Just MC and ready to try again? Pack your leathers, black nail polish, air guitar and jump in the mosh pit for some serious metalling. All welcome! (Part 17)

Hobnob29 hello. I can't really add anything more than the others already have but did want to also add, to emphasise, please let off steam whenever you want to. I found the week of waiting horrible and had massive mood swings. I think at first I was in shock, but once that sunk in I swung madly from being heartbroken to just 'wanting it out' so I could draw a line under it and move on. Now, 12 days after the trip to A&E and subsequent hospital stay, I am starting to feel a bit more with it. Or, at least, more used to the recent developments. I am also eating so much spinach I may go green but at least my iron levels are going up!

Re the next week or so, you may feel very up and down so don't hesitate to take time out if you need to, or even if you just think you might. I found the threads where people talked about what happened to them very theraputic indeed. I have had well meaning friends say things to 'cheer me up' which has done nothing of the sort. Its not their fault, they just don't know what to say or do so whatever they come up with ends up being inappropriate (big nights out were suggested for example, or 'getting away from things' and having a day out walking - I lost a lot of blood and the first five days or so after I came home even just taking a bath would knacker me out so long country walks weren't going to happen!)

Everyone - can I ask how your DH's were about starting again? Its very early days in my household I know but I think mine will take a bit of talking round. Ironic really as he was the one who first wanted to TTC in the first place!

Thanks for the lovely welcome and concern everyone [sob]. Anyone being nice to me makes me cry these days!
I feel OK to work - not much pain atm, just like a heavy period. And I think for me it's better to keep busy. But I know if I need the op I'll need a chunk of time off. Guess I'll find out on Friday.

Ibiza will be fab Whatso, nothing cheers me up like a bit of sun and sea, nice food, a suitcase full of good books and a break.

Whatso Ibiza, wow, fabulous! I bet you'll have a ball.

I hope Poppy does have a big shower marathon, I would definitely recommend a slip matt though (was going to add a here but have changed it to , don't want you getting the wrong idea about any slippery mishaps - well, that's what my DH said happened JOKE, joke. )

I think that sounds like the beginning of symptoms btw

MissG - Ibiza, so when I stop beign so maudlin I will get excited! In actual fact, my work friend who has been on honeymoon for the last 4.5 weeks has returned today and that has cheered me up quite a bit

marathon - hands off at least half the chcolate products!

And btw Whatso , that 90/10 balance is bound to start shifting in the other direction soon. Although you might be struggling to get excited just now, there's nothing like a holiday to re-charge your batteries and give you than much needed break from mundane work stuff. Are you going away anywhere?

whatso and blue, there's a well known saying in these parts, "When the going gets tough, the canteen gets emptied". I'm throwing in a chocolate filled crepe for good measure and some turkish delight my DD brought me back from Turkey.

Oooh, what festival Poppy ? And then a romantic getaway - how lovely. Having things like that to look forward to definitely takes the pressure off a little bit, doesn't it.

Eve for what it's worth, I think you've excelled in the outdoor activities this weekend, so I think a sit down with a and a nice cream bun is in order. Great to hear you're feeling much better now too. No charting here, just metalling . CD 21 (no idea if I even Ov), just assuming so, in a sort of blissful unawareness (is that even a word??)!

And hi Hobnob. So sorry for your loss. These early days are an emotional rollercoaster: sometimes you might feel ok, then other times it hits you like a sledgehammer. Can take a while to sink in properly too, so take whatever time you feel you need to, and I agree with the others who have suggested a little time away from work just to concentrate on you. Go easy on yourself.

Good news on the 3+ IQ. Totally understand why you have to do it. I once peed on 3 CBDs in one day! Those minutes waiting for the test to work are horrible, aren't they? And mwah hah hah to your dream, did you have a supper of cheese on cheese, with a side helping of cheese, last night??

You're right babysaurus, sometimes just typing something and hitting 'post' actually lifts a weight by itself. Oh man, it sounds as though I'm using you guys as some kind of free therapy/counselling!! Not my intention, but that is often the effect!

