TTC for 10+ months, part 3

I saw part of it Joyce but The bit I saw was fairly obvious stuff. Is there def going to be a fertility one? I'll watch just to be sure I'm not committing some cardinal food sin; but I have a generally healthy diet and don't want to start believing any tenuous link suggested.

Woke up this morning to no spotting overnight nor when I wiped. I considered PIAR but figured there was no point as it's likely just my body playing mean tricks. I'm 14 DPO I think so I'm sure I'll be officially out at some point today, and I may not be as far on in my cycle as I thought.

Waves at all the oldies and assumes you'll forgive me if you read on...

Okay, we are into well month 17 of TTC now. Not only everyone I know my age is pregnant. Not only have we been overtaken by half my siblings (who are older at least) and about 30% of our friends. No this weekend, we got the announcement that my SIL is expecting. They got married in SEPTEMBER!! And she is obese, I stupidly assumed that would make it more challenging for them. And, more for it, I cannot stand her at the best of times. Now, I have been weeping and cursing since the announcement and finding it really hard to pull myself out of despondency. It is so F*ing unfair.

Just thinking of hearing my MIL talking endlessly about Their First Grandchild. She is lovely and overly enthusiastic, but she used to drive me mad with her obsessive interest in the nephews (on my side of the family, so really nothing to her). They know nothing about us, but my DH thinks it is time to update them. Because otherwise it is going to be totally unbearable as opposed to just fairly unbearable.

Our SIL was asking (or should I say pushing) my poor DH when we were going to try for a bab, in the announcement phone call. Insensitivity is her middle name. So I am going to do my utmost not to see them in the next 8 months. Thank god, we are away on holidays over Christmas...

And finally, calling us (we have little contact) to announce the happy news at 6 weeks, FFS!

I will report back joycep

Evening ladies.

So sorry to hear your IUI failed this month joycep. I'm not surprised you feel cheated by your gynae and acu lady promising you that you'd be up-diffed by now - why would they make promised they can't keep . Sounds like you, wine and I will be on similar cycles this next month.

wine skeleton name changed I think? However I'm quite confused and lose track easily! But where is Pout? Oh and with regard to lack of spring-chicken-ness, Karbea and I win that dubious prize I reckon. 37 here

Stupidly I counted my cycles today. This is the 17th about to be a BFD. Not a single BFP in that time. Not even a chemical pregnancy to give me some hope. In fact, I've only POAS about twice, back in the early days when I'd do it at about 10DPO. The spotting drives me nuts, not least because I barely get to the point at which early tests would show a positive, before spotting arrives and I know I'm out again.

Ooh that was a bit of a down post. I need to put down MN and go and read my book :)

wine I hit 36 in January. You're still a spring chicken!

joycep sorry to hear the IUI didn't work for you.

Nelly yes, that was NHS. I am quite surprised and impressed by the speed. I was expecting them to drag their heels.

mrsd yes the next step for me is to look at the immune issues. It makes sense because if I am producing eggs and he is producing swimmers then it seems logical that there might be embryos there that my body is rejecting. I really hope they won't want to redo all the bloody tests only to tell me again that they cannot find anything wrong! That would be a complete waste of time and money.

Hi to everyone I missed!

Aw so sorry joycep. Big hug for you. You weren't sure about the timing though were you. Give it another or two, the say six cycles for optimum chance dont they, but I can see why you might not want to do that many. I'd like to give iui a try before I do ivf. At least I could think I'd given it a shot. Maybe third time lucky? Hope you're ok.

euro that seems so fast! But great you get a round on the nhs. I think I'm at a very similar point to you but there are tiny issues with me and dh I think point to a sub fertility issue, tho its 'unexplained' on paper. But I'm not ready for ivf at all yet and not sure when I'll face up to that. In my head I think summer, late summer maybe. And I'm even less of a spring chicken! God 35 is looming. Will all my eggs start to fester and explode even faster?!

nelly I started spotting last night at a wretched approx 9dpo and af not due til fri/sat which means about 5 days spotting. I cant be bothered to pull the angry face either. I need a despondent emoticon! It varies from 1-5days with 5 every 4th cycle or so. One crap ovary? I'm sure it's a progesterone/fragile egg thing, do you ever think this? I'm tempted to try progesterone cream but dh is not happy with this idea. It must be rubbish living with me sometimes, I'm always fretting. Maybe new acu lady might help me. She certainly made me feel well again.

mrsden my friend did plan it. I think it's her relationship that is a problem. I'm not sure her bloke wanted this yet? I'm not sure why she's so fed up tho, she's wanted this for a long time and married with doubts because she wanted a family so much. Dodgy?

kitty glad you like goodreads. I'm well into it!

Karbea good luck appointment fix.

Hello everyone else. Where's skeleton gone?

Sorry to hear it didn't work Joycep

Hello,

How are we all? I've bee reading a bit more about what happens after my appointment, I'd go through a monitoring month, Problem is af is due on the 24th nov and we go on hols on the 3rd dec for a week so I'll be away for all the mid cycle tests, if I do them in Decembers cycle mid cycle will fall around boxing day, arghhh

It's quiet on here today, is that because you are all reading quietly in the corner

euro wow that is fast, assuming of course that's NHS. Are you starting to get your head around it more now?

