Just MC and ready to try again? Pack your leathers, black nail polish, air guitar and jump in the mosh pit for some serious metalling. All welcome! (Part 17)

god missg that is a story, so sorry you went through that, but you are right, it is best not to dwell on these things as they could have had even sadder outcomes. so PMA all the way for this pregnancy

Yeah! to dark tests Manda and to shagging like a pro Summer !! (a professional, I mean )

Manda, I did have Methotrexate, and it is in the MX protocol that Anti D must be given. I had a strange experience. Went to EPU due to light bleeding/spotting. My uterus was empty, should've been 6+5. Said they could see slightly thickened lining but no evidence of a PG. Nothing in tubes either. That days HcG was 800. Although they said 800 seemed low for my stage, they said it wasn't outwith the realms of possibilty (and its the rate of increase that's important, not the figure itself) so I could maybe be a bit wrong with my dates. Then, my 48 hour test came back at 1600. So, they told me categorially that HcG DOES NOT rise properly in an ectopic, it NEVER doubles etc etc, so I am just behind with dates and this seems like a viable pg. Come in in a weeks time for a scan. No further bleeding/spotting.
Fast forward 1 week to scan. Empty uterus again . Nothing in tubes. Blood tests taken, then left in the room with no instructions to wait for a doctor. MW just left the room as said these results should be available after 2pm. Because of the week before, when we had just been sent home after the blood test, we thought we were just to do the same. Oooops. Wrong. EPU phoned a few hours later saying "where did you go?" (wasn't really thinking straight as you can imagine)
Went back in the next day. Should have been around 8 weeks by this time.
2 sonographers in during that scan, for senior second opinion. They said that there was free fluid in my abdomen and pouch of douglas (??). When the consultant came to speak to me, she said the fluid didn't didn't look like blood so there weren't worried about rupture, but that due to previous doubling of HcG, and fact that yesterdays test was up to 3000, there were sure there was a PG trying to grown somewhere tucked away in my abdomen. Said most likely that the PG had attached in the tube, then had been expelled (cause of the fluid) but reattached somewhere in the abdomen. Until then, I had no idea this was even possible! (and wish I hadn't googled this when I got home).
So, anyway, they said they wanted me to wait in the hosp for my blood test result, which they would get urgently.
Couple of hours later, test results back, HcG up to 3,800. They said this was quite high for an ectopic (or 'pregnancy of unknown location' as they were now calling it), that they were sure there was pg trying to grow somewhere (but that it wouldn't be a normal pg) and talked to me about the options. They said surgery would be considered but that they would need to root about looking . As I was in no pain, and not bleeding, they said the MX was the best option.
So, I had it. 2 days later, I got up to the loo in the morning and was bent double with pain. it was like a hot, stabbing pain. Almost passed out with the pain. When DH saw me, he shot out of bed like a rocket, said I was green.

I can only assume it was 'separation' pain, which they said could happen once the 'products of conception' (nasty term) started to come away
When I googled abdominal pg, I found out that there were 3 live births recorded where the baby had attached to various places in the abdomen (I think, the intestinal wall in one case!), but that mortality of mother is very high because there's a high risk of rupture of the organ it attaches to.
Anyway, I'll never really know how far that wee one got in its development, they basically told me that there was no hope for a abdominal PG (which wasn't techincally true. The stories I found are documented in reliable medical journals, not in the Sun) but I supppose I am a little worried that there could have been a mix of blood during that separation, since I now know that a baby could, theoretically, have been hiding away and growing somewhere . I know the risk is probably very low, but it's just another thing I wish I didn't need to worry about.

Phew, that was an essay and a half!

Sending some happy sunshine and PMA vibes to metallers everywhere!

Sun? Nope it's grey, grey, grey here in SW London.

FFS, missG that IS quite a cavalier attitude of them to take. I mean, ok, logically there is only a VERY small chance of any cross over because you were ectopic so if you were bleeding it wasn't from the baby/placenta, more likely the lining of your uterus breaking down because the hcg produced by an ectopic isn't quite 'good' enough, or steadily rising enough, to stop YOU spotting. So, to that end, it was your own blood and nothing to do with the baby, iyswim? I'd have thought they'd err on the side of caution though - unless having the injection when not needed also has consequences? Shouldn't imagine so.

My tests are getting darker so that's good... although it still hasn't sunk in - totally NOT imagining a baby at the end of it!

lets just say in my line of work i report on medical cock ups every day, tis my bread and butter. you would be at some of the stories i could tell you but then again if i did tell you i would have-to-kill-you get the sack! you just have to console yourself in that the stories you hear are an extreme minority, trust me

YY missg i have DH all present and correct and am running Operation June Baby with military precision. It will mean DS almost shares a birthday but frankly my dear spreadsheet i couldnt give a damn!