Anyway, got to go, back to work. I'll be back later to drain you all of your kindness, wisdom and PMA chat

Hi to everyone else

Hobnob welcome, so sorry to hear what you are going through and for your loss. I was a MMC picked up at my 12 week scan - no clue until then (although with hindsight, I had a panic day for no real reason that some might say was intuition as it was around the time the baby must have died at 8 or 9 weeks).

I had the day of my scan, the ERPC the next day and the rest of the week off. I don't think I could have managed with any less. However my friend who had a MMC a few weeks later had her ERPC on the Friday and was back to work on the Monday - I guess we are all different.

eve have a lovely time at soft play with DS

blue I take your chocolate brownie and raise you a bar of white chocolate, yummy!

Only 9 and a half working days until a week's holiday, I will keep focussing on that. Although I have to say, I feel so crap at the moment I'm not even looking forward to the holiday which I don't think has ever happened to me. I'm hoping this is partially MMS (I have always been a mid-menstrual misery type, rather than a pre!) and I will cheer up a bit after AF is on her way out.

Have managed to avoid having a total meltdown at work so far this morning which frankly is a triumph. I have figured that I am using 90% of my energy avoiding meltdown only leaving 10% for actual thinking through my work, so I have to allow msyelf lots of a few mistakes

marathon and IQ - how are you both getting along with cooking those beans?

Big wave to everyone else.

hobnob - I agree with blue please get yourself signed off. I felt like a real fraud to begin with was waiting for ERPC but really should not of been working anyway. I had to have 2 ERPC and an infection so was off for 4 weeks in the end - I did not do a great lot but it gave me time to adjust.

I am on my 5th load of washing - sure I am washing clean things now kitchen has been completely washed down and things pulled out. Lounge all good and most of upstairs - just my office looks likes a dumping groud - hey it all has to go somewhere.

Am off to town with my poor neglected ds to soft play - i know I should take him to the park but we have done so much this weekend country park, fire station open day, swimming and steam fair I think I need a sit down :-)

Off to see car2 tonight as DP is off to germany AGAIN tomorrow. must dtd tonight just in case :-)

I waffle don't I :-)

oh forgot to say wated lovely bones last night - how I wept :-(

Hi hobnob so so sorry you are also having to deal with all of this I remember so well the sonographer asking the dreaded 'are you sure of your dates' question and knowing the same as you that it just wasn't happenning this time. You will find that your emotions and hormones take you on a rollercoaster over the next few days/weeks and you need to give yourself lots of grace and be patient. If possible I would suggest that you get a docs note and take this week off...you don't want to have to be thinking about work with everything else going on and you need the space to do whatever you feel like...sleep, watch mindless TV, plan your packing list for holiday...even start packing but the stresses of work might not be a help...just my experience that the last thing I felt like doing was work. This is defintitely the right place to be though as everyone here is fab and we all have our up and down moments and this is a great place to share them!!

Hi all,
Room for an emotional one?! I'm in early stages of miscarriage and a bit wobbly. Reading your posts, it sounds like my experience is similar to many of yours - I had a little bit of bleeding on Thursday night at nearly 12 weeks and ended up in A&E where doctor said everything was fine, all first-timers are nervous etc (I know they deal with life and death every day, I know there was no way she could have known, but irrationally I really want to go back now and tell her she was wrong ).

Anyway, referred for a scan the next day and the moment the sonographer said "You're definitely not 12 weeks, you're more like 6" I knew beany hadn't made it.

Bleeding has continued and I have to go back on Friday for another scan to see if it's all happened naturally.

I'm so up and down. One moment I'm OK, can't wait to get back on the wagon and get pregnant again; the next I'm ranting at poor DH because he's said "We're fine really" to MIL and I'm thinking, "Are we? Easy for you to say Mr, you're not the one miscarrying." He's been so good, bless him, but hormones seem to have turned me into a horrible person. Did anyone else find this?

