Feisty Fabulous Forty somethings - part 2

hi beattie yes we had marriage guidance counselling up until the point he admitted an affair! to be honest we've sorted things out ourselves, it's been very hard work but we're almost there, but I inevitably have some worries still!

I had a spell cast for me by a local coven last week - just a bit of fun but the spell was imbued into a charm i wear every day so even if it's a psychological thing I figured it can't hurt and lots of ladies have had good results lol!

Hi all. Am working on a Monday for the first time in ages - it's pretty depressing! I am full time now due to staff shortages in my team at the moment, but I hope that when I've recruited a few people I can reduce my hours again. Not good. (although I do think that if I get pg now I would get more maternity pay!).

anyway still doing the smep here. Not sure whether I have 1 or 2 more days to go - as already dtd on Saturday when the smiley face surprised me, and then had a peak on cbfm yesterday and today. but dh still game so far on we go!

last night while we were in full throes so to speak I did suddenly have a moment of doubt as to whether I wanted to get pg at all. eek. but left it to chance in the end (figured it's a pretty small chance after all). I am finding it easier most of the time to accept that I might not have another one, but then I meet a pg woman, or see a little baby and it all goes to pot.

tina I think some lack of confidence is inevitable, especially after such a breach of trust. Have you and your dh had any counselling?

gum lou any signs yet?? come on we need some good news!

hi beattie no signs no, af not due for another 7 days though but stupidly I succumbed and did a test - bfn though as I expected was too early to test anyway don't know why I do it to myself I'm an eejit lol

feeling really low this morning as I keep thinking I'm not good enough in bed for my husband (this goes back to the affair he had)and it makes me feel quite tense worrying I'm comparing badly to some of his previous girlfriends, he keeps reassuring and telling me there's no comparison and I'm his wife and he loves me but it doesn't stop me from worrying, compared to him I don't have much of a 'history' (just my previous husband who was my first boyfriend)

anyway will pick myself up no doubt by the end of the day, I always find mondays a bit depressing lol

Good luck to Lia.

Diege well done.

lolfactor sorry to hear about you falling asleep at school. I am assuming you are a teacher and not a student!

Are you trying for your first child? Are the teenagers in your home step-children? Sorry to be dim but with all the new people I am just keeping up!

It is hard when it gets competitive about babies at work. I work with lots of people who seem to have babies and in the time I've been there (the past three years) there have been at least three women who went off to have a baby (not returning), two men whose wives have had babies, a couple (who both worked there and had a baby and the lady did not return), one lady who has had two babies and is returning and another who is now pregnant! Each time I used to hope I'd be the next. Now I am just not so worried.

Hippy wise words for HopefulGum and I agree, I think it does get easier with time.

panashe sorry you are feeling irritable and have back ache, tummy ache etc. Hope it will clear up soon. Hope you will stop feeling in limbo. It is a horrible feeling. I have felt it off and on for a long time and I am now feeling much better.

Lou you have some wise words and you sound good except for rows etc with other half. I really hope it will all work out better for you very soon. He is probably just trying to be helpful. I know it may not help but I expect he wants to be helpful.

Can't believe I am 'confessing' that I am watching Tool Academy on Channel 4, but it is actually very enlightening! My hubby would fit in better with Beauty and the Geek than Tool Academy! I do not fit into either category! I would fit better into the Biggest Looser but like to picture myself in The Apprentice!

So if you were in a TV reality show, which one would it be?? (OOOhhhh I dare someone to say the Model Agency - Wednesday at 10.00!) I know we all really want to be 'One born every minute'! Good luck girls.

Well done Deige, you are amazing!

Nothing new here, so just marking my place.

Diege Well done!!! God, I know what you've been through. You must be delighted it's over. Large glass of vino on me

The last script is marked!!! If it was tough for me getting through, it's not half as bad as the students will feel when they get their results
Anyway, will now try and read through and catch up! Now just the day job until July when the summer exam intake takes place!
LOve to all xxx

gum I too was desperate to be pregnant again in time for the due dates but I've now had to go throgh 2 due dates without a bean in me and it was ok really. I think even if you never get pregnant again you'll be ok honest. I am starting to adjust to things and thinking that we might be a complete family after all and it is easier. It's still very early days for you and you're still at the why why why stage. Of course there is every chance you will get another shot at pregnancy - you and your DH are obviously fertile together . Sorry you had to miss the night out.

lolfactor one day at a time (Hippy chants the same thing over and over again). I know if I ever get another BFP then every minute is gonna seem like a day but as lia and many others have shown - even some old birds get to the end of a pregnancy eventually

italian thanks for the info - enjoy your lobster bisque Not long now until you're at the top of the list

nicole Are you ok now???

ps. DS2 is fine now - no more sick - hooray!
Love to everyone.

dh? That was a freudian slip. He's dp. Hope you're reading this, Steve! Hmmm...

Hi all - dh is getting strict about me not using the internet (he has a point)so I've had to sneakily peek but not join in.

