TTC for 10+ months, part 4

I hope you get on ok with your new GP pout. It seems so unfair that so much depends on how on the ball your GP is. I suppose I'm lucky in a way that over here I get to bypass the GP bit and see a gynae straight away. Not that it's resulted in me getting pregnant though, but the tests did happen quicker than I think they would have in the UK. I'm only waiting now for the next stage because we have to save up.

I'm disgusted with your gynae joycep. How rude not to respond to you. And when you've paid so much money. What is your plan now? Are we still going to be ivf buddies?

That's good you seem to be recovering ok wine. I would imagine an op with GA would mess temps up so that might be why they've been high. I remember reading that it takes quite a long time for GA to leave the system.

ladygee I know what you mean about the milestone of xmas. I remember this time last year was the first time I had a proper meltdown about ttc. I had just passed the 6 month mark and had been so sure it would have happened by then. I was in the 2ww at xmas and I had a few symptoms (looking back they were probably imaginary). Then AF came and the same day my friend told me she was pregnant with twins after an "accident". Now, I don't expect to be pregnant so in some ways I've made progress but the announcements are so hard still.

I'm a bit worried that I painted my MIL out to be a monster, she's really not. It's just she is desperate for grandchildren and it hasn't occurred to her that we might be having problems. I don't think she knows anyone who has had problems, all of her friends are ones she made through her children. And they are all grandparents now.

I found out about yet another pregnancy yesterday. You know this 1 in 6 stat? I don't believe it, it's certainly not true in my circle. I was thinking about all the people I know who are married or in long term relationships, and there is only one couple I can think of who are possibly having problems ttc, ie they've been married for quite a few years and I know they wanted children but nothing yet and I know she did have some gynae trouble a while ago. There is another couple who got pregnant the first month they tried but had a mmc at 11 weeks and are now trying again but it's only been 2 months. There is another couple who aren't pregnant yet but he's in the army and away for long periods of time. Then there is another couple who have been trying for 4 months. Other than these people everyone else who I know who has been married for at least a year are already parents or pregnant. Of course, I wouldn't wish this on anyone else but it does make me feel quite lonely to think that no one else in my friendship group knows what this feels like.

I'm heading towards AF I think, hence my overthinking. I am feeling quite positive about 2012 though, we should certainly be trying ivf this year and although the odds of one cycle working aren't great at least it's better than the natural way.

Welcome farfalla. It sounds like you've had a tough time. I hope you won't have to stay too long on this thread (in the nicest possible way).

purple and citysnow do come and tell us how you are. I'm wishing you all the luck in the world for a fabulous pregnancy. We'll have to update the stats soon to include all the BFPs.

Hi all and happy new year. Fantastic news on the 2 bfps, congrats City and Purple...I always thought they were like buses, so I hope to see a lot more.
So much to catch up on and sorry if i miss things.

pout - I'm so sorry about your mum. I can't believe the shitty time you have had. I'm appalled by what that GP said to you 3 years ago but actually it doesn't surprise me that he was useless. Perhaps you could have a quick word with your new gp today about it or is it like my surgery where you can only discuss one problem at a time? Good luck today. It's time to get that lap & dye in and it does sound like something was happening with your body this month.

mrsd - sorry about your crappy new year. I don't know how you cope with all these comments going on. I can't believe how people can be so thoughtless but then again perhaps i would have been thoughtless if i had had a baby on demand. I do sympathise. My mother has been going on for years about not being a grandmother but actually she doesn't say anything now as she knows what is going on. My MiL was terrible and would call our spare room, the nursery. DH put a stop to that!

wine - i am pleased you are on the mend. sorry if you have mentioned it above but what is the next stage and when will that happen?

euro - sorry that your cycle is looking a bit messed up. That was what i found with taking various drugs and it was infruriating. I think it just changes things a bit. Perhaps it will take a cycle of two to find out what it is doing.

Welcome fallarocks. I'm sure I had a conversation with you on the short Lp forum for a bit about the thyroid! Don't you have a problem with yours?

nelly - a Dec wedding would be fab! that's something to keep your mind on for this year.

