Freak out room for those newly updiffed after mc - Part VI

starky what a lovely post. Thank you.

Have been to mc counselling and wept and wailed. Am thinking that perhaps next week I'll ring and book a scan for the same day ... Dint want days and days of anxiety building up to it, and for logistical reasons 8 or 9 weeks seems most "convenient". Alternatively I may just wait til 12.

Really nice post starkadder - I like that mantra and thanks for sensitively helping us to be more positive.

Hi people - I just came along to say hello, and see that everyone is succumbing to paranoia again?of course I include myself in that - am 16 weeks today, have felt some movement in the last week or so but only a little - however, now it means that because most of the time I can't feel anything, I freak myself out. Grrrr. Ridiculous, I know. Also borrowed a lot of maternity clothes from someone today and am now scared I've jinxed myself and will be giving them back in a few weeks. Silly silly silly.

Anyhoo - I saw something on MN a while ago from a poster called Jollster, who always seemed like the voice of reason - she said, she kept repeating the mantra "Today I am pregnant". I have found this really helps - today, all of us are pregnant, and today everything is OK.

Hairy - my sickness and boob soreness also disappeared (temporarily) at around 8 weeks, and I spent a LOT of time prodding boobs in public like a crazy lady, but it didn't mean anything was wrong. I think it is quite common.

With your DH at the hospital for the scan - I'd say, don't try and protect him from the unlikely event of bad news. I know exactly what you mean and I am the same?it is so awful to see someone you love unhappy?but worse to shut them out, whatever happens. You have to share it with him. And chances are it will be GOOD news :)

doos I've only had one appointment with the counsellor. I explained that I'd refused a scan any earlier than 8 weeks, which she understood completely, and also that I felt in a real dilemma about whether or not to go ... she suggested trying hard to take things one day at a time.

I know she's attended EPU with people in the past so understands the process and she understood why I am traumatised by that particular scan room, and scans in general.

I think it would almost be better if I could go completely on my own. I can't bear to hear bad news with my DP again, I just can't. At least on my own I could just deal with it myself. But I can't deny him a potential opportunity to see a first scan of his child, nor the opportunity to support me, or the opportunity for him to have the news at the same time as me.

what a mess :(

I feel everso negative today... sickness and boob soreness has definately diminished, although I still feel everso tired.

Have just had to close my office door as I feel so sad. Wish I could just go home and be off sick for a while.

ok, been outside for lunch and got caught without umbrella in the rain - think a nice cold shower was helpful!

Thanks for the positive thought bump - I agree it will be nice to not be caught in the flurry of pgs, it would just be wonderful if we could have faith that it would all work out ok for us post-m/c, it leaves you with such scars doesn't it.

I understand your list dilemma bump - I didn't feel brave enough for the list until last week, for exactly the same reason that you say. See how you feel tomorrow after your scan - I think the post-scan elation/relief took over for me and I wanted to feel happy & proud about this pg instead of shit scared! Will be thinking of you tomorrow and lurking for happy news.

hairy what does the counsellor think about you going for a scan - or is she very non-directive/never wanting to pass opinion/give advice? The only thing that I'd say is that mine is a very keen advocate of the benefits of TLC in pg post-m/c and so she works closely with the usual staff in trying to advocate for the women she sees to get extra support/care. I completely appreciate the trauma aspect and that a scan for you might not be done with TLC though, so it's such a tough call. I'm doing exactly the same as you with the diary planning trying to work out when I might find out bad news and how I'll fit it in with everything else. Got the next scan (NT one) on 9th and it's our wedding anniverary a few days after....positive thoughts are required!

Thanks so much to you all for 'listening' (reading!) and helping me out today x

Have thought of a positive for you Doos - if you have a bunch of mates all having babies around the same time then if you had yours now it would be "yay" but a little bit of "what's new?". I think its fate you are having your baby after theirs so your little bean can be centre of attention and get all the oohs and ahhs he/she deserves!

I am 8+1 today. I haven't put myself on any lists as I am too scared to temp fate. I thought I might after the scan if all is well tomorrow but now I am freaking out that it might be fine tomorrow but bad by the 12 week one. Hit me with your fish please.

xx

Dachs still thinking of you every day. I hope Thursday at least brings you a little peace, I just can't imagine how hard it is for you.