But he's gone out for a run...byyeeee...so I can finally say:

Italian go for the smug Rosemary 'no vanilla slice for me' Conley programme, but promise me you'll never look like her!

Gum good luck for next week. I was used to getting loads of symptoms every month, then BFNs. I only got one symptom (af cramps from 3dpo) before my BFP this time. And my friend with twins got no symptoms until 3 weeks preg.

All's well here in the Lolster household. Grumpy teenagers, moulting cat (yuk), fidgety dog - and half-term. Thank god. It's been hard trying to keep it together at school. I've been looking like sh*t and fell asleep in a lesson. And it's only week 4. Must have been all the sex. Was walking like John Wayne for weeks. I must admit, it's nice to dtd with no agenda at the mo. The best thing is bigger boobs. The worst thing is looking like I've eaten all the pies.

In my department there are 3 girls aged 30-32 who are all trying to get pregnant. It's getting a bit competitive - and tearful. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I may become a mum, or I may be surrounded by women 15 years younger than me all going to term while I feel sorry for myself.

hippy I'm going to look at those threads. You're right. We need to concentrate on those who get past the 12 week post.

Waving to jolls diege panache ttt et al plus papers x

That should be TV programme about low fat foods. It is called something like the big fat truth about low fat foods!

That should be ended up doing not needed up doing!

Hippy Bouillabaisse is fish soup, who is ordering it? Because it sounds lovely. I had to get myself a can (sorry, an Americanism TIN TIN TIN) of Lobster Bisque from the shop this week, as it cost only £1.50 I am expecting there is about a thimble full of lobster in it!

TTT and Gum hugs.

Diege How you doing?

Jolls Hi, thinking of you.

BB and panashe I am so sorry you are feeling so low. It is all completely understandable and normal.

I do agree with Lou what else is there to do. Just carry on. I have almost tried the SME programme but in reality I?ve just kind of needed up doing what I normally do, sex every two days from end of period. Don?t get worried, Hubby and I did have sex during my 6 months without a period but I am sure I have been keener since my period returned! I am now 46, which I think firmly places me as the oldest bird on here!

Feeling positive as I hear the list is moving well and we may get our donor egg soon. Really hope it does work this time and if not we will take stock. We will not have any more treatment after this final one; it really is the end for us. If it does not work we may look at adoption but we will cross that road when, and if, we get to it. For the first time in ages I do feel very calm and in control.

My weight loss is happening very slowly but it is working, I think, and I am also getting and feeling fitter due to being part of the Rosemary Conley classes locally. Although the programme about low fat foods put me off low fat foods!

Love to all ? where?s my full-fat paella!

Wow, Lia is going to have her baby. So exciting.

My pregnant friend had a show this week, and we fully expected her to go into labour by now, but nothing so far. She's dreading an induction - had one last time which just spriraled into a horrible series of events! Poor thing. It is funny - I was absolutely fine when I saw her on Wednesday, but on Friday I felt incredibly sad and had an awful day. I had to make excuses and didn't go on the hen's night. I did try to snap out of it, but I didn't have the energy or strength to go.I heard they had a great time though.

I think things are so much worse when I'm tired. My DH was away Weds - Friday, and my DS had had a rough night on Thursday.

But then yesterday, Saturday, I was still feeling so sad that I've had the miscarriage. It's just shit to think I would be 17 weeks now, nearly half-way through.

Like Lou said, what else is there to do but to keep trying? Like her I feel I don't want to be defeated. I wonder if I'll ever feel peaceful about it if I don't get pregnant again. It feels like I absolutely must be pregnant before my due date to help soften the blow, but honestly - why should it happen? Unfortunately we can't will it to happen, otherwise we would all be happily cuddling our take home babies.

Penashe, sorry to hear you are feeling low too.

Beattie, I'm only 6 dpo, so no testing for about 4 more days. I got a bfp with Charlie at 9 dpo and a bfp with the last pregnancy at 10 dpo. So I'll probably test at 10 dpo.

I'm not feeling very hopeful.I have very few symptoms. I'm sure I had more symptoms by this time in the last 2 pregnancies. I have hardly had a sore bit of boob. So it remains to be seen.

I just don't feel like I have the energy to keep up all the SWI month after month.It's really the emotional energy I'm struggling with.

Arh...Jolls i see

BB i didn t use to tell Ant about "O" but now he asks me when i m ovulating and when we need to have sexy time.... buts that as he s as desperate as i am to be pg now.Funny you asked about signs???? I thought i felt some leg cramps tonight but i think i m imaginging it all now!!!! I normally get leg cramps as a pre-menstral sympton but i m only cd 17 now.....

Yeh on the smiley face....another candiate for sme plan.

Go Lia Go Lia

Curly good news on your blood tests.

