Inability to be happy for friends

I've not even had that mentioned to me although I have read about the blood thinning aspect of asprin. DH has a clotting issue (nearly died from a pulmonary embolism and had other dvts) and is supposed to be injecting himself with blood thinners daily after he became intolerant to the warfarin tablets.

I wonder if they'd take the miscarriages in account now seeing as most were years ago.

I'm only asking because several friends who had recurring miscarriages before 8 weeks took an aspirin a day and carried the next baby to term.

Aspirin is a blood thinner. Heparin is a more potent blood thinner. SIL injected this into here belly daily during her last pregnancy and carried it to term, after several early miscarriages.

It is worth asking tour gynecologist about.

CoteDAzue I haven't as I was told my blood tests after first few miscarriages came back normal and I didn't need to take anything. That was years ago now so maybe I should ask for more if I have any more issues. I'm fairly confused by it all

What awful stories on this thread. :(

I agree with minipie - I don't think that you can ever censor your emotions when you are going through something so raw and painful, and I don't think that you should even try. Telling a pregnant woman that you hate the fact that she is pregnant while you're not is a mean thing to do, but no-one on this thread would ever do that. I just did the smile-and-nod thing and tuned out what was actually being said.

Griselda - I am sure that you will get back in touch with your friends. We have lost contact with friends over the years for lots of different reasons (including them being in the baby-fog), but good friends will pick up where they have left off. It's happened to us twice this year alone.

I am sure that stupid is a troll and is just saying this stuff to get a rise. No-one could really be that insensitive in real life, surely?

Butternut - you are perfectly normal to feel the way you do. I tried for 4.5 yrs to conceive and during that time my SIL fell pregnant and I cried my eyes out when I heard. Then my first IVF ended in a chemical pregnancy and on the day I got the test results back I got an email from an old friend saying she'd 'accidentally' fallen pregnant. I was devistated and wrote the nastiest email back to her. Luckily I didn't send it! I then had to force myself to go to her wedding when she was 4 months pregnant.

Chin up, things wil get better.

gherkins Please don't despair - at 32, you are nowhere near age related infertility problems!

Re "my body just finds it hard to stay pregnant" - Have you already followed blood thinning treatments like aspirin and heparin?

Butternut I must admit that I find it difficult to be completely happy for friends who are pg - and I've only been TTC for a month! (Been waiting to TTC for a lot longer though).

Obviously, I try to hide it, act delighted etc. But the feeling of "when is it going to be meeee" is always there.

Tbh I don't think it's realistic to try to get rid of any trace of jealousy. It will be there. But you just have to hoik the delighted smile up again and express your best wishes....

Don't even know where to begin re: a certain poster who is clearly incapable of imagining herself in someone else's position, and has very little knowledge about the causes of difficulty in TTC.

lissie massive ((hugs)) for you

Thank you Aries.

pink4ever I'm so sorry for your losses :( truly

PatientGriselda It's lovely that you remember, that's something that scares me, that she'll be forgotten :( It means a lot, thank you. I'm sorry for you and hope you conceive soon, I can see how all encompassing it can be and I have children already (I'm incredibly lucky I'm aware) so I can only imagine how much harder it must be for you and I hope it happens soon. I always think that, although I'm happy for a friend or family member being pregnant, I'm sad for me. Not sad that they're pregnant but sad that I'm not. It just brings it home yet again. I hope that makes sense!

Hi Butternut, just wanted to also respond to your original post, I think you've really hit the nail on the head about what is one of the hardest things about this whole horrible ttc lark. Your post could easily have been written by me, I've felt exactly the same about friends and SIL's pregnancies. (it'll be 4 yrs for us in sept, no whiff of a bfp and just had failed 1st round ivf). One of the hardest things for me was accepting it was happening at all, and seeing myself behave in ways i never could have imagined. Your thread is so helpful in that it shows just how many of us feel exactly the same way. For me I now get a grim sort of pleasure on the days that I 'conquer' those feelings - its takes a superhuman effort but is worth it for my nearest and dearest (I don't manage it for everyone unfortunately) and it does get easier with practice - achieving a serene state out of pure torture is surely something buddhists or something teach! I do find meditation and things like that really helpful, to consciously acknowledge those thoughts and replace them with positive ones. As I said, I can't always manage it though, so just try to forgive myself for the rest of the time.

Interestingly, I think the comments by *** have helped me. I stopped and thought about those who I have found difficulties with and I know without a shadow of a doubt that they would never have meant to harm me, or dreamt of saying some of things she did. Next time I find myself having trouble with this I think I will try to remind myself and how much I do love the people in my life and how great they are.

Sorry - what a gloomy note to end on!

I have never forgotten that thread, gherkins, and i hope you don't mind that a stranger always remembers you and Scarlett.

butternut , I wish I didn't know so well how you feel. I also wish I had some helpful advice other than what you're already doing - act happy, then hang up and alternate between howls of anguish and gnawing the table in despair. I managed to tell a friend of mine why I was avoiding his insistent invitations to come round and meet his new baby (his second - how greedy!) and he was very understanding and backed off instantly, but I now worry that if I never conceive I will never manage to get back to proper friendship with him and his wife. Or that if I do conceive and get back in touch they will think I am somehow a fair weather shallow sort of friend. Possibly with good reason.

