Just MC and ready to try again? Pack your cake, wine and tightie whities and join us for more ranting, weeping and most of all, laughing. All welcome (Part 6)

Morning All... thanks for your lovely support. Feeling rotten this morning, completely unrelated to anything which may or may not be going on....have caught ds's stomach bug

MummyA to answer your questions... 1) first test was almost as dark as control line, the others have all been darker than control, including the one this morning.. 2) they are only amazon cheapies... 3)DH is going to pick one up on his way home this afternoon.....so will test properly tonight, eek!!!!!!!!!

lovelyladybee huge hugs for you my dear. That would be rubbish about due date, but maybe if you do fall this cycle you can request a 7 or 9 week scan instead? Bless you for everything you're going through. Hope you're feeling a bit more positive today. and thanks for your positive feelings for me.....let's see what the result is this evening!

nicks you never know, those little swimmers can be quite determined when they want to be...isn't it up to 5/7 days they can survive?? and it just takes the one..

izzy hope the GP gives you some useful info, really seems so hit and miss whether they're any good doesn't it. My GP is lovely and really good, and highly amusing as he has the dryest sense of humour....some patients really don't like him, but I do!

nicks are you feeling any better today? Hope DH is looking after you and helping you rest...

AandR did your dad really say that?? [shocked] was he being serious?! That must've been tough to hear, really not what you needed.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt dupped by their body...and in a sad way it's nice to hear all your stories. Makes me feel not so alone, and it really is good to hear what everyone's been through...we really can all empathise with each other. And it makes me realise in the scheme of things I haven't had it that bad. My SIL had an early mc just before I found out I was pregnant, and then had a double ectopic that almost ruptured a month after my ERPC, so I keep trying to remind myself that actually things aren't all that bad for me...I too am terrified of going in for a scan at any point now... Just the thought of that scan, going in so happy and coming out so completely devasted just makes me so sad.

Feel like I should congratulate MA, PFF, nicks, purple and anyone else for 'outing' yourselves on facebook, at whatever level. I haven't, but did recently tell a friend that I haven't seen in ages and it was good to be able to tell her. It just felt wrong to call her up to tell her I'd lost a baby, but eventually she called me and we got to talking and it felt good to share it. On the mum front, I'm with AandR, I wouldn't have been able to get through mine without my mum. She was the first person I told, sobbed down the phone to her. and she and my dad came and looked after DS whilst I was in hosp for the ERPC. She is my lifeline, we are very close...I call her at least once a day! wombat big hugs for what you've been through. That must've been so tough, and how selfless of you to put your mum first when you were going through such a tough time. Think your family deserve a huge turn around in fortunes, here's to lots of positive news very soon. and mummya I think before you experience it you have no reason to not assume you're safe once you get to 12 weeks, so stop beating yourself up lovely! I have friends who announced on fb at 12 weeks before their scans and all was well...

Velvet have you tested yet??? DH was bugging me all last night after I showed him the opks, so I promised I'd do a proper HPT tonight... I am SOOO scared though. Just feel like if it's BFN I'll feel so stupid for thinking I knew what was going on and getting it wrong, again...but if it's BFP I honestly think I'll cry as I'm so scared of going through it all again... oh I wish it was a week ago where there's nothing you can do just sit and wait.....

MummyA HUUUUUUUUUGE relief about your lung results, hurray! Finally a piece of good news...and to have to have massages etc., you poor poor thing!

PFF hurray for mixing up your ov, now you can join us feeling all nervous and trying to second guess what's happening. I know it's sucky really, but it does renew the hope that there's a more exciting reason for a delayed AF than just stress.... fx for you.

Dachs lovely lady hope you're doing okay? When does IVF start happening? Forgive me for being clueless about these things...do you have to start taking drugs and the like? Thinking of you sweetie.

Big hellos to PV, choccy, kat, mamap, tigger, jam, YRMOTB, teacakes and everyone

woah! now that was a massive post!

fantastic news re lung specialist - enjoy the massages.

pff messy cycles suck - what a rollercoaster ride to be on. Big hugs. Hopefully it resolves itself shortly preferably with a bfp. Ignore MiL - how can anyone not stress - I can't believe our bodies are so delicate they can't cope with a bit of obsessing concentrated effort. Maybe nick some of MummyAs massages.

