The Bus Stop - Waiting to TTC (part 3)

Welcome brettgirl, snoozathon and fluffy! Brettgirl, I'm also planning to start TTC in October (#1).

Fluffy, congrats on your upcoming marriage! I don't blame you for wanting to give it a few months, and IMHO, it will be nice to just be married for a little while before starting to TTC.

Bebe, sorry, but you are part of the family, and an equal part to DH. You establishing a path for yourself is definitely for the good of the family. IMHO, it's tremendously unfair for one partner to hang around in a limbo waiting for the other one to make the decisions. If he's worried about money, maybe point out that you establishing a long-term career plan will ensure better financial stability for years to come? Sigh...I am so frustrated for you.

JustShagging, good luck with the talk! To brettgirl's list, I would add another point about age: energy. Doesn't he want to do this at a stage in his life where it's relatively easy to lose some sleep and carry on at work? To have the energy to run around with the kids? To not be the oldest dad on the playground? Also, I know guys hate the "ticking clock" argument, but it is worth emphasising that the longer you wait the less likely this is to happen. If you both want children, what is holding you back? Other than wanting to travel - which everybody says! - is there any particular reason he doesn't feel that now is the right time? There will be life after children!

Amanda, I've only got about a third of my 10,000 words written. 10,000 isn't that bad, so that's not what I'm worried about, it was the research that needed to be done to back up my argument. This weekend I wrapped that up and got my notes typed up, so I'm planning to blitz the rest of my dissertation this weekend (I've got four days as I've taken Friday off and Monday's a bank holiday). It's due next Wednesday...eek!

Strawberry, a celebration is definitely in order! I'm on the fence between partying with my classmates and having champagne cocktails and a romantic dinner with DH. Maybe I'll do both!

Afternoon ladies

Just popping in to say hello having been away - the thread has moved fast!

Hello to the new joiners - especially snoozathon as it's nice to have someone who will be TTC'ing about the same time as me (next summer, hopefully May if DH agrees...)

So, we went away last week with a group of friends including a 1 year old - wasn't quite sure if it would make us (esp DH) keener or put me off altogether. Actually I think DH is actually a bit keener than before - he's discovered that small children are funny! On the other hand, it was very obvious that you have to make a lot of daily sacrifices as a parent - less sleep, very little time to yourself, etc etc.

Amanda sorry to hear your DH is still chopping and changing. Mine is still being non committal ("maybe" is his favourite word ). Like you, I am still a little uncertain myself (I think it's only natural to be uncertain about a step which in many ways runs counter to all self interest), but I'm not letting on, since DH will never agree to TTC if I show any signs of uncertaintly ...

Just - I also don't have any logical reasons for wanting a child now (well, next year) rather than later. I think you just have to be honest and say it's a very strong desire you have and you can't bear to wait longer... Not logical, but then having children isn't logical.

Fluffy those reasons sound sensible (not cold) - sounds like you will have a boozy very enjoyable honeymoon! Where are you going on honeymoon? And slowshow where are you off to?

Hey Slowshow

Congrats - hope you are more sorted than I am!! Well my reasons were because

a) I fully intend on drinking as many cocktails and champers as I can manage and whilst I know it's been said that the baby doesn't get anything from the mother for the first 4/6 weeks I'm not sure I could be actively trying and drinking at the same time. I have also read that alcohol can affect implantation. I'm not a massive drinker BTW but this is a special occasion

b) I'd be fertile at the beginning of our honeymoon and as we're away for 3 weeks I was thinking I could potentially start feeling rough

c) We have a wedding abroad in June which would be when I would be due

d) Would rather have a baby born at the beginning of the school year

e) Can have my birthday and Xmas and NY out the way first

I would have loved to have chucked the contraception away on our honeymoon but I think stresswise I'd rather not be thinking about 'am I/aren't I' while we're away.

I hope I don't sound too cold about the whole thing, especially point d) I am sure if it takes me months to get preganant I really won't mind when it is but while I'm this side of it, it makes sense to me.

Also I'm a bit terrified of it all!

Hi Fluffysparkles!

I'm a bit of a lurker on this thread, but as someone who's getting married in a few weeks and intends to start TTC straight away, I'm wondering why you decided it wasn't a good idea? Unless you changed your mind for personal/financial reasons. I'm just worried that you've read other people say it ruined their honeymoon

Hello!

Long time lurker, first time poster here...

