Waiting to try to conceive

Hi PineCones

I totally understand re torturing yourself, making name lists (mine is constantly whirring in my head, and I have them on my iPhone!) etc.

Sorry to hear that you may need to see a fertility specialist, that must be constantly playing in your mind. What does your DH think about that? Is there a possibility that you could start trying soon, with the view that it could take longer / be more complicated than expected?

I'll cone back later with but must go into another meeting now.

And till then I torture myself with FB stalking friends with babies, reading baby books, picking up too many things i may never get to use a few baby bits and bobs at sales, and making my perfect name list.
God I sound mental even to myself.
On top of that I was told by a specialist (had gone for AF irregularity issues) that I probably have dodgy fertility and should get referred for IVF if TTC doesn't work for three months. He put it more kindly but he did say 3 months

Hi - may I join this thread please?
{Waves to AmandaCooper}- we used to both be on the ditherers thread some years ago but even then I knew it was not a question of if, but when.
Things have generally been messed up for some time with the tanking of the economy and now being a single income household- DH is now getting another degree.
Not getting any younger though, am 32 this year and would dearly love to start TTC end of the year at the latest. But that will all depend on the financial situation IYSWIM.
So in the meantime, here I am.
{wipes brow, deposits luggage and looks around expectantly}

P.S you should be thankful that you didn't stay with any of your XPs long enough to have DC - it's hard enough when you are with the right person, I can't imagine what it would be like if I had DD with someone who I didn't really get on with / went off / we didn't support each other etc.

At least, if you tell yourself that, it might help!

Wow! That is a HUGE challenge (well, would be for me) what on earth put that idea in your head?! I am v impressed.

It certainly will be a distraction. My DH is running a half marathon this year, building up to the real thing. I have been wondering if maybe I should train with him to build my fitness back up again as pg and labour tend to be easier (relatively, of course) if you are physically fitter.

What's your line of work? Just wondering because I had been worried about taking mat leave etc, but 2 members of senior management are about to go in mat leave, and one of them ran a training course on HR the other day and laid out all the firm's policies, including mat leave and pay etc. It really put me at ease because babies and motherhood aren't frowned upon here like they were in the company I worked for before having DD. It's sort of taken that particular weight off my shoulders, iykwim.

I'm going to cycle 300 miles and swim the channel! Will hopefully tire myself out too much to want babies! Am so fed up of seeing ex partners with new babies too (am still good friends with a lot of them). It makes me think "if only I had stayed with him I would have a baby now." I know the relationship would not have worked, and am glad that they have found the right lady for them, but the urge is making me crazy!!!!

Oh and goggle - are you going to run the marathon?

Goggle - good idea. I'm quite lucky in that DH is just as desperate as I am for another DC, so he likes to laugh about my obsession to find the perfect name and also likes to talk about reaching our financial goals and what sort of house we might like to move to next. he is a bit more cautious I think, though, because he has always wanted another DC and I have only just agreed, so he is scared that I will decide that actually I don't want another and he will be heartbroken.

I have to admit, the idea of having another DC still scares me, but I can see such clear benefits for our family and I am starting to feel a real maternal urge for another child, so I feel as though both head and heart are behind this decision now.

I do wish we could win the lottery and stop having to worry about money, though!

Calamity, there is nothing wrong with you! I've had these feelings too.

I've decided to set myself a fundraising sport goal that I could not possibly do if pg, and it should hopefully take two years to train for, so will be two years closer to having a baby! I'm scared of telling dh about it as he will laugh it off as another mad-cap scheme of mine, and I'm defo not telling him it is because I need to do something I could not possibly be pregnant for, but I need some goal to set my mind on (and I am not getting to do my sports at the mo as dh isn't getting home in time, so it will be nice to train in the mornings before work/school run so I don't have to depend on him).

HNIW, I made the most of this weekend; I tell you - have been feeling so guilty about wanting another DC, almost as though I am betraying DD. I obviously love her more than life itself, but for some reason it doesn't make my desire to have another one any less desperate.

I have only started feeling like this since Jan - before then I was adamant that I never wanted another and thy I wanted to give DD everything I possibly could - time, money, affection - I was so set on te fact that I didn't have space in my heart/head fe another DC.

