Inability to be happy for friends

Wow! Came on here to offer my sympathy to the OP but am left reeling by the vileness of the well-named stupid. Sadly I encountered people as insensitive as her during my 5 year struggle to have a family .

butternut, my heart goes out to you - it is the most incredible (and as the fuckwit stupid has shown so well) misunderstood grief imaginable. And for the poster caught between the pg and non-pg friend I would say that I found seeing babies much 'easier' than seeing pg friends. I would often avoid friends while pg and then pluck up the courage to see them once the baby had arrived. Don't know why I found this easier .

I joined INUK and met up with people locally through there. It was a breath of fresh air to meet and talk with others going through the same thing, although that came with its own challenges when they got pg and I didn't .

My story did have a happy ending but it has made me so so sensitive to others - I never ask why people only have one child in case there is a secondary IF story there or if someone wants children if they have none. I got asked that so many times and just wanted to scream at them. Sometimes I did just say "because I'm infertile" which was often a conversation stopper!

Anyway, I'm rambling now. Just wanted you to know your feelings are not unusual and you're not alone.

Aesop's Fable

There was a man travelling out of his town and he bumped into a fellow traveller going in the opposite direction. The traveller asked the man what the people were like in his town, and the man asked him what the people were like in the last town that he had visited. "Oh, they were awful!" said the man, "grumpy, selfish and bitter". "Oh dear", said the man, "you will find the people in my town just the same".

He walked on a little further and met another traveller heading towards his town. "What are the people like in your town?" asked the second traveller, and the man again asked what the people had been like in the last place that the traveller had visited. "Oh, they were lovely! smiling, friendly and kind". "Oh good", said the man, "you will find the people in my town just the same".

Can't think why this thread has put that story in my mind...

stupid what you have posted on this thread is evidence enough to suggest you have sufficient deficiencies which render you an incapable mother.

I suspect you yourself were brought up badly by your mother - is/was she a bit of a cold-hearted bitch too? Did/does she hate you?

Suggest you seek counselling for all the issues your posts reveal.

Well said bloofer and lissieloo

thisisstupid you are an utterly hateful person. I find it hard to believe that you can enjoy your life, you must be pretty miserable or why would you need to make yourself feel better by kicking other people while they're down. I pity you for your complete shallowness and lack of emotional complexity. Your user name is totally apt - you are completely and utterly stupid.

Oh Gin, It means so much that you understand and care about us so much. You remind me that that creature is thankfully a rarity...

PLEASE DO GO AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE AND LEAVE THIS THREAD ALONE!!!!

And you can fucking stop with all the 'mother' thing. I am also a mother. I have 2 kids. It has not turned me into a selfish, cruel harpy as far as I know ...but this is not about those who can conceive v those who can't. It's about YOU being incredibly fucking NASTY! You don't need to do this. You are choosing to. Before you glory in how fucking wonderful you are perhaps you should question WHY you want to trample on the feelings of people who are feeling shit????

And for the record it is absolute fucking proof that you are Not Nice that you made bloof come out with such vitriol. She is a bloody lovely, kind and generous person. Who you goaded. For no real readon other than because you could. Well done you.

Bloofer

I'm not bitter and twisted, thisisstupid - I just know a vicious little cunt when I see one. HTH.

Please do. I look forward to pointing you to this thread in a few years,

I'm not sure labour can be described as 'enjoying life'... Certainly isn't how I remember it!

May also be worth remembering that secondary infertility is the primary type in women in their 30's. Labour is what fucked up my chances of having another child. I would wish you luck, but I can't with any sincerity.

Does that make you feel better thinking i'm a bad mum and my husband will leave me. You can't really comment on my abilities as a mother as it's something you have yet to experince. Well if it helps you get through the day although its kind of sad that your life has been reduced to this. It just shows how bitter and twisted infertility has made you so whilst you wallow i'm going to go and enjoy my life.

:o Sunny

Unfortunately it seems empathy is a trait one is born with and it can't be taught. FWIW I don't believe that Stupid is in labour right now- I also don't believe that life is as happy for her as she makes out - otherwise why would she get her kicks from upsetting women who are already having a difficult time?

I've also been on both sides of this coin. Like Euro, I'm always at my most irrational on the first day of my period - and then I pick myself up (with the help of some of the fantastic women on this thread usually) and start again. Don't be put off by Seriouslystupidwithanobviousagendaanddesiretokickpeoplewhenthey'redown, dear Butternut. There are far more women on here who can and do want to listen, be supportive, and offer advice.

It's often perhaps worth remembering that, in some cases, those who are pregnant may too have had a hard time conceiving - we don't know what goes on in other people's lives.

I have two DDs. DD1 (5) was conceived first month of trying. DD2 (15 months) - well, I had no problem conceiving, but kept miscarrying very early on. Took about two years on and off, but it happened in the end. I used to feel very jealous of people with more than one child. I can only imagine how hard it must be ttc your first.

Good luck.

Thisisstupid gosh, poor you, how awful to be in labour. How lucky we all are that we don't have to feel the terrible pain you are in. What a martyr, you're my hero.

Oh, hang on, I would give anything to be in your position. Oh well.

Way to stick the knife in. What an awesome parting shot. You sure showed us. You win. Well done.

The fact you are bitching on MN while in labour rather than marvelling at what you are going through really does show the extent of your complacency. Mind blowing.

I very much hope you have an easy labour and a healthy child. Why don't you just focus on your own luck and happiness, count your blessings and leave the rest of us the f*ck alone - PLEASE.

I most certainly hope that none of your children ever experiences fertility problems as you will be no help at all to them.

Ach, well. When you're this ignorant, foolish, immature, unwise, crass, unpleasant, insensitive, hurtful, spiteful, malicious and calamitously stupid, there's a good chance your husband will seek comfort elsewhere and your children will despise you.

Karma, innit.

Do you actually like hurting people?

I'm quite stunned really. Perhaps now you feel like you have made a suitably crass dramatic exit you will leave this thread alone.

Your advice wasn't strictly 'asked for'. The OP asked if anyone else had ever felt as she did (which she was beating herself up about) and how they coped if they did/had felt that way.

You admit you have no experience here. And you quite obviously can't manage to get anywhere close to empathy. So please go and be smug elsewhere.

thisisstupid : I really pity your children and your unborn child. You are a despicable person. You cannot possibly have the range of skills and emotions it takes to make a good mother. But I suspect that deep down, YOU KNOW that you are a pretty shit person and mother, given the fact you've been bragging about having kids etc on this kind of threat. Your insecurity shines through.

I'll say it again, I pity your children.

Stupid your last comment is lovely. Thanks for reminding us all that you are having a child. Perhaps being in labour will keep you quiet.

I was going to tell you not to be so passive aggressive. People like you are cvruel and rude then play the "language" card, but you are a smug cunt. Fuck off.

And just to add to what I've said, it was not easy to get to that point, mentally, as I've wanted kids for as long as I can remember, and it took 4 years to get DH to even agree to try for a baby. I and many many other know just how you are feeling, and are with you all the way.

And, thisisstupid, your comments have just highlighted how much ignorance surrounds IF, how little has changed over the years. We need to raise awareness not accept halftruths

God, I was thinking about thisisstupid's astonishing crassness and insensitivity while I was away over the weekend and wondering how someone could be so blind to others' pain. I have come back to find that her early posts were the tip of the iceberg of her unpleasantness. thisisstupid - I don't normally say stuff like this, but please go fuck yourself and fuck off while you're doing it.