Good luck today Bump

Doos :( Horrible isn't it. I'm also having a freak out today. I have a MC counselling appointment later, and as week eight looms (I'm seven weeks one day today - hopefully) I am getting more nervous not less about scanning.

I just don't know what to do. I feel like running away from it all. I desperately want the reassurance, but I don't want to face the scan, not even in a new hospital, if it's bad news.

Everything about me wants to run from it all, and i am totally freaked out today. I've done a very good job of pretending not to be pregnant, so far, except for when I've felt sick, which is a clear reminder. Sickness seems to have sibsided the last few days as has nipple soreness.

I am desperately tired and emotional - to the point of being unable to function properly - perhaps good signs - and I am desperately trying to take it all a day at a time, but it's so hard to stay positive.

I just wonder about not even going for any scans because I think I am now totally phobic about them. I'm also worried that scans could harm babies :(

I find myself looking at my diary thinking 'now, what day should I go for my scan, as I will need to take the first dose of tablets that day and then have the pessaries at hospital 48 hours later'. :( and trying to fit it all in around work meetings and stuff.

larami thanks so much for the slap - I seriously need it and it made me laugh. I've no idea what I expected to gain in the m/c forum - I think spending time with people in RL who don't understand how vulnerable and painful ttc and pregancy can be for others always seems to send me spiralling into negativity.

bump I agree my friends were insensitive and that's why I generally try to avoid group get togethers in a polite way, I've tried everything else and it doesn't work for me. Right, over to your scan which you're of course allowed to freak out about as it's in the forum rules of 24 hrs beforehand! How far are you now? I'll go and look up that mantra for both of us....in the meantime sending you a big empathic hug and hoping that by this time tomorrow you'll feel on cloud nine after seeing bub just fine x

Stop it - get out of the MC forums now! The reason why there seem to be "so many losses after 12 weeks" is because you're reading the MC forum. What do you expect to find there? People talking about how smoothly their PGs have gone?! Sorry - don't mean to sound patronising, but I want you to stop! We have all been there (I too take a sneaky peek there sometimes) but it is not going to do anything at all for your sense of wellbeing!

As for the counsellor, she is just erring on the side of caution - she absolutely knows nothing that you don't know (did I get my negatives the right way round?! If not, you know what I mean!) We had a mantra on this thread - something about the odds being massively stacked in your favour... If you can look back then you will find it - it really reassured me during my earlier freakouts. Now my freakouts still happen very often, moreover because everyone knows I'm pg now and so it feels like it would be horrendously awful if it all didn't work out....

As you can tell, my work levels are also minimal today. I just can't concentrate either.

Morning ladies

Awh Doos I can totally understand how you can have too much baby/advanced pregnancy around you in one go. I have to say I think its a little inconsiderate of them all to be talking about so much baby stuff when they know about your MC. I def don't think you need to worry about your counsellor knowing something funny though. I think its probably her job to try and manage every patient's expectations when they have been through a MC and she is trying to protect you as much as possible should, god forbid, anything go wrong. BUT, there is no reason why it should for you and I bet she adopts the same policy with all of her patients. Don't apologies for expressing how you feel. I am sure it makes lots of other mummy's to be who are going through the same thing feel better to know they are not alone.

I, however, am a total hypocrite as I am completely freaking out. I have a scan tomorrow morning to see if there is really a baby there. Last one was 5 weeks and there was just an empty sac which I was told is normal. I am so scared it will still be empty tomorrow. Or, I will see a baby and then something will go wrong. FREAKING OUT!!!!!!!!!

Hi to everyone else. Hope you all had good weekends. Haven't had a chance to read all of the posts so will have a proper catchup later

xxxxx

Sorry I'm being me, me today but I feel all over the place to be honest. I haven't dont any work at all today...I NEED HADDOCKING RIGHT NOW!!!