Well my chrimbo break was ok. I did find out about 5 or 6 people i know having babies but luckily I don't have to see them. But I find i get annoyed even when I don't have to see them. It's just that reminder isn't it that actually it happens really quickly for most people. I decided on NYE that it was going to be a great year. haha. I only went and got thrush on new year's day (or that's when I realised i had it). So now i think that was a bad sign! Well i'm not sure if I ovulated this month or if i did it was very late. We haven't had much sex as i was at my parents and thin walls! Anyway, i fully expect my cycle to be messed up after last month. I have paid my final bill to the gynae and we have called it a day with her. I'm so incensed that she didn't bother getting back to me. Anyway, her last words to me were, "well 97% of my patients would have got pregnant by now". The words are still ringing in my ears.

Anyway, enough of that. Right hope everyone has a good day.

pout good luck for your doctor?s appointment tomorrow. I?m sorry your mum was so difficult over Christmas, I can?t imagine how tough that must be when you really can?t reason with someone and they are impossible to help. I hope she comes through the worst of it soon and in the meantime sending you sympathetic vibes. Also can?t believe how utterly shite that GP was about it. Surely there was more he could have done

mrsd sorry to hear you had a crap time with your MIL over Christmas, puts my insensitive friends into perspective. It sounds like you handled it very well and maturely though. Your DH sounds spot on with his thoughts about why it wouldn?t be a good idea to tell her, she sounds as though she would enjoy turning it into a big drama if she knew all the facts. Not long til IVF now hey :)

wine so glad your cut is healing up and you are feeling back to normal already. It bodes very well for a good recovery when they remove the fibroid. I hope your period turns up soon ? I wonder if the high temps straight after the op were more as a result of the GA/general post op stuff rather than a post-ov rise, and actually you ovulated a few days later? As for 101 cookbooks, I am now completely obsessed ? made the lemon olive oil banana bread yesterday and it was ridiculously good if stretching the definition of healthy food somewhat

euro sorry for the confusing cycle. If it?s anovulatory I can imagine you just want AF to hurry up so you can get on with the next one. But well done on non-upsetting baby visit :)

nelly v excited for a December wedding oh yes it would be such BAD TIMING if you got knocked up, say for example this month, wouldn?t it?

ladygee sympathy for finding Christmas tough. It?s such a bloody milestone isn?t it. I was filling in various bits in my 2012 diary today and thinking that it only seemed liked 5 mins since I was last doing it and wondering whether I would have a baby or be pregnant by the end of the year. I am a LOT more downbeat about the coming year and pretty much accepting of the fact that it probably won?t happen. But I am still determined to give it our best shot.

Right I must go to my bed (and try and sleep despite howling gale) so will restrain from posting even more. Just want to say welcome to farfalla and waves to cupcakes gin cakes and anyone I have missed ? sorry. X

Hmmm I'm not sure about being heavily pregnant at my wedding, or having a newborn. I want to go on my honeymoon to a super-hot beach for a few weeks in January, a year from now. Being pregnant would ruin that, you know.

Funnily enough when we talked about the date, TTC honestly didn't cross my mind at all. Is this progress, or in fact a sad but subconscious recognition that the chances of it being an issue are slim indeed?

ERTD still not quite buggered off, but at the same time I have what feel like quite strong ovulation pains. Am I going for a record breaking 19 day cycle .

Hello to everyone else - sorry for rudely not namechecking

Sorry to hear people are having confusing cycles. My period has arrived with a vengeance - so painful that I'm on my way home to go to bed with a hot water bottle :( Stupid womb that won't get pregnant! I had loads of ewcm this month, which often means af is gonna be bad - anyone else notice this?!

I can't believe some of the comments you guys have been getting from in laws etc. Thankfully ours are all v good about it and never mention it. We're going to have to talk to them about it soon though, especially as we may need to borrow some money for ivf. That'll be a fun conversation...

pout so sorry to hear that your mum is struggling. I have a difficult parent too and share your frustrations and worries. I try not to get too involved if I can, for my own sanity's sake, but there's often a point when I have to try to step in. Big hugs.

nelly wohoo to the winter wedding and stretchy maternity wedding dresses :)

Welcome far and waves to everyone else. Right now where's the neurofen plus and hot water bottle...

cakes I have seen a lot of people on here get their BFPs after a HSG after 18 months plus of trying, here is hoping it happens for you too!!

