Waiting to try to conceive

Your all fab, thanks everyone. I'm going to tell him today. Im going to say that I'm not happy on the patch and shall we come up with an alternative method of contraception. He will be pissed off im sure, but thats what you get when you go behind peoples backs.
I will also make an appt with my GP to discuss things. Ive been googling depo provera and permanent infertility - bad idea. I was on it for 5 years from 15-20yrs old (Im now 26) and ive never had EWCM since i was 15. So now of course im convinved thats just another reason to add to why im definately infertile sigh

i drank my own weight in vodka at my wedding but still wasn't drunk!

probably the fact that i also didn't leave the dance floor for most of the night meant i sweat it all off!!

Buddha - tell him you don't want to use the patch anymore so have to use other contraceptives! condoms do work you know!! (this allows you to get your body back to fertility without getting upduffed).

Now, practical none emotional advise - your wedding will be the most expensive party you will ever throw - it will be the party that leaves you with the biggest bar bill ever - do you really want to be sober? A honeymoon baby, however, would be lovely!

Basically, if you aren't able to have conversations like this with this man he's not the one you should be marrying.

LOL yes number 3 is clearly NOT the most important reason.... my attempt at humour clearly didn't translate...

Agree with amonster and redrhumba that a visit to your GP is a good idea, Buddha! Information is power and will help settle your worries.

morning ladies

Buddhagirl like amonster says it might be worth speaking to your gp about your concerns re infertility, i used to think this for no other reason than i'd been on the pill years and was always a bit slack with it and never got caught out which is ridculous then i got pregnant with ds 3 month after stopping it.

does your fiance know how you feel? maybe talk to him and suggest staying off your patch but use other methods of contraception until your both ready.

Its so not cool is it. He would be (quite rightly) furious if he found out. Also a patch is quite noticable and men being men he hasnt noticed for the past 3 weeks, but at some point he will.

I think the logical part of my brain is saying wait a bit longer, get married, have a year of being married then try. That IS really what I want.

However, there is obviously another part of my brain saying whats the point? Give up on trying to have a baby right now. Stop your patch and you will find out that your infertile like you always thought. Go on, do it now and avoid putting off the dissapointment for a few years.

What is wrong with me? :/

Welcome buddha! So exciting about your wedding next June!

But you must must MUST tell your fiancé about you not being on the patch. Firstly, because despite your brain's protestations your body is quite definitely going to be fertile and willing - and secondly, because that's just not cool to keep DP in the dark like that. Imagine if he went and got a vasectomy without telling you? You could always set the wedding night as the start of TTC, for example!

Thirdly - and this is possibly the most important one - you do not want to be heavily pg at or before your wedding. The couple of months leading up to the wedding are stressful enough as it is without being updiffed!! I lost 6kg in the 5 days before the wedding due to running about everywhere organizing things and general stress.

Welcome welcome one and all!!

Oo just find the shiney new thread. I shall re-post and edit.

Hello all. Nice to read all your updates. Ive stopped putting my patch on and not told Fiancee. I do need to address this though so im hoping posting here will kick me up the arse.
Firstly, I am getting married in June and I dont want to get pregnant before my wedding!! Secondly i quite like sleeping :/. However it is useful charting my cycle. And deep down i would be thrilled if i did concieve.
I know this sounds utterly, utterly ridiculous but im so convinced im infertile that it doesnt seem to matter if i have my patch on or not :/. Tell me im being ridiculous guys.

zara i know what you mean about the celebrity thing. holly willoughby had her first dc around the same time as me then when she had her second i was like it's our turn again now!

SpamMarie i would get your feelings out in the open. it's no good bottling up how you feel and you never know he may surprise you x

SpamMarie - I agree that you need to be completely honest. Blokes often haven't got a clue about these things. Also, some people really do take years to concieve, and this can happen when you start in your 20's too. Hopefully you won't though, of course.

I am still waiting for DH to decide that we are rich enough to TTC#2. As the house is falling apart slowly and we're still in debt, this is not likely to happen for a year at least. :-( And I'm 30 soon. :-(

SpamMarie - you need a very, very frank conversation with your DH that spells out the timeframe you're prepared to work with - is it move next year then start trying at 27? Later than that? I think you need a very clear plan that you are comfortable with, not just one he is happy with. But you need him on board.

