Just MC and ready to try again? Pack your leathers, black nail polish, air guitar and jump in the mosh pit for some serious metalling. All welcome! (Part 17)

It is such an enormous help talking to people who have been through it too, I have found it invaluable. The Miscarriage threads were fab too, at the time, but now feel ready to 'graduate' back up to the conception one's (if that makes sense!)

IQ hope you're a vision of tranquility!

late feel free to unload here - it's what were here for!!!! I know exactly what you mean - there is that little bit of you that feels guilty I kept saying to DH "I'm their mother - I should have protected them".....it is totally irrational and there was nothing that I or anyone could have done but you still feel these things. Try to let yourself just feel what your feeling and don't try to expect too much from yourself at such an early stage.

Hope your home and relaxing now!!! Xxx

This is the ERPC / Medical Management thread I mentioned, Late, which may be some use. Weirdly, just looking back on oldish posts (barely a fortnight old too) it does seem a lot longer ago than it actually was. I can only think that that is a good thing.

Late, as the others said, we've all unfortunately been there so if you want to vent you've come to the perfect place (says she the newbie!) Can I just add, and I hope this doesn't hit raw nerves, if the "pip" is still there you may be offered ERPC or 'medical management' (they tried and tried to get me to have the medical management option but eventually related and booked me for an ERPC although it didn't matter in the end as my body took things into it's own hands). I asked stuff about it on a thread about the time I had the longest week in the world and will put the link if you like (when posted this.) One of the things I was given the option for when I was discharged was whether I wanted it (I can't refer to it as my baby, it'll start me off, so want to keen it impersonal for headfuck reasons) cremated, buried in the hospital grounds or to take it home. I was very surprised at this as it was mainly (although I didn't rummage through it, obviously) clots and things and thought that these things just went in an incinerator. I am guessing that my hospital isn't the only one which would do this, so perhaps yours will too. I realise it's still shitty but perhaps a little less shitty than flushing something down the loo or in the bin...?

As for you being irrational, don't be ridiculous! Firstly, you are not at all and secondly, even if you were, you have the perfect grounds to!

Thanks to those who have told me what their DH's / DP's were like about both the miscarriage and TTC. I think whoever said that men like to have a practical answer to things are right, and as there is no practical solution to a miscarriage as such they don't know what to do. I guess it is VERY eary days anyway, I only stopped using sanitary towels two days ago, so there is plenty of time for him to get his head around things. Also, good news on the house front is that his parents and his brother are possibly coming, but staying in a holiday cottage, for a week to help us get going with the house. My poor DH is both working and doing the house, I have been especially useless of late, so this is great news. Perhaps solid progress there will make a definate difference to his frame of mind. Fingers crossed!

Even though I am a relative newcomer to this lovely thread, I am also in a state of excitement about Manda peeing on a stick as well as having crossed so much they are starting to cramp for IQ's scan tomorrow.

Late just wanted to say please don't worry about sharing whatever you're feeling on here and that I empathise. Any chance you could take the day off tomorrow, or maybe work from home so you're comfortable and can see how you do? I've been all over the place the last few days and so has DH, I know we need time to heal. Work was OK today - it's helping me to keep busy - but yesterday wasn't good and I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow. One day at a time.

Fingers crossed for you tomorrow Manda and thanks again everyone for the kind welcome to the thread.

Hi ladies and welcome to the new ladies, so sorry you have had to join us but we're here to help/support in any way we can

Just wanted to pop on to say Late I can really empathise with what you are saying. I mc at 6 (ish) weeks whilst travelling back from Greece on holiday. I remember thinking like you that it was horrible and wrong to be doing something so callous as flushing my baby away. I remember thinking I am leaving it behind in some dodgy hotel in Athens, I can't really describe how terrible that felt - one of the bleakest moments of my life. Its making me teary just thinking about it....

On a more positive note, to answer the questions from peeps about the festival I am going to its the Cambridge Folk Festival, don't know much about folk music but sounds like it could be very good fun - camping for 4 days. I am a bit worried that I will miss DS a lot (not DH though funnily enough ) but it will be great to have a break and to spend time with my mum.

