Waiting to try to conceive

Hey ladies! I was on this thread way back at the start (and on the previous one too I think.... and the one before that). Started TTC in December. Got my BFP today - am ecstatic!!! Fingers crossed it's a sticky bean! Just thought I'd drop in because this was such a wonderfully supportive thread when I was driving myself bonkers with broodiness waiting. Arrrgh the months and years of deciding and waiting and dithering were painful. This place was a godsend sometimes... but at other times too much incentive to obsess!

Best of luck ladies :) :) :)

Hello ladies, mind if I join in?

I have a DD who is 10 this September and a DS who turned 1 November just gone.
I have been wanting a DC3 (which would also be final DC) since DS was about 4 months so coming up a year, I hoped my want would fade abit but its just got worse and worse and it didnt help DP was dead against any more DC, I think cause we have 1 of each now.

He sort of talked about it in Dec saying he would see how money and other stuff was at the end of 2012 and maybe think about it which to me was a no but after more talking he good as said yes (he likes to wind me up for fun)
We have already had messing about fights over names and finding out the sex

We wont be TTC til 2013 tho he wanted to wait til we bought a bigger house but thankfully I talked him round saying we would have 9 months and a good 6 months after baby is born to get into a new house as it would sleep in with us.

Jan 2013 seems a world away, I would love to start TTC around DS 2nd birthday but dont want to push DP to the point he changes his mind

That sounds horrible, rolypoly. Your H is being patronising and cruel.

Of course your love for your DSD shouldn't cancel out your desire to have a biological child of your own. His arguments are totally irrational and, I would say, actually quite manipulative.

I think you're probably right in that he never really wanted more DC; I find the idea that he might acquiesce in a few years quite worrying, mainly because babies are Hard Work and if he just agreed to stop you asking about it all the time, I can imagine a scenario where you get very little support, and his excuse is that you wanted Tk baby, so you should look after it. Having a newborn baby is hard enoughwhen two of you are workingtogether, I can't imagine doing it alone but suspect that alone might be betterthan a scenario where you are living with someone who absolutely refuses to acknowledge your baby / help you. I can imagine that it could cause serious depression on your part.

Of course, that is worst case scenario and he could falltotally in love with your baby at first sight. I don't know your DH. But the things he is saying to you seem bullying and snide.

How is your relationship generally? Does he treat you well / with respect?

Hello all...
First ever message and an extremely long one sorry! Feels nice to know there are others in similar positions to me...

I've been married for 2yrs and been with DH for 7yrs. First we/he would talk very openly about having babies and having a family. However as time has gone on things have changed and he's really negative about it now.

He has a DD from previous relationship who is 10. He had a really terrible breakup with her mum when DD was just a few months old and it was an incredibly stressful time in his life. I now think he associates babies with serious heartache and stress because it was awful for everyone.

He is now saying he doesn't want to even think about babies until DD is out of the 'danger zone' as he calls it. He basically says that she is at a very critical time in her life (starting secondary school) and it would be selfish of us to have a baby instead of focusing on her. He suggests we wait until she is 18 (!) He is 37 btw and I am 27.

I understand why he feels worried for her as she might be slightly more vulnerable than others as her mum is not a great role model takes a very relaxed approach to parenting. However I think it is crazy to put our lives on hold based on a fear? At the moment she is an absolute angel.

He puposefully makes me feel like I am selfish to want my own baby and the mere suggestion of a baby proves in his mind that I don't care about my step-daughter and don't see her as a priority. In fact he has said this. This breaks my heart because I love her absolutely but I just don't see what is wrong with having more than one child in the household? He takes the patronising view that I couldn't possibly understand because she isn't actually mine. Not much I can do to change this even though I would dearly love her to be mine!

On top of this I have done all the research and all the maths 1000 different ways and can't avoid the crushingly depressing truth that we would bankrupt ourselves on childcare costs if we had a baby.

I feel cheated like my future plans have been taken away. I honestly think that the truth is he doesn't want children and never did really. He truly isn't in the slightest bit interested. He talks about moving abroad or going to retrain when DD is grown up clearly not thinking for a second about any other children. Suspect he will do it in future to keep me happy but feel cheated that I don't get the excited planning that some of you lucky ladies will get. Just feel quite pissed off with it all. And to top it all off being recently married I have to constantly pretend that I'm not really in any rush to have any of my own when nosy people ask.

Help me ladies. I'm going mad.

Just made the rather exciting decision to start TTC on 1 August.

Soooo - 5months of waiting.

Stupid iPhone, sent too early!

Was also going to say, well done on making your decision. It does feel better when you have a plan, doesn't it?

And congrats pickle! I hope you enjoy TTC!

Oh yes, things tend to work themselves out in the end :) My best friend did her PGCE a couple of years ago and there was a girl on it who had a baby in the December, carried on studying thoughout and did really well - plenty of women do it, but I don't think I could have. I couldn't concentrate on anything apart from my baby!

Happy days Prickly... Have fun!!

