Waiting to try to conceive

Hello! I would like to also join please?

I have one dd who is 3 and my dh has been desperate for another dc for about 2 1/2 years! He took me out for a lovely dinner to have a chat about it in October last year (bribed by Michelin star food). I had already thought about it and as I'm a lazy mother quite tired I decided I would like to wait until May to start ttc. Lucky really as I had a very bad smear result and had to have some of my cervix removed in December, I want to get a clear smear before we start. The year before I had a benign tumour removed from my womb. I am quite scared that given my gynae problems since the birth of dd I might have some problems but at least I know if I get pregnant I will be under consultant care.

We are also taking DD To Florida for my 30th birthday at the end of April so I feel like that would be the perfect time to start. I'm not going to chart anything unless it starts to take a while and will try to just, erm, enjoy the process .

Is anyone else going to ttc around the same time as me?

Hi all, I've been lurking a while but this is my first post!

I've just turned 30 and am patiently waiting to ttc #1. I've never been the maternal type, I panic slightly when someone hands me a baby! But seeing friends and relatives with their sprogs has made me broody lately, bordering on obsession.

DH seems to be up for it and he has a good job, but I am yet to make any serious success with my home business, so the pressure's on me to help get us out of a few niggling debts and moved into a bigger place. We've just recently moved into a one bedroom flat, which we both really love but would eventually need somewhere a bit bigger. I'm so broody I've measured the main bedroom and and even the box room/closet to see if a cot will fit in here somewhere, but alas!

I have a vision of the near future, of being a WAHM to one DC (maybe more if we change our minds), and having a relaxed approach to parenthood, i.e. some earth mothery stuff and some modern convenience stuff no doubt.

Here's hoping I can achieve my vision soon!

Tronbear, yeah its best to get one that is more accurate.

Mine sometimes shows a funny time, and ive recognised now that its not working right when it shows this. So i just do it again and it usually works!

Yeah if you want to temp for a while, id prob get a new one, they arent too expensive, i got mine from ebay!

That's annoying freckly.

Talking about temping. My thermometer only records in centigrade and gives me a different reading if I take my temperature more than one time in a row? Is that weird? I think it might be a bit inaccurate and since it all seems to revolve around a couple of tenths of a degree, should I get a new one? (might have to anyway, as it currently won't work since I ran it under the tap!).

Grrrr ladies, still waiting for my damn period!!

THought i was ovulating but now my temps have gone back to the same temp as i thought ovulation time.... HUH

Not impressed.

:(

My waiting does make a lot of sense ViviPru, doesn't it. Dammit. How boring! Still would quite like to throw sense to the wind though.

Hello MumTumWanted. A beach wedding sounds very romantic. Hope you are able to relax and enjoy it.

FlysInDreams, the ex thing always stings doesn't it?

Well ladies, just want to say how proud i am of myself for not nagging the shit out of my husband about a baby for 3 wks now. So proud of myself.... Just need to make it til December..

Though i have been kinda psycho and am reading some baby books etc secretly on my kindle... think im entitled???

Thanks freckly12 :)
And Awayinamangercooper we are getting married in May this year - not long now!
Oh, and my (younger) xp has just posted his dp's 12 week scan on fb - I said the obligatory congratulations, and I am happy for him, but it just makes me worry more that I won't be able to conceive....38 after all...(though dp is 29 - must have a penchant for younger men )

Hi ladies may I join?

I'm an old friend to some of the mners as dec 2010 I had a mc at 8 weeks on Xmas day I was devastated to say the least I found some lively ladies who without there support I couldn't have got through it ... Which leads me to where I am today after the mc my partner and I decided to get married first we decided on a beach wedding and that is now 9 weeks away !!! However due to the long haul flight I knew I couldn't fall to early then as time got closer I started doing the maths and terrified myself with thoughts of another mc in the run up to the wedding .... So in oct I came off the pill aiming to start ttc in jan but now I'm so scared to try despite being beyond broody and at 34 hearing the ever present clock!!! So here I am wttc until the wedding night which by a stroke of luck according to the m calculator I should be oving on the wedding night

Well that's basically me I hope you
'll have me on your thread and I will set to catching up and getting to know you all if that's ok x

Well all of that certainly does make a lot of sense. January's almost on its ay out anyway, so it'll be December before you know it :)

The declining fertility thing really is a nasty little stone in the shoe isn't it. No matter what way you look at things, its always there in niggling away in the background!

So great to read your responses. Thank you!

ViviPru I have been trying to work out my answer to your really good question about why 2013 would be best. It seems to be a combination of good practical reasons and rather whimsical ones.

I have an unusual job, it is also sort of a fixed-term contract, so although someone could come in to cover me for mat-leave, I would not gain the full advantage of the good and limited-time job I have. It also might (only possibly) mean missing out on a raise, and with the expense of a baby I would like to have all the financial stability I could. I am also invested in the project and loath to hand it over. Waiting until Jan 2013 fits in really well.