IQ hope that all goes well tonight and tomorrow for your scan. Please let us know how you get on - I have everything crossed for you! If it is of any comfort with DS I had some light bleeding at about 7 weeks and everything was just fine.

Right, DS in bed, washing on, kettle on - beckons swiftly followed by some methinks...

Late just wanted to add a sympathetic ear. I had my scan one day and ERPC the next because my baby was long gone (8-9 weeks when should have been 12+3) but if I was having to wait around I would have all the mixture of emotions you are feeling.

Hang on in there, there's no two ways about it: it's crappy just now.

Oh late please don't worry about sharing stuff here - it's a safe place to chat and we're all here to listen...having had similar but different situations all of us can relate to what you're saying. I know that for me the only way I coped waiting for my next scan...with no bleeding or cramps at all...was the fact that I had only seen an empty sac on my scan - blighted ovum - so had to tell myself I wasn't carrying much around with me IYSWIM...I think your situation is much harder in that sense. Your feelings are totally normal and natural and you shouldn't beat yourself up for them at all. Do you have to stay at work much longer this evening...could you stay at home tomorrow? I know I definietly couldn't have managed at work if I had been bleeding not knowing quite what was going to happen next. Sending big [hugs] your way...

Oh dear, I'm not feeling so positive today, have found it rather hard to get through a day at work and actually had a little weep at my desk - and then I read your post Manda and it set me right off! So I'm sitting here typing through tears and feeling all sorts of emotions all at the same time...

The bleeding has nearly stopped, but I know the pip is still in there because I saw it yesterday. So I'm walking around technically still pregnant but knowing it's not going anywhere. I'm just waiting, waiting waiting. I want it out and gone so that I can get on with things, but bizarrely I don't want to let it go, and I feel so protective over it because it was so wanted and it's still my baby isn't it - even though it's dead and never got further than 4 weeks. It's safe inside me now, but as soon as it comes out it's going to just be flushed down the toilet or something and it's like I'm abandoning it. This is just so irrational

I'm all over the place, sorry for pouring all this out, I hope I haven't upset anyone

Ooooh... Lovely new thread Marathon!

Thank you MandaHugNKiss, Blue, Summerbird, Missgiraffe and Whatsoever. I'm still in denial really. Like, it's not really real until I see a heartbeat this time. Feel really sick today, strange how that has made me feel better in a way!

I'm still lurking Missgiraffe, been doing double shifts at work so not been online as much as I'd like.

Sorry for everyone's BFNs, but crossing my fingers it won't be long now.

Prunes hey? If you really want to get a reaction, try combining prunes/prune juice with apple juice!

Babysaurus, Sorry for your loss. I was going to wait to ttc, but I found that I very quickly changed my mind once the mc was over. Your DH obviously cares a lot about you, but once he sees you're safe and well again, he may well change his mind about trying again.

Welcome too Hobnob, how was work? Sometimes it's nice to be distracted.

LateToThis glad you are feeling positive, it will be fun trying again! Good luck next week.

MandaHugNKiss Wooh! Can't wait for you to test again tomorrow!!

Insomnia Queen God, I have everything crossed for you tomorrow. Your sister sounds just what you need right now.

Afternoon all.

Wow this has moved on again, hope to catch everyone....

Blue -your studies sound fab, hope it goes the way you want it too, very exciting for you.

Whatso - hope you are feeling better holiday is just around the corner. Hope you are getting into the spirit off it, start packing that always gets me excited.

Maraton - hope you are ok and everything is still as it should be. Thinking of you.

Baby - it is still such early days the first week or two takes some adjusting. I am sure your DH will be ready ready to start again soon. You know what men are like they have to do practical things in a crisis.

Pie - :-)

LTTBM - sorry to hear that you have had to join us, but this thread is very lucky. It takes time to adjust but it will pass and become easier to cope with. 37 is still young. Wait till you are knocking on 40 and trying...... we will get there.

