Freak Out Room For Those Newly Updiffed After M/C Part VIII

I bet we are all sitting here on the same bloody websites!

Biscuits had to say I had a dark chuckle at the thought of you crying down the aisles of the supermarket every day and getting escorted off the premises :) Not in a mean way, you know what I mean though. When I go for a scan I always make sure I have my sunglasses on to walk back as I know I will probably be crying all the way and have to try to pull it together really quickly when I pass someone in the street! At EPU you have to go back into the waiting room after the scan and wait to see the nurse and it's then when I really try not to fold - sitting there with loads of women and their children.

That would be an excellent idea, Biscuits! I think my DH is thinking about banning me from the PC altogether!! Have a nice afternoon too.

Oh how nice for your eldest ones to be homeward bound - that'll be nice to see them. Have a nice afternoon (as much as possible).

In the same way you can put parental controls on the internet for your kids, our DHs should be able to block google for us to avoid temptation......

I meant, thank you Freelance and Biscuits!!! Lol. Pregnancy brain? I'm Moomin!!!

Thank you Freelance and Moomin. I am going to relax and put my feet up and watch rubbish TV all afternoon, lol. My oldest 2 children have been in Florida with their dad and Grandparents for the last 2 weeks, so I'm really looking forward to seeing them and it will help take my mind off things (as much as I can).
I understand about the supermarket thing, Biscuits, the fear sneaks up on you when you're least expecting it, doesn't it!
Freelance, I think I need to ban myself from using Google, it's becoming an unhealty obsession. We went to see SIL on the way home from work, and I was dying to get home to Google 'normal gestational sac measurements', lol.

And good luck this afternoon Stitch. I am going to stop whatever I should be doing at 4:30 and concentrate on lots of positive vibes for you.

Moomin bless you

I'm glad there was a sac there and that everything was in line with feasible dates. The next two weeks though is going to be a long wait for you isn't it. I really do feel for you.

I think the sensible bit of our brains knows that there is nothing we can do to change it but it doesn't stop a ridiculous amount of mentalling. I am personally afraid I might get banned from my supermarket as I tend to find I do a lot of thinking while shopping which almost inevitably leaves me on the verge of tears so I think they might ban me for being a bad advert for the shop or something :(

Do you have anything planned over the next couple of weekends to help the time pass? Hope the bleeding stops too - again we all know that it is perfectly possible to bleed with no adverse impacts but that doesn't make it any easier when it is happening.

It's nice that you have an understanding boss too. Do something treatish this afternoon. Curl up with a book or a dvd or whatever will make you feel a bit comforted. Hope DH is home soon to give you a RL reassuring cuddle.

I have everything crossed for you still. I mean if you are 5 weeks then everything is just as it should be at the moment and we can only ever take it step by step and day by day.

I swing from moments of perfect rationalisation 'what will be will be' etc to moments of complete breakdown 'we're going to lose this one and never be able to get pregnant again' etc. BUt who knows.

In the meantime we are here for hand holding and hair stroking as appropriate.

Oh sorry you had that scan experience Moomin. That happened to me a few weeks ago and I have spent the last few weeks frantically googling things about sac sizes. There are plenty of people who see nothing but an empty sac at that stage and go on to see much more next time. Not me unfortunately but there are plenty of stories out there!