MissG can you send some of this sun to West Yorkshire please? Ta!

Morning all,
Grey and miserable here too. Bit fed up with it now as every time I seem to leave the house it starts to tip it down.

MissG I am even more at the cock up with your Anti D drugs! Especially as you had specifically brought it up yourself! That is shocking! I realise medical staff are also only human etc etc but there does seem to be a infinate number of mistakes made constantly which can have terrible consequences.
My sister works as an ODP at a nearby hospital and she was telling me that just yesterday they had a patient who was in for an op on his hand. He had been in since Monday but nobody had read his notes properly, and they were all set to put him under and do the op when he mentioned something about a small op he had before his chest as a baby. My sister then looked at his notes herself (she doesn't normally have to do this) and it turns out he had had MAJOR heart surgery as he was born with his heart back to front, and if they had put him under it would have killed him! Another one she told me, this was a few months back, was that the side of someone's head was opened up - brain op - and then someone realised the X-ray was back to front and they had opened up the wrong side! All of these mistakes, or the mistakes that have happened with me or you, seem easy enough to have been avoided in the first place too. Scary stuff!

Summer a day being indulgent is just what I fancy, or do I mean 'need'! I have actually been pretty indulgent all week, to be honest. I am meant to be sorting website, business cards and have a few commissions to get on with but so far have started one of the commissions and, er, that's it. DH is away this week and I wanted to have loads sorted by the time he comes back so we could spend some time together but that's clearly isn't going to happen. Ooops! I don't have any looming deadlines as such, the figurines are for the start of October, which probably isn't helping the motivation. I've just felt too flat and pissed off to get into it tbh. I feel a bit perkier today so hopefully its starting to pass.

Yes SUN! it is shining through my office window right now. Although, having looked closer, there's a big dark grey cloud in the distance - knew it wouldn't last long

I am liking these stats Summer!! Operation June Baby seems well on the way to success!! Whoohoo! (I am a little hyper this morning, must be the sun)

Blimey ? chit chat chittle chattle, I have had to create a ?word? doc for this one!

Sun? missg Sun? It is grey and miserable here! And at your DD?s toilet habits! but hey ? I wont have a word said against her, she is a star, and can I borrow her for some PMA please?

pie how old is your darling DS (of the pooing variety arf arf?!). I am curious as DS is 2yrs 3 months and we still don?t think we are anywhere near ready for toilet training. He will happily sit on the loo with one of those ?attachment? things but wont wee or poo, he also hates the potty. Am I worrying too soon? Cant be arsed with the poo on the floor stage ? he gets so upset if he wee?s on the floor I might just wait until he is 15?.

baby self indulge away, don?t forget we are all here to support eachother. You are having a shit week, and need to spend some ?me? time. How about having a day completely to yourself ? maybe getting your hair done or a facial or a bit of retail therapy. Or just a coffee in the local Costa with a girlie gossip magazine (chocolate muffins optional)

zebra I am loving your PMA, and I may join you in an irish if you will brew up ? there?s a love

Now then, we SWI on CD10, CD12 (last night). Going for it tonight (CD13) and Saturday (CD15), so with my (.)(.)s out and PMA I am feeling v positive about a BFP this month. I def OV?d yesterday as I get a real stabbing pain when it happens so that is in the bag

Waves to all the metallers and hope you have a good day everyone, will try and bob on when I can. xx

Baby , finding this out is not going to be very good for your recovery from this MC, is it?! I can understand why you're now wondering if this could have had any impact on your lost pg, even if it is unlikely. The sad thing it, you'll never know. I am livid on your behalf! I am inclined to agree with your Mum too. When I had my ectopic, they forgot to give me Anti D (I am rhesus -ve and my DH+ve) despite me asking at the very beginning if I should have it (after reading the leaflet given to me at the hospital). Now I'll have to wait and hope that there was no mix of blood and that I didn't develop antibodies (which can affect future pgs). I sometimes wonder if I should have made more of a fuss about it. They said they'd write up an adverse incident report. Maybe you should ask whether something similar will be done now that they are aware of making a mistake with your prescription? I know it doesn't help you, but at least it might highlight the issue amongst the team and result in them to checking all other prescriptions.

Pie hehe, my nephew did the same in my house a few weeks ago. But, my brother didn't even notice! So I walked upstairs an into one of the spare rooms (my Bro had take nephew into shower) and there was a little pile of babypoop on the carpet!! Grim.

Zebra good to hear you're getting into the PMA swing of things.

Morning everyone else. The sun is out, after 2 days of non-stop rain. Not sure how long it will last though. Am dreading starting work this morning. So much to do, I don't know where to start!

