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Conception

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Original poster

Am I mad to not tell DH yet?

29 replies

GenericDietCola · 23/05/2011 13:15

I got my BFP yesterday, but I've not yet told DH.

The reason is that I recently had a mmc, which we discovered at the 12 wk scan. Obviously it was very upsetting and I said that if I got pregnant again I wouldn't tell anyone (including DH) until I'd had a scan and knew that there was actually a baby developing. I have decided to go ahead with my plan to save him the stress/worrying of the first few weeks.

I'm going to the GP tomorrow and will request an early scan (she has already agreed to this in principle so hopefully there won't be a problem getting this sorted). Once I've had the scan, all being well, I will tell DH and we can celebrate a bit more confidently.

In the meantime, I've kept my BFP stick and am going to write him letters every now and again to keep him updated on how I'm feeling so that he can read them in retrospect.

Has anyone else done anything like this and do people think it's unfair to keep this a secret from him for the next few weeks?

OP posts:
Original poster
GenericDietCola · 23/05/2011 13:57

Thanks for your reply Silver and I take your point about possibly needing his support. I think if there were any signs of anything going wrong then I would tell him what's happening. I'm quite strong really and I think I can cope without saying anything as long as things seem OK.

I'm only about 4 weeks and hoping for a scan around 8 weeks. I don't really want one any earlier than that in case they can't see a heartbeat and I have to go back a week later - been there with my first mmc.

I assume you're also pregnant again so congratulations!

OP posts:
neolara · 23/05/2011 13:55

I think you should tell him. It's his baby too.

I understand how difficult it is to be pregnant again after a miscarriage. I think you are probably going to be a bit wobbly. I think you might value the support.

coccyx · 23/05/2011 13:54

No, i would share the news. Not sure why you wouldn't tell the man who responsible for fathering his child.

silverangel · 23/05/2011 13:51

Thats a really difficult one. I had a mmc and my DH and I agreed not to tell anyone until 12 weeks but personally I couldnt have not told him. It was stressful enough without trying to hide it from him. Presumably you would need his support if (and hoping it doesn't) the worst happens and you have another mc.

How pregnant are you - most places wont do an early scan until 7 / 8 weeks - could you keep it quiet that long?!

Best of luck with this pregnancy!