Waiting to try to conceive

I don't know about your DP, but mine is quite a control freak. He's very confident within his comfort zone, but very much needs to know exactly what's happening in every situation. I'm extremely laid back by comparison and happy to take things as I find them, try new things, etc. DH is very resistant to change.

We first lived together at his mum's when I was in law school. After a year or so this was becoming quite stressful and as soon as I qualified I wanted to move out and rent out own place, but DH wouldn't do it. I had to take a lease in my name alone and actually start moving before DH came with me.

He's the same with booking holidays and was the same when we got married. He drags his feet and never gets round to it and I have to make the booking and pay the deposit, and then he gets on board once the decision is made and is always perfectly happy in the end.

I think TTC is really frightening to DH as it will totally disrupt his nice predictable lifestyle, and no one can really tell you what it's going to be like. And this time it's not a decision I can take alone (apparently), so here we are.

Welcome Abcynthia, delighted for you that your DP is so excited too!!! Hoping time flies by for you.

I honestly dont know how im going to last until the end of the year, its driving me insane and i find it beyond selfish of my husband. More than that, i have been supporing him for 1.5 yrs while he is 'chasing his dream' of starting a business, which has meant for 8 months he has sat onthe sofa doing nothing, i am the only income and i find it so frustrting that its him who dictates when we get to do things,like have a baby etc. When i have done the maths, and we can afford a baby now even with him doing this business idea.

I dont know what to do to keep my mind of this maddness and from not fighting with him non stop.

Hi Abcynthia sorry we haven't given you a warm waiting welcome until now it can be quiet on here at the weekends. That is a lovely background story, particularly the bit where your DP watched OBEM and got all soppy!

And yay another June starter!

Hello!
Can I join? Sorry this is going to be long -I have been lurking for the last couple of weeks thanking you all silently because I felt like I have been going mad wanting a baby so bad...
I found comfort that I am not the only one!

I am coming 25 this year and currently have a little girl who will turn 3 in April. I am no longer with her father and after I had her I said I would have no more children.

Well what a shock I got when I met my current partner. I was friends with him for a few months beforehand and had actually known him to say hello to for years. When I got to know him properly I fell head over heels and we hadn't even been together long and I just knew he was going to be the man I was with for the rest of my life and out of no where BANG I was desperate to have his babies! I watch him with my little girl and honestly he is so good with her it just makes me so much worse.

He always said I would be the mother to his children, but he is currently at University and how he was wanting to be sensible and how he wanted to make sure he was absolutely ready. He finishes his degree in April/May this year so he said possibly this year, he would see how he felt nearer the time, but rest assured we would have children one day.

This, of course, was not enough for broody me and I have been obsessing over it watching every pregnancy, birth related and baby related programme I can. I talk about babies with him a lot and he always showed an interest in everything to do with them asking questions etc because I have done it before and he genuinely wants to know.

Well this is the bit I'm excited about. Last night I said to him as a joke we should watch the episode of One Born Every Minute that I had recorded this week together (even though I've already watched it :P ). He just said go for it! Well this week was about the fathers and how they coped.

Later on I put my little girl to bed and when I came back down he looked at me and said I need to tell you something. Then he went on to tell me how watching that he saw the way one of the new Dads looked at his new baby and the look in his eyes......

He told me he wants that so badly....RIGHT NOW! It was like that one thing made him realise I really do want to do this and as soon as possible (the more we talked about it the more excited he got :D ). I did say to him he needs to remain the sensible one because my head just is not in a sensible place when it comes to babies right now and he said even though this has made him be completely sure he wants a baby as soon as possible - we would be best to wait until June to start TTC once he has finished his degree. Fine by me! I am just so happy I have a month to look towards. So I hope it is OK for me to join and wait it out with all of you lovely ladies :D

I don't think we can avoid it forever though, the first year maybe.

cooper don't assume cbeebees is a given, so far DS has no interest in the tv!! I've tried, he loves the characters (as teddies) but if I put kid's tv on he looks at it for a few seconds and toddles off!

