Freak out room for those newly updiffed after mc - Part VI

I'm not surprised dachs - you've been on absolute rollercoaster of emotions these last few days and I imagine it must be so frustrating not having any definitive answers. There's so many different things you must be feeling right now plus I'm sure your sleep must be interrrupted. Be gentle on yourself and take as much love as you can from loved ones. Sending loads of warm wishes to you all xx

Afternoon ladies,

Dachs you poor thing, keeping everything crossed for you.

I have a scan arranged for two weeks today, at exactly seven weeks. So scared there will be a) nothing there or b) it will be in the wrong place again. How do I get through the next fortnight? Only DH knows at the moment, haven't told my mum yet despite the fact that we work together.

Really struggling today. Am just feeling lonely and miserable and hopeless.

knitter how are you doing hun? hope you are ok. x

Coconuts I'm so glad you found us! Sounds like you've had a tough time, but mentalling is totally normal .

Collie Hmm, well tbh I don't men actually "get" the whole prg thing in the same way as us neurotic women. I know dh was devastated when we lost our 2 beans, but not in the same way as me. Of course he could be doing the very common (amongst us!) self defence type thing...... if he doesn't acknowledge it, doesn't tell anyone, then it won't hurt so much when it goes wrong. I'd just let him carry on for a bit longer, and I'm sure as you get further along he'll feel more confident. Incidentally, I'm all for telling dd after our scan yesterday but dh doesn't want to. I think she's guessed tbh, she's not daft our dd!

Laylas lovely to see you here, congratulations!!

Lara you make me smile so much......that's all ! No it's not actually, I went to sodding M&S to get that giant ravioli, but my stupid crappy one doesn't do it..... I could have cried.

Dh and I have decided not to have any NT tests done. Not the nuchal fold measured.....nothing. Of course any things like heart defects will be picked up and we'll then go along with that and what's required. But we both (and dh in particular) feel that we'll very cope with whatever hand we're dealt. The thing is, we've discussed many times what we would do if we had bas results and we wouldn't want to risk an amnio or cvs. It's not for religious reasons or anything like that, just how we feel. We did the same with dd. Am I nuts?? My mum certainly thinks so...... But I think we're going into it with our eyes wide open.

Dachs stay positive honey... you are still updiffed and we've all got our fingers crossed.... Love and strength to the four of you...

Thanks Owl

Can I add myself to the list? what info do I need to put down? How often do you update? might have a wander to look at the grads thread but don't want to make it hard for myself to keep up with anyone.

Sorry for hijacking.

Thinking of Dachs still xx

We can't offer valium but we can offer banana cake, monster munch, alphabet spaghetti and salt and vinegar hula hoops.....!

You have done so well over the past 20 weeks - you WILL be fine over the next 24 hours or so. You are welcome to spend all your time mentalling here. I have done virtually no work this week through pre-scan mentalling and post-scan lack of concentration.

Collie - my DH was acting like a weird after our scan yesterday. In the scan he was acting all cool and tough and annoying (but I know he was secretly pleased) and when we came out, I couldn't stop acting joyful for the rest of the day whereas he was just a boring, if not slightly cynical, sarcastic and miserable sod. He was acting happy FOR me, but not visibly sharing in my joy. Anyways - left him to it for a few hours and then he told me that yes, he was / is delighted but tends to internalise it more and just needed some quiet time to process the enormity of it all (we've wanted this for ages). I think it all digested yesterday afternoon and then in the evening he told is best friend and told some colleagues at work this AM. I'd advise you to leave DH to process it in his own time. Remember too, that (sorry for sounding stereotypical) some / many blokes don't like to show weakness or failure and like you, he will have been gutted by the last experience and worried about anything going wrong (which is totally out of his control). I am confident he will come round, he perhaps just needs to in his own time. I saw the email DH wrote to his colleagues (yes, an email) and it was written in a very different way to how I would but I put it down to male behaviour being so different to ours. He WILL tell people, just give him some space... xx

It's at 10.25. So quite early. Not too much waiting hopefully. Thank you for being so nice to me :)

Coconuts this is a lovely supportive thread but you are also v.welcome to join us in the Totally's Grads thread too - that one is under Pregnancy. It's where those who are a bit further along lurk so there are a bunch of us in there who also completely understand the mentalling. I am now 29 weeks or thereabouts and I promise you, the mentalling gets significantly better after the 20 week scan. I didn't start buying things until very recently and it still makes me a bit nervous. And, Collie , I didn't tell anyone really until after the 20 week scan and when I did it was one at a time like Bump says.

And now, missus, your very much deserved haddock in the chops

Bump - Having HG has dampened my love of food but the last couple of weeks I have been loving stir fries, bacon rolls, OJ (constipated!), and tomatoes. Yum!