Arsecrackerdoos, was just casually (who am i kidding???) looking over my temps for this month and turns out temp didn't peak until cd24. Now I am no fertility temping expert but this seems to me that if I've got a normal lp then earliest af would be due is tomorrow anyway so I have been testing waaaay too early. Next q though, WTF has happened to my 28 day cycle?!?!?! Mil reckons it's screwed because I'm so focussed on it but if that's true, my body is just evil!! Stress leads to late period leads to stress leads to late period etc etc gggggaaaaaahhhhhhh.

Sorry for mememe, just needed to vent otherwise will end up ranting at some poor unsuspecting colleague who definitely won't understand what I'm on about!!

Morning all! I've updated the list because my stats were a little bit off. I am slowly going insane over here - am on CD 33 of what has been a 28 day cycle for the last 2 months since the WTF cycle, still no AF, still a BFN (using first response which are currently on 2 for 1 at Boots) aghghghghghghg the uncertainty is driving me crazy. Also, I am a complete temping novice having only starting temping this month, but the first half of my cycle I was around 35.6 degrees, and I've been around 36.4 for ages now. My new plan is to not test now until this time next week, and if still nothing, see the Dr the following week, what do you reckon?

apples velvet my new cycle buddies, have everything crossed for you!

Thanks for mojitos mummya, it may be slightly wrong to indulge at 6:50 am but what the hell :-) Fab news on the lung specialist! Fingers crossed this is the start of a new chapter for you now.

purple I know exactly how you feel and I struggled with the worry that this is the start of something recurrent too, but I think now that the only way unfortunately to find that out is to be brave and risk it, and then if it does happen again, raise hell until you get tested properly.

caribou brill to hear from you, v. v. happy for you :-)

Have fab day ladies mwah mwah

Fridays List

StarflowerGirl TTC#1 cycle 2 UCL 28 CD56 BFP
Pinkie08 TTC#3 cycle 2 UCL 28 CD60
Lottiecrump UCL 27/28 CD54
cheepz TTC#2 cycle 2 (round 4) UCL28 CD51
Littlemiss72 TTC#1 cycle 1 (post MC#2) UCL 28 CD 50
digitalgirl TTC#2 Cycle 3 UCL41 CD39 BFP
barrenbrook TTC#1 cycle 4 (post MC#3) UCL 28 CD35 BFP
pinkfondantfancy TTC#1, cycle 2, UCL 28 CD33
youremindmeofthebabe TTC#2, Cycle 2 UCL31-38 CD33
velvetcu TTC #1 Cycle 2 UCL 30, CD32
Appleblossoms TTC#2 cycle 3 UCL 34 CD 31
BrownB TTC#1 Cycle 15 (post MC#1) UCL 24-26 CD 29
Loola2shu TTC#3 Cycle 2 (post nmc#1) ucl??? (PCOS) CD25
Jamface TTC#2 cycle 3 (post MC#2), UCL 27 - 40 CD21
Freezingmyarseoff TTC#2 cycle 3 UCL28 CD20
Nickstermum TTC#2 cycle 1 post MC UCL 30-40 CD19
LadyBee TTC#2, cycle 2 (round 3) UCL27 CD18
KnitterNotTwitter TTC#2, (round 3) cycle 2 UCL 30 CD15
PrettyVacant1 TTC#1 Cycle 5(round 7)UCL 28-30 CD13
sunchild77 TTC#3 cycle 4, UCL 24-28, CD14
DachshundsRule TTC#1 cycle 2 UCL28 CD13
getawiggleon TTC#2, MC#1, UCL28, CD11
Tigger15 TTC#2 cycle 19 UCL24-9 CD5
MamaPower TTC#1, cycle 4 (post MC#2) UCL 25- 27 CD5
kat2504, TTC#1, cycle 2 UCL 26, CD4
choccybick TTC#1 (post mc1) cycle 2 UCL 27 CD3
IzzyWizzyletsgetbusy TTC#3 cycle 3 UCL26-28 CD3
Wombat33 TTC#1 Cycle 1 (post MC) UCL 31 CD3