Muffin- what a fab idea! Just things the babe needs and if to much then some saving! Sorry but I'm borrowing that idea.

Freckly- hmm... My DP is a bit like that. No no baby, but no abortion. Men on a different planet.

As for what type of mum??
hmmm the one where there is a routine, eg meals at certain times. However
I'm a bit hippy so lots of walks, I'd like to use a sling or one of those that is strapped to the front or back. Try and get some social time in with other babes. Id like to be strict about certain rules, feeding and bedtimes. But have plenty of play, in the mud and rain!

EW.

Oh dear Freckly that sounds only too familiar, it's like you are reading some of my old posts back to me! My DH is just the same. He has said this about me having to have an abortion several times. If you were to read back through the thread far enough, you'd see I've had to take the morning after pill three times at his insistence. Now I'm using Persona he flatly refuses to have sex on red days. This month the red days were CD6 to CD19, so half the month.

As to what kind of mum I would be, I think I'll find it quite frustrating in some ways because I know I'll be fighting a losing battle against an army of people led by DH, who want to spoil LO rotten. I hope I'm pretty realistic about what it will be like, I don't for one minute expect to be able to hold back the tide of plastic tat for example, and I know CBeebies is an inevitability. I hope I'm not too precious, as DH will be precious enough for both of us. I'd like to think I'd be honest and fair with my child, reasonably laid back, open minded and flexible. I like the idea of being a hugger mummy, with co sleeping and slings and bf till age 2, but I don't know if I've got it in me tbh. After 6 months I'll probably be shamelessly imposing a routine so I can get back to work.

Hello Ladies,

Welcome to all the newbies!!

Well myself and DH are just constantly bickering over this, it keeps rearing its ugly head on the oddest occasions, mainly cos most of our friends are having babies so we cant avoid the topic.

I am now off the pill, which he is in agreement with, but while we were in the middle of some 'action' he literally stopped, saying he was too scared we would get pregnant. So i said, look, we can be careful, use condoms etc but if it happens its not the end of the world, we want to start trying this year, albeit the end of the year for him, but the mid year for me. Well that set him off. he said no, if i got pregnant, i would HAVE to get an abortion!!!!!

WTF. I was shocked and angry all at once, little did he realise that its my body but more than that, i said, uh nope, dont think so, for the sake of 4 months early, you'd want me to get an abortion cos it doesn't fit in your plans, he was like YEAH.

So, now its a massive sore topic and he is saying that he doesn't want to think about it until DEC now. Its not fair and i feel so upset and hard done by.

Lol, there's so many things I was adamant about before DS came along - no plastic tat was 1 of them, I only wanted either gorgeous wooden toys or equally beautiful ones and only a select fee toys as didn't want the house constantly crammed to the rafters full of toys. Sadly DS loves all sorts of cheap plastic crap, particularly noisy toys and I've realised plastic smashed against furniture is less likely to smash or damage anything than wooden toys! I'm a fat more relaxed mum than I expected to be, whic really surprised me as I'm generally a bit of a stress head and was during pregnancy!

Sorry, don't think my first post was very clear. We are going to start TTC when we can afford to move house. I'm hopeful that will be in the summer. I just hate waiting, DS was a very happy accident so never been broody before!

I completely agree with the tv and plastic tat thing, my niece has so many toys that she grows out of before she even plays with them.

maiden I love the trust fund idea, definitely going to try that one. It reminded me that when I was 16 my nan gave me a passbook for a savings account which she'd been putting her coppers in for years (16 to be precise) and I was able to use it for driving lessons which I thought I couldn't afford, it was amazing and totally appreciated xx

I hope to be a bit of a hippy mum, but my OH can be the strict one if needed. I think he can take them for any jabs too, so I don't feel like a monster when they cry afterwards.

I agree with MrsT on useless plastic tat - in fact I've already told my parents that until my kids are 5 years old I want their christmas and birthday gifts in the form of contributions to a trust fund. I figure a couple of gifts is plenty until they're older, and it means I'll have less mess to tidy up it'll be more use to have money put aside for their 18th.

tbh awayinamanger to me it wasnt a scare as knew I couldnt be really, so its just an annoyingly late period.