And then you are right, I hung everything else on that. The earliest that would work for my job ideally would be October/November TTC. But December is the earliest for the school year thing (which my DP cares about), and then I will have to travel long-haul at Christmas, so it becomes January.
Other silly things - we have travel plans to a developing country at Easter (so not good if pregnant). I think DP also likes the idea of a time to get his head round it all. Although if I pushed he would go for it now and there is no way he is thinking about the 'baby maths' as Awayinamangercooper pointed out!

So 2013 is logical. It might also be foolish, I keep looking at that graph of my declining fertility and the other one about the increasing risks. Cheery stuff!

I never was good at decisions...

Tronbear, I've defiantly been there when I started to like children. I thought I was going mad!
The feelings for a child doesn't stop, it gets stronger. I happy for you that your DP is 100% with you.

Obsession, yep. Welcome to the mad house! Espally if you watch OBEM.I was looking at parenting books for my DP and we havn't set a date for ttc.
This is the best place to think about things to get in place, materity leave, what stuff to get, ect.

EW.

Tronbear it seems that once people have one, they nearly always want another. If you allow 6 months to conceive each one and a bit of recovery time between the birth of DC1 and starting to TTC DC2, you'd be having the second baby about 3 years after starting to TTC DC1.

Hi Tron. I completely know what you mean about being in shock - something that was once so far from your conscious suddenly becomes centre-stage and you're like - what are YOU doing there?!

Without pushing you to go into detail you might not want to divulge, what was the thought process which led to you thinking Jan 2013 would be best work-wise? Was it purely that, or was that the hook that you hung all the other reservations on?

For example, I know when I finally have my 'talk ' with DP, for him its still going to be an abstract distant concept for him, so I imagine I will propose a future mark in the sand time-wise. Rather than 'sometime this/next year.' Even if that particular 'mark in the sand' isn't necessarily a deciding factor? Hope that makes sense!

Hello, can I join? Lovely to hear all your stories.

After being with my partner for ten years, we had our first serious talk about having a baby two weeks ago (it had always been an abstract concept before that). I had always been adamant I didn't want one (although I am not quite sure I was being honest, even to myself), but now I feel hugely excited and somewhat obsessed about the idea (and a little embarrassed about this sudden and dramatic turn-around).
We decided that we would start TTC at the end of the year (time to get used to the idea, much much better for my job, a September baby for school reasons etc.), it all makes perfectly logical sense.
Except that I am 34 and suddenly have no idea why we are waiting (if we are lucky enough to conceive quickly that is nearly TWO YEARS untill I will be holding a baby!). I am still scared about the whole idea, but I have become obsessed! Yesterday I spent 2 hours reading about nappies. Nappies!
January 2013 is when logically we should start TTC. But a voice with gradually increasing volume is screaming 'What are you waiting for?'. Where did this voice come from!?
January 2013 is so much better for my job. It is the sensible choice. But by then I will be 35, so maybe being sensible is not sensible. January 2013 is a whole year away, I might have gone mad waiting by then.
I think I am in a bit of shock that I suddenly feel like this!

sorry I have been away for awhile. A lot of new people on here since - Hello everyone.

I am still on the waiting list...getting to a stage where I am unable to focus on work and just keep thinking about babies. MuffinMaiden I will own up to all those sugar treats over christmas (patting my belly) attempting to work it off with some Zumba.

In the meantime...counting down to when I will be eligible for a decent maternity package.

Thank you so much for your replies ladies, you have certainly given me a few things to think about.

My heart and my head are saying 2 very different things and the one I listen to changes every day. I'm starting to notice that i'm getting really emotional when I see babies and jealous too. I under estimated how strong a feeling it would be to want to have a baby of my own

Chem, and paint,
I'm in the same position as you. I get "well we are still young!" "why do you want that for?" and my fav hate at the mo "it's just your hormones!!"

Well I get to order a new car soon, and then I'll bring up babes again. I went to the bookshop for a nose and somehow ended in the parenting section. Looking at the dad books.

Ew

Oh Chemise, that sucks. So Sorry its been a tough time for you!!

Welcome to all the newbies. {waves}

chemise Sorry to hear about your situation. It must be hard when you've readied yourself to find out your partner hasn't come along for the ride. At least you won't have any of the financial or career obstacles when you do agree on TTC. You could always let him put a couple of shelves up in the spare room and fill them with classic childrens story books as a compromise.

Hi to all the new people! There's been quite a few in the last couple of weeks (including me).

How many other WTTCers are trying to get fit while they wait? I am hopelessly unfit (two flights of stairs and I need a sit down ) and made it my resolution this year, but so far I'm struggling to stop curling up on the sofa with a duvet because it's too cold.

