Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

Hello hags. Just stopping by with some midafternoon tequillas, brownies and nipple tweaks. Sorry the bleeping fucker caught up with a few of you over the weekend. I think next month needs to be the start of the mass spring diffribulation pliz, it is getting a bit roomy in the deli, and I can't keep up with two freds, so if you could all diff and come on over that would be grand, thanks ever so.

I did indeed meet that there Aries et al at the weekend. She is every bit as lovely as she seems, and then some more on top. I hearts her.

Moley due dates are a massive bunch of arse & you have my sympathies. It does get better once they've gone past though, it seems - it's the looming that is truly shitty.

Have just done OfficeSnort at Poonami 2

boo- numbers are for grown ups, why are you messing wiv 'em?

auntiebiteytobeagain forgot to say, congrats re sister

Ah bastard HoleyMoley. Soz about that. Am very impressed with your devotion to exercise this week. I am exercising my fingers on the lappie keyboard, does that count?

Am very :o to be invited to a BESHmeet Alps - what day will you be there?

I am midst sorting out some serious financial gubbins. I want to go back to bed :(

Oh bum moley. I can totally understand the due date pressure thing, it is a bit of a mental barrier to get through. Hope you have something nice lined up at the weekend as a treat, you do deserve it after your biscuit/Big Issue.

Well am almost relieved to say mind games are over and bleeper turned up- without me having to risk damage to any white clothing, though will bear that in mind for next time awol.

Feel a bit like I've made a big fuss about nothing In my defence was majorly obsessing about due date next week, and did think I may be smiled on favourably by the fates, as I did buy the Big Issue and refuse a biscuit last week. (secretly, had also found out my sister might be coming home for christmas, and would have been perfect timing for her to meet new niece/nephew )

After thwarted run this am haven't earned me pound today, so am going to go and bash the living daylights out of a Davina DVD.

bbq pleased Poonami 2:Undergound was averted.

It's the BESH way barbie. When sinking cocktails with other differs in Newcastle the entire pub went quiet when Cossie talked about her nipples (I think it was her). She was still getting eyed up though!

bitey Lovely news about your sis, slightly less lovely about the cat sick.

Any of you Welsh girls anywhere near the borders? We're having a "meet" in the Oswestry vicinity in a couple of weeks. I realise this is close to "nobody" but it's worth a shot.

Good work all round BB.

Am on night duty this week. Deepest joy. And in other news, I have discovered Groupon. Hmm. I always wished that facials were cheap enough to have one every month...? Well, I'm now discovering that I didn't actually mean that!

Morning! Sorry for the bastard droid making his appearance and for the droid head fuckery starryhole. How rude of the shiny metal fucker.

You will be pleased to hear we repulsed quite a few menfolk with our frank TTC chat, so much so that they had to move tables to a different part of the pub to get away from us. I also had the raging shits a bit of a poorly belly the next day so getting on a crowded train while trying not to shit myself was quite a task. You will be relieved to hear that soilage was avoided. Well, you wanted details didn't you?

Took four days of absent droid for first reponse to show a winner with me starkers

Had nice news yesterday, my big sister who had a mc on new years eve is diffed and 8 weeks already! She is of BESH ilk in that she foolishly spent her twenties studying, partying far too hard and travelling before commencing a breeding programme. I am quite glad she lives a day's flight away as she is a pita when not a hormonal differ and when pg with my nephew was a holy terror from go to woah!

In less pleasant news, she was on the phone so long last night that I felt faint and had to lie on my bed and got CAT SICK on my NAKED BOTTOM.

alps that was my favourite album in 99 too! May have to play it again later and reminisce!

I like owl's suggestion. Also, have you considered splashing out on some really expensive clothes and/or booking non-refundable tickets somewhere really nice for later in the year where you wouldn't want to be heavily pregnant?

Morning hags- yup ski, poas this am, early response test, nada. Am resigned to no baybee, but with you on the fucking me up body. Coincidentally, this did happen twice last year- in early March too, then again in May, then got pg in June. Decided after May that was probably bf hormones messing up possible pgs, and preventing implantation so stopped bfing that month. Did seem pertinent that it was bi monthly (I know that ov isn't exactly one side then the other, but it can be, and is roughly)After mc in August, did take ages for periods to feel 'normal' again too. I just don't think I work properly anymore.

On the plus side, determined not to let nodroidnobaybee be an excuse for a slippery slide bcak into coach potatodom, I set off for a run at 7, wearing some old tracksuit bottoms. Managed about three minutes before realised there was no way they were going to stay up, did another three whilst clutching the top, came home defeated. So annoyed to have done the hard bit -get up and out- without the reward and smug feeling for the rest of the day!

Am feeling quite cheery despite fertilityfuckwittery, surprisingly. Think its the sunshine, it really is medicinal innit.

Sorry about dickhead ski bloke cockhead (will not dignify him with female genitalia insluts insults) Hope you can knock some sense into him soon have an adult conversation and resolve your issues.

Aries It still is brilliant. In fact I think I need to whack it on today. The woman is a goddess in my book. Funny though, I never used to think she had an accent - I've been out of the country too long!

No sechs this end because I will kill my beloved for being a twat/dickhead/cunt/penis-carrier.

glittercunt Have you POAS this morning? OK, kidney-kicking aside, has your body played these sort of tricks before? Last month? Or the month before? Am trying to ascertain whether it's one ovary playing up or just your body fucking with you.

Evening, just popped in to inform you that am still in limbo, but an hour of Mitchell getting all emotional has put me in a much better mood. Feel symptomless to the extreme tonight- perhaps my innards have actually dried up and turned to dust, and I am now part human/part sand pit. Still, on the plus side, won't have to replace the moon cup I set fire to.

Hope you've all had lurvely weekends- ramsgate, we expect full match report -with diagrams- once you've recovered fully.

Alpy, circa 1999, that was my very favourite album!!

grand, thanks, though a bit tired.

Many apologies for the very drunken indeed post. She is very well, thank you Meds. How are you?

BTW, how is Headbanger?

sounds like a fun night, Aries!

Ah the head fuckwittery of it all is a joy isn't it!

Love the £1 idea

Boo enjoy Sunday lunch. I'm cooking salmon, veg and mash today. Not inspiring but nice all the same.

Sorry about party boo- would it make you feel better if I said I was impressed you had the energy to even want to go in the first place

My new exercise plan is to pay myself £1 for every half hour of exercise. I will use my funds to put towards glamourous and miniscule outfit. So far I have £5. I could stop now, and just go to Primark?

No, no droid as yet. just to add to the fucking head fuck. I'm reaaaaaaaally not good at this suspense thing- FGS I can't watch even slightly scary films unless I've read the plot on Wikipedia first. I do, this morning, have large droid type zit on chin, which I had no sign of yesterday,and was taking comfort from, so that's another indicator for the negative. (Have, in moments of sheer madness, pondered the fact that if I ovulate relatively late, ie CD19/20, I wouldn't have built up sufficiant hormones by only 2 days late?)

mememememememememem, and a bit more meeeeeeeeeeeeeee