A bit of info on me - I'm 30 and waiting to TTC #1. Situation is that me and DP are getting married in a few weeks (yikes!) and previously the plan was to TTC on our honeymoon but after extensive research I've kind of come to the conclusion that it isn't the greatest idea so we're going to be trying from Jan 2011. Am massively excited although very nervous too. My best friend has a gorgeous five month old which I was lucky enough to be a birth partner for so I can see how much hard work they are but I have this longing and by finally posting on here I feel I'm doing something towards it!!

Lovely to meet you all

This thread sure moves fast!

In terms of convincing other halves:
Bebe - I'm not sure what your husband's point is to be honest. Asking you to sacrifice your own personal happiness for the good of the family sounds like 'guilt tripping' to me. I don't think that you can separate the happiness of individuals from the happiness of the family. If you are at home anyway then what exactly is his objection to having a second?
JS - Just a few thoughts:

• DH is seeing baby as an 'addition'. In fact once baby is here it is as if they have always been here IFYSWIM, so although it's a big change you adjust automatically.
• Pregnancy is a big strain on your body, you want to as a result get it over with while you are still young. The better you will recover etc - I think men often think it's fine to plan to have a baby at 42.
• (Very soppy) the younger you have children the longer you have them for. The sooner you have children the sooner you can get back to travelling etc.
• Feeling as you do now, you are not really going to be happy until you hold your LO. Globe trotting just isn't enough to make you happy at this moment in time.

js what is the point you want to make to your hb? I can't remember your situation.

bebe I am firmly of the opinion that personal reasons make up most of what's best for a family! Particularly when it comes to career which isn't just something you can fit around everything else in life. I know it was mentioned a bit earlier on the thread, but do you have a career plan? Maybe if you talk to your hb more generally about future plans (your career, his career, kids etc) he might start to appreciate how hard it is for you not to know what's going on in the future?

Hi All!!
Welcome to the newbies - great to have so many of us on here for support and advice!!

I went a bit off the radar on Friday as the head of my team decided to take us all out for lunch and then we didn't leave the pub until 6pm...... Was fun and made me feel a lot less negative about my job etc. He also mentioned to me that they were thinking about a new role and that my name had popped up as someone who woule b suitable for it...... sadly I can't remember any of the details through the chablis haze so unless he brings it up again..... Ooops!!

DH and I had a bit of a chat on Saturday night but he doesn;t want to talk about it properly until we are on holiday. I can't say that it sounds particularly positive but he did appologise for his "push me and I will just resist more" comment. He was VERY ashamed that he'd said that so I hvae forgiven him.

We have talked about the Oz thing too and I have said that as long as we pay it back fast, I am ok with borrowing it. TBH it is mainly him that pays the mortgage and so if he is ok with borrowing the extra then so am I. I know it's important for him to see his GM as his mum died 5 years ago and his cousins are vile and don't speak to their GM (their father died 10 years ago too) so he and his brother are the only relatives that she speaks too and as she is so old it's pretty imnportant to him that he makes sure she's ok etc.

As for the other holidays....... that's something to be discussed on holiday so we will see where we stand after that trip. If anybody has any advice about how I can go about getting my message across without seeming overly emmotional then please tell me! He is so logical and I just know that he will ask me to explain the reasons for wanting children now. I am crap with words and so if anybody can help me out then that will certainly help me make my case!!!

x

Bebe he is 12 months old. You should have seen DH with him, he was really charmed! Didn't change his mind about having his own though!

I thought about doing that and have managed it a couple of times on the weekends - getting back to sleep afterwards I mean. But I'm a terrible sleeper and I find it really hard to get more than six hours at the best of times. If I haven't got to sleep by 2am I find I can't face doing a 6am temp check, in case I don't get back to sleep. So I reset the alarm for seven.

good morning all

i have set my watch alarm to beep at 6am every day. (its a quiet beep but all but one time has woken me OR OH) i then take my temp, but my thermometer remembers the last temp, so i dont look (I do it asleep with eyes closed),i just turn it on again when im actually awake and see what it was!

Good morning all! Just getting ready for work but wanted to report second slight temperature rise in as many days - fingers crossed!

My chart is a right mess though with open circles all over the place. Who on earth wakes up at the same time every day?

mrs hope you got some of your dissertation done last night! I guess another month isn't that long to wait in the grand scheme of things :)

bebe hope your hb has cheered up! Mine is happier now, after a weekend to recover from work stress.

Hi brettgirl2 and snoozathon brettgirl I am happy to hear someone else isn't planning to give up caffeine entirely!

strawberry sounds nice to have an occasional weekend alone to watch tv in peace :)

Amanda didn't get a chance to go out taking pictures, but go on honeymoon later this week so no doubt I'll get a chance then

Has been a hectic weekend here doing last minute holiday shopping. Am very excited about holiday now, we are off on Tuesday!! Also, was talking to HB at lunchtime about Christmas, when we were realising that if I got pg before then we'd really have to tell our families quite early, as it'd be very difficult to hide no alcohol over the holidays. Makes it all seem a bit more real!