WTTC

Sillyness TTC#1 post MC1 WTF cycle
Jollster TTC #2, MC3 conf 16th Aug
BackOnceAgain TTC#3, MC 17th Aug
Shitforbrains TTC#3, MC 1st Sep
Sarahmia TTC#2, MC2
MummyAbroad TTC #2,(MMC#1 31 Mar, ERPC 7 Jul)
Tunnocksteacake
Urbanlolly

MIA
pippaandpolly
Honeywitch TTC#1
Curlylox TTC#3
delilahbelle TTC#1

RECENT GRADUATES
BUnderthebonnet BFP 20 June
Muser BFP 22 June
northerngoldilocks - BFP 12 July
Magic8ballhastheanswers BFP 14 July
Hopefully BFP 22 July
IvySedai BFP 1 August
PenguinsMummy BFP 15th August
batteryhen BFP 18 August
VivClicquot BFP 25 August
Loopymumsy BFP 29 August
CaribouMoo BFP
hairytriangle BFP 21 Sep

Hi All,

I have had good news from the lung specialist. The lump on my lung is not a blood clot (and therefore not mc related) and has all the characteristics of benign (harmless) tissue. The only slightly worrying thing is that I feel pain in my back in that general area, so the doc wants to try and rule out a connection before completely giving me the all clear. I am all for the plan as it involves antiinflamatories and lots of massages!
Anyway I am hugely relieved and I feel like this might be the start in a new chapter of good luck coming my way.

Caribou, so glad you are letting yourself enjoy pregnancy. I have just decided that defensively expecting the worst has its advantages but I am going to stop doing that because it isnt really the way I want to live my life! Give your bump to be a little rub from me xxxx

AandR no, sausage talk and fertility issues definitely dont mix. Lets hope he notices lack of belly growth and politely keeps quiet. Did you find the study on lubricants? Very interesting. My conculsion was that if you have enough of your own girl juice, then that is probably better because it contains nutrients that actually feeds the little blighters so they can live longer (up to 5 days). Pre seed does no harm, but it doesnt have that advantage.. on the other hand...if you are timing SWI to perfection and there is a waiting egg then a bit of extra slippery swimming juice will help them whizz up there faster maybe?

Velvet and Apple - you have my sympathies, you girls really are at the nail biting end of the 2WW, arent you? >

oh thanks for the Tetley add too, loved it!!

and seeing as Friday...

Apple - I'm feeling the same as you!! What shall we do????

Hey Purplebuns, if you are thinking about throwing your lot in with all of us obsessive compulsive conception seekers professionals why not start by reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. Its really comprehensive, I got a second hand copy and have learned enormous amounts about my body that I was completely unaware of for all my 35 years. I thoroughly recommend it.

Sorry for the x-post purple. Good work on the facebook post. I am still battling with myself over it.
I am not much help on the charting side as I haven't been there myself yet but I am sure someone much more helpful will be by shortly. On the cycle side I know my cycle has changed after each pregnancy (only by a day or so though for me) and I have been told it is the same for an mc. If it is a bit haywire I'll start charting. I was incredibly regular before hence no need to previously!

most probably in the TMI category but is Pre-seed of any use if you don't have a dryness issue?
Thanks MamaP found the cervix thread - need to find nail clippers!
I finally found the courage to POAS today. It was bfn thankfully. I don't think I could have coped with a BFP being a bad thing - strange enough to be happy with a bfn.
Nickster how rude of your buds to play up - I highly recommend spirulina and agnus c to boost you up (with ac possibly having added ttc benefits!) Funny how it just hits you every now and then.

Hi everyone,
Glad to hear your pregnant Caribou, although you make it tempting as you got pregnant soon after your MC. I am still battling with myself with this one.. Although I have found a few condoms, so should probably use them when/if we get around to it.