I'm back at work today (boss has let me work from home so still in PJs!) but just don't want to do anything. Silver lining is that we have a holiday coming up - we leave on 6th August. I just hope everything is over by then so we can enjoy it.

So sorry for all your losses, and it's made me feel better already to hear about people who are pregnant again. Also sorry for the mahusive essay - you must be hoping I never come back!

oops a large piece of chocolate brownie lept onto a plate and came back upstairs with me with my from the canteen...oh dear, what a shame I'll just have to eat it and forget about the diet I'm on for the next 5 mins

Morning all...well AF certainly making herself comfortable and known...the cramps and the heavy bleeding urrgghhh - I guess my 'expectations' of a light AF after the ERPC were totally unfounded and just a bit over hopeful! Here's hoping it's not 12 days long like whatsoever's just scared myself silly thinking I'd forgotten to bring any pads to work but then found two hiding in my desk drawer...phew!! Wasn't looking forward to explaining to my boss that I had to urgently nip out to the shop!!!

eve I'm doing a Diploma in Interior Design and thoroughly enjoying it...plan was/is to have something more flexible than my current job to be able to fall back on after mat leave with DC1 or maybe after DC2 (if we get that far!!) so hoping ultimately to set up a business doing it...which would be fun...though quite scary at the start!!

IQ glad you're keeping the testing up...I would have to do the same!! at your crazy dream...!!!

missg so sorry to read of your news...hoping the next few weeks bring some good news in the midst of difficult memories.

marathon how's the metalling? Have you been to the docs yet to get things rolling to get your scan booked?

whatso sorry to hear work pants...I totally agree with eve when there was an 'end' in sight it makes it easier to endure, with that gone it all feels like it's neverending again...hope this week isn't too manic for you!

baby it was still such a shock for us at the scan as even though I'd been feeling worried I had no rational reason to be so...no pain, cramps, bleeding etc and I kept thinking that I was just panicking for nothing, but alas my body/emotions just knew somehow

Right, off to get a ...

Good morning all

I found you :-0

Hope everyone is having a great monday - I have day at home today so am on a mission have washing piled high, beds to make and cleaning to do. I am sure someone comes in over night and makes a mess!!

Miss G - really sorry to hear about your mum - that must of been a very difficult time for you. I have been depressed for many years and it is impossible to shake off the feeling of worthlessness. Hope you had a good weekend bbq and having vistors sure you made the most of it.

IQ - good news about the test hope the scan goes well on wednesday - we will have everything crossed for you. And will be catching you up soon - hopefully

Blue - sorry to hear about AF arriving but at least you know everything is in working order. Still frustrating. Hope the studies went well. What is it you are studying?

Whatso - again sorry your AF arrived - Hope work has improved. Think working is bearaable when you know the end is in sight - mat leave. Now just seems like we have been robbed. Well I do anyway.

Manada - Really sorry to hear that some many around have had a difficult life. There are no words.

Marathon - Hang on in there. Thinking of you.

Baby - so sorry thar you have had to join the thread. It is great comfort to know you are not alone and as the days pass both you and DH will be able to focus on trying again. Think there are a number of us approaching 40 so know how you feel.

Poppy - which festival are you going too - sounds great fun. Hope you have a great time.

So those of you who are charting and the such tell me more. Now I am infection/pain/thrush free I am ready to take charge of the situation. Well as best I can.

Think that is everyone pie and shimmery hope you guys are ok :-)

whatso sorry to hear everything is rubbish at the moment.....do you think the saga of the bowels will entertain you - well here goes - "are you sitting comfortably"......

I woke up this morning from another weird and wonderful dream where all at the same time I was a professional wrestler, went to the beach and had all my things swept away into the sea but when started crying over them the sea coughed it all back up again, got into a fight with an OAP who was a body builder (you can imagine this was possibly the strangest part - you would be wrong) but the worst thing was that somehow the national news had gotten a hold of my bowel story and I had cameras outside my house shouting "Have you had any big jobs recently" (thanks Manda) dream ended with my waking up STILL IN THE DREAM and running to the toilet to be sick......then i really woke up and thought "I'm losing it completely here"!!!!! hope this has bought a to everyone's face on a Monday morning.

