Waiting to try to conceive

Congrats ViviPru,that is wonderful news bout your DP business!

Somehow there is just never a right time is there, Paint? Even harder when you and your DP can't agree. Feel for you.

Bit of a milestone in my world - DP has just had his first order placed. Its feels like a massive relief even though I've always had huge faith that his enterprise would be a success. Its been 15 months since his redundacy and last salary so this will be a huge boost to his feeling secure about the future.

We've got a trip away planned in a couple of weeks which I which will be a good time to have a real heart to heart about our plans :)

Hi,

I'm kind of halfway between waiting to ttc and coming to terms with the fact I will not get to have another baby. Dd is 8 now, and I changed career when dd was 3. I am coming up to the end of the last year of my degree now. Dp wants children "when we are earning enough" but I'm worried that as I will be the principle earner in a city-driven job that I will not be able to take maternity leave at any point, or if I do I will not be allowed back in.

I'm of the opinion that if we ttc at the end of my degree, I can take a year out and then go into my training contract after that. Dp does not agree, and believes that ttc when I am 35/36 in a very high stress job, and once dd is in her late teens and I'm finally rid of the worries about childcare, is the most viable option. I'm therefore struggling to resign myself to the fact I probably will never ttc, despite the desperate longing I have had for the past 8 years.

I've started knitting baby bits and pieces. Dh thinks I am being a total mentalist and trying to push him into ttc, but I feel like I need to do something baby-based (but also feel like a mentalist at the same time). I keep telling myself I can always give them to friends (many of whom are currently upduffed), they are not for me, but dh and I both know the truth and he is secretly furious.

xDeeJayx I hope so - I was a September baby and always felt it held me in good stead. Plus I keep seeing a lot of research coming out about Summer babies being at a disadvantage. If I hit my weight loss target by September then I will come off the pill in the hope that my body is back to normal for the start of 2013 and then fingers crossed.

A28 That is a lot to think about - if I didn't have weight to shift then childcare would be the main reason for us to wait to TTC. We have a 5 year finance plan so that we know how everything will fit together (or give us different options). Perhaps something like this will help? One with the basic maternity pay and another 1 year after you finish your course with the average maternity pay you could achieve from a prospective job?

PinkApple86 It's great that you and Hubby are on the same page and congratulations on the wedding. When we got married it felt like we had been waiting for ages and now we have to wait to TTC - but it will all be worth it :)

Thanks ladies. This forum is already starting to cheer me up.
A28 - Are you actually attending uni? Because you might be able to have the option of studying from home. I'm doing a Open University degree and I know that you can transfer existing study into OU points and finish your degree at home looking after the little one :) That might be better than starting your dream job, only to leave after a year.

A28 it's so hard to know what to do for the best isn't it.

If I were you I'd talk to either my course tutor, or a careers advisor, or preferably someone neutral who works in the field you are looking to get into. In a lot of professions it takes a long time to find your feet, you need some informed advice about how best to fit in a career break. Would you have much family support? How would the two of you split childcare responsibilities? Also think about any debts you have and find out if you could take a payment holiday.

31 is relatively young in terms of fertility, but it depends how big a family you want. If you do decide to wait, have you thought about getting some of your partner's sperm frozen, as an insurance policy? It's very straightforward and not that expensive.

Hi everyone i'm new to this and would like some advice please, I really do not know what to do for the best. I'm 29 and have been married for 4 years, all I can think about is starting our family, my problem is that i'm halfway through a 3 year degree. If we wait until I qualify in 2013, I would need to get a job in my profession, providing I can get one straight away, then work for at least 6 months to a year to fully qualify and get good mat pay etc, by which stage il be 31 plus. Or we start trying soon and I can take 6 months maternity leave with my course and then continue and finish degree as a mummy and I would be able to start a job without the thoughts of starting a family. Only im worried if I got bad morning sickness I may be unable to continue the rest of this yr, I'm worried about money aspect, paying for childcare, would I cope with finishing degree with a young baby etc. But then I think you would always have these worries when planning a baby, is there ever a good time? I'm worried about waiting to try until im 31 plus (my husband is older) and realising we have fertility problems etc.

Sorry my message is a bit of a ramble but I really don't know what to do for the best, I have never been broody before only last year and half seriously, my husband is ready. Should I stop thinking so much and trying to plan things and see what happens??

Im sorry others are having similar situations, who would have thought planning a baby would cause so much angst

welcome Pinkapple- thats great your hubbie is also wanting to have a baby soon. Hope time flies for you and enjoy the wedding preperations and then you can maybe have a honeymoon baby :)

As for the jelousy, yeah i think its quite natural, well its happened to me too. So im hoping im not the only biatch out there who thinks these things. Its good you can talk to your hubbie about how you feel.

