With angel babies in the sky, some of us expecting rainbow babies, others still ttc and definitely swi!!

Sorry too, didn't mean to imply you were aging

Hey green i'm crocheting squares too, helped with another project before. Feels like a nice thing to do and like to send wishes in the stitches!

Too your dream doesn't sound nice, as you probably know its just your anxieties coming out
Angel your scan sounds beautiful, can't wait to hear more about your baby

OMG green that sounds awkward. I think you're right to want to just go up to her and congratulate her so she can start to realise how you actually feel and not just assume that it would be better not to tell you. A lady at the gym my ds2 goes to has a 9 week old baby boy and actually turned her back on me when I got upset at overhearing his name was Jake - I don't understand why she'd think I might not want to see him but perhaps I would be the same if the shoe were on the other foot...
On the other hand, my 2 old friends from school who have just had / might actually be having at this moment babies have been great. There's nothing awkward there, they're are genuinely devastated for me and yet know me well enough to know that I am genuinely happy, excited even, for them. Even though it's like a corkscrew to the heart to hear their news all I want to do is look at baby stuff and talk about babies and that's ok with them. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that there are friends and there are friends iyswim

Spilt Happy birthday to Bobbie, (hugs), what a difficult weekend to get through. I relive those days too, it's really draining emotionally isn't it. I hope you manage to find some more peaceful days soon xx

Too lots of seem to be having bad dreams lately, must mean we're all worried! Yours doesn't sound nice at all :( It's so horrible how real they feel. I feel a lot better now thanks, think I just had a moment earlier, it was really odd as I suddenly felt awful and started crying, typically just before we had to leave for hospital though! Ds2 had his cast off! No xray but they said it should be healed now, have to take it easy and he's hobbling on it but was putting more weight on it before bed so hopefully it's ok now :)

I'll be 33 in November so my age wouldn't have made me high risk but I've had PE in my first pregnancy, a few probs in second and then with ds2 my waters were leaking from about 22 weeks so I was already high risk with Scarlett. Didn't think anything like that would happen though. Now the GD puts me at a higher risk already even without all the past history and losing Scarlett.

Spilt, I only turned 28 on Friday! I shouldn't be in the high-risk category either.

Your scan sounds wonderful, Angel! Good that your GTT test was fine too.

Cheese, hope you feel better and less wobbly. How did DS2 get on at the fracture clinic?

Good luck with the house, Blue!

Hello Spilt, good to hear from you! Love to Bobbie and Freya. Happy Birthday, Bobbie! Bad dreams seem to be going around - last night I dreamt that I had had Bean (who was a girl called Kate even though I don't like the name Kate) and I was in the hospital with her and I took her down to the canteen in a Moses basket and put her on a chair. The next moment a midwife came over and started yelling at me saying I wasn't fit to be a mother and I'd let my baby get cold and I needed to hold her and warm her up. So I did, and I walked around the hospital holding her and warming her in my hands (she had shrunk somehow to the size of a mobile phone) and then suddenly these alarms started going off and security guards came running up to me saying I had over-heated her and she might be in a coma for 3 months and they took her away from me. It was horrible, I woke up with a jump and couldn't get back to sleep for ages.

The amnio is still booked for Monday - Mum hasn't got anywhere with her obstetrician friend. It is weird, because only a few people at work know why I'll be off next week and everyone else thinks I'm just going on holiday and saying things like 'lucky for some'!

Razz and Green, I am still eating like crap! My BMI was 27 or 28 pre-preg - God knows how much weight I've put on since then! I don't weigh myself at present. DH has put on a lot of weight too - his BMI is in the 30s, but he won't tell me exactly what he weighs. My boobs are 34F and I'm growing out of my bras, so probably even bigger than that, Green! I wore a maternity dress to work today belted under the bust and it really emphasised everything...DH was very pleased.

Sorry to hear about your colleague being awkward, Green. I hope she gets over it and talks to you properly soon.

Mel, looking forward to your update tomorrow! How are you feeling now?

Love to all!