Additionally, I have done my traditional Monday morning test because I'm obsessed just to make sure and I am up to 3+ weeks so feeling that I can face Monday and the thought of returning to that terrible place called work!!!
Xxxxx

HI ladies, sorry its been a while - love the new thread hope everyone is ok this morning!

Welcome babysaurus so sorry to hear of your loss. Hope that we can give you some support and smiles along the way.

Not much to report here, CD21 and no sign of ovulation yet. Lots of EWCM though so hoping it will be soon. I am off on Thurs for about 4 weeks with DS leaving DH at home apart from one weekend when he will join me so if nothing happens in the next few days then we're out until September anyway.

Really not stressing about it this cycle though - DS has been ill and although better now he is having some sleep issues (awake 12am - 2am this morning and then up at 6am....YAWN) so I am thoroughly distracted just by trying to stay awake! This is also playing havoc with my temperature taking, never mind.

On a positive note I am v excited about going to my first festival next week (with my lovely mum, DS is staying with MIL), AND DH and I have just booked a weekend away in the middle of August our first together since DS was born (DS with my mum this time) in swanky hotel....hooray

Buggeration whatsoever that sounds pants! Is it possible to escape from the work side of things for a bit to get yourself together or is it stuff that can't wait? Frustration and crying is horrid (unfortunately I know these things). If not, Rescue Remedy? Or, er, a stiff drink?!

(Thanks for the welcome and kind words, by the way.)

Welcome babysaurus and sorry for your loss.

MissG sorry to hear what you have been through. My uncle committed suicide last year, closely followed by his sister ( he was my uncle by marriage so his sister is not my relation), and I have a friend who has tried several times so in a small way I can empathise.

I have no positive spin here, my weekend has been whack. Worked this afternoon, it didn't go well and I ended up so frustrated with the report I was writing I just sobbed. Didn't finish it so still feel terrible now and have another two or three equally crap things to do tomorrow at work. I appear to spend almost every day angry, frustrated or crying at the moment. I hope I snap out of this soon as my DH is plainly bored of it and I am bored of myself.

Obviously I'm not sure of the history there, InsomniaQueen, but am hoping that that's one of the very few BFN's on this thread.

Think I might be a bit pissed!

missG just got sister to take a IC (not even a faint line).....BFN thank god....I have enough problems without having to get between her and my parents who would "do her in"!!!

Bless her she was bricking it......but it is only a sympathetic pg....very similar but only sympathetic!!!

indeed. Am thinking it makes sense to make the most of being able to, guilt free, while I can!

I have not looked back of previous threads MissGiraffe1 so am guessing things, Sorry to hear that things have been shitty, to say the least by the sounds of things. Having a MC too must have been the straw that broke the camels back. [hugs] I can only relate to how I find things, but I have found MN an utter godsend at times (have had very tough times the past two years, on and off.) Sometimes off-loading, esp to people who can relate, works wonders. Or at least stops your friends wishing they could wander off...!

Hey Blue, glad you had a break, studying is so much harder when the weather's nice!

Thanks Marathon, that's really kind of you. It's been a tough few years. It's one of those things I just need to try to learn to live with. Easier said than done, but at the same time simply has to be done, as there are people around me relying on me (I am the 'rock' of the family apparently ). I have my down days, more just now than ever, but that's probably because so many anniversaries of awful events around this time, and the anniversary of the day itself, are approaching.

The MC was such a big thing for me, but has been overshadowed to an extent by other things that have been happening. Headf&@k to say the least, but I think this is why I enjoy this thread so much, just being able to chat about my own stuff. I think I might have imploded if I hadn't found this place and you lot! It wouldn't have been pretty!

Anyway, not wanting to hijack the thread, LOL to the Big Job chat Manda and IQ!

Large babysaurus?? I have a feeling you'll fit nicely into this thread!