I am not actually struggling with other peoples pregnancies, (ATM!) as I think that I have no idea what they may have gone through to be carrying that baby, and I think any life is a blessing especially now.

I understand the scan upset, I was sad after mine when she said, 'well you knew you had miscarried anyway'. :(

I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to have it happen again, it is scaring me badly that I could become a recurrent miscarrier.

I have put that post on Facebook, I think it easier to out myself that way, and if one person reads it and perhaps feels better for it, then great!

I am trying to get a grasp of who everyone is and hope to be more aware soon.
This is such a bloody miserable thing to happen, I am glad that I have people that understand around though, so thank you all for that :)

Also sorry for self centred post, I cannot contribute too much atm as I have never done the nitty gritty of conception before so I am only just grasping some of these things. Would it be wise to start charting and things after my WTF cycle? I usually have a 26days cycle, I guess that might change now though?

I hope everyone is well :)

caribou beautifully summarised. I too was weepy with wombat and was thinking what wonderfully strong woman we are! My Mum has been completely brilliant and I couldn't keep anything from her if I tried - never have been able to- very inconvenient as a teenager - my Dad on the otherhand I would find difficult if I had to tell him of another one as he happily blamed it all on me being a working Mum and told me that they used to put down cows on his farm who couldn't hold a baby- it is funny how despite having the majority of my friends and family have been absolutely wonderful it is the horrible comments which stick.
MummyA don't beat yourself up on fb status I told the local butcher and I am dreading the day he mentions how well I am carrying or something similar as I just can't bring myself to tell him - nit the sort of thing you just slip in - I'll have sausages and btw I lost a baby!

What did we do before google?

cariboo great to hear you are very possibly starting to relax maybe enjoying little bean doing well :)

Has anyone heard from hairy?

Aaarghgh! Just penned huge post and internet stopped working and lost the lot. In a nutshell i said thanks for all your wishes, that I have for the first time today allowed myself to believe this may actually happen and am trying to enjoy it while i can.

Then I said hello to purple and apologised for not reading her post yesterday. Agreed with points made well by Wombat and mummyA and mused on how emotionally unstable I was after my first loss in Dec - despite being consumed by wanting to be pregnant again. Then felt like a hypocrite for saying all that and getting pregnant 3 weeks after an ERPC this time....

Afterwards I got excited for PFF, Apples and Velvet and wished MummyA well on her milestone day, while sympathising with Nick as I had a similar public meltdown at work. I then agreed with the pre-seed tip as I used it for both of my last BFPs. Then I commiserated with Kat, Izzy and Choccy for the arrival of RTD and with Bee for her cycle behaving badly. Followed by getting a bit weepy at Wombat's story and thinking how very brave she, Owl, MummyA, Bee and all of us, are.

I think that was about it really and if this crashes again I will greet!

Hey fondant no am fine really, had a few wobbles and need a physical boost but other than work running me ragged - tickety boo. fondant your mum will prob have been more sad for you rather than for herself, dont feel guilty xxx

RIGHT - have posted babyloss passage on FB! ummed and ahh'd for ages... made it general,,,, and now i feel liberated! Why should we have to hide it...I have been hiding from facebook ! well maybe now i wont now where is that peroni!?

Evening all!

Awww hugs nickx you sound like you?re having a hard time of it all at the moment :-( I have painful flashbacks of my scan too, and can?t help but feel v.v. sad when I think about how having my first pregnancy scan should have been one of the most exciting moments of my life, and from now on they are going to be nothing but sheer terror. LOL at your cervix comment I hope you?re safely back at home with DH now-is he fixed now??

choccy sorry RTD arrived :-( Well done on the two days of not concentrating on ttc ? I frankly struggle with not thinking about it for 2 minutes at a time. Are you feeling a bit better now hun?