Zebra its not useless medical advice; it's giving me five times less than the dose that is considered, by various medical bodies, as 'crucial.' It may well have affected things! This is not defiante, obviously, and there are also an infinate combination of things that could have cocked things up, but it is quite a significant cock up on the part of the alleged 'healthcare professionals.' Which is why the pharmacist spotted it as soon as she looked at the prescription - its written in blood that diabetics HAVE to take the recommended 5mg.

As for what you said about being patient, I am not remotely patient either but find with the current situation it is especially hard and frustrating. Frustrating on a good day and hard on a bad day could be a good way of putting it.

Manda I think that doing the self indulgent thing is what I need right now. And this included the drinking far too much wine on Sunday night! And agree that storing it up is also storing up trouble, better out than in and all that.

Am now wishing I'd got some wine when I was out - feels like that kinda day!

Thanks everyone. x

Thanks so much guys for the moral support - really appreciate it. And am also loving the inspired suggestions for consolatory beverages - am definitely going to give this irish coffee business a shot (though maybe not at work. Yet ). And the . Both together if required :).

You're all of course completely right, and 2 weeks isn't all that long (especially given what can happen with retained products and the like, eek). I'm the world's worst at being patient though (going to have to improve that in this game it seems, definitely going to try that rigid target-setting suggestion!). Feeling more upbeat now though, so going to try to follow all of your fine examples and PMA it on through :).

Pie, the pooing-on-carpet story made me chuckle (tragically immature sense of humour it seems), feel free to share!

And Baby, poor you - as you say, am sure it's pretty unlikely the folic acid did affect what happened, but can completely imagine how having to struggle with useless medical advice along with everything else feels like way too much to handle at the moment.

baby You know what, there were times when I absolutely recognised I needed to be 'self indulgent' for want of a better phrase and, yes, wallow, cry an really feel how I was feeling instead of brushing it off. It's actually a kindness, to yourself, to do so - to deny such strong feelings is only storing up trouble for the future.

Absolutely your PMA will return. It will return precisely because you are allowing yourself to feel the full, justifiable, range of emotions.

Hugs for you. Just... hugs.

and no, they don't know about the mc at the pharmacy

X posted with you pie! Not spoken to the diabetic team yet as only picked up the folic acid (at the correct dose) and had that chat with the pharmacist at 5pm. Will do though, when I have calmed down a bit...

Off-load time, sorry.

Have come to the conclusion that this week is going to be a bad week. My PMA, I am sure, will come back but at the moment I feel fucked off. Fucked off and let down. I don't want to put too much empahsis, or even blame, on the folic acid issue but, after my recent conversations with the nurse, this is possibly the straw that breaks the camels back. Just had text conversation with my mum who suggested I print off the diabetes uk stuff which describes it as 'crucial importance' and hit them with it show it to them.

Have just sat and had a sob. Proper big sobs so I am glad I am on my own this week (but the dog looks confused!) Guess this is all part of the healing process, right? Doesn't bloody feel like it but fingers are crossed!

Summer re what you said about holding my cousin's baby - I don't want to now, but just because I feel quite wobbly and emotional and don't want them to realise this. The idea of people not knowing what to say or do is horrible, and it may also make them quite uncomfortable. I think that holding Freddie would be fine, I really do, but at the moment I seem to cry at close to bugger all so it may be, say, them offering to help tile the bathroom after which sets me off!
I think I am feeling like - they have a beautiful baby boy and I, who was 4 months behind in the pg, had severe pain, hemorraging, and a cocktail of diamorphine and synthetic hormones to make my womb contract (with the added possiblity of a blood transfusion - oh glee!) That's what shite, I reckon.
Am hoping I can start to get out of this gloom by the weekend. I am generally not gloomy or pessimistic for long but reckon I need a bit of self indulgent sobbing too.
Normal service, I hope, will very soon be resolved.

Ps - Just thought you lot probably don't need to know about my DS's bowel movements, sorry!

baby I would be so f.off!!! That's outrageous really. (I think in other countries they recommend 5mg as standard, not the 400mcg like the UK). Am guessing they don't know about the m/c at the pharmacy? You are right to be so annoyed!!! GRRRRRRRR Have you mentioned it to your diabetic team?

Marathon I am SO pleased to hear your news! Hope to hear more details soon. Hope you are managing to feel a little bit more chilled about things (even if it's just a smidge!)

Zebra hugs from me. I understand totally where you are coming from. While I have not done any pg tests since my MC, I couldn't bring myself to, I am actually now desperate to get my period (as, of course, I don't know if I had one a few weeks ago or not - it was very light if it was!) I had the mc on the 13th of July so it's been a while! Or not! Who knows! One thing I am discovering about this whole ghastly business is that there is SO much waiting for things before you can even properly look forward.