Hi all, am back now and have a nice glass of wine to, erm, help with the typing.

BlueCrane what happened to you re the MMC is almost exactly the same as what happened to us, apart from I had no inkling that anything was amiss. In fact, I naively assumed that all was going to be fine as I still felt very pregnant and presumed that if something had gone wrong I'd have known somehow. How wrong I was! After the shock of the 12 week scan, we had to wait another week for a re scan (bloody long week that was) and then, after a LOT of hassle, had a ERPC booked for the 15th July. (The hassle was as the docs wanted me to have 'medical management' instead as I am a Type 1 diabetic and they said the GA would have been risky - this is bollocks but won't go into the ins and outs now.) However, come Wednesday night I had the most horrific cramping - they came in waves, just like, I imagine, contractions would - followed by VERY heavy bleeding to the extent where 999 was called (am not melodramatic, trust me!) The docs, in both A&E and the gynea ward where I was later admitted, were great and, with various drugs, managed to stem the bleeding without resorting to surgery. Apparently clots can cause further bleeding so they had to, euw, dig them out.

So, that's my story re the MMC and yes, it was my first pregnancy. I am now keen to start again once I am back to normal down there but DH is not keen. We have recently moved and are currently living in a building site and money is obviously tight. We had the BFP a week after moving so then it was panic stations to get the house as ready as possible by Jan (due date was 17th) but obviously now there isn't the same rush. DH has spoken about getting the house sorted and 'living in it' before we even contemplate TTC (the first preg was planned tho) but I don't want to wait. Bizarrely, I spent quite a lot of the pregnancy panicking about whether I had done the right thing but the last few weeks before the scan I started to get really into the idea, properly so, rather than feeling frustrated and stuck which is how I felt a lot of the time in the first few weeks.

insomniaQueen my friend also got pg immediately after a miscarriage too. I have since been Googling and it seems to happen rather a lot. Congrats!

MissGiraffe1 I have spoken to my DH vaguely about how I feel, but it has contrasted so much with what he was saying that I ended up clamming up a bit. I think he is freaked out as I was in a lot of pain and there was a lot of blood etc etc and he says it 'has put him off.' I am also still quite tired and pale which I suppose is making the gruelling physical side harder to ignore. For the moment at least. Am consuming spinach like a demon at the moment though (the iron tablets bunged me up something chronic so am now on one a day instead of 3.)

MarathonMama congrats on your BFP too! I think I remember your name from the miscarriage threads. I know already that my normally laid back demeanor will vanish if I get a BFP. Metalling indeed!

Brain turning to mush trying to study so thought I'd pop on here and say hello have a break but pretend still working hard and a

Welcome babysaurus sorry that you are also having to go through all of this...hopefully you find this thread as suuportive as I have! As others have said you and DH will move at different paces working through what's happenning and if my DH is anything to go by the concept of bleeding from 'down there' utterly freaks them out and if it's heavy as well then even more so and there seems to be a natural assumption that the physical side will take a long time to heal...though more often the emotional side that takes longer for us girlies!

My story...thought everything was pretty hunky dory with my first ever pregnancy until the week before my 12 week scan when I turned into an emotional wreck, no physical signs to say anything was wrong but I just felt really scared that something wasn't right...and sure enough we went to the 12 week scan on 26th May and found out my little one had stopped growing between 5-6 weeks and they could just see an empty sack although all my symptoms had kept going...it was an MMC. Had to wait a week for another scan and wanted to see if MC would start naturally, but no...at second scan the sack had started to collapse so we booked in for an ERPC which I had on 9th June...then crazy WTF cycle taking nearly 4 weeks to get a BFN and 6 weeks for AF which arrived yesterday after a week of cramps! We'll be SWI again asap after AF! We DTD a few times during the WTF cycle but whilst I would've been v happy for a bfp we weren't trying IYSWIM.

IQ glad to see that you are resting and the prunes are taking effect !

Need to find my creative juices again...room layouts and colour schemes here we come!