Hallo, may I join in? I am 42 and have one of each: DD7; DS5; DH57 with FOFF (fear of further fatherhood). Plus a loft full of baby stuff which he says should be thrown out. I go silent when he mentions this - he knows it is a sore topic and discussion will get us nowhere. If pressed I say we should keep it 'just in case'.
Mostly he is adamant he doesn't want any more but did once say (after I'd admitted to a possible lost early pg) that another baby 'wouldn't be the end of the world'. Interestingly, he didn't ask me if I had been trying to trick him on that occasion (I use diaphragm and this is not 100%). He was possibly trying not to upset me as we lost a baby at 13wks before DD.
His reasons for stopping at 2 are very sound. But reason won't stop my heart breaking and I think it is affecting my health. I always wanted 4 children. I broke down in tears in front of our children during the holidays when he was away overnight at a school reunion and we were watching In the Night Garden on CBeebies. I had to explain it made me think of the time when DS was a toddler and I'd never have that again and how much I wanted another baby.
I originally said I would never trick him but recently cast caution to the winds. We have done it more than once without the diaphragm and he must have noticed!? Does this mean he is tacitly approving? Or is he very unobservant? I always have to start activity, btw, which is an old gripe. Maybe he thought I'd planned ahead off-stage but we do it so seldom these days that rather than waste time putting it in when not used, I started to keep it in the bedside drawer. So he knows when I put it in. Maybe he is just being an unobservant man.
My cycles have got very irregular in the last 3yrs but tests show I am still fertile. I think I am developing a mental problem where you convince yourself you are pg and actuallly develop symptoms. Either that or it's IBS! Several times I've been convinced I was pg, not said anything, eventually tested -ve and eventually p arrived. I get swollen lower abdomen, tender breasts. Happening again now. 7wks since last AF but test a wk ago was -ve.
Am up late having deep thoughts about whether to continue putting whole marriage at risk. Apart from a touchy temper (no physical violence!) he is a good husband and after a shaky start with our temperamental DD, a reasonable dad and getting better all the time. Sorry to be blunt; he is likely to die some time before all of us, being a decade and a half older than me. It's a long time to live with regret after the menopause that you didn't give it a last shot to give another sister/brother to your LOs.
BTW he said OK to our having children before agreeing to marry me but never mentioned a number!