YRMOTB :-( at the BFN, like you say though, there?s still everything to play for while auntie is staying away.

apple I agree with mamap, you?re not being silly at all, we all think exactly the same thing every month!

wombatand owl I can understand about you not wanting to tell your mum. I was forced to tell her, as I?d seen her the weekend before and spent the weekend puking violently and had to explain I was pg so she wouldn?t worry. She was soooo excited (first grandchild) and the thought of that now makes me so sad :-( I also feel guilty because I leant very heavily on her in those first few weeks and she must have been so sad for herself too. wombat your FB message is beautiful. I?m so sorry to hear about what a terrible time you?ve been having of it :-( You sound very brave and strong, thank you for sharing it with us.

ladybee huge hugs for you toots, sorry you are having such a shite day today ? hopefully tomorrow will be better for you

izzy good luck at GP tomorrow, hope they?re helpful for once!

mummya you should go easier on yourself, there?s no reason why you wouldn?t have expected to make it to 20 weeks. Good luck for your appointment today!

I put an awareness status on Facebook but I made it generic enough so I think that those that don?t know wouldn?t know it had happened to me if you see what I mean. I only got one message back from an ex-colleague who was very sweet so all in all, glad I did it.

Hello to lady , teacake, AandR, mamap and everyone else I've missed, hope you?re all having a nice chilled out evening. Dachs you still around here anywhere? Hope you?re ok.

BEE sorry you are feeling blue. xx My mum was brilliant with me, when i mc. She was here during the heavy blood loss and was so supportive. DH was away that night, and without her there to help me and DS it would have been impossible. GAH... pants about the due date pg 1 and 8 weeks. All being well you will get your bfp and you wont get another MC. xxx You know what bee that is a great way to think of it... my blighted ovum too.... that our bodies whilst they hung on to them, they thought what they were doing was right.... even tho i cruelly starved mine afterwards for what it had done

My OV am unsure about.... spotted 12 and 13, thought i ov on 15 as high cervix bit of ew and very twitchy then ew this morning - bizarre! Similar to you bee, maybe? Who the hell knows. managed swi day 15 only so if OV day 18 then prob wont survive that long!!

Apples I really hope that the OPK is giving you an accurate reading. I'm feeling good about it if that means anything at all . Oh, and please hon, don't feel stupid about not knowing anything was up. I had a blighted ovum for my 1st MC this year - absolutely not a clue, had symptoms. My point of view is that my body did absolutely what it was supposed to do - try to sustain a pregnancy for as long as possible, until it can't any longer.

I didn't tell my mum about our second MC this year. I just couldn't. I know it would have made her worry that there was something 'wrong' with me and there wouldn't have been anything I could say until testing was done and at that point there was no indication that testing would be possible until after a 3rd consecutive one.
I guess I might discuss the results of my tests with her once I know what they say. She's all the way on the other side of the world from me but we skype regularly. I think she knew something was up, especially when I was really upset that she & dad wouldn't coming to visit at all this year. I know they want to come out for the birth of our planned 2nd, but it makes me really sad to think that our DS is missing out on seeing them because of our MC difficulties.

Oh dear...now I'm blue.
Actually, I've been feeling down all day...

I did a stupid thing. While I was doing my chart I took up the 'what if I got pg this month' question...and my immediate response was to check out what the date would be at around 8weeks to see whether I should book time off in order to cope with the inevitable feared MC#3. Guess when it would fall...due date of pg1. Crap.

Anyway...more importantly where is my DH?? I had v big twinges today so am now wondering whether I hadn't ovulated yet, but now have and should be doing something about it. That would mean I was ovulating on the 4th day after a peak though . Mind you, that's what FertilityFriend said about my last pg cycle - peak on day 13, ff indicated ovulation on day 17. I wonder if that's possible or I just have a really slow build in progesterone after ovulation (it's the progesteron that causes the temperature rise, right?)

Sorry for self obsession. Will be back to more caring/sharing service tomorrow.

MA at the time you make the decisions that feel right for you and your baby. I for one will be terrified at the next scan.... to hear those words when i said "theres nothing there is there?" to be answered with a whispered "No, Im so sorry" which will haunt me, but equally you need the scans to tell you everything is ok.

