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My youngest daughter once attempted to brush her hair with the loo brush and my eldest son ate a lump of wet dog foo from the dogs bowl!

i still cant believe dd did this. she was 3 and was going through a jumping in muddy puddles obsession due to too much peppa pig watching. anyway, she was still having the odd accident, and she didnt make it to the loo and peed all over the kitchen floor. i stripped her down and went to get mop etc, and when i got back to the kitchen she had went, put her boots on and was jumping up and down in the pee. when i lost it with her she really couldn't understand why, and was most put out that she wasn't allowed to jump up and down in pee, she cried the whole time i cleaned up and got her changed.

DD1 often would put slugs and snails in her mouth. She also used to drink from the watering can and stuff garden soil down her nappy.

When my youngest was about 8 months old and just learning to get around, we were visiting some family in Turkey.
My mother in law is crazy about knitting and she had been knitting some little black and white socks this one day.
Later in the afternoon I went to the kitchen and when I walked back in the room, I saw my little cherub crawling around the floor with a piece of black wool hanging from her mouth. I flashed her a little "tut tut" smile as I thought she was mimicking Nanny who sometimes holds the end of the wool in her mouth whilst knitting....
I bent down to take it off her and it was only when I touched it that I realised it wasn't wool, it was a long, thin, black creepy crawly, centipede type bug... ughhhhhhh!! I screamed so loud I scared her and Nanny half to death.

Tried to eat her own poo, enough said : / whilst doing a nappy change, delightful

Well, if you were enjoying yourself in the swimming-pool, you wouldn't want to leave for something trivial, would you?

Picking his nose and wiping it over the bedroom wall. It was a few weeks before I realised what he had been doing and so there was quite a lot to clear off!

Called a waiter fat

This one was actually someone else's child. I was a nanny to two boys and Tom came up to me with something on his finger and asked 'what's that?' (aged 3-4). I looked closely and removed the blob from his finger onto my finger so I could take a closer look, he watched me shrugging my shoulders and saying 'I don't know' before innocently proclaiming 'bogey'!

My Dad took my nephew to his first public toilet in Blackpool so he showed him how to use the urinal. Dad went to the wash basins to wash his hands & turned back to see Paul bent down washing his hands in the urine filled trough, disgusting but hilarious. Needless to say lots of soap & antibacterial wash was needed.

I sat down on the sofa a few years ago and felt something sticky and moist on my arm. I turned to see what it was and saw snot. Thick, gooey and green snot all over the cushion. Asked the DD did she know what it was and she told me she'd run out of hankies so she had decided to use the cushion instead.

DS once ate a woodlouse when he was 1, i didn't move quick enough because i thought it was a stray raisin at first

Picked up a slug .... Yak

oh dear, this would be while visiting my mother during our son's "poo" stage of life many years ago. He used to hold it in for as long as possible and then have to go as a matter of urgency only asking as it was on its way out! I was talking to my mother about it in her kitchen when he said he needed to go so I took him upstairs and left him in the bathroom (he was at the stage where he liked to be alone and usually no problem) and I waited downstairs. No noises.... after 5 minutes my mother said she would go and I should have a rest and finish off my cup of tea. Within 10 seconds she was back downstairs and I will never forget the look on her face! On entering my mothers bathroom I found that (and he had NEVER done it before) he had smeared poo over the toilet seat, the floor, the taps, the bowl of the sink and the pedestal, he had touched everything on the bathroom windowsill - which included all the toothbrushes there, the hair products, soap dispenser, pump toothpaste and the left hand side curtain. His pants were on the floor covered in it and he had it on his legs, bottom, hands and right into the fingernails....ewww. Everything got thrown out and the rest sanitized within an inch of its life. He never did it before and never afterwards so still to this day I have absolutely no idea why he did it! I just wish he had done it at home rather when we were visiting!

my eldest was a toddler and she was walking around one day just after I changed her nappy, then I noticed she needed changing again as she had done little "smarties" in her nappy, later that day I noticed one of those smarties on the floor, and when I picked it up with a tissue, it had 2 small teeth marks in it. ugh

My eldest son used to love playing in the garden when he was little, he was hardly ever indoors. But i had to watch him like a hawk because he used to have an awful habit of sucking on Caterpillars if he found them. I was often finding them curled up in his mouth.... snails were also a favourite of his! Yuck!

Played with his action figures in the cat litter tray because it looked like an alien planets surface

My boy once played with dried up dog mess when he was younger. It was absolutely horrible!

Came over and gave me an unprompted hug. During the hug she swiped her nose right across my top. Snotty is not the word!

ok when my daughter was about three, she picked her nose and put it in her mouth, I asked her to open the mouth and the bogey was massive and sitting on her tongue. I can still picture it now fifteen years later.x

DS1, when under 8, was a thumb sucker. Would come home FILTHY from rugby, absolutely covered in mud from head to toe.....except for one lovely fresh pink thumb.

I was chatting to an elderly lady at a bus stop once and she complimented me on my adorable and we'll behaved DC. Only for us to turn around and see DD2 on her hands and knees drinking a puddle through a dirty discarded McDonald's straw...

Also DD2, made a sculpture in the garden that consisted of all of my clothes pegs stuck vertically into a dog poo. Like a hedgehog.

Also DD2, wee'd in my dad's construction helmet and left it on the landing for him to discover.

DS2, put a sheep poo nugget in his mouth.

DS2, poo'd in his bedroom and used a foam toy to scoop it up and cake it onto the wall.

DS2, gave a toy monkey a "poo afro" monkey was henceforth known as poo monkey.

DS2, shite. On a plate.

There is probably more, I have pictures of most of these too

Waking me up at 2 in the morning to tell me his finger was dirty because he'd had it in his bottom!

DS (2) and I were in town yesterday, where I promised if he was good whilst we did everything we needed too, he could have an ice cream when we were done. So I buy him a lovely banana sundae plus one for me and we sit on a bench in the sun to eat it.

I take my eyes off him for two seconds to move the buggy round, look at him again and he's got a piece of used chewing gum that was stuck to the bench, in his mouth. Ripped that bugger out as fast as I could, don't think it was quick enough though...

Today, actually. My 17 month old DS has recently had chicken pox. He's also overdue a hair cut. Today I caught him pulling out the scabs that had come loose and stuck in his hair and eating them. With an accompanying "mmmm". Disgusting child.