IQ - really do have everything crossed for you REST UP and hope the scan goes well tomorrow.

Hobnob - give yourself time and space you will be feeling better soon. Be kind to yourself it is a loss and needs to be treated like any other.

Miss G - hope the LBT did not finish you off. Wouldn't get me near the gym but then that is why I am struggle through WW - weigh in tonight think of me. :-)

Lastly Manda OMG OMG OMG BFP go you.

Hope everyone is ok. Off to the dentist this afternoon - think of us. Had terrible day so it will top it off nicely.

Hello ladies. I look away for a minute and you go and get a whole new thread going!

Blue - glad the WTF cycle has finally ended for you :)

Baby, Hobnob and Late - so sorry you had to join us, but welcome. Passes round yet more chocolate.

Baby - I found out via a scan tht I had a MMC at 8+1. It was my first pregnancy and they said it was a blighted ovum, apparently meaning that the baby died shortly after implantation. I went for medical management (which was slightly traumatic - apparently it's not usually so intense) and by 8+4 it was all over.

It took three weeks to get a BFN and my DH and I started trying again straightaway in this cycle, though my DH was concerned about doing so (he wanted to make sure I was physically recovered as the MC really took it out of me, and emotionally, as I was pretty distraught). I'm now waiting to see if AF turns up (expected Thursday, especially as I don't "feel" pregnant, but who knows really). If she does, we'll be 'trying hard' again in about two weeks .

manda - OMG. Keep us posted.

IQ - thinking of you for tomorrow's scan. Slightly concerned by your weird dreams (the bowel thing was you right?).

I've probably missed loads, so apologies if I should have mentioned anything. waves to everybody else

marathon Tiredness is never a sympton, is it... 11 hours sleep sounds pretty knocked up to me!

For the last hour or so I've had a dull, faint burning feeling in my uterus area.

Psychosomatic or symptom: discuss!

I shall try poas later if I can hold off peeing for another couple of hours as this early it really needs to fmu or held for a good 4-5 hours. But... just feel like a lony for even considering it. I should rediscard that temp and go back to being 5dpo even though I think I should be 3dpo... this is all too weird to jump from thinking I've only just O'd to thinking I possibly have a bfp!

Waves to whatso glad you're feeling brighter today...do you think AF will be gone soon...hope so and that she doesn't overstay like last time! Well done with the running...I always end up feeling as though I'm about to pass out stop breathing if I try running...think it just disagrees with my body!! At least that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!!

baby I totally know what you mean...I remember (with a shudder now) that I said to DH early on that I felt as though I didn't know what to expect at all and felt quite lost with it all (pregnancy that is) and that it would be easier if one could have a dry run (so to speak) and know how bloated/constipated/over-tired etc etc one would get...how I regret that statement as I was so so pleased to have got to 12 weeks... only to find that I hadn't really at all, so now I have had my 'dry run' but it will only make things much much tougher for the second time around rather than easier and a comfort which is such a shame!

manda the 'symptoms' are sounding encouraging...hang in there for tomorrow morning...though I suspect there'll be no point taking your temp then as not sure you'll get too much sleep tonight!! Oh the joys of metalling!!

Hello all. My my, what an eventful time on this thread!

IQ glad the bleeding has stopped, and hope to goodness all is well at your scan tomorrow. I'm on tenterhooks for you. Your sister sounds ace!

Manda - exciting!!!! Waiting with baited breath for your next POAS results....

MissG - hardcore on the classes! I've started running in the last few weeks and have surprised myself by enjoying it. I was going to try zumba, but my local class clashes with yoga, and I love my yoga class too much to stop.

Will be starting Slimming World or Weight Watchers after my holiday to try and shift some lard, as it would be nice to have one thing that makes me feel a bit down off the list.

Pie spotting sounds irritating, hope it sorts itself out soon

Hello Blue, hobnob, baby, marathon et al. (This is a rare occasion where I am on a laptop and not my phone so I can actualyl scroll back and see the recent posts and do personals!)