I think i'll, we'll be strict with my rules being adhered to. We do have some definate opinions about some things (tv, useless plastic tat etc etc) that don't think will go down too well with grandparents etc but we've had all these talks while waiting so "hopefully" we will be a united front. I have this lovely dream of having a kid who will prefer to be out about or drawing etc than watching tv iykwim.

For all you reading this, what type of mum do you think you will be??

Ew

I'm hoping to get a greeenline Skoda estate. Yep going from a small 3 door to a massive 5. I think there will be plenty of room in the estate for prams and the alike.

The only problem is that all my saving are gone. So the by the time I get savings back we should be in time for some ttc.

EW

Stuckinthefens I would start a thread in the conception forum to ask that question.

Hello all!!! Have a five minute break and this thread pops up and its nice to see familiar and new faces!!! Good wishes and vibes to all that are in this waiting room!

All getting a bit hectic here as we get ready for our trip to Canada in Feb, which has had the good effect of reducing some of the ttc impulses. Although this thread has got me thinking... maybe some of you know the answers?

How 'delicate' is pregnancy in the first few weeks - from what I've seen the 'safest' part is the middle trimester? Reason I ask is that we are away for 2 months and will be snowboarding - so a high level of exertion, potential bumps and mild knocks as I am good enough not to fall much but I will be pushing myself to improve so will probably have quite a few spills and tumbles.

Should we not risk starting TTC while on holiday? Our original plan was to wait till the second month of the trip. I'm now all dithering as to whether we should wait till we come back? Part of me also wonders whether in a wierd way I am getting nerves now that the time is nearly here?

Congrats on the promotion by the way!

awayina I'm in the same position. Got a new job in October which i love plus better mat leave perks, we're hoping to buy a house this year, debts will be clear next month and have a massive holiday planned for June which is when TTC will start. I can't believe how naive I've been believing I'm the only person thinking about these things and holding on to TTC until the right time, I'm feeling so much more relaxed and relieved although slightly more obsessed.

chemise I'd love to be able to offer some advise but still trying understand these things. I think Doctors is best option, let me know how you get on if there's any interesting info to share

Oh I see so your cycle has slipped so your fertile time no longer coincides with the holiday! That's a shame. How did you feel about the pg scare?

nope.. BFN (and mega period after!) just late because of stress etc we think. No chance I was updiffed as nothing this month anyway as DH managed to pull his back out stupid boy

Chemise yes it sounds like a doctor job. Are you charting, because I think charting messed my cycle up, stupid though that sounds.

MrsT are you updiffed??

Well holiday was for the end of march, idea being I was due on earlyin the middle of the month so optimum time. however cycle has gone alittle nutso as I ended up about 12 days late over christmas, so DH's shagathon holiday might turn out to be a woohoo we got a BFP holiday if i don't "right myself" as I have done before.

Review went really well, but wasn't so much a review as a promotion! Talk about timing eh?

Nancy you sound like me two years ago, desperate to start TTC but with quite a few i's that you'd dot and t's that you'd cross first if you had a magic wand. Meanwhile DP doesn't quite share your enthusiasm for throwing caution to the wind and TTC regardless, because he's not the same hormonal mess every month, longing for a child.

If I had the time again, and DH was up for it, I would still go gung ho into motherhood if I possibly could, because having to wait for a prolonged period of time when you're desperate to get started is horrible.

Having said that, I can see that there have been massive upsides to all the waiting. My debt will be paid off by the time the baby comes, which means I can take a full year's maternity leave if I want to. We're probably going to own our own home before the baby comes, which is something that I know was worrying DH, and which will give us much more security. I have a new job, which I like much better than my old job, and I will get enhanced maternity pay if I wait just a bit longer to start TTC - till June. Also, DH and I are managing to fit in a big trip around West Coast USA.

Now just have to hope I'm still bloody fertile!