Xposts Collie. Nope nobody in RL to talk to. Nobody has had fertility issues. I have one friend I have told but she has enough on her plate and I'm not one for talking really. I'm one of these people that like to hear of other people's problems and help with those so I can pretend mine don't exist.

Re your DH I think he should tell his boss. My DH's work know, just in case I ever have to go in for any reason they will know what for and won't kick up a fuss if he has to leave work in a rush. But otherwise, my DH is quite happy to tell nobody and to buy all the baby things on the way home from hospital! I told him that is a very impractical idea!

Congrats Layla !! Good to see you on here!

Coconuts I am a million miles behind you on the no of weeks pregnant but am a freaking out mess so you've done very well to get this far. Collie is right - I am sure the scan will be great tomorrow and you will feel much more reassured. You need to find something to try and take your mind off it for the rest of the day. We're all food obsessed on here so make us a list of your current favs...this week we've have alphabites, alphabet spagetti, potat waffles and the age old fav Monster Much. Yum.

Collie hun I understand how strange it must seem but at the mo I am in your husbands shoes. I don't want to tell anyone. If I think about even making it to 12 weeks and everything being fine, I still don't want to tell anyone. I think its just a way of trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. What I will say though is the more people I tell, the easier it gets to just tell one more person. I suspect your DH will tell his boss and afterwards will think it wasn't so bad and then a week later will end up telling one more person and the week after that another and so on. He may say he won't tell anyone now but I suspect in a month from now he will have actually told a lot more people than he intended. I wouldn't worry too much about it for the mo and just see how he goes.

xxx

Thanks Lara :)

Haven't really got much to do today. DD is at playschool I have to fetch her in 20mins. Have been counting down the days for weeks and been trying keep busy most of that time now I have nothing left to do. I'm a mess.

I feel like I can't tell anyone or acknowledge it to anyone because that will jinx it all.

And believe me, i have been this mad and obsessed for the last 16 weeks.

I think because DD was not planned and this one was (we TTC for over a year) there is so much mor epressure for things to work out ok. I feel like all the pressure is on me to grow this baby and if it goes wrong it'll be my fault. I have had HG too, it only really lifted for the last two weeks so trying to build myself up and gain some of the weight I lost in the ealry days.

I find myself just sitting thinking and that's the worst thing. I'm going to be a mess tomorrow. I need valium!!

pps - she has PCOS too (as do I)

.

Only kidding... Come here for a big hug, you crazy LovelyBunchOfNerves. You are in the very best company, m'lady - we're all loopy loo in this room.

I am only at the NT scan stage and was a pile of nerves before my scan yesterday. You need to recite our mantra (can't remember precise words, basically about the odds massively being that everything will be fine). Remember, you can FEEL kicks - there is a baby there! A big well done on getting so far and not getting swamped in scan obsession like the rest of us.

Can you try and keep yourself busy today? You know, I think that after your scan tomorrow you feel like such a huge weight has been lifted and once you pluck up the courage to share your good news, it will feel more real. You've done it once with DD - there is no reason why it won't happen again with DC2.

ps - my sister has a bicornate uterus and she's at 24 weeks and doing absolutely fine

HUGS....

Hi everyone, Have been searching for this thread for ages. Thought it was in Pregnancy section. Dur!

Some of you may recognise me from other threads, I certainly recognise some of the names here.

Dachs - Thinking of you at this horribly scary time. Have read all of this thread so far and have had tears in my eyes everytime I read one of your posts.

Just want to introduce myself. Have started my own thread in pregnancy section as I'm freaking out and losing the plot. I really need a wet fish slap! Am 20 weeks, scan tomorrow. two previous MCs, PCOS, bicornuate uterus, 3yo DD. This will be DC2 if all goes ok.

I'm such a panicky mess. Have been in tears this morn. Convinced something will be wrong at the scan. We declined the NT, so now I'm convinced this scan will flag up soft markers. I was in such denial at 12 weeks I didn't think there would be much point in having it done. Now I know I made the wrong decision. Something is wrong. I am so irrational.

It's irrational because I have a doppler that I use, I can feel kicks. I know there is a baby in there I just can't put that with the baby ever coming out or being able to come home. Nobody in RL knows, so nobody to talk to. Parents/ILs know that is all. I refuse to talk about names, clothes, anything.

I'm driving myself mad.

Daisy - can I have a ride on the tractor? Never been on one before!

keeping all crossed for you today Dachs x

Ooh Owl like your thinking!

Yes, I have access to a lurvely shiny Massey Fergusson tractor which can be hitched to a really stinky muck spreader

We'd best do a trial run at Banana's scan place first, then on to BUPA

good luck today Dachs. everything still crossed. good luck scanners and welcome laylasmummy. Watch out for waving haddocks - way too soon for ms!