Good luck with everyone else and their scans! Keep us all updated xx

Hello Ladies,

I had my scan, the sonographer couldn't see anything doing an abdominal scan, as apparently I have a retroverted uterus (news to me, after scans during my previous pregnancies!), so she had to do a trans-vaginal scan. She could see a gestational sac, measuring 5x6x7mm, so she said that is consistent with just over 5 weeks, not the 6 that I thought, going on my LMP of 6th July and cycle length of 23 days. I suppose though that I could have ovulated as late as 21st July, so I suppose that would make it spot on. I am still bleeding (in fact, a bit more today than ever), but she was quite reassuring. The midwife didn't say a lot afterwards, asked how I was feeling physically, and just pulled a bit of a concerned face when I said that I didn't really feel pregnant. She didn't make any suggestions about the possible cause of the bleeding, and just said that I need to go back in 2 weeks. Part of me is relieved that at least they could see a gestational sac, and that it isn't ectopic, but I'm still very worried about the bleeding,lack of symptoms (boobies feel a bit more tender, but that's probably down to all the prodding, lol), and the looong wait for the next scan. I thought I would be ok going to work afterwards, but once I got there, I promptly burst into tears and was sent home! Boss is lovely and very understanding. I guess that my midwife MIL is very right when she says that I have to accept that I can't have any control over it, if it's meant to be, it will be, and if not, it's natures way of getting rid of something that wouldn't develop properly. So, I'm going to try to chillout and relax, as much as I can!

Sorry for the selfish post, hope everyone else is ok and Stitch, that your scan has gone ok.

4.30 aaaggghhhh I thought my 12.45 next Friday was bad!

Thanks for the good wishes - scan is not until 4:30 so ages to go still. Lucky work i busy so mind is only having a little bit of oppurtunity to freak out!

Will catch up properly over the weekend as fx I'll be a bit more relaxed by then.

Meant to say.... I'm feeling much better today, I'm hoping thats the end of the headaches

Got a busy weekend planned so hoping that will stop me stressing about everything else....Hope you all have a great weekend

hello doitnicely and congrats on the BFP

kat have an ace holiday!

LAF and biscuits good luck for the scans on Wednesday, hope you can put it out of your minds over the weekend x

stitch not sure what time your scan is this afternoon, but good luck x

Ours is Wednesday afternoon - we can get through this whatever happens (she says putting on a brave face). I'll be thinking of you too in the morning LAF

I've just phoned the fertility clinic to tell them (even if this doesn't work out I thought that they should still know as it is a 'significant' event in our ttc). I wanted to know if you could get private early scans anywhere at the hospital (which you can't) but the fertility clinic lady phoned me back and said congratulations etc which was nice - and then she asked if we were excited..... I opted for 'cautiously optimistic' and that was pushing it a bit

biscuits we are here for you. Symptoms come and go, the worst is not yet upon you. I know, it is easier said than done to give advice.

My scan is also Wednesday AM, and I'm freaked out too. It was at the 8.5 WK scan last time around that I realised things weren't going to work out, so this milestone carries a lot of trepidation for me too. We'll get through this together.

I've just booked a scan for next Wednesday and am now bricking it even more than I was before, I'll be 8 weeks exactly by LMP dates but feel now as if doom has a date with me .

I think I just have to find out one way or another so we can deal with it all but am so scared already. No nausea today or yesterday, no nothing .

I think by then if there is a heartbeat in there we should be able to tell - oh my goodness I could just cry which is ridiculous. I feel as if it has already been bad news and yet scanning or not is not going to change the outcome. I'm so stupid . I feel as though by booking it I've sort of confirmed bad news but it has to be better to know. Just wish I felt something.

Sorry for the rambling

Hope everyone else is OK

Freelance I agree with what the others have said - you are dealing with everything really positively - I'm very proud of you x

Hi freelance my bad, I thought your scan was yesterday. You are incredibly positive. I tend to get very downbeat about it all and can't see a way ahead. I totally agree with the sentiment about not "wasting time" that's why the last 6 months were so hard. I couldn't TTC and had to wait for the tests to happen. Hopefully, they have "fixed" my problem now, so it will be worth the wait. That's why I don't want to wait for scans, I'd rather know sooner that something was wrong, then later.

I didn't go for a scan in the end. The 4D scanning people never got back to me to confirm that they could do an early scan, so I'm waiting for my scan on Wednesday. I found this link from a few months ago and I'm trying to keep calm. It is from a military obstetrics book, so it seems to have a bit more weight than a random website. What I found interesting was this:

**In the presence of uterine bleeding, visualization of a gestational sac, a yolk sac, a fetal pole and fetal heart beat changes the risk of a threatened abortion leading to miscarriage from 50/50 to about 5%.

