shit things about ttc......

not been able to set a date for a wedding before saving up enough money first as you just know as soon as you pay the deposit you will be PG. Furthermore due date will be date wedding is booked for.

Everyone staring at your stomach constantly and as soon as you get a bit fat bit bloated start giving each other knowing glances that are so wrong.

Been told gran would love to be a great gran is she is around long enough with looks of hurry up and stop been so selfish.

That feeling of "oh i might be oh i might be... no Im not" every single month.

Being told you have to wait 'x' amount of years before you can TTC by DP, But I want a baby now :( Never agree to a 5 year plan ladies, never ever do it!!!

Not being recommended to read this book 4 yrs ago when I came off the pill; 'the infertility cure' by randine Lewis.

dontcarehow I feel your pain, if one more friend tells be to just relax and it'll happen........ I too have given up running due to friends nagging me, even though I miss it and I know it its absolutely ridiculous to think that it stops you getting pregnant!

It's therapeutic to read about other people going through the same thing, it is quite a lonely thing this ttc business. It's a bit of a taboo subject to talk about.

We must try to be patient and count our blessings x :)

some things to add to the never ending list...

Not getting any bloody work done because I'm looking on here and on the internet about old wives cures that might help with my fertility....

Knowing that my in laws see me as their only chance and not being able to tell them that we are trying and thinking that they are thinking that I'm holding back on them.

PG friend who had so much trouble getting PG telling me that if I chill out it'll happen.... she bloody well knows that that isn't true FFS

Not being able to book to do a half marathon just in case

schizophrenic diet and exercise routine because I've read that being underweight can upset fertility (must stop gymming), but then not wanting to get too fat so that hubby won't want to shag me (must go gymming)

never ending guilt at drinking alcohol, but needing it to get me through the disappointment every month

Not being able to tell my hubby how much of an obsessive crazyperson I'm being about it all

Been TTC for too long awaiting IVF which is on hold due to unfinished mmc.

BOOK the holiday, get the insurance then cancel. If you book overseas then guidelines are an early scan should be done to rule out ectopic ( so if gp will not do scan should sign paper work), if travelling to anywhere with malaria should not go if pregnant, if you get ill hyperemesis you obviously cannot travel etc just make sure you get the insurance when you book.

Good luck on this tiring and sometimes insensitive journey

whereismywine you just made my laugh out loud. I always lie in bed after sex for ages (don't want to let any escape) haha it is SUCH an inconvenience sometimes! I wonder if there is actually any point doing that? How long can they take to swim up there?

I've been ttc for nearly 3 years (have had 1 m/c) and have come on here for a bit of support. I can't talk about it to friends any more, worried I'm doing their heads in!

Slightobsession join me on the Waiting Thread. My DH has got such chronic Fear Of Fatherhood I'm surprised they haven't taken him away for medical experiments!

I think the worst thing about ttc for me was the obsession, I was fine with my first two, then had an early miscarriage trying for my third. After that a big fat nothing, for 12 months. Because I was so fixated on my periods they seemed to go haywire with random long and short cycles even though they had always been like clock work.

I did so many pg tests and imagined so many lines , really I would sit and study the most resolutely negative tests for any hint of lineage. I didn't actually believe it when it was bfp.

I will always feel so bad for my sister, she must have been trying for a very long time, but didn't share it with me (we aren't that close, she is a lot older than me). She had pcos I think and large cysts and an operation to remove them. Eventually she had IVF and thankfully conceived first time, although she did have a big scare with bleeding at around 14 weeks.

She also had hyperemesis poor love, unfortunately I fell pg by accident 3 months into her pregnancy. Being the youngest and still at home, I feel I did steal her thunder somewhat(she lived 200 miles away). But there wasn't anything I could do about that, she has a lovely boy anyway, he is brilliant.

we are trying to conceive baby number2 and i know we are extremely lucky to have our ds. i was born with 2 wombs and only one fallopian tube so conceiving can take longer. fertility problems run in our family, my Nan had cervical cancer, my mum had a son who died a few days after birth, she had numerous miscarriages, me and sister were born at 30 weeks and 32 weeks.
my sister has polycystic ovaries, my cousin has polycystic ovaries and both aunts have ovarian cysts and one had cervical cancer. so every female on my mums side of the family is knackered.

A lot of people have posted that everyone around them is so fertile. The shame about this is, is that people in RL LIE!!!! I met with a good friend today, who I know for a fact was ttc#2 for a year who says to everyone "me and hubbie just have to look at each other and I'm pregnant". (She seems to forget I know she was ttc for nearly a year). I don't know why she says this, several of her friends are undergoing IVF and surely she knows that by saying this she is rubbing their faces in it. It really angers me. She's not the only person that I know that pretends that she got pg very easily. I don't know why people do it, it just makes other women who are struggling to ttc feel worse. So, when you see all these people on FB who have got pg by 'accident' remember it may not be true.