Yesterday I went to see one of my best friends new baby. She got pg the week after my first m/c and although I struggled with her pg in the early days I really enjoyed meeting the baby and seeing her and her husb so happy. I sat with the baby for a good hour and she was so warm and adorable and I couldn't help but wonder if we'd be there in just over 6 months time. Anyway, then another mutual friend turned up who is also heavily pg and I found it really hard. They were all talking about breast feeding videos and everything baby related. They all know about my m/cs but not that I am pg again. Another mutual friend also had their baby a month ago. I've managed to keep in touch with them all but can only really cope with seeing them individually and I just wasn't prepared for the new baby and expectant parents all together.

For some reason, when I see them all I feel like I'm not pregnant, that I've imagined it and it won't work out.

Anyway, then I saw the m/c counsellor today and although the session went well I came away worrying about one thing, the fact that she always makes a point of saying we don't know which way my pregancy is going to go yet and that it's very early days. I know it's true and I know that she's not saying anything wrong, but it kind of makes me think she knows something I don't. I'm used to being the one saying 'it might not work out' and it's weird hearing it from someone else.

Then I stupidly spent the last 30 mins on the miscarriage forums reading how horrible life can be, sobbing at peoples stories and wondering why the hell there seems to be so many losses after 12 weeks, as well as the earlier ones.

Sorry for being a complete nightmare, I promise I will go and try to do some work now....

Just updating again. My consultant changed my EDD to my LMP because there is less than 5 days difference between scan measurements and LMP and apparently if there is less than 5 then they go with LMP. Hmmmm.

Tuesday 31st May

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts 22+3 EDD 01/10/11
Lovemysleep 21+0 EDD 11/10/11
Tunnocksteacake 19+2 EDD 24/10/11
IreneHeron 19+0 EDD 23/10/11 next scan 3/6/11
CEP 17+3 EDD 5/11/11 - 20 wk scan 22/6/11
Hils74 16+6 EDD 8/11/11
Katherine2008 16+5 EDD 10/11/11 next scan 23/6/11
Haffertee 16+3 EDD 14/11/11
Ninunina: 16+0 EDD 15/11/11
delilahbelle 15+5 EDD 22/11/11
Mattsmama 15+5 EDD 17/11/11
Collie 15+2 EDD 20/11/11
Banana87 15+0 EDD 22/11/11
wombatinwaiting: 14+5 EDD 24/11/11 next scan 8/6/11
LaraMi 14+4 EDD 25/11/11 Next scan 20/07/11
IzzyWizzyletsgetbusy 14+1 EDD 26/11/11
Blackkat 13+1 EDD 5/12/11
Jigglebum 12+5 EDD 8/12/11
Lucky 11+1
Dooscooby 10+5 EDD 22/12/11 next scan 9/6/11
Harassed 10+1 EDD 26/12/11
Hadrian 9+5 Next scan - 13/06/11
Updiffed 8+3 Next scan - 8/06/11
Hairylights 7+1
Lily06 6+4 Next scan - 02/06/11
Pigletmania 6+2
Laylasmummy09 6+2

On the grads thread too:

Nickster 30+3 EDD 7/8/11
Orange 26+3 EDD 4/9/11
Wombat33 25+3 EDD 10/09/11
Daisybell 24+5 EDD 14/09/11
Pinkfondantfancy 23+2 EDD 25/09/11
Tiggersreturn (TTT) 23+0 EDD 26/09/11
mamapower 22+6 EDD 28/9/11
Emoo 21+5 EDD 7/10/11
Onions 19+1 EDD 24/10/11 Next Scan 07/06/11
Velvetcu 19+0 EDD 25/10/11 next scan 22/06/11
MummyAbroad 17+4 EDD 4/11/11

In our thoughts and prayers
Dachs whose beautiful little babies Alexander & Felicia left this world sleeping

Thinking of.... ladybee; digi; A&R; barbie; MumTum; Knitter, Kat2504

Doo - try to view the holiday as two weeks of your pg that will fly! By the time you come back, you'll be one whole twentieth further into your pg!!!!

Food in Italy wih be YUM, Katherine - I think we all need to take a deep breath and remember that women all over the world (including Italy, Dubai and Doo's hol destination!) give birth to healthy babies every day.

I too have random pg symptom appearances - yesterday was horrendous indigestion all day (hadn't eaten anything untoward) and I was so ravenous all day that my stomach was hurting! Today I have a stretchy feeling in my tum. I guess 24 hours is a long time in the life of a bean!