Observation of subchorionic bleeding (blood outside the sac) is noted in about 20% of patients with threatened abortion. This is a worrisome sign, and reduces the pregnancy continuation rate to about 2/3.**

So, I'm reading this as if since they have seen a heartbeat, I have a 5% chance of miscarriage now. Perhaps I'm putting 2 and 2 together and getting 5. I'm not bleeding anyway, thankfully.

Random grasping at symptoms by me: my boobs are covered in blue veins, I don't really feel ill much, but last night's chilli pesto didn't agree with me and gave me bad indigestion. (it seemed really appealing in the supermarket, but won't be buying that again). Putting in the pessaries makes me wretch, I don't know why, and I brought up some of the chilli pesto after putting in the pessaries.

I guess I'm just scared. As each day goes by, I get more and more attached to the pregnancy, even though I try and block it out from my head.

Not sure if anyone saw the Sunday Times style magazine last week, but Kelly Brook was on the cover, and she talked a little bit about her mc. I think I'm in good company because she said she put on a stone after mc, although she looks great, and I think I must have done about the same.

Oludeniz is gorgeous! And all that lovely Turkish food and sunshine. Just what you need.

I too am feeling like I am living that wasted time thing right now! That's why it's important to get out there and enjoy ourselves and make sure this is a sideline to our life and not the whole focus. Easier said than done when you have something inside you and you live with it every minute of the day, I know. My last mc started two days before the 12 week scan and it was way too long to have gone on, and a very painful and drawn out time of contractions, hospital, bleeding etc etc. So yes, finding out early is a good thing. But I think you are right thinking 8 weeks is a good time to wait until as having gone earlier than that it hasn't been easier for me. By 8 weeks you think you would definitely see something.

Have a great holiday!

I'm going to Oludeniz in Turkey. A week of sun sand and sea.

biscuits I know exactly what you mean about the "wasted" time. I want to know if this one is viable asap. My first pg I got past 10 weeks and it had failed well before then and the wasted time really bothered me. Last time I had a viability scan at 8 weeks so at least I could miscarry sooner rather than later. Lets hope that this time, neither of us is wasting time and these ones will stick.

Hi Milky. No the steroids are just a pregnancy/miscarriage treatment thing. After my most my mc in March (I had had two many years before but they didn't really matter to me, I was 19/20 and didn't want to be pregnant - traumatic but not 'lost babies' iykwim) this year I went for testing with the Miscarriage Clinic and was diagnosed with very high NK cells - in the highest 5% the clinic has seen.

Basically the theory is that the natural killer cells, there to attack viruses etc, actually turn against the baby thinking it is a foreign object. The steroids and other meds are supposed to lower the immune system so that it stops attacking itself. I had to start taking them from ovulation and up the dose and add progesterone on a BFP. If I were to stay pregnant I would gradually come off the meds by 16 weeks. They often reckon women who have had a successful pregnancy can then go on to develop high NK cells so if any of you have problems again in the future (and I really hope you don't) it is worth getting checked out. It is a controversial area of treatment though and not everyone believes in it. For me it just rang alarm bells as I have a thyroid condition and this can be one of the indicators of autoimmune problems. Same as a family history of arthritis, lupus, Raynaud's and other conditions.

Hi Doitnicely and welcome to the thread. I do hope it all goes well for you this time.

Biscuits I know exactly what you mean about worrying about 'wasting' another three months being pregnant. I feel exactly the same. I am thinking that now - I just want to know one way or the other so I can get on with it again if I have to! And then there's the worry of getting pregnant again too. I am sure we can all empathise.

Kat it is GREAT that you are off on holiday today, going anywhere nice? Just try to relax and enjoy it. Same goes for all of us really, what will be will be and there's nothing that worrying can change!

Sorry Kat, cross posted, and just realised it isn't you having a scan today, it's Moomin and Stitch . On phone so couldn't check back through old posts.