What has changed so drastically? is there something wrong with me?

I was beginning to think I was the only one, gogglemint, whose libido had taken a nosedive because we should be trying to make a baby not just because it's fun. The trouble is, that mindset actually stops it being fun anyway! Poor DH thought I'd gone off him until I told him what was going on. Good thing I did discuss it with him though as he admitted one of the reasons he isn't ready to TTC is because he thought our relationship might not be stable enough because of my behaviour.

Welcome gogglemint of course you can join! Five years is a long time, but if it's how long you have to wait, you'll get there. I first felt broody about 4 years ago, so can empathise! You are not mentally unstable, no more than the rest of us anyway!

calamity I totally agree, I also have AF and had a 'I don't want to do it anymore I just want to be at home and be a mommy' cry yesterday too. I am an utter slave to my ovaries.

Still, now it's friday, and as we are not yet TTC, is very much on the menu, especially as I've given tea&coffee up for lent (DH has seen straight through this but it was worth a go)

Can I tag on? Have a dh that is thinking on a 5 year time line, but I have been desperate for a baby for 6 years already. The closer I get to his "goals" (stable job for long enough not to be fired for taking Mat Leave, doing house up, moving to bigger house, buying bigger car, flying to the moon etc) the harder I am finding it, to the point where I burst into tears in John Lewis today because there was a lady in the baby department (I don't mean to stalk it, but I can't help myself!) who was proudly saying she was 5 days from her due date. Got another lump in my throat when a pg lady held a door for me. I cannot do this for another 5 years! And what then? What if I have our two children and the feelings don't subside, and I still cry all over the place at pregnant ladies because I want to be one so much?

I am getting to the point where I don't want to get intimate any more, as we should be making children, not doing it for fun. I feel so sad that I feel like this, but I really resent it.

I feel so mentally unstable!!

Totally with you calamity. I can't help but torture myself on a weekly basis with OBEM, and it's definitely an even more emotional experience around OV and AF. I do sometimes wonder why I do it to myself!

I'm finding it really difficult not having a set date to look forward to. DH doesn't like to plan too far ahead, so at the moment it's all a case of once we've achieved XYZ we'll make plans rather than we'll start trying in a certain month. A lot of the milestones DH wanted to achieve have just fallen in to place really quickly without even trying, we've only got to move out of our 1 bed flat to have completed his pre baby checklist now which is a big improvement over a few months ago. I'm just worried that because everything is falling into place much quicker than we expected DH will find new reasons to delay things. If it was up to me we would be TTC right away knowing that we will be moving in the next few months so would be settled in plenty of time before a baby arrived anyway!

Im with you CalamityLame- Im also waiting til Dec to start... and i mean 1 Dec at 1min past midnight! LOL

Im desperate but have been surviving for a while.

Got another dog to keep me feeling the love for small things that need love and affection.... DH even said- so this is your replacement til we can have kids- well i gave him some serious dirty looks. I said, dont think by us having another dog, it adds months onto your deadline! Bastard.

Ugh, time is going so fucking slowly- why cant it be Dec already(insert throwing a childish strop)

Plus, first period off the pill of 13 years after 42 days and looks like im heading for another bloody 40 day cycle. WTF. Though part of me is relived as at least i can concentrate on my fecked up cycles for a while, if they were perfect i imagine id be thinking of pushing the timeline back!

So, who watched one born every minute last night? I decided to torture myself for fun, and watched the whole thing. Ended up in tears, being snippy with DH (AF just arrived, which never helps!).

I know that we can't start trying until the end o the year, but I have to keep tellig myself that; I know that, given half a chance, coil would be out and I'd be buying shares in pregnacare (or whatever that multivit is called).

I just want to scream.

Anyone else?

I know what you mean rinnyx Ive been trying to not get carried away as still seems like such a long time but this is the first step on the way I feel, hoping it will keep me going until I can start getting excited :) Also dont think being excited about starting folic acid is silly. I have just made my Drs appt to get my final lots of patches which I am very excited about, they'll give me 6 months worth and after that Ill be starting the folic acid too yey! Oh the simple things

Hi all! Welcome to the new people! I feel like I say that every time, there certainly are a lot of us.