Hope you all have a good Monday :)

Snoozathon much though I hate to say it it looks like I am now aiming for early next summer as well.

Squirrell I never answered your question. No I haven't addressed it with him. I think I'm throwing too many mixed messages about. There's no way I'm going to get him to commit to a date. It's been nigh on impossible to get him to agree to me booking five days in Ibiza, so that's what we're up against lol.

How did you get on with the photography session? What was it you were photographing?

Hi snoozathon too :)

Hi everyone and welcome brettgirl2!

Keep going mrs! Not long now! what will you do to celebrate when you hand the dreaded dissertation in? Hopefully something fab :)

I have had a weekend without OH as he has gone on a lads camping/staying in a chalet type thing in Scotland this week. (The last one of those if I get PG next year!)

Have been enjoying the peace and was able to watch X-factor with no dramatic sighs and "how long is this on for!" (I am very sad and watch all sorts of awful TV including BB- sorry )

Had a good bike ride today (felt like was going to die but didn't) and also visited my new work place to fill some forms in- can't wait to start new Job in October!

about apple preserve bebe! I love anything that can be eaten with toast.

Hello all!

Like brettgirl I've just read the whole thread :) I think I've found my spiritual home, JS are you my doppelgänger?!

However due to finances [yawn] we won't be ttc until at least next summer :(

So I'm just lurking until then, unless I snap and do the whole 'oops' thing!

yummmm bebe that sounds delicious I bet your house smells fab! Have had my godson round to visit today, he has been crawling aroung my living room and climbing in my wardrobe and generally having a lovely time.

Lol @ Mrs WTBAM daydreaming about babies instead of doing the dissertation. How many words are you up to?

Brettgirl welcome to the thread. October is well soon, you will be off on your bus before we know it! It's good that you pointed that out about travel sickness. DH and I were just planning our next couple of holidays, as we've now decided to do a couple long haul trips before ttc. Probably California/Vegas and maybe Thailand as well. This well take us through at least to next May.

Hi All, I've just sat and read the whole thread .

I am meant to be TTC #2 from October-ish, I have a 16 month old daughter. It's a bit weird though because I am currently suffering from a morning-sickness like bug (although I am definitely not pregnant) and it is making me slightly less keen . I haven't decided exactly when yet (I am lucky that DH is pretty easy about it) and I had my coil removed the other day. My brother is getting married next month, and we are going on holiday in October. In early pg last time I had terrible travel sickness, so need to make sure that I am not pregnant before then. DH would be very if the holiday was ruined.....

Just a couple of comments on things I have picked up (I hope you don't mind as I'm new):
JS - I think that your OH is in complete denial and doesn't actually believe it is going to happen. I can relate to this as even when I was pg with DD I didn't believe I was actually having a baby
Amanda - Prior to getting pregnant with my first I could have written your posts word for word. I got married at 23 and had my daughter at 31 (so not really that keen to get going). When you hold your own child it is completely different - watching them learn isn't like watching families in the park, it is a lot more fun. I don't regret it at all - she is just amazing and watching DH with her is just
Mrs - finish the dissertation, it's a great feeling when it's all done

In terms of 'preparation' - you lot are making me feel bad! Last time I'm afraid was very because I didn't think it would be possible to get pregnant so quickly having stopped taking the pill (it would be a good example for teenagers). I have no intention of totally giving up caffeine, although I will only drink tea and cut down - I know from last time that I couldn't get through a pregnancy without a cuppa. I will start taking folic acid and be careful with alcohol (although I didn't stop drinking until I found out I was last time more )

And this time it will probably take a year........

The dissertation is coming along, although I keep inventing ridiculous ways to distract myself! I think it was probably for the best that no one was online to give me another excuse to take a break last night!

Apple preserve sounds wonderful, bebe. Good luck staying busy to keep your mind off babies...it is definitely not working for me. I have been super broody all weekend and have now convinced myself that I have ovulatory pain. Highly unlikely as it is only CD 10 and as far as I can tell, I have no other signs that ovulation is near. But everything is likely to be off this cycle as I've just come off the pill. Who knows!

I hope everyone had lovely weekends...I'm looking forward to enjoying mine again after 1 September!

Yes how's the dissertation going, Mrs? Can't say I envy you!

Haven't we all been good keeping off the forum to help you get it done? Lol