Amonster - if this is your dream job, you should go for it. Firstly because if you're not happy and stressed at work, you're less likely to get pregnant, and secondly because I found going back to work after having DS hard enough, but if you were going to a new job that you had to learn along with the upset of first leaving your DC or going back to a job you hate, it's going to be a million times worse.

redrhumba, Zara I figured it wouldn't be too difficult moving with a young baby, and yes, they would be in with us to start with anyway. Maybe I should dig out some stats on the maternity unit where we are hoping to move to show DH that we would be better off not waiting. We're lucky in that my father will be buying our flat to add to his property portfolio so we're as good as chain free. I've waited for almost 4 years for DH to decide it's time to move house (doesn't look good for the TTC wait does it?), maybe having a baby whilst we're still in the flat would give him the kick up the backside he needs to get the ball rolling on everything.

Best I keep my fingers crossed for a happy accident with the persona!

SpamMarie you sound like me and my DH 2-3 years ago (when I was 25, too!). The broodiness kind of hit me from left-field then (although compared to how it's now, I was positively ambivalent!). It does take 2 to make a baby so if your DH is so much against it's a "long con" you're working on. Maybe it would be good (even though I know it seems scary, and potentially a disaster) to explain to DH really how broody you ARE? My DH was quite shocked I think when it all came tumbling out (burst into tears when close friends announced they were pg earlier this year) - and very much appreciated knowing what my real feelings about it were. Having kids sooner really started to play on his mind more after that happened. I think he thought I was happy to just wait indefinitely until my mid-30s. Open lines of communications are essential on this very very difficult topic. You (and Ittybittysmum!) are most definitely NOT being ridiculous - I and all the ladies on this thread are feeling the same! That babycrack hits you hard. My very clever biologist friend told me that human females are biologically programmed to want to have kids past mid-20s age (apparently the X chromosome does something funny about then) - so we are all completely normal!! So in a way understandable that DH/DPs don't "get" how the urges affect us.

Amonster CONGRATULATIONS on your new job offer!!! That's fantastic. I recall from earlier threads that you've been interviewing/looking for a while. I think that's fantastic! Yes it puts a real obstacle on TTC but surely it's best to be starting from the position of a happy work environment? Even though I was broody while a Miserable Big Firm Solicitor it's MUCH better contemplating it all now that I'm in a job I like more.

LydiaWickham Arrrgh the childcare dilemma is shite, isn't it? I am sure you will work it all out as you have to (what other choice is there?!). Was truly gobsmacked and shocked when I investigated the price of childcare (we have a very nice creche 50m from our place). ?900 a MONTH here in Dublin for full-time care. It's massively influenced our TTC plans. Essentially it means that we will, if all goes well for us, probably TTC#2 very soon afterwards, and I will be SAHM/part-time until they are about 4/5. Really not what I expected to be doing given how career-focused I usually am... but it's a ridiculous cost. Quite scary and an unexpected part of this whole concept of having kids. I am pleasing -hugely deluding- myself with the idea I could be a successful mumpreneur and make squillions from kitchen table - let's find something we can work on together!! Hehe!

Lthebride Not a mad plan at all!!! Hardly likely in 15 years time your DC is going to tell you they need therapy for moving house when they were 2 months old! Surely better than with a 5-year old? Mothers around the world have kids everyday in much tougher scenarios than fortunately most of us in Europe will ever have to.

[hangry] Generally my general glum rant for the evening is that while topping up on my mindless celebrity news on the Daily Mail just now, I see that Peter & Autumn Phillips are having a second DC due in Feb.... they got married the same month as DH and I (May 2008) and now they're going to have TWO before I even get to start TTC for #1!!! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH. Stupid fantasy comparison I know but I don't care, it's still annoying. Making myself feel better with some nice unpasteurised cheese and French cider (got to get my fill of that while I can!). Harrrrrumppph.

So glad to have you all here on this thread, I have nobody to talk with about this in RL.

I think I am being the ridiculous one sometimes as I am only 25, so I can't even argue that time is hugely against me. But dh wants to wait for everything to be 'perfect', which it never will be, and I don't see the point in waiting. In the meantime, I will become obsessed with midwife programs and drive myself up the wall!

Redrhumba I'm not even sure where dh and I are right now. We had a big row over the summer when I told him having a baby mattered to my happiness and that I would be patient if I was 20 but I'm 31 so patience is at a low ebb. He said he understood and we agreed to wait until my job sorted itself out but we haven't agreed to start trying. Still, I might take FA anyway!

SpamMarie, Misery loves company doncha know?