Calamity, thank you for your little insight. I have decided I will apply for my pgce despite having a strong desire to start ttc now. I'll be over the moon if I get on as that way I can get myself on the teaching ladder and then have a family. However, if I don't get on then as I've promise my lovely husband, we will start ttc. I know I will be gutted but I will have to take it as a sign, destiny perhaps? I guess life never works out the way we plan it... Despite not becoming a teacher you sound like you're settled. People go into teaching at different stages in their life... hopefully it will still be there for you once your children are in school... x

I've only posted a couple of times on this thread, but just reading it has made me feel much more confident that we can make the leap from waiting to TTC to TTC.

so... DP and I finally decided last night to stop waiting and go for it. My packet of pills went straight in the bin!

So its the beginning of a whole new chapter for us and I'm really excited but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too soon.

Good luck to all you guys, I'm off to check out the TTC threads.

Hi everyone,

Mizz I totally know how you feel, I was 23 when DD was born (22 when she was conceived). I had applied for my teacher training just before I became pregnant and put it on hold once we found out, as I was workig at the time and we needed my mat pay. The September I was due to start fell about halfway through my pregnancy, and I just didn't feel as though I could continue with it once DD had been born.

In the end, I was a SAHM for 2 years and have managed to go back to a fairly god job as an office manager, but I doubt that we'll have the finance for me to complete any kind of training until DD any any potential other DCs are well and truly grown.

I know my story has nothing to do with yours, but that's just my perspective and I wish I had worked out what I wanted to do with my life, and trained for it, pre-DD because it is so much harder to do it now and I worry that I will always work as n office manager / administrator etc, which isn't really the dream, but pays ok and I'm good at it... Does all of that make sense?

Oh, and Womanwith, nice to know that TTC can be sexy! I spent the whole of last time checking BBT and with my legs in the air post-coitally, which wasn't sexy at all - this time I'm hoping to be a bit more relaxed and enjoy it.

Hello

Can I join? I am currently waiting to TTC no. 3, having finally decide to go for it. I have to wait til next month to start trying, due to a family holiday with my parents etc that is all booked and which I can't be too pregnant for. Obviously I am now paranoid that it will take ages and that I will regret having waited this month, but that is possibly just my natural impatience! The last two happened very quickly so I just feel that sod's law means that this one will take ages.

We decide to go for it at Christmas, but DH and I both had about 1.5 stones to lose that we accumulated after the first 2 were born, so we decided to lose the weight and then get going (sounds crazy but i just said that I couldn't spend my whole 30s failing to lose baby weight ).

Now that we are nearly at the first month of trying, I just want to get on with it! Every time it turns out that I find TTC quite an aphrodisiac!

Hi every one,

I've been lurking around for a couple of months now but finally thought I'd join the discussion as I think the wait may come to an end sooner than I thought.

I'm currently studying towards a BA Hons in English Language and Literature and the dream is to teach however with the current teacher training situation I don't feel as confident any more. My partner (27) is ready for children and has been for a couple of years now however I have always had my eyes on gaining my teacher training qualification. Any way, I apply in september this year and together we've decided if I don't get a place then we will start trying for a family. Since this decision I am now constantly on the baby crack... I've decided on the prams, the nursery and even names!

I really want to have children now but to be honest at this stage in my life (23) I really want to get my teacher training qualification first as I know once we've had children it will be impossible.... very very confused right now! Have any of you felt this way??

L It sounds to me like your DH is very nearly there! Men never usually talk about babies, so if he's starting to bring them up and talk to other people about them then he must be seriously thinking about it.

I guess its harder for men to enter the mindset of wanting children as they don't have the hormones that us ladies do. Also age is less of a factor for them as they can continue to be fertile until way later.

I never understood the feelings of broodiness and how powerful it can be until it hit me, so its something they will struggle to comprehend.

I wonder if there are any men lurking on this thread who could give us a male perspective?

Oh, I also had a chat with DH recently and asked him what age he thought was too old for him to consider becoming a parent. He's given himself a cut off point that is just five years away. After I reminded him that these things don't always happen as easily as we might like and that they won't even look into any problems until at least 12 months of trying and then there are waiting lists etc to take into consideration I think it has started sinking in just how little time he's got left!

Hi all,
Not been around for a while but have lurked from time to time.

Had a bit of a meltdown a couple of weeks ago and spent a few days in almost constant tears about how unfair it was of my DH making me wait when my biological clock is ticking so loudly. Then I realised I was due to ovulate any time soon and felt utterly foolish and annoyed that my hormones had so much control over me .

DH is glad that we've just come to the end of our first years trading with the business and is a lot more confident about finances now so that's one barrier down. He still wants us to have moved out of our 1 bed flat before we start trying but he wants to start house hunting as soon as london fashion week is out of the way so again, that's positive.

I also did some research a little while ago and priced up everything we would need to look after a baby for their first year of life. DH is a worst case scenario kind of guy so I went totally over board, included every little cost I could think of and priced up expensive "luxury" versions of everything whereas in reality we'd be more sensible. He was very pleasantly surprised when he realised just how affordable it would actually be. But you should have seen his face when I pointed out we could even afford twins!

