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Conception

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Original poster

Ditherers Anonymous continued.... MN lurkers welcome (you know who you are!!)

31 replies

Zara1984 · 20/09/2011 19:42

Continuing a previous thread that went cold in May... for those trying to figure out why, when and if to start TTC. All welcome - especially those of you that perpetually lurk on MN (you know who you are.... I am usually one of them) thinking that reading the forum posts will provide the magic answer about when is the "right time".

Definitions courtesy of Dr Honeypetal Sparklepants and confuseddoiordonti:

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

OP posts:
louloubellamozzarella · 21/09/2011 22:25

SO agree with you there prunella, just a shame it didn't happen for us first time, but the thrill of it is fab :)

I think most people are like this zara so you're definitely no loon.

Can I ask how old you are? If your username is anything to go by you're 27? Just wondering as I think it does make the whole decision making thing more tricky if you're both a) fairly young still but b) keen for kids whilst c) still wanting to do loads of stuff with your life. That pretty much sums up my hopes and fears but I'm determined to do this parenting thing my way and still do all the other stuff like travelling, running my own business, etc but with kids (I'm 27 if you'd not guessed...) Anyway if you're not then scratch that last para Blush

Oh and I sound so mature with my decision making but I didn't mention the two years + of messing stuff up with DP and nearly breaking up cause we couldn't communicate properly with each other. I find it hard to talk about emotional stuff at the best of times so my baby talk is quite factual and not fluffy at all (even though it is in my head and in my womb!!)

It sounds to me like you're both ready especially if you've got over the difficult hurdle of talking everything through. Oh, and you have a plan which is waaay more than we have (a general idea that we'd like a baby and could probably afford nappies and a pushchair!!) Maybe imagine if you found out you were pregnant next week. How would you feel do you think? Just go with your instincts as far as you can (it is hard to imagine yourself in a situation that you've never been in before!) and then take the leap Grin

Oh and let us know how you get on!

Prunella79 · 21/09/2011 21:27

Surely the first TTC sex is the best ever - IMHO - there's the thrill of the 'danger' that conceiving had always been but the strange horniness that emerges at the thought of getting pg.

zara sounds to me like you're both ready now - if you're brain is full of it and DH has already been down the road of thinking it a good thing previously then you're close enough to start trying - at least with the idea it could well take time (if it happens sooner then that'll just have to be the right time)

DH and I haven't agreed to get pg he just agreed to me coming off the pill to see what happens before i start feeling like i've ruined chances by starting too late. but then i found MN and started to become a bit obsessed - but i don't let anyone know i hang out here, i'm pretending to all the outside world, even DH, maybe to myself that it's not really happening

Original poster
Zara1984 · 21/09/2011 19:00

Hoo-boy. So glad you two ladies responded... I was starting to feel like I really WAS the craziest nutter on MN. Blush

popcorn OMG don't even get me STARTED on the terror that comes with the thought of doing it with no protection. DH and I are such contraception-nerds that we couldn't just maybe-let-an-accident-happen. We are either TTC or not TTC - other alternatives DO NOT COMPUTE. That would probably equal much stressing when IT WAS DESIGNATED TTC-SEX. Confused

loulou I so envy you. You sat down. You discussed it fully and seriously. You made a DECISION. I'm not half the woman you are!!!

DH and I are, I have to admit, MUCH better at talking about The Baby Plan now. We were always talking about "our kids" in the abstract (and we are very open about everything else in our life), but nailing down the very specific whens, whys and hows of the making of them has been a bit harder. But there's been progress: I recently revealed to DH my ridiculous level of dither-but-immediate-broodiness (I think he got confused when I burst into tears and had a meltdown after he told me our close friends were pg a few months ago). DH also revealed his nervousness about having bad sperm (his parents took ages to conceive) and that, about 2 years ago, when we had a pregnancy scare (late period, I was REALLY not on the baby crack) he was horribly disappointed when it was a false alarm and REALLY WANTED A BABY RIGHT THEN.... but of course never told me about it. Sigh.

Right now, I like my finish paying student loan/finish up last 4 months of pills/start TTC in March/finish my job in Xmas 2012/have delightful baby and therefore complete cunning plan. DH is generally ok with it but being the big worry-wort that he is wants to think it through a bit further. I told him (half-jokingly, of course!) that in the absence of an alternative plan from his corner, the plan concocted by my feeble brain and hormonal uterus was the default plan. Hahaha! Grin

DH is away this week on business and I am barely restraining myself from going and skulking round Mamas and Papas like a trenchcoated perv in an adult shop cheekily checking out M&P this evening.....

OP posts:
PopcornMouse · 21/09/2011 16:08

We were textbook ditherers, always putting it off while waited for the right job/housing situation/stable lifestyle/stable illnesses (I have hypothyroidism) etc. I even came off the pill once about 2 years ago, but we wussed out and I went right back on them :o Now been properly ttc for 6 cycles!!

Talking with oneanother about it is a great start. And omfg I can't tell you how scary it is doing it without contraception to first time :o

louloubellamozzarella · 21/09/2011 15:50

... and breathe ...

Hehehe. This post so accurately summarised most of my fears about producing a sprog. Have been dithering about various factors (marriage v kids first; whether we want to get married; jobs; living here or abroad; etc; etc) for aaages.

Then we sat down a few months ago and decided that we want kids and not too old, we're always likely to have something that's up in the air (work/money etc) and that we're in an ok position financially so let's just go for it.

That led to us TTC like NOW (arrg!) Still scary but real now Grin

Hope you turn your MAYBEs into WILLs when the time is right. Don't stress about it, it's really very simple. When you want to TTC enough I'm sure you'll find a way to do it (luck willing) :)

Original poster
Zara1984 · 20/09/2011 19:52

Might as well out myself: since dithering earlier this year, I have been putting every spare bloody penny into paying off my mahooosive (foreign) student loan in the space of less than a year. It will be gone by the end of the year (fingers crossed).

DH and I talk about Best Baby Strategy every day like Churchill talked to his War Cabinet about Hitler. Maybe (after my remaining four months of pills run out) I won't go get a prescription for more and THEN MAYBE I will take some pre-preg vits and THEN OH MY GOD MAYBE THIS IS TERRIFYING when we go on our 3-week holiday planned in March we won't use condoms AND THEN WHO KNOWS WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN. Phew. Rather terrifying writing it all down.

My current employment contract (I'm on a fixed term contract, it's the way of the future don't you know Hmm ) ends at Christmas next year. My current plan (which, like any good Ditherer and also Broody Fool, I have planned out in embarassing and excruciating detail... so much detail that I am often ashamed to tell DH) is that I will get preggers in March/April and THEN give birth, like, one week after I finish work. Because that's how it happens, right? Grin DH and I were also talking the other night about having #2 (and even #3?!) right away (like, conceiving 3 months after birth) to get the "small and screaming" phase of child-rearing done at the same time. Clearly, by reading this, you know I am probably completely nuts.

But then OMG WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT THE WHOLE WORLD ECONOMY IS GOING TO COLLAPSE AND THEN I WON'T HAVE A JOB AND DH WILL SUDDENLY GET LAID OFF I'M SURE OF IT AND HOW WILL WE EVER AFFORD ANYTHING EVER AGAIN AND SURELY THERE ARE A FEW MORE BIG TRAVEL ADVENTURES I SHOULD DO BEFORE I HAVE KIDS... but oooh look at that cute baby on the Cow & Gate advert....

Help me....

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