Have a great holiday and hope everything stays good for you. Oh, and leave those pee sticks at home

Welcome Doitnicelyplease, although sorry you have cause to be on this thread - so sorry to read about your m/cs .

I can absolutely identify with what you and milky have said about the jealousy of others moving on and the age gap. Friends who started ttc when I did now have 6 mth old babies . I too wanted a 2 yr gap after DS but he will be more than 3 and a half if this sticks.

My story briefly is that I had a m/c with my first pg (before DS) and then had DS. Both times we got pg quite quickly. This time it has taken us 19 mths to get even a BFP - nothing up until then. We had been referred to the fertility clinic and were just about to start IUI / IVF as our next step (privately because we have DS). They had prescribed me Clomid as a last attempt to do it on our own (although I had regular cycles and ov as far as I could tell) and I was supposed to be starting that from my next cycle, but (almost miraculously) my next cycle never came .

Having had one m/c I know is not as traumatic as having had several and I do feel for you ladies in that position but I am still so very scared. I don't seem to have much in the way of symptoms (much more like my m/c than my successful pg) and am so scared it has gone wrong again. My added stress this time is that if it has gone wrong I don't think I can stand the stress of starting ttc again and how long it might take to get pg again . I think I would feel that I had 'wasted' these months being pg

I do realise how lucky I am to have DS. I try to think that rather than being unlucky this time, we must have just been super lucky last time but I so wanted more than one. DS has also asked a few times if we can have a baby (I guess lots of kids at nursery have baby siblings) and asks things like if daddy can bring a baby home in the car . I am also frightened that he might come out with some of this talk of babies in front of someone like my in-laws who might then guess I was pg. We've not told anyone (bar my mum who found a picture of a positive pee stick on my phone as DH was away when i tested ).

I am about 7 weeks now and am going to try and book an early scan for next Friday to give us an answer but am very scared .

I should apologise as I said I was going to put my brief history and that is anything but brief! Well done if you've got to this point reading it . Apologies for anyone who has read it all before!

Hope everyone else is ok this morning.

Good luck to those with scans today (Kat, Stitch, anyone else?)

Morning all. I'm off on my holidays today :) fingers crossed that I am imagining my decline in symptoms and I will still be nicely diffed by the time I get back next week. And definitely fingers crossed that you will all be too!

milkyways I know what you mean about worrying about all sorts of things like paint and potatoes and just about anything else. i had a bit of a mental when using hair dye last night but it is supposedly safe. I suppose it is natural for us to worry about these things but the risks are very very small. You would have to be exposed to paint fumes all day long for months on end I reckon.

Thanks milkyways sounds like we have had a similar time of it.

I didn't have testing as after the first two the drs said 'just one of those things and you already have a DD so keep trying', the third mc was more of a blip, I only found out I was pregnant and then four days later was bleeding, I didn't tell anyone apart from DH about it.

I guess I chose to think of it as a chemical, as I had no implantation bleeding which is what I had with the others, so as I seem to get pregnant quickly enough we thought we would give it one more go before intervention. And here I am now pregnant and bricking it!

Can I ask how far on you are now?

I should add that I am in a different time zone, so my posts will be at random times to everyone else.

Hello to all

doitnicelyplease sorry about the X posts, and welcome to the thread. I am so sorry for your losses. This is definitely the right place to come and vent your feelings, and we are all here to listen and hold your hand if you need it.

I can understand the jealousy, and feeling a fraud and the age gap between your firstborn. I had planned a 2 year gap between DD and the next baby - it didn't work out, and now if this baby is born, there will be a massive 4 year gap. It especially hurt me when during my third mc, my DD kept asking why she didn't have a baby brother or sister :(

If it's any help, I had the same "periody" feeling at the start of this pregnancy too, and was convinced I was going to miscarry. Can I ask why you didn't have tests done after the third mc? I really wish you every luck, and really hope this works out for you this time.