TTC after miscarriages

Thanks musey.
My nice consultant who was going to "see me through my next pregnancy" has gone and friggin retired! How selfish :) I told my midwife in no uncertain terms that I was not seeing the moron I had when I lost Archie. I've filled in tons of paperwork in the dreaded blue book (which my dog sneezed over and clawed like crazy after just two minutes!) but it still doesn't seem real.
I've been peeing, pooping, farting and eating for England. Oh the glamour!

Oh no I got the progesterone and aspirin ages ago. My aunt told me to get it straight away in case the dr's dragged their feet. Lucky I listened!
My midwife came to the rescue today and called me back. She's coming to see me tomorrow and is telling a fib to the hospital so I get my 6 week scan. Otherwise she said they'd keep pushing me back because of the holidays. So I'm on a sex ban for the duration of this pregnancy now. She's obsessed with banning me from sex!

That's really sweet toddle. I think of you as a friend too. I get more from talking to you guys than people I've known my whole life!

Also, do you wait until your period is due or are you a pee on a stick addict? I was for ages until I ran out of money and my DH banned me fro buying more! I waiting until two days before my period was due this time which I think is a record for me.
I bet you've got tons of eggs to come yet. Don't undermine the power of stress on your body. It's taken six months between each miscarriage for em to get pregnant again.

Hi Musey
It means big fat positive. I take it from you saying mom you're American? Is testing different over there than here or is it all pretty much the same?
I think getting back to charting this time really helped me focus on more than "am I pregnant" constantly. The last few days before testing I was a bit highly strung but my dad was in hospital so that's not surprising.

My MIL has been sending very hurtful emails to my DH for two days now saying she knows people who've miscarried and they're not as self indulgent as we are. We should just adopt. There's lots of other stuff too. Wonder why we're keeping this pregnancy a secret?! DH says she blames me for the babies dying. As though I did something wrong and failed everyone.

I can't shake off the feeling that this is not going to last. I'm already taking the aspirin and the progesterone pesseries (the melting sensation is not pleasant) still take my vitimins, walk the dog for two hours a day now. I'm trying to blank out all the madness around me and stay focused.

I feel guilty that I'm another announcement on here but I've always felt different about women who've miscarried saying they're pregnant again. I hope you guys do too. And I hope everyone gets that Big Fat Positive!

I hope so. There's not many of us on here so would be great if we could all get BFPs. Already paranoid about any twinge.

Thanks. Can't believe it, I keep checking the test still says pregnant! Called my surgery because I know my consultant wants me to have a scan at five weeks but they said I can't see my GP for at least two weeks and my midwife may call me back tomorrow but she's booked up too. Wonderful care. I was going to just ring the consultants receptionist but I know from last time they won't see me without a GP referal. Doesn't fill me with hope for the future.

How's everyone else doing?

BFP!

Had a dream last night that I went to the loo and there was blood when I wiped. Woke up with mild achy cramps. Just need to hold on until tomorrow and I can test with the early clearblue.

How's everyone doing today? I'm not sure whether to do the clearblue digital test tomorrow (due on Thursday) or wait until the day I'm due on. I need to know either was asap so I can start taking the aspirin and progesterone but don't want to see that NOT PREGNANT flash up!
Spent four hours in A&E with dad last night. He collapsed in the street and smashed all the left side of his face up. Looks like he's gone several rounds with Tyson! When I walked in I burst into tears because the last time I was in that bit I'd just lost Elliot. Usually I'm stupidly calm in terrible situations but lost it yesterday. Was so angry with myself.

Oh musey you've been through such hell. I'm not a medical 'professional' but the fact that more and more women wait to have babies until their forties and go on to have healthy babies means your doctors opinion is pretty outdated. Women these days are more clued up on folic acid, healthy diets, exercise etc and yes the risks are slightly increased but coming from a 30 year old with two miscarriages and already on the 'high risk' list, starting in your twenties doesn't mean it's plain sailing. Stress has a major effect on pregnancy and our brains play a huge part. It took over a year of trying to get pregnant with Archie after my sister died. My Aunt said that our bodies know when we're just not strong enough to cope with a pregnancy. You have had so much to cope with and the very least you should get is a sympathetic and more importantly positive response from your doctor.

This is the right place to be. I've spoken to so many women and read so many posts of hope. I've been so low I've wanted to just end it all and then I will hear a story of someone who thought they would never get their baby and then it happens. You will never forget the little one who you had growing inside you. I don't know what your beliefs are but I've never been very religious but believe that if there is something after this life my sister will be with my babies. You made your mum's last lucid days happy ones so your little one had a very short but very important life.