Blast, on phone so can't remember what else I was going to say. Except been spotting for a couple of days so suspect I'm out - again. Sigh. I can't even be bothered with this face >>>>.

I found it a shock too when my gynae said as soon as she looked at DH's results, "so I'll refer you for ICSI IVF". If we had been able to afford it at that point we would have started treatment only 3 months after my first Dr appointment. We are only waiting because of money but I kid myself that it is also to give us enough time to get a natural BFP. I know IVF seems scary but there probably isn't much point putting off the inevitable. A natural BFP might be round the corner but it might never happen. When the Dr said about ICSI, I was upset because I realised that the Dr thought this was our best chance and I had secretly been hoping that she would say "oh you're both fine, it will happen for you next month I guarantee it". But with my sensible head on I know that IVF gives us the best possible chance of being parents and I don't want to faff around thinking that we don't need it.

What is the next step for you euro? Do you just wait for an appointment with the ivf clinic to come through? Are you going to investigate the immune issues stuff? At least if you go straight into it you might not have to redo the tests because I think they want to do them again after 6 months.

Hello ladies,

Euro, I'm really interested to hear about your appointment. I have my second appointment coming up this week too & think that I'm in a similar situation to you. HSG, bloods & ultrasounds all came back fine, as did DP's SA. I'm waiting to hear about my AMH results, but am ovulating regularly. How many cycles are you upto? I'm heading for 13. Blimey, it hadn't crossed my mind that they might suggest going straight for IVF, I've been half thinking maybe they'll suggest Clomid, I'll let you know what they say.

Hi to everyone else.

mrsd he said we were officially "unexplained" so he offered no explanation as to why it is not happening - he confirmed i'm ovulating, my husband is producing decent amounts of sperm, my tubes are open, hormone levels fine, etc.

I asked him about Clomid and he said there was no point as I was ovulating. I have seen from various forum posts that some drs will try that even if the patient is ovulating but this one said straight to IVF. I was a bit taken aback, I was expecting to have to fight for IVF somewhere down the line. I wasn't expecting it to be offered straight away with a fairly short wait! I guess it's a good thing that things are moving along quickly, particularly as I am no spring chicken. I just need to get my head round it.

wow, euro that has moved fast! Did the gynae not think other treatments were worth trying? I know it's daunting but I do think that ultimately ivf gives the most guarantees of having a child and a big part of me does think there is no point hanging around, depending on age of course. If I was 20something then I would be happy to wait a bit longer. Did the gynae offer any explanation as to why it hasn't happened if all test results are ok? 4 months seems like a very short wait, I had heard of people having to wait much longer so it sounds like you are in a good area.

Mememe post warning!

Well, that was very unexpected.

I've just been for my second appointment at the gynae. As I thought from having a peek at the screen, the HSG was fine, TV ultrasound also fine, immune to rubella. Hubby's second SA was fine. My previous blood tests showed I was ovulating and hubby's first SA was fine too.

So I was expecting a chat about treatment, maybe some Clomid. He has referred me straight for IVF! And the waiting list is "only" about 4 months. I really wasn't expecting it. I didn't think there was funding in this area, but there is (for one round).

I am happy that we get a round and that the wait isn't long, but I am a bit daunted by IVF. Eek.

Well, we have another 5 or so cycles to manage it ourselves. Maybe by then my head will be in the right place for it.

Morning everyone,

I trust you've all had nice, relaxing weekends? stasi I've been thinking of you, I bet you have had a fabulous wedding. Enjoy the honeymoon (very much doubt you're checking MN).

I had a lovely weekend with my friend visiting. AF arrived yesterday though but not unexpected. So it's cycle 18 for me now. Thankfully my friend didn't talk much about ttc. All she said was that they've been trying since August but they haven't been taking any notice of timings or anything so she is going to take it more seriously from now on because she is fed up of it not happening. I felt very because I suspect it will happen quickly for her now. Oh well.

I've read A thousand splendid suns and I really enjoyed it. It is sad in places but there are some uplifting parts too. I didn't find it totally harrowing. I've just read Water for Elephants and I really enjoyed that too. And I loved The Help. It's quite hard to get English books here so I order them online, it's always such a treat when they arrive in the post. I have found that most books have some reference to ttc or pregnancy in them though so it is still hard to escape! Maybe it's the type of book I read.

wine I was thinking of suggesting Acupuncture to my DH but I'm not sure what his reaction will be. He is usually very sceptical about anything woo. I don't even know if they're into acupuncture here though, I haven't really looked before though.