The first time i had a major meltdown over friends/ cousins getting pregnant , my hubbie didnt know what to do,he thought i was just annoyed cos this friend is not maternal etc. I said to him, you idiot, im not crying cos they are having one, im crying for me, for self pity. So he just let me wallow in self pity for an hour, til i came back downstairs and he gave me a cuddle, trying to cheer me up he said 'even if i wasnt doing this business idea, i still wouldnt be ready' Obv not what i wanted to hear and i started crying all over again ! :( God love him and his attempts at comfort!!

So yeah, i think its quite normal and i do struggle to stop thinking these things. It is tough but at least you have a firm date set, and some fantastic wedding planning to do!

Pinkapple welcome to the thread! I don't have personal experience because so far (touch wood) noone in our family has pipped me to the post - but it's very common to feel that way when they do, you are not alone.

xDeeJay ah well it's a delicate matter is DC3!

Hi everyone. This is my first post here. What an amazing place this is!
We are waiting until after our wedding in August to start TTC. Never really felt broody until I hit 25 a few months ago and it hit me like a tonne of bricks! I had a sense of longing for a family and feeling my child inside me. Then my younger brother got his GF pg and then my H2B's brother got his gf pg (Who is 16!) i got insanely jealous and depressed as I felt like it should have been me in their place as we were getting married and buying a house etc and they are just kids themselves. But after speaking to my H2B about my feelings it turned out he felt exactly the same as me and wanted a baby more than anything :)
We decided that we will wait until after the wedding before I stop taking the pill as I already have my wedding dress so I can't get pg yet.
Is it normal to have these insane jealous feelings? Or am I just a mean horrible cow :(

Hi ladies. Its good to know i'm not alone!.

freckly12 thanks for the reply I have spent the last few days looking through previous posts and there really are a lot of us!. Good luck for dec, I hope it doesn't drag too much and your hubby keeps to his word.
rebecklet Good luck with the weight loss, I know what you mean about 2013 being soooo far away, are you planning to TTC at the beginning of the year?.
Awayinamangercooper we could take a baby with us but we already have a 3yo DD and 2yo DS who will be 4 and 5 by the time we go and my DH wants the holiday to be about them, taking them on rides at disney etc and we wouldn't be able to do that with a baby aswell. I totally see where he is coming from, but it just seems so unfair at the same time, especially because it wasn't my idea to go it was basically booked (by DH) then I was told about it, even though we were talking about TTC this year.

I went to the US with my best friend and his (at the time) 10m/o PFB last year (And my DP and his DW of course) - it was great!

xDeeJayx my wait is hopefully nearly over (I have been let down before on this though) but I have been waiting a long time. Sometimes time passes quickly, sometimes it drags. I've had ups and downs, it's not been easy. But this thread is a great source of support. And as I've said unthread, the fact is we are in a much better position now than we were when I first got bitten by the TTC bug.

xdeejay could you not take baby with you to America? It's a pretty child friendly destination.

Chemise I'm actually quite tickled by the idea of giving over a whole room to a library, you must have a lot of books? Or is he buying those as well? In fairness I just fitted our spare room out with shelves as well, it's our home office. It will be a minimum of nine months before a baby needs it, and it could be years.

flysindreams when is the wedding?

Evening all, just got in from work and not sleepy so thought I'd catch up with the thread. It is nice to hear everyone's stories about why they are wttc. It stops me obsessing about my situation. Not that I want any of you wttc for too long of course!

Is interesting how other people getting pregnant affects us when we want it sobadly. My friend is 4 months pregnant but I don't feel envious because it gives me hope that I will get a chance too. Her partner was dead against it but she stopped taking the pill and now he has to get used to it. They already have a dd. Not that I am advocating getting pregnant despite partners wishes (although I have considered it in one of my lowest lows!)

Men will never understand how we yearn for babies because they are wired differently. To me, I feel that I have a dc3 out there in the ether just waiting to be allowed to join my family. I almost feel like he or she exists already! How could I ever expect dh to understand that feeling.

Am not very good at typing on phone so will stop there. By the way, for you posters that think they are old, I willbe joining the 36 year olds club in a month so you are not the only over 35s.

Hello to all newbies and long timers on the thread - waiting long or short - either way I think we all find it frustrating! I am so grateful to have this outlet...

I watched One Born Every Minute last night for the first time ever - have avoided it in the past and part of me regrets watching it last night - it was so fabulous its made me feel even more broody now...

I got some good advice on another thread and I will be going for it from March 3rd! - hows that for precise!!! So thats 50 days from now... (And a sneaky look at the period tracker on my phone suggests I should be halfway through ovulation! although I reckon my holiday/travel plans are likely to mix things up anyway and I know the chances of being that lucky are miniscule!)