Hello everyone
I've missed you all (rubbish at keeping up with things these days) and just been reading back to catch up a bit.
Like angel and ciwi we've just had the 1st birthday to get through, on Sunday just gone, and the Friday before was 1 year from the scan that gave us the news. I've cried so much over the weekend, I miss her and the pain that she isn't here hasn't lessened, just become my new normal. I can't remember what it felt like to be genuinely happy without the ache and hurt that is always there now. ciwi I made a birthday cake too, and we had one candle on it. We took Bobbie some white roses and spent some time, the four of us, me, DH, Bobbie and Freya, sat at her grave. A family of 4, but some of us never got to meet each other.
Had shite dreams too over the weekend, just too much preying on my mind as I obsessively relived the days, the scan, the phonecalls, the waiting, the day in hospital. God the coming home afterwards, walking in to the house and thinking "it's all over" in a totally empty way. All the hope of the pregnancy, the anticipation, and it's all gone. I'll never see her again, and she isn't coming anymore and I have to go on.
I dreamt about Bobbie, about Freya, and about another child too who I don't know, and in my dream I couldm't keep any of them safe. I woke up sobbing, and exhausted too from the broken night with Freya. DH tried to take her away downstairs so I could sleep some more but I just howled and clung on to her and wouldn't let her out of the bed.

cheese I'm so sorry you had such an awful dream and were so scared about your baby. The dopplers are a mixed blessing aren't they.

too thinking of you - when is the amnio? Terrifying. I just couldn't contemplate it with Freya, but then I suppose being only 25 at the time I knew I was in the low risk group so it didn't feel worth it for me for the stress I would feel about losing the baby afterwards. Glad you're taking plenty of time to rest afterwards and be checked over.

ciwi and Angel happy birthdays to Ciaran and Georgie. I hope our babies know how loved they are, especially on these special days.

shakey fab for your scan

blue exciting times, I hope you can get this house and move in soon, and more importantly get your BFP! Mel, jane and green hope your BFPs are just around the corner.

Hello to anyone I've missed, can't scroll back too easily whilst BFing!

Love to all and huge good luck to Angel for Tuesday, can't wait to hear all about GILS xxx

Thanks cheese x

Glad your scan went well Angel

Feeling really wobbly all of a sudden, have to go out soon too, need to try and pull myself together.

Oh hi Too & razz xx

Phew!!!
Blue so hope you get the house xx
Mel what you feel is totally normal & so what if you feel selfish!! Bugger it after what we ve experienced why shouldn t we be selfish. We have experienced one of the worst things EVER & that will change anyone. ( whispers ; FX for that line becoming darker) xxx
Big happy birthday Ciaran. All the angels are smiling on you & hopefully playing some naughty little games. Lovely gift from your grandparents xxx
Shakey great news on your scan. It is incredibly difficult to remain optimistic. Even now I still won t believe all is well till GILS is screaming her lungs off next week. ( then me & ant will be sectioned as we ll crack up) !!! I had a GTT test this time was fine.
Hi to all ; Green, Cheese, August , Jane & anyone I ve missed.xxxx
Had a good scan this am; GILS still measuring virtually off the graph!!! Everyone seems to focus on the fact that she is a big baby as I asked my consultant " to the point of thinking that there is a problem?" no , she's just a big baby!!! Ok
, stop going on about it then!!!!.
Scan good we saw her eyes, lips, bladder was full, stomach full. So, next time I see the consultant will be in theatre!! Eek.., !!!
Love to all xxxxc

Fx blue

cheese my gran taught me to knit but I cant remember it now, my mum taught me to crochet when I was 11 and Ive kind of taught myself from then on. I think you do need a helping hand first off, Im by no means good, I can make blankets and have just taught myself to make fingerless mitts. It is fun to crochet its fast too. Just waiting for my wool to arrive and then it wont take me too long to crochet a few squares and send them off.

Afernoon all. Off to the fracture clinic later this afternoon with ds2, hopefully his cast will be able to come off now and he'll get back to normal!