Thanks for the replies. Mines going to be on CD12, so with any luck will be before ov.(Majority of ov seem to be between CD13-18) I think i'll go for the abstain totally just to be sure.
I'm hoping once its done all the required info will put me on the road to Clomid or HSG flushes out anything in way and I get a BFP. Meant to see consultant Feb/ March. [hopeful smiley]

Agreed with euro there should be no chance of you being pregnant during the procedure. I had mine on cd21 so had to go in early to have a blood pregnancy test (which even if I had been pregnant I don't reckon would have showed up anything but still). We used condoms before. but if it had been before ov, I would have been good to go after.

Hi, Sorry for a me me post but I have a question. How long am I supposed to avoid SWI before my HSG. The lady on phone says 48hrs, but the letter says abstain from end of period or use condoms(which weve never ever used ever). So now i'm confused! HSG is on Monday 9th

Quick post. Im meant to be working from home as I have a lot of marking to do but im a bit brain dead. I'm OK now thanks pout so dh went back yesterday. Working from home this week was the compromise I did with work. I did do some yoga at home yesterday though and it made my scar hurt and weep a bit (sorry tmi) which annoyed me as I just want to get back to normal stuff now. I also am still getting very dizzy for some reason. I'm sorry about your Mum and have been thinking about you. Has she ever been to the AA or something of that ilk? I think mrsden is right that some talking about the grief might feel helpful and be a good first step. I dont like to say too much online as im convinced im easily identifiable in my posts (!) but do pm me if you're feeling really fed up, as I do know where you're coming from and it is hard.

mrsden I am glad we have found a reason. But, we also know the sperm is a bit iffy sometimes and i still don't know about my tubes properly or my fsh etc. So, on good days I like to think they'll whip it out and hey presto we will be pregnant but I'd not be remotely surprised if actually we have a numbe of factors going on. Its funny how I've totally reframed my idea of how long is a long time to try. A year now doesn't seem that long! Am I alone in this. Cos after the op, it will be another 6 months of trying before I want to do anything else. At least.

ladygee the 12 month anniversary sucks. I think for me, it was looking back at my old self and what she didn't know? Oh well, we are 12 months nearer to a bfp!

Um boring alert- I wondered if I could ask what you think about when my period might be expected?! I had ewcm before the op and it was on cd13. I have had high-ish temps since the op that have kept going up and for the past week have been the highest ever, but I haven't written them down. I did have bleeding for 5 days after the lap, v heavy at times. But now I just have v thick white cm, which I rarely get and no spotting on cd26, but I do have sore boobs. I know I'm mentalling for no reason but I just want my period to know that everything isn't broken inside. I know I'll have to just wait. But I do wonder if an egg ever came out only to be flushed away I know I can't be pregnant as we stopped after CD8 and I've had a lap and dye! But a late period will still do my head in.

Morning ladies.

Congratulations on a Winter wedding Nelly Are you having the whole shabang? In theory, fingers crossed at all that, you could have a newborn by next December
Don't really feel encouraged or despondent about my own sludgegate, just a bit confused and really hoping that my cycle hasn't decided that 4 days of burning period pain before AF rather than the usual 2ww dull grumbling period type pains is going to become the norm. Think that I have become tired by all the headfuckery and while the worry about not ever becoming preggers is always there I don't have the energy for the meltdowns!! Didn't even cry about AF this month. Progress indeed.

Wine how are you feeling today? Hope you are less sore. Is your DH home to look after you?
A full report about what the heck is going on in our bodies would be great wouldn't it.