Lots of what you say resonates with me. Pregnancy announcements are incredibly hard to deal with. To be honest I avoid pregnant women like the plague! It's a massive area of contention with my MIL. But no matter what she thinks, I feel that my DH and I have enough to get through without actually placing ourselves in situations where we know we will be caused pain. Unfortunately (and that's a massive understatement) at work you can't get away from it. I would say 'oh tell them and they might curb the baby talk' but in my experience it doesn't make a difference. Everyone knows our situation and they still push pregnancies in our faces and all that's changed is that they look for our reactions with what feels like glee sometimes. Human can be cruel and there's only so much "oh but they don't understand, they haven't been through it" any one can take. Every time I think about my SIL I think I should be the one not her. I get so twisted up with hate and all it does is make me more unhappy. The thing is though you can't stop yourself from feeling the way you do and neither should you. Be angry, be in tears, throw things, do whatever you need to get through. It will change you, but that's not always a bad thing.

The fact you've started ovulating again is a wonderful sign. Your bodies back to functioning again. And I know what you mean about clearblue! I could have gone on a lovely holiday with all the money I've spent :) Keep talking. Rant and rave. I'm here for you if you want someone to join you on the mdness of trying again.

I've had the lupus test and all the blood clotting ones because they were sure where the problem was but everything came back normal.
Like you I didn't know the sex of my second but I'm convinced it was another boy. When my mum goes to our tree she always says "I'm off to see the boys". She's the only one who talks about the babies. And on mothers day she bought me flowers "from one mum to another" and I thought I was going to burst into tears. Other than DH she's the only person to know what I'm feeling. My sister died three years ago and although it's not completely the same because she was an adult my mum feels the guilt of not being able to keep her safe like I do with my babies.

My aunt is a midwife and she says a lot of the problem with testing is with budgets. There is no money put into pregnancy so the knowledge is never going to be what it could. Whilst more people have successful pregnancies they won't bother putting money into research. I've read so many books and been on so many sites but whenever I've asked consultants questions they talk to me like I'm some dumb bitch who shouldn't be bothering them. The first guy was plain evil. He was convinced I had been in a car accident and had a blow to my stomach! What the hell?! I went to the midwife with every cough or twinge but forgot to mention a car crash?! Moron.

I hate the terminology they use too. Like you said "pregnancy material". When I lost Elliot one doctor said "have you lost all of the product?" Product?! When I first got in to the hospital I said "I've just had a miscarriage" and a snappy nurse said "well how do you know that?!" "Because I fished my dead baby out of the toilet and held it in my hand".

I think it's important to name babies even if we were only pregnant for a day. They were made and we love them so why shouldn't they get names? Well the wait continues, six days to go. How's everyone else baring up?

That should be uninformed not uniformed! What a duffus! :)

we just need to keep checking in on here every now and then and keeping positive for each other.
Yes I was told they did a few more tests after three miscarriages but apparently I've had most of them already. Did they do any more tests for you hairylights? I didn't have Archie tested which I really regret now. I was very uniformed and thought he would be completely cut up and I wouldn't get him back for a cremation. The midwife who delivered him told me he looked perfect and not to have the autopsy. If I'd been thinking more clearly I would have asked the doctor more questions about it and maybe been able to save Elliots life. I lost Elliot at home and my husband took the body to the hospital. We later found out they hadn't done testing because the baby was too small and we then had the pain of them 'not knowing where the baby was'. The chaplain called me months later to say the cremation was going ahead but I'm not convinced it happened when she said. I'll never know. I know if I lose my next I have to have a sterile container to hand and get the baby to the hospital straight away (not easy when they've actually taken away the maternity unit at my local hospital). It's not really what you're thinking about when you're going through the hell of miscarriage is it?! I had it together enough to photograph Elliot so I had more than a fuzzy crap scan. It was completely different with Archie. Because he was a baby and not a fetus I was given him to hold and take photos of, to dress before he was blessed by the chaplain and then a service in the hospital chapel. We got GP visits, midwife visits and calls. The last time we got nothing. After months of struggling with our grief we asked the GP for counselling and she said to go online and find a forum. Not what I expected but actually mumsnet has got me through the worst of times. After all no doctor or counsellor will know how we're feeling as much as the women on here. I know we all have different experiences but the raw pain we all feel unites us.