who is Chinese and she didn't want any ice cream that day because she said she had her period and that you shouldn't eat cold foods when you have AF. This sounds like the cold womb thing, she said it's causes the womb to cramp or something. I'd never heard of that before and she was surprised that I didn't avoid cold foods with AF, she thought it was something everyone knew.

Forget snakes in prams- check out what this woman is up to. Creepy!! I fear if things don't happen in the next 5 years, I may go crazy like this.
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2070613/Ashleigh-Kirby-spends-time-250-baby-doll-daughter.html

Evening everyone, I've had a busy day in work, then a busy evening, and now need to pack for Christmas party tomorrow. As I had to work from home due to the weather, I've got a bunch of stuff I need to take into the office in the morning before going to the airport. So a leisurely afternoon flight has turned into an earlier than usual morning at work! Silly weather, still, glad we've missed most of it. I think Edinburgh mostly got off lightly.

I wish I had a baby to cuddle, even someone else's. I love babies, and kids of all ages, but none of my friends or acquaintances are even considering children. My life is barren of children, apart from occasionally hearing my neighbours little boy shouting "I'm finished" through the shared bathroom wall.

Time to pack, sorry I've not caught up properly with everyone. I will do better over the weekend, promise!

Evening ladies. I hope everyone is alright.
nelly - is it you who resides in Scotland? I hope you're ok. Just seen the news about the weather up there. Looks awful!
lady - sorry about the teary nativity. I would find that very hard to go so hats off to you for going.
pixie - glad the clomid is going ok. Hot flushes are alwYs a little disconcerting but hopefully it's doing its thing.

I love all this talk of drinking. I went out with a friend last night and we drank the night away. Now her mum took 6 years to conceive. Her mum also says you can basically write off friends for 5 years once they become mums. I thought that was an interesting comment.

Haha pout!at ejaculating in another room comment. I think I will try that technique next month.

No sign of AF for me. Really puzzling- it must be a week late now. I now think I may have gone through the menopause. Melodramatic, moi? Non! wine - I have decided to not give a poas the pleasure of showing 1 pink line. I refuse to line the pockets of First response and clear blue becuse as much as I would love to defy nature , I just don't think anything can happen without an egg. Raaaa

Ladies, I can only hope that the writers of Coronation St are lurking, as the prospect of Leanne complaining about her womble whilst changing into her sheep costume ready for a night out would surely boost the ratings!

Hope everyone's ok on this ridiculously windy day.

Good luck Nelly for the SA tomorrow, not to mention the forthcoming results Stasi & Euro.

Euro, if you're still running in this weather you're to be applauded.

Boo about the changes to your desk Joycep, that's rubbish. Hope your cycle sorts itself out sharpish too.

Good work for saving the tears for the journey home Ladygee after your nephew's performance, I'm sure I'd be a blubbering wreck.

It's cd5 here, so day 4 of clomid. I was woken last night with a proper hot flush, but other than that I've felt ok and don't seem to have had any other side effects. Fingers crossed it stays that way.

Hi to everyone else

ladygee your womble?

Firstly kitty - my will is weak when it comes to wintery alcohol. Your enticing wafts of winter Pimms worked a treat as I succumbed to two glasses of port whilst putting the tree up last night. It was delish and now I'm feeling guilty

wine - nice work on attacking the banned foods list, sounds yummy. I try not to worry about spotting, but I do. The hospital have just dismissed it but surely it must indicate something's not quite right? My acu lady says it's connected to the flow of blood to my womble being unbalanced - can't remember what she said but I'll ask her again this afternoon. It's horrid because I still have high temps, which gives me hope, but I know that, even if we were lucky enough to get that far, nothing has a chance of nestling in when I start spotting so early.

nelly city - these are the same reasons I'm not going down to the work party in London - a girl from work comes back from mat leave in the new year and she'll be there, she used the 'you'll be next' line on me a year ago and I DON'T want to have those conversations so close to Christmas

euro - hope the newborn visit goes ok and your friend in sensitive. I reckon being around newborns is a recipe for winning your own baby.

pout - I don't mind the dentist but I do share your phobia of not brushing teeth before bed for fear of something developing overnight!

joycep - hope you're ok and you get some answers to this wicked cycle soon.

Oh, and thank the Lord it's not just me alone in the madness who remains convinced that they are pregnant after AF. Cheap sticks are our friend at this point.

Went to see my nephew in his Christmas play this morning, sooooo cute. I was enjoying it but then it was like something switched on that tricky little part of my brain and I was left wondering if I would ever attend a nativity with my own children in. Then had tears in my eyes driving home... ho hum.

Sorry to end on a glum note, a sure sign that AF is around the corner. Off to acupuncture now which always seems to make me feel brighter.

Morning ladies.

Euro Baby gifts, God no. I would have had to buy something that the baby would grow into like a set of saucepans.

kitty Hats off to you with the drinking in bed, makes me wish that I drank. Mind you would be too afraid that I might fall asleep without cleaning my teeth. I have a morbid fear that not brushing my teeth before bed will cause a cavity overnight - am terrified of the dentist and would rather have 10 smears than go...that is messed up.
I tried the pomegranate juice thing and my persistent barreness proves that it is guff - I'd stick to just the Martini bit.

Joycep Any sign of AF yet? Pondering getting pregnant without ovulating seems to me to be an absolutely logical thing to ponder seeing as getting pregnant when having ovulated seems so bloody unlikely for us ladies

Nelly Am liking your thinking about starting ridiculous "am I pregnant" threads and waiting for the guaranteed posts about people who have got pregnant when their DH ejaculated in another room or when they have had their tubes tied, their DH has had a vasectomy, they are on the pill and had sex on day 26 of their cycle.

wine good work on the banned food list. Nothing gives the finger to this TTC lark like a runny egg and a bit of salami.

Ladygee I'm sorry about the spotting. We seem to be having a spate of AFs.

kitty my friend was married for 2 years before her pregnancy. She had two miscarriages (that I know about -as i line manage her so know about her sick leave) so I feel it was a bit of a slog. But a hopeful slog.

The first person to post a bfp on that annoying new thread had been trying for 18 months.

euro hope it goes ok with your pal. Buying baby gifts is traumatic isn't it. I was getting Christmas pressies for my little nieces last night and it brought a lump to my throat.

wine I was also up with that bloody awful weather at 4 am.

citysnow any clues as to how long your 41 year old pal had been trying?

I so hate taking charge of your fertility. What a fecking joke. wine I will happily join you in a ritual burning of that book which as far as I'm concerned should be titled 'you are faulty, why not give up right now'

wine I do hope you have a lovely birthday despite everything. Any plans?

nelly commiserations in advance for drunken ttc ramblings at colleagues. Let it out, I say, and bring on the pomegranate martinis. Also will you give your secret hobby animal friends a little drunken Christmas stroke from me [soppy about horses emoticon]

I'm dreading the return to work post maternity leave of someone whose parting words to me were "you'll be next" and here I am 12 + months later... But someone else at work is now 20 weeks and aged 41 so very pleased for her. And pleased as that makes me think there is still plenty of time. Oh course she said it happened when she had basically given up - and surely we have all reached that point now!