Jane That's a really lovely thing to do with Zoe's moses basket.

ciwi happy birthday Ciaran today, hugs xx

razz I'm glad that your scan went well, can only enjoy each step as we get past it xx

green I wish I could knit, I would love to help with those blankets too, I've been considering buying a book and some wool but I'm not sure how easy it would be to learn from a book. I went the opposite way after Scarlett and lost weight, I couldn't eat at all which wasn't good as I didn't weight much in the first place. I've still only put on about 2 pounds in this pregnancy but I'm having to eat properly due to the GD, I can't seem to face breakfast most days though.

Mel I had a really faint line with this pregnancy, it was so faint that I could really barely see it but it got gradually darker. I'll say congratulations and keep my fingers crossed for you. It's totally normal to feel that way so don't feel bad at all xx

Blue :( hope the UTI isn't too bad, how annoying. Hope you don't miss out on the house!

shakey Glad you saw baby and all was well, hope baby moves so that measurements can be taken next time :)

August hugs. Puppies are very hard work! xx

Too making me hungry with all that mention of food! I have to be really careful what I eat now as my numbers keep going high no matter what I eat :( Sometimes even the same food has a different effect on different days. I was still high last night after dinner even though I stuck to the carb number they told me too and had insulin as well.

can't beleive it, Im sure the HR lady here at work is pg but she wont come anywhere near me. Shes just come in the office saw me and kind of hid on the other side of the office, another member of the office went over and said your not are you and I saw her slightly nod in my direction. and it all went quiet! For gods sake people, I was just about to get up and walk over and make a fuss of her bump but shes gone now. Im going to make a point of doing this when she next comes to our office. I need to stop these people for trying to look after me, they are not looking after me they are hiding me from the truth! (ok rant done) Now back to work!

Happy birthday to Ciaran! Floaty hugs for you, fly high little man xx
ciwi thinking of you today.xx

wish i had that bmi too, i am 33 and have to have a GTT in 3 weeks just in case, so another thing to stress about.

wish I was a BMI of 27 Im a boarding 35 BMI! Doesnt help I have a massive pair of bangers! 34GG! though they keep DH very happy.

Stupid phone!! Anyway, working nights so probably wont test til weekend. Who am I kidding, I'll test tomorrow!

August that's the way I'm feeling, like what's the point in dtd if I'm not going to get pregnant?

Ah, its a crossbreed, not sure what. They don't know! Just a little mutt. ;)

Too that's exactly it. I don't want people thinking we got him to help in anyway because as you say, its not a baby and it doesn't make any difference to how I feel, or DH. But it is good for the DC. They were desperate for a puppy before I got pg and we said no, because I was pg. So... he's here now, I'll try to make the most of it and accept that this is the way things are.
I've been finding eating in general really hard. I don't eat in the day and usually find I'm suddenly starving when I get back from school run in the afternoon so have a sandwich and biscuits with my boys - not v healthy. And then I pick at the leftovers from their dinner and have wine and chocolate when they're in bed. I did do a roast chicken last night with mash and veg so we could all eat as a family though. Mainly because I'm so aware that if we don't eat at a normal time ie - when the kids eat - then we will just be too tired / past hungry by the time they're in bed and end up eating junk or eating late, neither of which can be a good thing.

Happy birthday Ciaran. Look after yourself ciwi. How lovely of your parents to send a card and money, it made me choke up.
angel thank you, I agree one step at a time and I keep reminding myself that at the moment all is well. Hope you are managing some chilling out time.
shakey fab that you had a positive scan and now baby has helped you to get another
mel we all totally no how you feel and I certainly never veiw any posts as selfish, just honest and full of a pain that we all relate to. There have been times that I have regretted getting pregnant again and then feel so guilty. The BFP is great news and I so hope it continues to get stronger. When will you test again?
green boo for putting on weight. I struggled for years to concieve (pcos) and then in the two months before I fell with Thomas I joined a bootcamp and lost 1.5 stone and my consultant is convinced that was the reason why. He says that loosing 5% of your body weight usually kick starts things. Im by no means a slim jim....bmi of 27
too how long until your amnio now?? Still add you to my prayers each night.
blue hope you get picked to be the new tenent in your longed for house
august sorry that you feel like you want to give up ttc, give yourself time out if you need it.
Hello cheese hope you are well today