Thanks for your suggestions about my mum. My sister was talking about whether we could have her sectioned because she is so out of control and in the past has been a danger to herself. I have been with her to her GP before about 3 years ago and he wasn't that helpful. He basically said that he could refer her for group counselling but at the end of the day she had to help herself. The trouble is she doesn't want to stop drinking and when we aren't there to see she is pretending that she hasn't had a drink and is on top of it. Other times when she can't deny that she is pissed as a fart she just trots out the 'I'm an alcholic and can't help it line' and how the doctor has told her not to stop drinking because it would kill her and how we all have to be patient and nice because she is ill. It's all a lot more complicated than the drinking too because there are other issues that I won't bore you with but it just makes it harder to keep caring and putting up with it all. I might look into Cruse though - thanks mrsd

I'm sorry that you found Christmas hard mrsgee. I think it is another difficult milestone. I am struggling with the thought of it being a new year and how I have no baby to show for 2011. Last Christmas/New Year I was pretty sure that surely I would have a baby in 2011 and am now finding the thought of 2012 and possibly another barren year terrifying. I'm starting to feel that if it doesn't happen this year I will be too old both in fertility terms and just being up to running around after a baby/toddler.
It's stupid really.

Hello and welcome to Farfallarocks. I'm sorry that you have had a rough time of it. I think that proficient mentalling is a prerequisite for joining so you are in good company here

Happy new year lovely ladies.

Huge congratulations to purple and citysnow on long-awaited and well-deserved BFPs.

Apologies for being awol over the festive period. In between endless trips to family and friends or entertaining people here, any free time we've had we've tried to do vaguely healthy things with, like go for long walks followed by pub lunches

Christmas was harder than I anticipated mainly because it marked 12 months of properly trying and I remembered the naive excitement we shared over Christmas and New Year last year. It made me sad more than anything.

Will check back in later but just wanted to say hello to everyone and may 2012 be filled with health and happiness for you all

nelly I like your thinking re. booking wedding, surely this means you will be heavily pregnant by then. You best look for a dress with expanding panels.

euro grr for messed about ovulation. It's seems strange that taking stimulation drugs can have the opposite effect.

wine I'm so sorry about the fibroid. That must have been a big shock for you seeing as it was never mentioned at the scan. I don't really know anything about fibroids, but I do know someone who had one removed. She already had a son but has had two more children since. I don't know if she knew about it because she was struggling to conceive though. I really hope you get some answers when you see the consultant. I know this probably doesn't make you feel much better but I do think on balance it's better to know what the problem is and then to have a plan of action to deal with it. Massive hugs to you xx.

pout I'm so sorry your mum is in a drinking slump again. I guess it was inevitable following her loss. With addicts there isn't much you can do other than make it clear that you are there to help if they want to sort themselves out. Can you ask her to speak to her GP? And there are some great bereavement charities, I think Cruse is one who can offer counselling for bereavement which I know from experience can really help someone who is grieving. This is the big problem at the moment rather than the drinking if that makes sense, so might be easier to tackle that first.

Oops cross post nelly yay for a winter wedding to plan and keep you busy. And it beckons an ironic bfp! I think pregnant brides look beautiful

Welcome farfalla may your stay here be short. You've had a right rollercoaster. I hope that you manage to get to the bottom of things and get your bfp very soon. It is frustrating waiting and waiting, everyone here will empathise with how you are feeling. But, you have sperms and eggs that meet, so try to stay positive. I have had to find distractions to stop myself from mentalling 24 hours a day but it does feel like it's with me all the time. Do use here to vent and share, I've found that really helpful.

pout glad you had a good time in spite of everything. Sorry to hear your mum has got herself in deep with the booze. I guess things are still very raw. Has she ever had support in the past? I have some family experience of this and know how tough it can be so do outlet if need be. Sorry also to hear you had a period of unknown qualities, they tough I think, I've had a couple now. If only we could get a full report each month on exactly what happened.

euro I wonder what effect the drugs have on temps? I wondered this about clomid. I had a late ovulation in the summer, not sure why and my temps didn't go up as much as normal. Maybe the chain of events has been different or something. Also, sometimes I don't fully trust ff. But, if there is some indication of ov, this is a good thing, so fingers crossed.