I'm freaked out by the cucumbers story, I've been bad this pregnancy, not always washing packet salad and strawberries etc. Have eaten lots of cucumber. All ok so far though. Will be more careful in future.

Katherine2008 I'm sure you can eat cheese, if it isn't soft unpasteurised cheese. Where in Italy are you going? . We usually go every year but have been super skint lately due to moving house so no holidays for us.

I've not had much stretchy bump pain yet although it is getting quite big. I find the skin itches when it stretches, must get some cream or oil. I am also on the Gaviscon though.

katherine I think mummya was around on one of the other forums yesterday. Haven't seen a post from the others in a while I don't think.

Oh gosh, that cucumber story really freaked me out too katherine - I mean cucumbers, who would have thought they could be so dodgy?! Some of the cheese should be ok? Veggie pizzas (or meat if you're not veggie and it looks like a clean place?! It's such a minefield isn't it - and one of the best parts of being away is normally the food...arrggh!

Hi larami - thanks for your thoughts and you're right about not sitting back and waiting for bad things to happen. I think that's why I feel like I need to travel to this family wedding - if I just stay at home alone then I'll really miss DH and 2 weeks will pass really slowly. I think if something happened then I'd rather be with him abroad than here without him. I have wondered about looking up the local clinics etc. though, just in case - is that well prepared or morbid overkill?!

On the topic of bump size, are cep, irene or mummya around this morning. I have really weird muscle stretching pains at the top left and right of my bump and haven't been able to eat dinner for about a week! I think bump must be having a growth spurt but I'm mainlining Gaviscon already - I'm sure I wasn't drinking it out of the bottle til much later on in my first pregnancy!

I'm off on holiday too on thursday - just to Italy, but instead of worrying about the flight length (obviously) I am worry about cucumbers (obviously!) and what the blinking heck I can and can't eat. I read somewhere that I should probably avoid salad.. so with salad, cheese, parma ham, pate and shellfish out I'm going to have to eat pasta all holiday by the sounds of it. Sounds perfect for indigestion!!!

doo re your symptoms - as you know, symptoms are going to start easing off, although weirdly about twice a week I feel really sick for about 20 minutes for no particular reason!

any scanners this week? x

Hi Doo

We are fretting about the same things this AM.

I am flying to Dubai at the end of the month for a one week holiday. Not exactly long-haul but it's an indirect flight so about 9 hours in total. I am quite nervous. a) because of the length of the flights, b) because of the heat at the other end and c) in case something happens while I am away. I'd say to relax, listen to your consultant and try and enjoy wherever you're going. (I am going to try and listen to my own words of advice). It will probs be the last proper holiday before Bean arrives (hopes and prays Bean WILL arrive) and so I need to force myself to enjoy it.

Doo - I am almost 15 weeks and already showing bigtime. To anyone I don't know, I absolutely look pregnant (which makes me more scared in case something happens). You did the right thing in ordering a larger side. As much as we're scared, we can't sit and wait for bad things to happen...

Morning everyone - hope you're all well.

Not too much mentalling from me this weekend, more just thoughts about lots of unimportant things that some of you might be able to help me with?!

Once I reached 10+2 late last week, my sickness seemed to miracolously disappear, I could actually stomach a meal and cup of tea and I seemed to 'get my personality back'. I know that symptoms can go at this stage - but I always feel better hearing it from you lot rather than the average pg woman! Anyone else feel like this around 10 weeks? I'm not complaining, it's a whole lot nicer than feeling grotty, but there's always that nagging doubt in your mind...

Have any of you flown long haul whilst pg? I've got a 13 hr flight to get through at 12.5 weeks and I'm nervous that something will happen on the plane. The Consultant told me to go and just make sure I'm taking my aspiring, moving a lot, drinking water and wearing dvt socks, but still...what if I flippin start bleeding on the plane???

How much did some of you show by 15 weeks? I'm a bridesmaid in a month and although the dress fits now I'm nervous it won't in another month. This weekend I finally ordered a bigger size, although it's been hard finding it and getting it shipped internationally without bothering the bride! I haven't been ready to do it up to now as I was afraid that I'd jinx things and have 2 dresses too big for me. I am possibly the worst bridesmaid there ever was- I've been pregnant at least 3 times since I was asked to be a bm less than a year ago!!

