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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Secondary infertility....a gloomy thing

28 replies

maximum123 · 08/07/2011 20:25

Dear Ladies,

We are awaiting results for sperm test and I have a normal set of results for my blood tests, day 3 and day 21. So I feel a bit mixed between having something called explained fertility or unexplained fertility. Either diagnosis does not seem preferable to me.

I am 34 years old due to be 35 in december and DH is 40. We are wondering what people thought to jumping straight into ivf treatments privately or whether to keep going naturally? we have been trying since january. Which sounds like nothing its just so unusual not to be pregnant after conceiving our first so easily.

My husband seems to think we will conceive naturally, but I am less convinced. And I am keen to get started on treatments. But he would like to wait and see. But even starting on treatments takes a few months to get anywhere close to getting pregannt. I feel so impatient.

And embarassingly I have found it hard to talk to mums pregnant with their second. and will often go away and cry. Sorry to be so so gloomy.
It just feels like such an embarassing condition where other people get frustrated by your lack of offspring too.

Sorry to rant on.... I would dearly love to hear from other mums suffering the same thing.

OP posts:
LisaJayneS · 08/07/2011 21:09

I could have written these posts too! We are ttc no 2. DH and me are both 33, we've been pg twice before. First time got pg 2nd mth (but sadly miscarried) and second time got pg 3rd mth of trying - that gave us DS. We've now been trying for 18mths already and no joy.

I totally echo what you've both said about seeing others getting pg - it makes it all so gloomy :( People I know who started trying after us have babies now and much as I am pleased for my friends, I wish it could be us too.

We have also been referred to the fertility clinic. Have had first appt so have had both day 3 and day 21 tests (seemed fine), I've had a HSG (seemed fine). DH has had 2 SA - 1st one showed low motility, second we think was ok, but yet to hear the consultant's take on it.

We have our next appt at the clinic next Fri and I really hope they can give us some guidance about how to get treatment and what would be recommended. Like Ninja we will have to pay as we already have DS but I am so fed up of living in limbo. Constantly 'what if-ing' and wondering if we'll ever get there.

Original poster
maximum123 · 08/07/2011 21:04

Ooo thanks ninja chipmunk, its comforting to hear someone else who understands, though i would not wish what we go through on anyone. I am loving the idea of a facebook break, thats inspired. Will give that a try. Perhaps doing some fun activity in the evening like a zumba class or going swimming would help instead.

Hope your second level of testing goes smoothly and it does not cause too much stress.

I am trying to lose weight currently as my little goal, as we all need goals to focus on apart from the obvious. I would love to be in a healthy BMI range, as against to overweight.

Its wierd the facebook thing as its so socially acceptable to openly share the joy of pregnancy. But secondary inferility feels like a social embarrassment where childrens birthday parties and mums groups just sting. And you hardly feel overjoyed to post something like..... Hurrah husbands semen analysis is fine!!

I must try not to run the risk of alienating myself from all my friends who dont suffer from SIF, which is everyone. By trying not to share all my woes with them. So its soo soo lovely to chat to someone who does share similar struggles.

This month is hard as lots of second babies being born.

I did not realise how isolating

OP posts:
NinjaChipmunk · 08/07/2011 20:39

I could have written your post. I conceived ds first month and we have been trying for #2 for 15 months. My day 3 and day 21 tests came back fine, dp's sperm analysis came back fine. We are now just waiting for an appointment for our referral for the infertility clinic (were supposed to go next week but couldn't make the date, now waiting for a new one). From what I have been told, they will most likely redo the bloods and then go on to think about internally with something like a laparoscopy/ hsg to make sure there is nothing wrong internally. We can't afford ivf and since we already have a child we don't qualify for it on the nhs.

It is heartbreaking every month to get my period, to see my friends have their second and third babies, to see statuses on facebook about pregnancy (I'm currently on a facebook break because of this), even to see pregnant women in the street. My ds keeps asking if we are going to have more babies. I have to cling on to the hope that it will just happen as I think I'll fall apart otherwise.

It is on my mind every minute of every day and the longer we try the more difficult I find it. But at least being on here I know I'm not alone, and that helps.

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