Gah. Clearly out of practice on MN - the post above is full of typing errors, shite grammar, too many questions, and generally makes no sense at all. Also meant to say hello to anyone I didn't namecheck (mrsden in particular as I cringed, physically, when I read what your MiL was saying ) ; and also meant to say that my ERTD was a day late this month. To no fucking avail. It was just this month's mean way of my body winding me up. Yippee.

Hi everyone. I have been a bit awol recently as I have been trying to have a break from the internet generally, and kept myself busy with other things. Anyway ERTD is almost on the way out so at least I am back to the positive stage of my cycle!

Firstly farfalla hello, my now standard line is lovely to have you hear but I wish you didn't have to be :) You are in good company with the dreading announcements/feeling all bitter and twisted/astonished at how hard this is. I hope that you get a successful pregnancy soon, and that in the meantime we can help with the mentalling.

Pout . I don't know what to say. I don't have much in the way of practical advice, other than perhaps are there organisations that can help? I presume your mum is in no mind to get help? Can she be hmm what would be the equivalent of being sectioned? Can she be persuaded into any kind of help? Can you get her to her GP at least. In the meantime the best I can offer is a virtual hug and a . Your wedding will be magical because it is you and your beloved DP getting married. The day itself is sort of incidental (says the person just starting to plan her own wedding). Sorry about Sludgegate too. Does it feel like a good thing, in a weird way, if something did happen? Or just another headfuck?

I hope your body kicks itself back into order euro. Are you not being scanned again to see when/if you are ovulating? Fingers crossed it still happens though. Hooray for enjoying baby cuddles :)

Glad you have a clearer plan now wine and are starting to feel more positive. You've been through a lot (an operation for a start) and these things take time to start to feel better.

Welcome back cupcakes, and HUGE congrats to citysnow too [grins]. I do hear you when you say you weren't sure it was always helpful to hear of others success, but I think (speaking for me anyway!) it is when they are in the same boat as me! I don't subscribe to the theory that there are limited pregnancies to go round, so I don't feel you (or any other lucky differ) "stole" my turn. It is very hard to hear when others find it so easy, but when I know they have been going through the mill I just think "good for them, hurrah, it does actually sometimes just take a fucking long time" .

We have provisionally set our wedding date for December time (not a specific day yet). Do you hear that, fate? Getting pregnant before March would be VERY UNFORTUNATE TIMING ..... .

Better go as tea is ready, chat soon ladies!

Hello all I am hoping to join your thread. New year, new thread and all that (and I have lurked for ages so I feel like I know you all a bit already)

I am really sorry so many are having a hard time of it, but yay for two xmas BFPs.

My story is:

me 31
DH 32

Came off the pill in January 2011, paid no attention to timings etc for a couple of months. Got more serious in May and started using OPKs. Got pregnant in June (and thought wey hey that was easy, naive emoticon), MC at 5 weeks. Then a chemical pregnancy in September. Then a 2 month break whilst we had some tests that found I had polycystic ovaries and a clotting issue which means I will have to take heparin in my next pregnancy. Actively TTC again since November.
However, still not convinced they have really got to the bottom of my problem so getting a 2nd opinion this week from a PCOS specialist as I think short luteal phase/low progesterone is the problem. I can;t believe I am still not pregnant a year after coming off the pill, I thought it would be easy as all my friends have babies to order (some without even trying)

I am becoming increasingly bittter and evil about it all, I HATE it when friends tell me they are pregnant and hope they tell me via email so I can cry and rage about it. I am totally obsessed with it all and I hate the person I have become. I try and keep most of this a secret from DH as I don;t want him to think I am too much of a nutter or he might stop doing me at the appropriate times

I am a nice person usually, promise :)

Happy New Year ladies and it's so nice to see two BFPs. Congratulations Purple and City that is fabulous news.

The thread has been so busy so sorry for not namechecking everyone.

I'm so sorry wine that you have had such a traumatic time. I am dumbfounded that the sonographer didn't pick this up on your ultrasound. I so hope that once you have your op a BFP is next for you.