When you say your friend isn't happy to be pregnant, do you mean really unhappy as in considering a termination? I'd find that difficult to hear. Or is she just a bit fed up and hormonal and uncomfortable? I guess all you can do is listen to her but if she is just indulging in a bit of self pitying moans then all you can do is umm and ahh in the right places and maybe remind her that there will be a little baby at the end. Was the pregnancy planned?

kitty I've been ok with the last couple of pregnancy announcements. I mean I haven't wanted to burst into tears and I can genuinely congratulate the people and say I'm happy for them. But a little part of me still thinks it should have happened for them after me! I think it's easier now because I expect everyone to get pregnant before me. I never think it will be my turn, it is always someone else announcing it. The announcements that are hard are when I haven't expected it. I think that even some of my single friends might get upduffed before me now.

eggnognelly I love it!

Funnily enough Poisonwood bible was about the 4th of hers I'd read, and it was my least favourite, even though it's the one that's always linked to her the most. Maybe I'll re-read it and see what I missed. A thousand splendid suns was not as harrowing as the Kite Runner, I didn't think, if you've read that? A strangely lovely book (well both of them actually).

I should probably go to bed, but I am synching my phone and I perhaps got a bit carried away with how much music I wanted to move on to it. It's like watching those old dial-up progress banners of old

wine that's great that your lovely DH is up for some acu. It's out of the question for mine as he is totally needle phobic and faints every time he has an injection :( bless. Acu is his worst nightmare and I can't even describe my sessions to him as he starts going green. However, he totally surprised me the other day by suggesting that we visited a Chinese herbalist in the new year. I hadn't even bothered suggesting it to him as I thought he'd think it was too woo :)

He no longer complains about the cost of pine bark either which is nice!

Ooh I loved the poisonwood bible too and I've got the Lacuna on the bookshelf ready to read, I think I'll do that next. I've also got A Thousand splendid suns but have not got round to it as am a little worried my fragile mental state won't cope with it as I hear it's upsetting.

I really enjoyed the MN book and discussion and have joined goodreads tonight and it looks great - thanks for the idea, wine x

Oo nelly I loved the Poisonwood Bible, but never read another of hers. Was it good? Had a chortle to the Zita West banning. Dh has stopped even asking why I'm giggling to myself.

I'm not giving up the wine. Or the EggNog which actually I don't like very much as this whole TTC business is crap enough.

I've really not told anyone we are TTC - well one friend who I see infrequently and every so often just says "none of my business but hope you are doing ok" which I kind of like. She's thinking of me, but keeping her nose out! Re your friend coming to stay I think firstly bear in mind she isn't complaining to hurt you; she is possibly feeling quite rubbish (tired and sick), quite hormonal, and a bit - what? Scared, nervous, any host of emotions really! Personally I'd not tell her, brace yourself for a bit of tongue-biting; but if things do get a bit close to the bone, perhaps something along the lines of "yes it must be hard, but it's such a special time for you, and so many people struggle to even get this far", with a face a bit like this >>> when she isn't looking.

So - books then? I've just read Barbara Kingsolver's The Lacuna, and A Thousand Splendid suns. And in the middle of Louis de Bernieres Senor Vivo and the Coco lords, which I'm finding darkly funny, yet hard to get into at the same time! So what's everyone else reading to fend off the TTC demons? and Zita West doesn't count

Oh and thanks for the Lord Winston info euro. I recognised his picture actually, though not sure where from.

Oh and kitty I'm currently reading Like Water for Chocolate, been meaning to for ages, it has lots of similarities to the lemon cake book - which my mum hated, ha! - but queued up next is the Hunger Games. Might check out the new MN one too, I liked hearing the authors take on things. Bring on swi hibernation! Let's all snuggle down and imagine we are just at the start again, not teetering on the edge.

You're right euro - all three of my close friends who became upduffed in the past 12 months are daily wine drinkers and more than I've ever drunk. One gave up in the tww, the other two 'cut down' in the tww meaning they didn't get pissed. But pre ov all three of them drank the same as ever. I have drunk barely anything in my viral disaster 6 weeks. I doubt the result will be a baby! But I always think, what if that is the last snowflake to make the branch break?! I asked dh if he would have acu to boost the morphology. After a small face pulling, he said yes if nothing has happened by spring. Anyone else's dh done this? I can't quite see it happening...or that he'd not pull this face at the 'woo'

I know what you mean about the drinking, wine. I can never have a guilt -free drink any more without wondering what effect it might be happen. I am even considering using January to have a booze-free month (something I hate when other people do it because I have a January birthday and everyone is either broke or sober - BORING). But maybe I should join them to see if it makes any difference. So many people struggling to conceive do seem to give up the booze, but then so many people who fall pregnant easily seem to have been trollied when they did it, so it cannot have that much of an effect.

Oops could you tell I posted that by accident! Def start a new book - being absorbed in something (thst isnt obsessive ttc internetting) really helps doesn't it? And it's cheap and healthy!

Hmm well with the saving, we aren't really doing it properly yet, well not specifically for that anyway. I am awful with money but my DH is very good and makes us save, it's really meant to be for our dream home though...

I an definitely up for a mass keep-ivf-at-bay SWI hibernation :) what else is there to do in Jan and feb anyway!?

I know exactly what you mean about thinking back to your wedding. I was so happy to be getting married and so optimistic. It would be so nice to get some of that back. And yes re the getting pissed thing, it's just not the same is it?