Forget about FB xx Your true friends wont care, they will just want to support you x

sorry forgot to say Thanks to owl for making me feel all brave. xxxxx

Nix I wanted to have a natural birth, like DC1, but Costa Rica is very doctor centric, (midwives dont exists and home birth is illegal) Everyone assumes you just want a ceasarian (if you pay a bit extra you get one), so I started seeing a midwife. She is foreign too and has 30 years of experience at doing homebirths, but she was also quite bossy. She went on and on about not doing a scan and gave me some papers to read. They were semi convincing (says they are bad for baby) so I did some research myself on the internet and found some studies that are quite convincing. Also doctors here are scan mad, with DC1 I had one every month sometimes more. The trouble is the arguements only work if you are getting really good care instead of a scan and she frankly was negligent in that she didnt measure fundal height or use a doppler. Anyway, I have since totally changed my mind about scans. I want hundreds of them!! because if the mum is all stressed out not knowing what is going on inside, then that is no good for the baby either right?

Anyway the long and short is that if I had had a scan I would have known sooner that I had a mmc, but events probably would have unfolded in exactly the same way after that so it makes no difference. Just wish I hadnt been so smug about it on Facebook.

By the way I have had lots of supportive comments on my status including one from a friend telling me about a mc I didnt she had had.

cut your nails!

Ooops X posts MA why did you decide not to scan til 20 weeks? Um... i didnt announce on FB and i am so glad i didnt!.... Oh dear.... MA i havent written a status update since before i MC'd. Cant bring myself to hear other peoples good news when i am not right in the head yet does that make sense.? Maybe it is the right thing to do to go public?! Who knows>?!!

Helloooo chattermonsters.

Firstly, let me congratulate MA for being brave enough to out yourself - big smack on the back for you lovely lady! Hugs too for the due date, hope you are wearing your ribbons. (mine is pinned to my purse)! I too have thought about doing something on fb but i dont think i could cope with not wanting to login after!

wombat that babyloss message is lovely and brought a tear to my eye just reading it. The only problem with putting it on your status, people who arent your friends can see it.... ! Just dont think i am brave enough to do it.... maybe i will re-word the parag so its in the third person

Izz everyone pretty much knows about me too. MA i dont think u are a twat for telling anyone, i told everyone before 8 weeks... just like i did with pg1... its very hard then to untell people! Owl and wombo totally understand for keeping it quiet tho. I slipped up today, made reference to some work friends about "took up knitting the last time i was pregnant" before i could stutter my excuses they both stood staring at my belly.... .. maybe they will get the message when i dont get fat!!

Wow wombat that just seems like so much to cope with all at once, I am so sorry you have to go through all this. It must have been so difficult being the carer for your mum when you needed some good care for yourself. Thanks for sharing that with us.

I guess its easier for me to tell my mum because she is 5,500 thousand miles away, difficult reactions are always so much easier to deal with at that distance!

I really like the facebook status, much better than mine, might be changing it...

Thanks for your kind comments Izzy Its really hard for me to think about my pregnancy announcement without wincing as I did something even more STOOOPID. So bad in fact, I can hardly bring myself to write about it, but today seems a good day for cathartic sharing so..
On the advice of a very shit private midwife I decided not to have a scan until 20 weeks, and I announced this plan on facebook as my pregnancy announcement. 2 weeks later I went for a scan when I started spotting and discovered the baby was dead.

I know in the great scheme of things much worse things have happened (and are happening) that I could worry about, but it is still a very wincy horrible thing to remember. I stopped writing facebook status' around that time.

Thanks wombat

Mamapower - this might interest you, I was talking to dsis earlier about cycles (no we're not in any way obsessed!) and she said her consultant at FC told her that the length of luteal phase didn't matter because the body produced progesterone which would sustain the pg. That seems to tie in with what you were told doesn't it? But then I thought one of the causes of lpd could be low progesterone, which would surely mean that you couldn't sustain the pg (if that was the cause of your lpd -clearly it isn't for you)? Hmmm.

Anyway I will see what gp says tomorrow (if he doesn't send me straight back out the door) and report back.