I feel quite a bit brighter today. I could actually feel the cloud of anxiety and depression lifting yesterday, and given that is was day 3 of my AF I'm almost sure the two things are heavily related.

Ex-boyfriend from uni's wife had a little girl yesterday and I feel pleased for them rather than hideously envious. I think this must be a good sign (sign of what I'm not sure, but good nonetheless).

BlueCrane you hit the nail in the head when you said we can never be pregnant for the first time again. In a way, that was / is one of the things that hit me the hardest, having direct and very vivid experiene of MC and it being so hard to forget. The fact that most people go on to have healthy babies doesn't help either, even though perhaps it should. Also, as I keep saying (or saying along the lines of) I hated the first 8/9 weeks too and don't want to go through that again! Well, I said I didn't at the time but recent events seem to have provoked a re-think!

Manda my DH would have had exactly the same reaction about super sperm as yours. He also seems to think that due to his, ahem, super sperm, it would take one go to get pg again. Hmmm. If only it were that easy. While it didn't take long last time it doesn't mean it'll be the same for the next does it. Unfortunately.

MissG glad to hear you are not too much of a gym enthusiast! I do lots of walking with my dog (and very hilly where I live) so am pretty active (also don't have a car) but still struggle a bit. I am naturally quite apple shaped, and also think diets are a load of arse, so really need to get doing more once I am more capable.
I think if my DH had been similar on the phone a few days later I'd have been pissed off too. However, I guess I would have also have been pissed off if he had gone into detail so really it's a lose lose situation! Before the 12 week scan, I got very irate with my mother who told lots of people, family, we were expecting and was very dismissive of the idea of me not wanting to tell people in case it went tits up. She seemed to think that she could tell who she liked as I was telling (select) people - and my argument was that it was MY news not hers and so I could mention it to whoever the hell I liked. Once we had the horrid scan she was great, she is far better with bad news than good I think, but it does make me think twice about telling her if / WHEN there is a next time. I realise that being pg seemed to make you public property and this is something that doesn't seem to fade after you have the baby either. Oh joy...

Well, pie I took my temp at 4.30am as usual and just slid the thermometer back under my pillow, as usual, and went back to sleep (the room is pitch black). I check the temp in the morning as when i switch the thermometer back on it will display the last temp for a few seconds. For some reason, when DP got up around 6 for a wee and left the door ajar (the hall light is left on overnight) I decided to look at the temp by the light coming through the door. Mistake! I couldn't see it properly... although I'm pretty sure It was 36.6something. I think .65 But I'm just not 100% sure. And, of course, after 2-3 seconds the reading was gone and lost forever!

If I look at my chart including that temp, then it's quite similar to last months - a sharp rise, followed by a sawing motion heading back towards the coverline. Then on that I thought might have been O day, a huge dip way below the coverline. When I took my temp that morning though, I noticed my nipples were tingling and I though perhaps it was linked to O (although I've never had that before - I get sore nips on 1dpo). They've been sore on and off since (uh, feel kinda sore now). So now in my metalling state, I think 'implantation dip?' (and my temps afterwards have been higher than the ones before it).

I simply have to metal wait until tomorrow!

Manda oh my life and love!!!!! I shall be waiting on tenterhooks tomorrow to know if it's a BFP.....this has at least given me something to think about not just myself which is great......keeping my legs toes and fingers crossed for you!!!

Scan is 9:15 tomorrow.....so will have answers for all by about 12ish as the hospital is a little way from here.

MissG goodness love your dedication to the work out!!!

baby yeah I'm hoping so - just have to see how it all goes tomorrow.

Thanks to all of you for your support and big hugs to all the newbies!!! Xxx

OMG Manda ! Are you our 4th BFP??!! I am now wondering how I am gonna get through the next 24 hours until you test again, so I can only guess how you must be feeling!! Unless you plan to test again today? Not that I wish to put any thoughts in your head .... honest. (as if those thoughts aren't there already as part of the serious metalling you are now doing).