I had a discovery today, for wont of a better way of putting it. I got my repeat prescription for insulin and also for folic acid. The pharmacist gave me the folic acid and said that she gave me the 5mg tablets as someone must have made a mistake and given me the 400 micrograms one's instead, which I can simply buy from the chemist. She realised I was meant to be on the super strong one's as I am diabetic, and thought it was a one off mistake. However, I checked my repeat prescription forms when I got in and it's all for 400 micrograms.
The diabetic team have stressed many many times how important it is to have the prescription strength stuff, and ask me all the time if I have enough. They are also the one's who sorted out the folic acid prescription in the first place. It says on the Diabetes UK website too it is of crucial importance. I have never checked the dose as I thought they knew what they were doing !!

I realise there is a 1000 reasons why someone miscarries, but giving FIVE TIMES lower the dose of something considered 'crucial' isn't going to bloody help is it?!

And they were the one's speaking to me like I was the numpty!

ps manda nice chart! Were you taking the B6 100mg complex on its own? or with any other vits/B vits?

missg chortle!!!!

pebs oooo what colour is your Fiat 500? I had also heard that about hormone injections/progesterone supplements. Totally different attitude to the US though where they seem to frequently dispense progesterone supplements in early pregnancy, mmmmmm.

zebra it's so horrible isn't it waiting for the bfn :( It took me nearly 6 weeks to get mine, and 8 weeks for AF. I had some 'retaining products' though (horrible term of phrase) which meant I had a bfp for ages and needed antibiotics in theon end to clear it. I can remember it totally dragging for me and I got through it with lots of wine! :)

marathon so pleased the scan went well - whoop whoop!

manda oooo ta for chart, will have a squizz!

DP is out tonight so I was getting DS ready for bed on my own. He'd already done a poo during dinner so I thought we were safe .... he was sat drinking milk and reading a story upstairs and he just had his dressing gown on. He leant over off my knee then did a poo on the carpet before I could realise! Then whilst I was cleaning it up he did a pee! Oh they joys!!!! Sadly pooing in the bath or on the carpet during nappy off time is a relatively frequent occurence!

Anyway! Need to go and make lots of soup and stock up the freezer as it's full of ice lollies and not much else!

Was chatting with my sort of neighbour earlier who was telling me her daughter is 4 months pregnant with twins and is 40 so it made me feel better, and I had a good acupuncuture session last night (seemingly if you are waiting for AF after a m/c then acupuncture can help bring it along, or so i've read - thought that might of interest to a couple of peeps).

Big wave to all! xx

Jeez, just walked into downstairs loo for a hankie (seem to have a never-ending cold, grrrr... ) and the 'aroma' my darling daughter had left in there actually made me vom!!! Quite violently too!!
Not so adorable now summer

zebra try not to worry too much. two weeks is really not a long time - i have been waiting 10 weeks for AF! i don't know about you girls but i find i can wait for things if i set a goal in my head - like i won't test until the end of the month or after a night out, holiday ect. i know i will be testing/chasing something up /booking gp appointment but not until insert your own thing here has happened. that has got me through the last 10 long weeks!

maybe have a goal like you won't test for bfn again until next weekend. chances are you will get bfn then and you might stop worrying about it so much.

summer i got a fiat 500. it's pretty small so won't really be suitable for a baby. will see how that works out for me! i am not sure how they will treat me in the next pg. i have read they don't use the hormone injections now as they can just prolong a pregnancy that isn't going to work out anyway. i will know more when i see the consultant. they said it would be 12 weeks so a couple more weeks to go - fingers crossed.

Quick one. Am being driven nuts at work.

Marathon Fab news. So happy. I know it must be difficult to allow yourself to believe that everything will be fine, but I'm sure, with just a little bit more time, that will happen.

Zebra for you. We have all been there. The frustration of knowing there's not a bloody thing you can do about it is awful. Your body will get itself back to normal eventually. 2 weeks is still early, but it still feels like a bloody eternity. How long it takes to get a BFN can vary too. Hang on in there x
How about an irish coffee? Alcohol combined with sobering (ok, I know that's not scientific, but it'll do for me!) coffee at the same time? The alcohol is therefore practically negligible! and therefore fine for work and medicinal purposes. Very nice with home made home tablet.

manda fantastic news! Well done you :).

and marathon really glad the scan went well and it's another good step along the way, hooray!

Sorely-needed and for me please (she says, eyeing the longingly and wondering if it'd be so bad at lunchtime. Um, at work). My PMA seems to have deserted me (dammit, it was doing so well). I still don't have the sought-after BFN (only just over 2 weeks since erpc, so not really surprising I know), but am feeling in a kind of limbo where I can't just move forward and get on with things without it. Sigh.

Of course I'll share my chart!

Less BD than usual... but enough!

manda that's a great way to look at it! Would you share your chart this month? Or is that just daft!!!