So it's all progress, but I think it's still going to take my DH a while to go from the FOF club to being ready to start trying. I am buoyed up a little though by the fact he keeps on mentioning people he works with and their kids. That's a big step forward for him, when he says things like "I was talking to so and so about his kids today, it's amazing how his whole face lights up when he talks about them. They're his whole world." it certainly makes me feel more hopeful! I'm still itching to get started, I keep having to remind myself not to get disheartened and think about the practical things (like the fact I've got a holiday booked in October and getting pregnant before then wouldn't be good), but I feel like we're finally making some kind of progress.

Hi Dawn, nice to hear from you.

I don't know much about fertility after having an op, but what would the procedure be to find out whether your ovary is ok? When we were TTC DD, DH was told by the GP that you have to have been TTC for 2 years before they will consider testing for fertility (DH was at GPs for something un-fertility related, and asked as an aside) - would it be a shorter time frame for you, given your situation?

You are being very proactive and committed!

Hello All,
I?m a first time poster but I?ve been lurking for a little while so thought that it was time I said Hello. I?m 28 and DP is 32 and we are planning to TTC DC#1 after our wedding in August. I had a large benign cystic mass removed from my right ovary in 2009, luckily they were able to save the ovary but I?m not really sure what state it?s in.
I?ve just ordered Taking charge of your fertility and picked up a couple of bottles of folic acid (was buy one get second for 1p so couldn?t resist) and joined the gym which is across the road from Babies R us which I haven?t been in at all - Honest! So the plan is to be getting all healthy and ready to distract me from the fact that really I?m just waiting.

FFS just read my post back, what exactly is slef sacrific???

Hi calamity and welcome! Hi to all the lurkers too!

We're in a 2bed and DH was worried it was too small but has been persuaded otherwise (TTC #1 btw). Ikea do tons of cunning storage things, we will be making good use!

Has? Have! iPhone + train = mistakes

Pickle - 2 bedrooms? that is a palace! it was fine when it was just the three of us but visitors, unless they knew us v well, I kept to a minimum as it did feel a bit 'close'. My mum/sisters and our best friends didn't mind and had been coming over pre-baby so were used to it, but mummy friends + newborns, I kept to meeting at costa. Or went to their massive houses!

I found that the best thing was one of those wooden cube type storage boxes from ikea - about £15? Chuck all baby stuff in there at the end if the day, and you has grown up space! I agree with Wannabe that being financially sound (ie no debt, a bit of savings if you can) is far more important than a bigger flat/house. And you really don't need much for the baby once it cones along (and people give ou SO many clothes / toys!

Which is why I'm dragging my feet and and setting money goals before we can even start TTC DC2.

Also, calamity and pickle, I'm now racking my brain for ways to make the most of our poky flat. I think 'zoning' of spaces for particular activities might work.

For example - bedroom reserved for sleeping in, and try to form a habit of evening sofa-nookie to keep the OH happy...

I think it's a perfectly natural thing to hope to have a bigger house and be debt-free, it's hard to even think about relaxing and getting on with ttc if you have anxiety about your home. The ticking of our biological clocks ought to be enough to worry about! it is awful to have to counter it with worries of how on earth you are going to house/clothe/feed the hypothetical child.

When we moved to this flat a few months ago, we moved in a car! We have hardly any furniture and what we do have is knackered second hand/broken/not baby-safe. And most of our stuff is still in boxes/bags/haphazard piles to trip over. I have a list as long as my arm of basic household stuff we need to acquire (such as a sofa, washing machine, shelf units, a BED... (this is not things that need replacing btw, this is things we don't have at all) Baby-related stuff right at the bottom the list. And debts come before material things.

I am glad to have a warm safe-ish home, but if DP so much as winks at me on a fertile day I reckon my pelvic floor would instinctively snap closed like a bear trap! I couldn't stand the thought of bringing a baby here the way it is now.

But, I would like to think we are ingenious enough to get our finances sorted out soon and get the place reasonably baby-proof on a budget! I can't wait to start hunting for bargains for baby from ebay/boot sales/friends!

Calamity You've made me feel better about my living arrangements. I've got a poky 2 bed flat and have been telling myself that we really should get a house before TTC. Unfortunately my hormones are winning the battle over my bank balance and I just don't think I can wait that long! So I'm now trying to convince myself that we'd be fine here with a little one for a couple of years. If you guys can do it in a 1 bed without killing their OHs then surely I can do this.:)

Wannabe, we spent our first year with DD in a 1 bed flat, it was great! Way easier to clean than our 2 bed cottage, and far less arguments fromDH about my co sleeping - we didn't have a choice, she had to be in our room! Mind you, she is here now because DH has a rare night out, so DD and are taking up the 'big bed'!

Evening all!

Have been directed here following my thread - just looking for people to moan with! I already have DD (aged 2) (she was a 'fly by the seat of our pants' conception, desperately wanted but no planning) and we are trying to wait until december to TTC DC2.