Fatima I hope that you are okay. I'm sorry that you have having issues with your DH. As you will see from my post I know a little bit about what living with someone who is hitting the bottle is like so if you need a chat I'm here - not that I have the answers but sometimes it just helps to off load. Anyway am thinking of you

Euro Sorry that you are in a confuddled state. It's so typical that this cycle is confusing and you're in a quandry about taking your meds.

mrsd I was shock at your MIL's comments. Good for you that you didn't react to it.

I'm sorry to see all the other AF arrivals. I know that we have had two Xmas miracles but I was hoping for some more!

My AF arrived a week ago. I got all excited because I started with slight period pains a whole 4 days before it decided to show up, never had that before. I was also feeling different and really thought that this was it. Maybe something had happened because I had the heaviest period and am still having period pains even though AF has pretty much stopped. I also still feel sicky and am gagging at smells and wonder whether I was preggo and some residual hormones are hanging around. Or maybe I just overindulged over Xmas - more likely Anyway on a positive note I finally registered with a new doctor and have an appointment booked for Thursday. I'm panicking now though that she won't be as nice as my old GP and will tell me to stop wasting her time and won't refer me for endo investigations - ah well, we'll see.

I'm glad that most of us seemed to have a good Xmas. I had a good time in spite of my mother's raging alcoholism & constant begging for a drink and drinking on the sly in the bedrooms. Waking up to the sound of a wine box being poured at 3.15am on Xmas Eve was not the best start and she just deteriorated from there including telling my teenage nephew that life was crap and not worth living and trying to make herself sick at the bottom of my sisters stairs because she was gagging for a drink and wanted to prove that she had "the DT'S" and needed one otherwise she "might die". Not really sure what to do about her and have totally lost my patience with the drinking. Of course I want to help her through such a shitty time but when she is full of drink 24/7 I just feel angry with her and don't think that she wants to help herself. Our wedding will be fun especially seeing as she appears to have given up on showering or bathing and now smells of wee too.....marvellous.

Oh I am full of the New Year Cheer

Hugs and hellos to everyone else. I have missed you over the Chrimbo break!!!

Happy New Year everyone. May 2012 be happier for everyone here and full of luck on our side.

Firstly congratulations city! Another Xmas hopeful tale. I hope you and purple come back and visit to let us know how you're getting on.

mrsden sorry for awkward chats and pregnancy announcements, it's so hard isn't it? I'm awaiting three or four (that know of) this year and that's pretty much it for me in terms of peoples first pregnancies. I will be the last girl standing in my entire social network of friends and family. I wonder if i get a wooden spoon?! I think a lot of my friends will be onto baby 2 this year. Whilst I'm sure being lapped isn't going to feel amazing, I feel less bothered by that for some reason. I know they can conceive, so it isn't going to come as a big surprise.

cupcakes pixie and nelly sorry for tides of doom. One day the tide won't come!

euro what's happening? Any rumblings? When can you go and see shout at your consultant? I really think there should be refunds available! I bet you're not sure when to expect af now, which is a frustration. I'm in that boat, have no idea if mine will be late due to the lap. I'm on cd 25 now and no spotting. I had no spotting when I didn't try for the hsg either. Mm.

kitty I'm glad you like the 101 cookbooks. I got both books last summer on amazon and haven't been disappointed, I've made loads of stuff from them. I do like finding good websites :-) current fads are 43 things (which I've filled with nice things to do, rather than resolutions) and pinterest.

gin it's nice to hear you and a hangover! Ttc saps the fun out of stuff too much I think. When is it that you begin ivf? It must feel daunting but also exciting that a bfp could happen this year?

Well my cut doesn't hurt hardly at all now so for anyone reading this, I'd say that after 10 days you feel almost 100% back to normal, ime. My cut is still looking rather gross but hey ho. My scan is at the end of the month so all i can do now is wait. I think I have read EVERYTHING and EVERY forum on myomectomies now, so can leave google alone. I guess, hard as it is, no one in the world can tell me of I will ever get pregnant, but the not knowing is so hard. I'll be glad to know how big it is etc and what the plan of action is. I hope they don't want to shrink it with drugs first or I'll be an oap before we get back to ttc. I've had acupuncture and spoken to my yoga teacher to help me draw up a plan to get super fit for surgery and for healing after, they've both been lovely and very helpful.