Padded cell for Manda please!

Hobnob it is so sad how common MC is and, like you, I found out about so many friends and relatives who had had one (or more ) after having mine. Although it's heartbreaking that we're all here, I echo ("ECHO.... echo.... echo...." sorry, bad joke, clearly been spending too much time with DH) what Manda has said about this thread being a life-saver. Who else would we metal with otherwise???!!!

Baby Eating crap and drinking like a fish too much alcohol?? Must have me confused with someone else
Yep, you hit the nail on the head, if I didn't exercise I would be the size of a house (I am only 5'1", so maybe a bungalow, but a house nonetheless). I try to drink gin & slimline tonic, or vodka and diet coke, but there's nothing like a big glass of or a cider with ice.... mmmmm...
Was it you who asked about how DHs took the MC and TTC? Well, mine pissed me off big style. His Dad called a couple of days after the ERPC and obviously asked the question "how are you/what are you up to?" and I heard my DH say, "Yeah, good, not up to much really, just trying to work out what we're doing with the garden". I was like WTF?? Stewed for ages, then accused him of the MC not being important enough to bother telling his Dad about, and he said that he just didn't want to give him such sad news over the phone . Felt a bit bad, but was also wallowing a little, so didn't really talk about getting back on the TTC wagon. A week feels like quite a long time when you're going through this. About a week later, I said "right, it's been 2 weeks, I'm sure it's ok to start trying again" and he obeyed. I had a bit of a freak out though when, in the absence of AF, I got a BFP 4 weeks after ERPC, but it turned out to be left over HcG from MCd pg . One thing I would recommend to you all Hobnob and Lady is to test to make sure you get a BFN, as those couple of days not knowing if I was newly pg (and having to act as if I was just incase, i.e not drinking and avoiding certain things) was a horrible limbo to be in.

Marathon how are you today?

(btw the word echo is one of those words that the more often you type it, the more wrong it looks )

IQ hope all is well, thinking of you today xx

manda OMG OMG OMG OMG !! Why did you discard your temp on CD15? How common are evaps on ICs? If your DH picked it up though surely it was within the 10 mins? There is no way I could wait until tomorrow to re-test though! I'd try to hang on and not pee for 4 hours or so then do another test - do it!!! Do you have any FR tests?!

I haven't got a scooby what's up with me this month with the spotting and everything. Still haven't done a test as I don't have any in the house (was a deliberate manouver but secretly regretting having no ICs left!) Only 1 digi but I don't want to waste it IYSWIM! Am 9po today but with crazy spotting GRRRRR

Better do some work !! xxx

OOOH...sorry...x-posted with manda how could I have missed that!!! Be crazy if you do get your bfp after all that wobbling!!! Another loooong 24hrs for you then...have you got any digi tests in stock to try tomorrow if you get another bfp on an IC?

IQ at your sister and more [hugs] for you...well done for staying calm...even if it was with some gentle sisterly encouragement...so glad you're not on your own as well! Hang in there...

missg those two classes together sounds like some form of torture...you crazy lady!! Then again I could barely contemplate doing my usual morning sit ups this morning due to AF deciding that she's not left after all and seems to have made herself quite confortable again...grrr...but thought 2 days was a bit of a short stay...oh well!

hobnob the tearful moments will keep coming and going, best to let them happen as it will help with the healing...and yes, when we all get our new bfps there will be much stressing, 'metalling galore' and need for nice comfy padded places for us to try and sit quietly for 8 weeks until we get our 12 week scans done...and even then probably more 'metalling' until the next milestone and so on...

I read of someone saying that one of the things they were mourning for after their MC was the fact that they will never be pregnant for the first time again...so true...there is a blissful innocence to that which unfortunately we wiil never have again though obviously I'm trying not to dwell on that though it does crop up in my thoughts now and again!

Right...time for some food...thinking soup today since it's a bit grey around here...and soup is most comforing when AF is staying...