I've been busy at work so haven't been on in a little while. For the newbies I'm WTTC no1, planning to get my mirena out in april then just DTD and see what happens, can't even remember what my cycles were like before so shall have to wait and see.
rinnyx you don't sound silly to me, I've felt so much more optimistic since I started the vitamins. And have been here a while (several months) and was lurking before I joined, and waiting alone before that! So don't worry about being here, you'll fit right in.

zara congratulations! It makes me feel positive seeing all the BFPs, the grads do seem to be doing well.

roly hope you're feeling a bit better. I agree with the others, it sounds like he's being unfair, it must be so tough.

That turned into an essay! Hope everyone else is coping ok? Any news or pending graduates?

Hi pinkbuttons glad I'm not the only one who is not planning to start TTC with the next 6 months, I felt abit silly posting as we have 10 months before we start.

Already chucking names at DP who is rejecting all.

Cant wait to start taking folic acid again around Oct, may sound silly but will help it feel more real seeing as its close to a year since I have been telling DP my longing for baby #3

I don't do sneaking into mothercare, but I do order brochures and gaze at the little clothes. Esp baby Boden .

My addiction is names... I could spend forever looking up names, trying out combinations etc. Last night I announced to DH that I had cracked both boy and girl names, though he didn't like my second middle name for a girl. I can only hope that we have a boy, because I won't budge an inch on that girls' name!

Anyway, this is all so far in the future (our benchmark is September too, Mizz, ad that's just to consider whether we can afford DC2 yet: if not, will wait three months and reassess, etc etc), but I can't help myself!

Congratulations Zara! I had a peek at the waiting graduates thread recently and saw quite a few BFP's from others too, looks like it's a very productive thread!

Had some more good news at the end of last week. My dad is starting to make retirement plans and has offered me first refusal on taking over the running of his business once we move. I know DH was concerned about finding new clients once we move, so the guarantee of flexible, well paid work for me will really take the pressure off him. It also means if DH can keep some of his London based clients there's a chance we might be able to keep our flat in London and rent it out rather than having to sell. Either way it will put us in a really good financial position to start a family. The TTC part is still quite a long way off, but I can't wait to start house hunting for the perfect family home in the next few weeks!

Hello to all the newbies! (Waves)

I think I would be the same clamity, the pgce would go on the back burner and I would concentrate on the baby therefore I think doing things one at the a time seem best. However, that doesn't stop be from looking up baby things every day, hehehe!
Money seems to be the biggest worry for every one, especially in the current climate. Looking at the current teaching market I keep thinking what if I don't find a job once i've done the pgce? That will delay ttc even further... I guess there is only one way to find out... Bring on september! Do the rest of you sneak in to mother care and mamas and papas too? I keep wondering in and choosing things for a future child... however the future child is a long way off..... madness!

folic! Stupid autocorrect

Ahhh that's lovely news zara so pleased for you!! I have started my frolic acid just counting down to May now! Babies are constantly on my mind and it's becoming so hard to focus on work!

Hi all, can I join in.

We already have DS who is 13 months, so waiting to TTC DC2 starting in Dec time. Have been amazingly broody since my DS was about 9 months old, and its just been getting worse and worse, to the point I cant stop reading baby names threads, watching one born every minute and any other baby related documentary.

Finally spoke to DH about how I was feeling and he feels the same but is worried about how our money situation would be with 2 DC's. Especially as I'm currently studying for my degree in physiotherapy which I don't finish untill next May, DS was a happy surprise after my first yr of studying. The idea is to have baby 2 not too long after I've graduated, the job market for physios is fairly poor at the moment, so rather than trying to get a job straight away I plan on having a yr out, having DC2 and then getting a nice part time job and still spending time with my children.

This is obviously in an ideal world and dependent on 1) us saving enough for me not to work for a yr/ be on low maternity allowance 2) for me to graduate on time and 3) for us to get pregnant fairly quickly from trying.

I plan on taking my patch off in September and just letting my body readjust to no contraception and being careful in other ways, but felt the need for some company as some days really do feel like everywhere I look are pregnant ladies or newborn babies (bloody hormones!)

Sorry for the rant, I've clearly been holding it in. Hope every ones had a lovely weekend