Hello! First post. I really like this thread. What a nice lot of women you all come across as.
I have a beautiful little girl and yearn for another child, but my hometown, where we must live for another year, is not the place to dream of having another in (earthquakes galore, it's nervewracking enough with one little one to shield from falling things). We will start thinking about another in another year. I can't wait, feel like my next little one is waiting "in the ether" as another lady here so aptly described it.
Some lovely ideas here about how to pass the time. Feel quite inspired to learn how to knit. :)

Sorry you've had a bad time recently chemiseblair. Sometimes ranting helps to get it out of our system at little doesn't it and if it's ranting on here instead of to him it saves arguments!

I know what you mean with visiting sites such as this, and watching/reading baby related things, it does make you want it so much more, so are we just making life even harder for ourselves?!

I'm not in your position in regards to partner wanting to wait much longer than me before TTC, but like you say you've made real changes to your life/work based on the conversations you have had and that must be difficult for you now. Each month to him will probably feel like 6 to you in terms of waiting and as many people have said before it's sooo hard to try to get across the NEED we feel for a baby, it's not just a simple, yeah i'd like one now thanks!

Good luck with things and hopefully you can come to some sort of comprimise which you are both accepting of. x

Paint I'm not sure what sort of City-based career you're in/going in to but I know the big firms are pretty careful to offer reasonably decent maternity packages (to stop themselves getting sued) -it does set your career back a little but only in the sense that any absence from work means you have to "catch up" again. My DP used to work in the City and women at his work (even at senior levels) took year-long mat leave.

Speaking of DP, had a talk with him re: 'and why are you turning the spare bedroom into a library then?' Turns out he feels that as I'm 25, we've got a long time to think about children and he isn't planning any now. Which begs the question of why the fuck we moved to an area with good schools and a spare bedroom? Trying not to look too broken hearted about the whole thing but am really upset- we'd had conversations where we agreed that the spare room was for a child etc. and he's nearly 40 so it's not like we're young'uns gallivanting around or that I could be "robbing him of his prime" or something. :(

I am really cross at him about this, as he let me switch jobs etc. to prepare for kids and never said 'oh, why are you doing that right now?' :( On the other hand I was thinking and he really isn't grown up enough- he gets so upset about eg: me leaving things around the house (not in an aggressive way, it just agitates/worries him) and on spaces being really clear and calm etc. that I'd be quite worried about whether he'd cope with the shock of a baby/toddler and all the disruption. I am trying not to be too weepy about it as clearly I'd read all the signals wrong (although we had talked about this specifically so ) and he is clear that he does want children eventually but aaaaargh.

Really wish I hadn't made the job decision I did. Have a totally mumsy type position now and although it's great for that, I could've taken a different career trajectory if I'd known he was going to fanny around for another few years; it's so frustrating when I explicitly brought it up with him several times. SIGH.

Suppose I should probably stop haunting Mumsnet to traumatise myself about the whole thing, as it just makes me want a baby even more. In the words of Tina Fey: blergh! I know I should feel lucky I have got quite a few years left (although not that many- I have arthritis and I'd really rather do things sooner rather than later) but I'm so broody/impatient/hormonally mental.

Argh, sorry for mega-rant. Have been feeling grumpy and sad since last week about this.

Paint if I'm understanding it right, you're about the same age now as I was when I was coming up to the start of my training contract - that was in 2006 when I was 28. I'm now 3.5 years PQE and I'll be 35 this year. I just moved from a high stress city pressure job to something more family friendly. I'm still childless, which has a lot to do with the job, but the main problem has been my debt from studying - because I can't take a payment break and the firm I was working at didn't offer any kind of maternity package (most don't, a few weeks at half pay would be considered very generous). Colleagues without this debt got pg at around the 2.5 year PQE point and seemed to cope. Taking more than a few months maternity leave is rare but not unheard of.

I'm hesitant to suggest it for obvious reasons, but have you thought about posing this as a question in AIBU? Maybe namechange first! There are loads of professional women on here, you should canvass their opinions.

Hello everyone!

I disappeared for a couple of weeks as I'm on a work trip in the USA at the moment. Currently feeling rather miserable and full of unhealthy food - my "pre-conception plan" is not going too well at the moment (although I think a bit of that is because I don't want to get all gung ho about everything and then feel even more devastated when DH changes his mind about starting to TTC and / or nothing happens).

awayinamanger thank you for the welcome.
MrsTwinks so glad to hear that you're immune. Not long to go now!

Theoretically, this weekend is the beginning of TTC (that's if it is physically possible). We said the beginning of Feb, but according to ovulation calculator, I should be fertile Sunday - Thursday next week... so no point waiting another week after that to the 1st of Feb.... not sure DH will agree though. Feel a bit like I'm pressuring him - which I am, but I don't want to! Really want him to look at me with perhaps slightly teary eyes and tell me just how amazing it would be for me to be mother of his child. Instead he rolls his eyes and says "yes, you want a baby, you've mentioned it before. Can we talk about something else". Doesn't bode well does it?! :-(