I realised I wanted to have kids in October 2010 after a late period/pregnancy scare. Mainly because I was so worried, but then when the period did arrive about a week late I was even mortified... In that time we'd talked about the implications and were preparing ourselves for a new life and it was such a good feeling. Other half to this day talks about how more upset I was when I came out of the bathroom and that crystalised for him that we should be having a family. So we gave ourselves some time (i guess it will be about 18 months) to sort a few things and save up lots of money and the time is nearly here...

FlysInDreams - we will be starting nearly the same time and similar age - I'm 36! I am one of those women with a very loud ticking clock!

Hi rebecklet I know 2013 seems so far away doesn't it I hate to wish my life away but I want it so bad to come super quick!
freckly12 I totally know what you mean my two friends have never had the desperation longing that I feel I have had my whole life and they have just jumped straight in after a seconds thought , I sound horribly jealous and I am happy for them believe it or not.I'm looking forward to babysitting duties and looking forward to a years time when it will be my turn :)

Hi - another newbie here! xDeeJayx we are also long time waiters, I have to shift a huge amount of weight in 2012 and then the plan is to TTC in 2013 which seems so far away!

xDeeJ- welcome to the forum for waiters!! :) See previous moans posts and you can tell there are quite a few of us on the loooong stretch waiting it out! :(

America is nice, something to look forward to though!

I need something to occupy my mind as i will go crazy before Dec if / when my hubbie hopefully sticks to his word and agrees to TTC.

FlysinDreams- thats great you can start TTC soon, wishing you the best!

Nancy i have one particular friend who i have distanced myself from because of this and a few other reasons. She was in my house on NYE 10 and i stupidly convided in her that i was desperate for kids but had to wait it out, she said, god no, i dont want them yet i like my life etc. I kid you not, within 4 weeks, she was TTC. I was disgusted. I know this sounds illogical but i feel she totally 'stole' my idea you know. Anwyay, she got pregnant first try, much to her husbands horror, and they had a little girl, but she isnt v motherly and isnt loving it now, obviously wasnt such a good plan for her. So she has hired a maid (again i live in the Middle east so this is v v comman)and now the maid minds the baby, does the night shift, feeds it, changes nappies ( she hasnt changed one!!!) etc.
To be honest, it took me a long time to come to terms with this, feeling that it was unfair that God gave her a baby when she doesnt really want it, and im desperatre for one and have to wait it out. Ive cried buckets over it, my DH used to listen to me but now just says, enough, dont want to hear it, if you dont want to get upset, then stop seeing her. So i have!! :(

Anyway, Life is crap sometimes! :(

Hi all, looking for someone to talk to, i'm reluctantly WTT until October 2013!. I would love to TTC now but we have a holiday booked to america in october 2013 and my husband wants to wait until then to try. Is there anyone else here who is waiting a long time?. My husband doesn't seem to understand how hard it is for me and I would really appreciate someone in the same situation to talk to.
Thanks :)

Hi, I'm new here (well, new at posting anyway) so please be nice to me :)
My plan is to start ttc next month; dp is happy with the plan so far, just hope he doesn't change his mind. I hope to conceive either in the next couple of months (yeah, I know, have to be very lucky for that to happen!) or after our wedding, as we are going to the US on our honeymoon, so want to be at least 12 weeks pg (I hope I am using the right acronyms here ). Anyway, I want to start that soon as I am 38 at the end of this month....how did that happen?

Nancy86 Yep i'm tuned into one born every minute, even watched teen mom on mtv beforehand, oh dear.....

My body is not being sensible and I(as will many of us I suspect) will be staring longingly at the tv tonight for an hour of one born every minute......oh the torture lol! Perhaps I will push the boat out and make myself feel better treat myself to a bottle glass of red wine

Awayinamangercooper Unfortunately I think it's quite a lot more than a slip- he was buying shelves. Am going to address it with him at the weekend. (aside from anything else the room is a tiddly child's bedroom and definitely not a library, the mentalist; ah, ludicrousness of interior decor-related spats)

Evilwater I've been having really distinct ovulation pain for the last day and am raring to go but of course it's just another month of waiting. Which is sensible but my body is not doing 'sensible' currently, it is sobbing insanely at the previews for One Born Every Minute.

I have a friends like that, Nancy, They just got pregnant because she wanted to, with absolutely no very little thought about how they would cope financially, childcare, their jobs, the size of their house etc. I was pretty envious that people could be so carefree.

They have a gorgeous DD now, and are brilliant, natural parents, but reality is biting hard now that its dawning on them that their lifestyle has had to change dramatically without her FT wage, he is having to work loads of extra hours to make ends meet and she often complains she never gets to see him. They now think their house is too small, but they have no means to move. They're happy, but paying the price somewhat for not preparing themselves a bit more.