Been to the flicks then had a row with Ant!!!! He keep saying that i ll be better when i return to work.I m like NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I can do my job with my eyes shut its not stimulating!!!! I think he means i ll have something to think off or focus on whereas i know nothing will be any better until i m pg with GBOS.But being a man he doesn t understand any of this.He's stonked off to bed!!!!!!

sorry have had a glass or 2 of cava this evening - am slightly incoherent I think!

aah I might brave that thread and go and have a peak! Her pg seems to have gone so quickly (for me not her I suspect).

curly good news that your doctor is treating you seriously. Hopefully the tests will be ok.

I used one of the smiley face tests for the first time this month. And a bit of a surprise too! I did the cbfm this morning and fine, no peak. Then this evening (because I forgot this afternoon) did the smiley face test and there it was! So had to dig out the vest top and start being seductive . anyway, goes to show, the cbfm isn't 100% afterall (but I suppose you are meant to have the LH surge later on aren't you? so now on the 3 times in a row malarkey! Question for those who have done this before - do you tell your dhs? i would probably dtd anyway with dh tomorrow (it being the weekend and all) but Monday may be a shock for him! Maybe I'll just be open.

Anyway, letting him have a lie in tomorrow in anticipation!

panashe totally normal (ime) to feel up and down and spend days crying. it did take me months to stop doing that actually.

Jolls I saw the woman at work who had her baby just after mine was due this week. it was ok actually, baby around 6 months old, very cute and I felt fine. But I know how you feel. i did think today that I have past all of the milestones now - due date, anniversary of mc etc. But it would be good to be pg before friend no 2 (who had a mc at the same time as me, but then got pg again in the summer) has her baby in March.

gum are you close to testing yet? lou tina any signs?
anyway off to bed. Dh and I were going to do our budget tonight (moneysavingexpert) - things were getting a bit desperate, but lucking for the smep we didnt't!

Just been reading the preg after MC thread. Liaghen looks like she is nearly ready to go - lots of braxton hicks etc.

For those of you who don't know her. She has 5 kids already (i think) and has had her fair share of MC's inbetween. She was pregnant when I was in december 2009 but like me she lost it. Then last summer she got a not too good FSH level result (23 i think - it's best to be under 10) and she was very unsure about being able to get preg again. BUT - she then popped on and said she'd got a BFP I think she was warey and did expect it to go wrong again but fortunately she got past the dreaded 12 week scan and has gone from strength to strength. She is my inspiration - being only a little bit younger than me (44 now I think). Anyway, looks like we should get some news there in the next few weeks. Sorry to sound like a stalker lia but we all need to concentrate on the ones who get past that dreaded 12 week stage and hopefully your story will help lolfactor.

panashe I agree that all your thoughts are totally normal and to be expected, hang in there kid ((()))

lou & jolls give good advise.

Well i've almost followed the SMEP - I think i missed the odd one out but basically I started as soon as Auntie Flo packed her bags and carried on every other day through the positive on an OPK past the ov pains and did one more for luck (phew) this has gotta work - surely Basically there were troops in place at all times and if they miss that egg then they are defo way too dumb to be embryos

Sorry i missed the bistro last night. I've been eating nothing but toast pretty much all week (due to tummy ache) and am just glad to be moving on to real food again. what the heck is Bouillabaisse ??? God, you lot are so much more cultured than little old me. (said in a hick voice) .

lou, it's cos you are having plurals and not singles!!!

Arh...why didn t my [wines] work????

Panashe its very hard go with your feelings allow yourself to grieve.Trying to look on the positive side of things all the time is so bloody hard I know but my thoughts always come back to

1 what other choice do i have?

2 I will not be beaten.

3 I will achieve what i want/deserve and then look back at this shite and congratulate myself on getting through.

Not lecturing thats just how i deal with stuff.Obviously some days it all goes tits up and like Thursday i cry all day and wish i wasn t here .

Jolls you re a better person than me to have nice thoughts about your friend.As we all know i ve discontinued friendships because i can t stand the fact they,re pg or had their babies.Quite frankly i don t care i m learning to become more selfish to protect myself and if rl friends don t like it its tough!!!!!

I think you re "what if" feelings are totally and utterly natural

Hope everyones ok?

Pub last night couple of cheeky [wines] nice.As my sis said have them now as soon i won t be able to,hopefully.

Then swoi for fun this am XXXXX

oh panashe it's totally normal and to be expected that you feel so low.

I spent much of the month following my last MMC in tears and getting very uptight and short tempered and thought it was all just TOO MUCH TO COPE WITH! Had just moved house too, but the MMC was definitely the trigger :(. So a big squeeze to you today. AF coming is a good thing, to get your body back to readiness for TTC.

Hope everyone else ok. My BFP buddy from last summer had her baby girl this week; so pleased for her that it all went so well (ten days or so early and nice quick labour), but of course I am left with a "what if" feeling, as I don't have a new-born (or in fact a bean of any stage). This is the first due date I've not been pregnant again for. And I've been thinking how different things would be in Jollsterville if I had a one year old, or six month old, or newborn! BUT I do have my gorgeous DS who's been so good, and so much fun this week. So I know I'm very lucky.

x