shit things about ttc......

I agree with Jucy and Jodie. We've been TTC for 21 months too and I feel exactly the same as Jodie.

I used to get far more worked up and emotional but you really can't put your life on hold while you wait. At first I thought I'd waste money if I bought new clothes or that I better not book things just in case but I'd have missed out on loads. Since TTC we've been on holiday in Africa, I've been zorbing, we've moved house and are now in the middle of a major building project and I've got very pissed and had lots of fun!

Don't get me wrong there are plenty of things I hate about TTC but please try not to let it completely take over your life and do book things or you might regret it

Slightly different, but I hate that I am so so So ready to ttc but have to wait for DP to decide that we can
I also hate that we have been using the withdrawal method (despite DP not wanting to ttc) for the last five years and it has resulted in one miscarriage and that's it. Yet friends can be on the pill and still get pregnant. Or people that didn't want children a year and a half ago are now pregnant.

I also hate the overwhelming excitement when AF is late and you spend every other minute revelling in this hot little secret of possibility and then when it appears just feeling absolutely fucking drenched in misery.

Not that I'm bitter or obsessed.

Can I just repeat some of what Lucy said upthread. If you've been TTCing for 12 months and are in despair, please don't think that your despair will get worse and worse until you get pregnant, however long that takes.

I'm on month 22 now, and nothing to show for it. At 10 months in, I was in misery, and spent my life on these boards, and flung myself into rather ill-advised friendships based on little more than shared failure to conceive.

I have now realised how daft all that was. I no longer talk about it all the time, or beat myself up about strong coffee or alcohol (though I have massively cut down on smoking ). I just share it all with my DH, and we bonk loads, and daydream a bit, and if one of us gets sad, we buck each other up. I don't talk to others about it - when you do, you risk unkindness and censure when someone spots you drinking a beer, and heartbreak when your TTCing friends get their babies and (of course, entirely naturally) cannot remember all your times of shared sadness and have little time for your continued and by now slightly embarrassing failure to conceive.

The TTC boards offer the most wonderful support when you need it but there is a danger of sort of collectively winding each other up into heights of misery. If you'd've told me nearly 2 years in I would still not be pregnant and would be waiting for my IVF referral I would have expected to be depressed to immobility, but it has't happened. I have a great sex life now (because we have no choice!) and we are so close, and I have learned the hard way not to make TTC the focus of my life and friendships.

I do hope this doesn't sound patronising. I understand all the shit things about TTC and have felt them a thousand times over. But please believe me that even if it really is a long hard slog, with moments of absolute despondency, it need not rule everything.

Good luck to everyone (including me - currently enjoying an absolutely calamitous period! ).

Here, have some !

hmmm, that's the thing about second pregnancies. You're in maternity clothes about ten minutes after that second blue line has appeared. It's shocking how quickly your bump appears compared to the first.

Buy the clothes... just pretend you're doing your bit for the economy by spending some money :o

even if we all got pg today, based on last time you'd still have up to 6 months to wear non maternity clothes, well some of them anyway. So that justifies a whole new winter wardrobe . Oh and shoes and handbags fit even if pg.

Buy the clothes, book the holiday, drink a bit and certainly keep exercising. Oh and don't POAS - it won't change the result!! Life really is too short to stop everything when 2 years later your life may still be on hold.

Err... 21 months now and IVF starts next month. Not even a wiff of anything approximating a pregnancy! And amazingly - I am more chilled and making sure I enjoy everything I can in the here and now. Me and my DH are closer than ever.

Was on a work course over the weekend, and chatting to someone (after a few too many drinks!) and he was asking about when we were going to have kids. After deflecting a bit and he kept pushing, so said we were about to have IVF. Like "nerr...bet you feel guilty for pushing me now". And he told me both his children were by IVF. And it was such a relief to meet someone else who had been through it. We are not alone!!

This time when AF arrived I bought loads of new clothes - I'm sick of wearing tatty old things, hoping that I'll be in maternity clothes soon! I'm sure it will happen now...