I am 25 and broody as hell. It's almost painful. I find myself staring at pregnant ladies like a complete lunatic! But dh is most certainly not up for changing our plans, which were to not start trying until I'm 28-30. He has actually stated it would be a disaster because we only have a 2 bedroom house and there's not enough space, plus we don't have enough money (according to him). In reality, we have a healthy joint income, and I wouldn't want more than two kids anyway. Me giving up work worries me, but I think if many others manage it on much smaller salaries than ours, why couldn't we? He's always banging on about people shouldn't have children if they can't afford them, but I don't think one or two children on an average salary is being particularly irresponsible.

I haven't brought up my massive feelings of broodiness as I think it will just cause problems as I did, initially, agree with the 'timetable'. But I feel like this will soon become the elephant in the room.

Dammit why do I not help myself by going on Mumsnet?

LtheBrideofFrankenstein you're likely to have dc in with you for first few months anyway so it could work but how likely is it you could move when you want to, are you in that position?

we're thinking of putting our house on the market to move to an area with better schools but we know how long it may take to sell so i'm not worried about the timing.

Amonstercooper you'll have to check out the new jobs maternity protocol too. sounds like you really want to move jobs, i'm sure it would be better for you if you were happy at work,

Loving all the halloween name changes!

Amonstercooper Interesting to learn the persona is pretty much the same as CBFM. I'd assumed it was similar but hadn't looked into it. I bought it years ago but DH didn't trust it so I stopped using it. I really should get round to buying some more sticks.

I'm hoping that now DH has come round to the idea of kids he will be willing to give it a go again. And if we do have an accident, well it's not the end of the world. Sure we're not planning on moving until next year, but that's just to give DH enough time to get used to the idea (it takes him a while to get his head around big changes). It's the kind of plan that could be bought forward if a happy accident were to occur. If truth be told I'd much rather have a baby whilst we're still in London though as I've heard the maternity unit in the area we're hoping to move to has a pretty poor reputation. Would it be utter madness to consider having a baby whilst we're still in a 1 bed flat and then move away few months later?

(Previously Lthewife)

Zara1984 WTTC #1 - waiting till April 2012
redrhumba WTTC #2 - hopefully next month
LydiaWickham WTTC #2 - waiting until after Christmas
AmonsterCooper WTTC #1 - waiting till settled in new job
LtheBrideofFrankenstein WTTC #1 - waiting until moved house/business more established

I'm on the folic acid. I guess I'm lucky that DH is quite relaxed about when we have DC2, DC1 did turn up somewhat early, we'd always wanted DCs "at some point", but at the time I got pregnant we were in the middle of trying to buy a "huge but every room needs work" house. When I found out I was pregnant, and suddenly we were buying this smaller, "ready to just put your furniture in it" house as we couldn't afford all the rennovations to big dream house on one wage. (I do sometimes walk past it and feel a little pang that it should be ours, but the I look at DS and think he's worth it!).

DC2 was supposed to be after a 4/5 year gap so we only had one DC preschool at a time (only way my going back to work adds up), but I snapped a few months back after hearing yet another pregnancy announcement/cuddling yet another snuggly baby and so we're going for after Christmas this year. This will mean DH can get a few professional qualifications he's taking out of the way before we have 2 DCs in the house, we can save a bit more and DS will be nearly 3 (if I get pregnant straight away!), not too big or small gap.... Not sure how we will make it work paying for 2 in nursery, throw in travel costs and it'd be cheap for me to stay at home - I'm going to cross that bridge when I come to it!

Hi
i'm only taking it cos last month was our last month but again he said he wasn't ready. since as he couldn't decide i chose to just start it no matter how long i was waiting. if i knew it wasn't gonna be in the next 3 months i would have waited.

Are you in a similar situation with your dh?

I know what you mean about being envious tho i have 5 pregnant friends and 1 new born and it makes the broodiness 10x worse!

Right any good tips on getting back to sleep! i slept well last 2 night but here i am again wide awake!

Hello everyone! Ooh, this is nice!

Thanks for setting this thread up AmandaCooper. I like your post-Ikea decor!

LydiaWickham I like your reverse psychology idea. I wonder if I could get DH to set a date? hmmm. Might have to give it a try.

Redrhumba: sounds like you're thoroughly prepared. Maybe I should start folic acid too.

I have to say, it sure is nice to hear others talk about having to wait. Two friends have had beautiful little babies this week and, honestly, my envy is putting a damper on my excitement for them. I want it to be meeee!

lw It sounds like you've been through a rough patch but are coming through the other side! Keeping the lines of communication open is key... And bloody hard when it comes to thus kind of stuff!