I'm very honest with people about the tests I had during ttc DS and the problems I had (haemoraging cyst and endometriosis), I want to give people hope if they've been ttc or have similar problems.

AhsataN. I know how you feel. I am surrounded by pregnant women. I seem to be an island of infertility in a sea of bumps ... BFN this morning for me, again.

i think mine has just been sobbing into a negative pregnancy test after being told 30 minutes beforehand a friend of the family is having an unplanned summer baby. the summer baby i so desperately yearn for.
i sat and i cried like a child. why is it always the way.

Hang in there littlewater. My DH was completely against the idea of kids too, everything from thinking he was too selfish, to overpopulation and the sad state of world affairs. So against the idea infact that in the first few months of our relationship I fell pregnant whilst on the pill but had a termination (biggest regret of my life, but who knows if the relationship would have lasted if I hadn't). Fast forward 8 years and at 39 I thought there was no way he'd ever change his mind. Last night he completely shocked me by saying he wasn't against the idea anymore. Honestly, if someone as certain and stubborn as him can change his mind there's hope for you yet.

I'm in the same boat as slight .
For years ive been the woman how would never speak to a child, let alone want one. Now I'm ready for a child, but my DP does not one because of the state of the world.

Lw

Apart from the obvious not being pg yet, the worst two things are:

1. people asking you if you have any "personal plans" or whatever god awful euphemism they've come up with, 2)wishing you hadn't let on that you were ttc to the friend that asks you EVERY SINGLE TIME you see her if you've "any news?!?!?!"

Good thread!

Lots of the things that have been said here:

• staying in a job I don't like because it would be crap to get pg when just into a new job
• feeling like I have to have sex even when I don't feel in the mood
• not being able to book hols
• not feeling able to buy non-maternity clothes
• avoiding, or feeling guilty about drinking alcohol/eating soft cheese etc during the 2WW - only for it to turn out to have been pointless
• feeling resentful about other people's pregnancies/babies
• having to have the "So, when are you having children" conversation, and not knowing what to say
• not knowing whether it might happen this month, or in several years, or never
• not knowing whether there is actually some reason that I/DH can't conceive

and generally, the total and utter lack of control I have over something so important. Gah.

Thanks Jodie. I came in to this thinking it could take a year...but naively thought it would be much shorter as everyone I know have got pregnant within 4 months of trying. I've finally stopped seeing it as a race - a treadmill I 'm pleased to have got off. I've stopped talking about it as much too so perhaps there is progress. I'm trying to accept this is going to a be a long journey. Ivf is a scary proposition - it's looming for me too. Best of luck with the referrel and lots and lots of luck too.

because became Sorry!

Oh, so much luck to you all. Cally, my only bit of advice is to avoid the self-perpetuation of the thing. Before TTCing I knew full well that healthy women with healthy partners often take 2, 3 maybe even 4 years to concieve their first, and that soon after they conceive in quick succession - it's all rather random, very often.

Then I began TTC and started pouring heart and soul into MN boards, and suddenly it because like a kind of hectic race that I was permanently losing, and a race that became harder and harder as my fellow-runners dropped out, and no-one cheered any more, and some even began to say, well of course you lost the race - you're not even running.

The best thing I ever did was shut the fuck up about it to everyone but DH and one or two very close, very old and trusted friends. Since then it has become so much easier. Of course I am desperately unhappy when my period comes, and I am scared of IVF and all that comes with it, but I am guarding myself a bit.

Different things work for different people though, so I guess we all need to do whatever makes it easier. Withdrawing to a place of greater safety was mine!

uuum - ttc in general has become just a shitty experience.

Lucy and Jodie - what upbeat posts. I'm 18months in and I am hoping by 22 months I will be feeling as positive and as well grounded as you both and hopefully i will have shrugged off this misery!

The holiday thing is an interesting one because for me I don't care about being pregnant on holiday, I don't fancy miscarrying in a strange country, that is the problem!

For me the worst thing about TTC is that getting the BFP is the beginning of my worries not the end of them.

Hi,

So we've not been trying that long in the great scheme of things, but it feels like too long.

So, I hate...

1, Not being able to talk about it cos I told everyone we weren't going to have kids but I'm too scared to tell them I've changed my mind.

2, Not wanting to go running during the 2ww in case I 'shake the baby out'.

3, Giving myself recurring cystitis cos the precautious I would usually take are incompatable with TTC

4, Thinking recurring cystitis might be a sign of early pregnancy.

5, Being really excited when I read on a thread that cystitis WAS actually a sign of pregnancy for someone!

6, Thinking in initials. TTC, 2WW, POAS

7, Not telling hub quite how mental I am about it all in case he thinks I'm mental and won't do me.

8, Looking at future events and wondering if I'll be pregnant by then. Wondering if I'll be pregnant ever.

9, Regretting beyond belief the termination I had 10 years ago. If I knew then....

10, Only being able to talk about how shit it all is anonymously to people I don't know on the internet and hoping I don't out myself.

Thanks Guys (and Jodie especially, lovely post)