I hate that my sister is older but is much more fertie. I hate that I'm in my mid twenties but am having so much trouble. It's been 17 months of trying now and nothing. Something must be wrong

Book that holiday. You'll never have another one the same after you do get pregnant.

And buy an ovulation kit, they work.

Thank you Greenzebra. I fathomed out TTC, but would never have got AF at all.

AF - Aunt Flow - period

POAS - Pee on a stick

TTC- Trying to Conceive

SWI - Sex with intent

TTW - Two week wait.

Can i join?

Ttc number 2, just had first negative test and feeling really upset :(
I know it's only the first time we've started trying and I know it could take months, even years, but I'm upset nevertheless.

As DS1 was a very happy accident, I fear this whole actual trying thing might send me bonkers if this is how I feel after just one failed go.

What do all the abbreviations mean? AF? POAS?

Do ovulation kits work? Do taking the vitamins work? I'm going out to buy some his & hers one this weekend.

the constant toing and froing on ttc, swi and fitness program. Need to lose weight but also ttc at the same time, so during the tww, fitness goes out the window and the symptoms pile up, then AF arrives, you curse yourself that you thought you were pg but then you cant do any fitness as you are stuffering from weak legs, leakage and any other AF problems (and stuffing your face with chocolate telling yourself it helps with the pain!), then you get back into the fitness program only to start swi again and the tww. So in all of that you wonder why you bloody bother with the fitness program at all, but then you look in the mirror and your back on it again!

Looking in shops at the new fashion, but thinking oh I cant have that Im probably going to be pregnant very soon, so you go around in your old tatty clothes.

AF symptoms! Why oh why do they have to be the same as Pg symptoms!? Leading you into false hope every month, only to have the utter failure hit you, then you are a super bitch for a couple of days due to PMT but also because your angry your not pg.

You start looking at home remedies for TTC, manuka honey, tigers testicles, dancing naked in the rain, you'll try anything and spend a fortune on it all, and in the end you have manuka honey leaking out of your pours and your wet! And your not pg, and you've run out of money!

Oh and not to mention your husband can't perform due to all the pressure!

That sex is a chore. That pms feels exactly the same as early pg did last time. People asking when we'll have another DC.

I hate feeling like I have absolutely no control over such a major thing in my life.

A little bit of weight gain and everyone asking when is the baby due.

Being stuck in a job that's over an hours commute away cause I can't change jobs cause of mat leave.

I hate the feeling that TTC is such a chore. I thought it would be such fun and yet it feels routine and medicalised.

I resent the fact that I feel like my body has failed me.

I find it so hard when I hold my 6-month-old niece and my first thought is 'you should be mine' :(

Going insane for the week before AF with the 'what if' state of mind.

Getting engaged but not being able to book the wedding (leading to constant questions about when it's going to be, relatives getting edgy about booking their holidays, argh).

Having to have sex when you really, really don't want to.

Constantly being quizzed about why you're not drinking, with some people hinting about pregnancy (if only!).

And yes, the not drinking thing SUCKS. Even if I only drink during AF I feel guilty.

OPKs drive me insane. Not being able to drink for two hours, then having to let the wee reach room temperature, then waiting for the result for ten minutes. I'm not bothering next month (that is, if I don't get pregnant).

I hate that I know more about the science and process of ttc than friends who are pregnant.

I hate the fact that I have to forego my dignity and undergo numerous examinations, blood tests, scans etc.

I hate that I have to pay for fertility treatment.

I hate feeling like a failure.

I hate not having anyone to talk to in RL who really understands because everyone in my life is super fertile.

I hate living my life month to month and counting days...."Oh today is day 11 and getting excited"

Having sex even if I don't feel like it because "today could be the day it happens"

The two week wait for AF

Symptom spotting...I'm sure i feel sick and dizzy every month

I could go on and on....cycle 16 and still waiting...

I totally get the spilled wee and getting through hundreds of folic acid comments too