I have just read through this entire thread and I am. Now the one thing I like about mn is the lively debate and I have been involved in some bun fights. But I have always taken the view "its just words on a screen" and never let it rile me-until this thread!.
I am the luckiest person in the world because I have 3 beautiful dcs but I have also had to bury 3 baby boys and also had 3 msc. When I was losing my baies I hated pregnant women with a vengence. Had a close relative pregnant at the same time as me-all 3 times my boys died and hers lived and it made me .
I actually started out wanting to physically hurt stupid but now that am calming down am actually beginning to worry about her. I think someone who clearly has so little empathy for others and also so much arrogance may be bordering on sociopathic and therefore mentally ill.
Good luck to all those still tcc-never give up hope.

So sorry for your awful loss Gherkins :(. What a thing to happen.

Ooh actually I'm 32...33 this year, I think :s

Stupid you are truly vile. For what it's worth, I have 3 children (am 33) with ex h (who turned out to be physically and emotionally abusive so I divorced him) and now am remarried to a wonderful man who is 24 and treats me like a princess. I got to 37 weeks pregnant in December last year and they found our daughter had died inside me. I gave birth to a dead baby and then buried her. I've also got PCOS and had 6 miscarriages. I didn't wait, it's not an age thing, my body just finds it hard to stay pregnant and we're now trying again and have been since as soon as we could after her birth.

I'm in awe of a lot of the women on here especially lissie . I've been lurking for a while but wasn't sure where on earth to post or which thread to join but I couldn't not comment here.

Please don't be so smug because you really don't know what can happen in your life.

Oof to you too!

bloofer oof! ;)

Can I also add that the Conception boards have opened up to me not just a wealth of funny, wise, potty mouthed TTC advice, but some true, dear friends. Butternut, i hope you'll hang around and find us. I wouldn't have been without it.

I also have no intention of apologising to Stupid, but I do regret that your thread became so unpleasant. Good luck old thing, and I hope to see you on the boards sometime.

thank you.

butternut, Thank you. it is tough. my cousin is 30w pg with her 3rd, we were pg with our 1st at the same time, since then she has had another ds, got divorced and remarried. another cousin has had all 3 dc's removed for abuse, and is pg again. she had her 1st 6m before I had ds. Ive had 13 mc's in total and an ep. now its a caes of "meh". other peoples babies have never bothered me, their dc's arent a patch on the ones that I should have had. but I do still have days when I rage at the unfairness. yesterday was a good day, today is not. I hope that you continue to use mn, the conception boards are a lifesaver, and a great place to let off some steam, this thread is not indictive of the support you receive on here.
I cant apologise for the things I said to stupid though. sorry.

Butternut I second the fact that the Conception board is usually a really nice place. I lurked on MN for ages before taking the plunge and joining up and I can honestly say that it has been a real source of support for me and I have met some very, very caring & kind people on here. Chatting to ladies on here who are in a similar position to me has really helped me deal with the TTC marathon.

I'm sorry that I too jumped in and fuelled the fire on the thread but I just felt too annoyed to ignore some of the comments. I really hope that you aren't put off coming back.

I should have written "I'm as guilty AS anyone on that score."

Hello Boo, sweets.

Hear Hear.

Dearest Butternut, I'm so sorry your first thread has ended up like this :(. I can say with utmost conviction that through this area of MN, I have met some of my dearest most loved friends. Apologies if that sounds very soppy from someone who is supposed to be no-nonsense. It is supportive, helpful, kind, funny, and just an utter lifeline. I'm so sorry that your thread asking for advice was taken over by something else, and I'm as guilty for anyone on that score. But really some things must not be ignored - the poster we have all taken exception to appeared to think that all of MN was like AIBU and she could say whatever she liked in, no matter how wrongheaded and cruel.

Please don't stop posting here.

Butternut, I hope you don't mind me posting but this thread came up in active. I was very lucky and didn't have problems conceiving so can only imagine how it awful it feels. I just wanted to say that any decent friend who became pregnant would understand that it's difficult for you and give you space if you needed it if you were experiencing difficult feelings. You can't help how you feel, feelings of jealously and sadness are completely understandable to anyone with any degree of empathy, even though they can never fully appreciate how you feel unless they have been in your position. I guess what I'm trying to say is that good friends will be there for you when you feel able to see/make contact with you again and will understand that you might need to stay away. Hopefully you will be the one announcing a pregnancy soon. This happened with a friend of mine - I had dreaded telling her I was pregnant as I knew she had been trying for years and I was lucky enough to become pregnant quite quickly and I didn't want to upset her. Happily her son was born six months after my dd.

I really hope you and all the other posters on the thread have the babies you want soon.

Please ignore stupid, she is unbelievable.