So, that's my big post of the day. Thinking of all of you, sorry if I missed you.

Happy new year everyone!

Congratulations on the long awaited BFPs City and Purple I love hearing these stories. Not that I wish the journey on anyone but it really does give me hope that it will happen someday.

Wine I was really sorry to hear your news. It must have been such a shock. I'm very glad for you that the problem has been identified at last and now you can focus on getting it sorted. 2012 will be your year .

I'm sorry to hear AF/ERTD turned up for some of you. Unfortunately I'm also now on cd4, but at least ill be ready to start the SWI soon

Sorry to hear you had a bit of a rough time with pregnancy announcements over Xmas Mrsden We had a few announcements that we had to endure, they were all expected though so it was slightly easier to bear. It must have been very difficult for you with your MILs comments.

Strangely for the first time ever we had no comments from family about when we are going to have a baby. I assume they have guessed we must be ttc or are having problems.

Sorry if I've missed anything but am on a phone so can't look back

Happy New Year!!!

I can't believe I'm away for a short while and there are two BFPs to return to. Massive congrats purple and citysnow. What a perfect way to start the new year. Do tell us all your symptoms, did you know before you tested?

There is always so much to catch up on when I don't read this thread for a while. I have read everything I missed but I'm hopeless and I forget it all now so I hope you'll forgive me if I just talk about myself in this post in a very me, me, me way.

Overall Christmas was lovely and it was nice to be back in the UK and catch up with family and friends. It was obvious though that I'm a bit of an outsider in my family now as the only one without children. I lost count of the amount of times someone (usually one of my sisters) made a comment about how I wouldn't understand because I didn't have kids or something like that. It hasn't occurred to any of them that we might be having problems ttc so they assume that I'm enjoying being without responsibility and we're not trying yet.

MIL managed to really upset me although I know she didn't mean it. I overheard her moaning to her best friend that she is the only one among her friends that isn't a grandmother. I was upset by this because it's so typical of her to turn it into something about her. She doesn't know I heard her so I haven't said anything, I think she thinks we're being selfish in not having children yet. She also showed me all the knitting she has been doing for her "grandchildren" and she made some snide comment about having to donate them to a children's charity if we didn't get on with it. After this I wanted to tell her about it all but DH persuaded me not to, because he pointed out and is quite right that she she would tell everyone and would also hassle us constantly wanting an update. Also, she doesn't understand anything vaguely scientific and I know the ivf process would totally baffle her. Anyway she may get a grandchild soon enough because my SIL moves into her new, bigger house in March and is already talking about having a baby. This really annoyed me when she was going on about it because I feel it's not her turn yet. I know this is irrational but she's several years younger and hasn't been with her partner very long and they're not even talking about marriage yet so I don't know why they want a baby so soon. But I know it only bothers me because she will get their first and it feels unfair when we've been trying for so long.

I have also had it confirmed that the UK is a very fertile place, every old friend I bumped into was pregnant or had children. I bumped into one friend I hadn't seen in years. The last time we met was at a wedding where I remember we were drunkenly talking about when we'd have kids and she said she wanted to have her first by the age of 30. Anyway, she has a six month old now so missed the cut off by a couple of months but still made me realise that others can do it to order.

And then on NYE my SIL (brother's wife) announced (in a big way, in the pub) that she was 5 weeks pregnant. She'd miscarried 2 months ago so I was totally caught off guard because I can't believe it could happen again so quick. The strange thing is she isn't in the slightest bit worried about this pregnancy, she is so sure everything will be fine. This news hit me in that gut wrenching way and I had a fairly miserable NYE. But I'm back home now and it's a new year and I've got ivf to look forward to. I am so determined to get pregnant this year.

I'm on CD25 so nothing much to report. We've only SWI 3 times this month so it really would be a miracle. I had my own sludgegate saga though. A blob of brown mucus at 3dpo and then a brown sludge when I wiped for the next two days and nothing since. This is a new thing for me.

Sorry, this really has been a me post. I hope everyone else is doing ok. Stasi great news about your scan.