Anyway, feel free to ignore all of this brain dump!

Tuesday 31st May

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts 22+3 EDD 01/10/11
Lovemysleep 21+0 EDD 11/10/11
Tunnocksteacake 19+2 EDD 24/10/11
IreneHeron 19+0 EDD 23/10/11 next scan 3/6/11
CEP 17+3 EDD 5/11/11 - 20 wk scan 22/6/11
Hils74 16+6 EDD 8/11/11
Katherine2008 16+5 EDD 10/11/11 next scan 23/6/11
Haffertee 16+3 EDD 14/11/11
Ninunina: 16+0 EDD 15/11/11
delilahbelle 15+5 EDD 22/11/11
Mattsmama 15+5 EDD 17/11/11
Collie 15+2 EDD 20/11/11
wombatinwaiting: 14+5 EDD 24/11/11 next scan 8/6/11
Banana87: 14+5 EDD 24/11/11
LaraMi 14+4 EDD 25/11/11 Next scan 20/07/11
IzzyWizzyletsgetbusy 14+1 EDD 26/11/11
Blackkat 13+1 EDD 5/12/11
Jigglebum 12+5 EDD 8/12/11
Lucky 11+1
Dooscooby 10+5 EDD 22/12/11 next scan 9/6/11
Harassed 10+1 EDD 26/12/11
Hadrian 9+5 Next scan - 13/06/11
Updiffed 8+3 Next scan - 8/06/11
Hairylights 7+1
Lily06 6+4 Next scan - 02/06/11
Pigletmania 6+2
Laylasmummy09 6+2

On the grads thread too:

Nickster 30+3 EDD 7/8/11
Orange 26+3 EDD 4/9/11
Wombat33 25+3 EDD 10/09/11
Daisybell 24+5 EDD 14/09/11
Pinkfondantfancy 23+2 EDD 25/09/11
Tiggersreturn (TTT) 23+0 EDD 26/09/11
mamapower 22+6 EDD 28/9/11
Emoo 21+5 EDD 7/10/11
Onions 19+1 EDD 24/10/11 Next Scan 07/06/11
Velvetcu 19+0 EDD 25/10/11 next scan 22/06/11
MummyAbroad 17+4 EDD 4/11/11

In our thoughts and prayers
Dachs whose beautiful little babies Alexander & Felicia left this world sleeping

Thinking of.... ladybee; digi; A&R; barbie; MumTum; Knitter, Kat2504

just to say morning to everyone - hope everyone had a good weekend and no mentalling today.. x

oh dachs I cannot find any words to say, big hugs to your and your dh (((((((())))))

Big hugs too to oliesmum and anyone on here that I have missed out who is not having a good time at the moment, thinking of you all

Been busy this past few days, horrible sickness and very tired and off a lot of food including my fav Chineese food and MacDs, but its all good as I had none of that w* ith the last two MC. A lot of knicker checking has been taking place but no bad news which is good.

hairy how are things going, hope little bean is sticking there for the full 9 months till birth

Hello all - fab news for all the good scans

dachs it is unbelievably hard to think about arranging your babirs' funeral, it's one of those things you should just never have to do . I found the hospital chaplains were absolutely brilliant in terms of helping with readings etc, if you're struggling to find something appropriate (although realistically I don't think there's anything that can really convey how you're feeling). Ours was only a very short service, obviously different circumstances and we weren't as far along as you, I do remember they played a choral version of Tears in Heaven which was lovely, if very sad. Anyway I hope you manage to find something that's right for you and I'll be thinking of you all on Thursday xx

Dachs whatever you choose I'm sure it will be a lovely tribute to your beautiful little ones. I'll be thinking of you.

Updiffed glad the bleeding has stopped. Exhausted and sick is par for the course and therefore perhaps a good sign.

I saw the midwife today. I'm measuring ok, bean is growing and we heard a few kicks and a heartbeat so things are on target. DS was with me and he was so sweet, he thought it was funny hearing the doppler noises, he seems to be happy about the baby now. Anomaly scan on Friday, will find out the sex if the baby is in the right place.