I'll try to tackle the points raised:
- You want to restrict travel, fair enough. Would you compromise though on letting her meet up with friends at a place that is say half way between the locations - such as at a park, toddler group, indoor play venue?
- You are happy for short trips but not long trips, is that right? Aren't the accident statistics saying that most accidents happen within a couple of miles of home - thought I'd heard that somewhere.
Speeding offence should have been revealed when you checked her driving licence before hiring her... did you not do that check? Presume it was points on license, so nanny I feel should have mentioned it to you - though I do feel you should have checked.
Accidents do happen and can be put down as a Fault claim, even though circumstances may have been that it was not entirely their fault. Accidents can also be a learning experience as it can teach people that when driving sometimes the car does not always do as you expect it to, especially at speed or in wet weather.
As you were providing a car, was it not something you asked about at interview? Guess you didn't, which is why it only came out later on.
"I am not altogether comfortable with her driving them around."
So that would include short trips as well as long ones then?
- Not sure why she would disclose such a thing to you. Sounds like it was a childhood thing... so does it affect her ability to work now?
- Children sleep differently for carers than they do for their parents. Sleep also changes as children age. If a child is asleep you would not wake them to change their nappy in my view. You would change them at a time following them waking.
- "After such an exciting morning - both children were treated to a trip to the park (DS2 again in the buggy)."
Is there something you don't like about DS2 being in a buggy?
How old is he in Months? Is it the case that he can walk and she isn't letting him do much walking?
Maybe your DS2 likes the park... and given that you won't let her drive anywhere, perhaps it's the only place she knows how to get to. Is that possible?
Would you prefer them to stay at home, even though it's spring/summer time. Surely better to be at the park than doing puzzles indoors.
Groups and classes often tend to only operate in the morning... have you found classes which are in the afternoon which are suitable for BOTH children?
Is there time for DS2 to nap and do a class in the morning whilst DS1 is at nursery? From the sounds of it DS2 is napping a long time at present... in future this morning nap will be dropped completely, so more opportunity for groups then.
- Phones and Internet are generally used to stay in touch with people and for research into places to go. However in a break period someone may use it to post on Mumsnet... is that research or personal use? Nannies don't get any formal breaks during their working day, so have to take little rest periods as and when they occur.
Look at the bigger picture is the phone usage excessive? If it does become so then say something. I will use my phone quite a bit whilst at work... finding out where friends are going, checking opening times and prices for places, downloading a manual for how to use the bread machine, recipes, sending an e-mail or Twitter message so my boss knows what we are doing, sometimes even reading mumsnet. View it as if your own work would view it... is the personal use of the internet affecting work too much, if so say something.
- Sometimes things happen which will involve a change of plans. The sewers may block and discharge sewerage over the garden for example. Whose problem is that? It's your problem as the houseowner. Yet the nanny may sort that out for you. Would that be a fun day for the children... perhaps not, though they may like watching the man with the pressure hose!
People forget things... I've been known to forget my glasses - so I've done a detour on the way to somewhere to pick them up from my home. Think that's happened once in the past 2 years. So not a frequent occurrence.
The essay thing is similar, it isn't likely to be a frequent occurrence. Not sure why it would involve so much time though... also it could have been combined with visiting somewhere - perhaps somewhere near the college.
Of course in that sort of situation the mileage cost would not be billed... as that is one cost that the mistake incurs.
- Not your issue... you did the right thing to say no to a pay rise. Travel costs are going up for everyone, it's just the way things are.
- Children are fussy and will change their sleeping habits. If you want him to always take naps in his cot then you can dictate that. I'd just be happy that he sleeps at all.
- You had asked her to put DS2 in his cot to sleep the day before? So now she followed that and DS2 objected. Think you may be giving out different messages... one day it's in the cot, next it's ok to rock to sleep.
When children are ill they do want more physical closeness at times... though no reason why once he was sleepy that he could not be laid in his cot.
It's a tricky one as none of us were there... so we don't know what really happened. Ultimately he was left long enough for your neighbour to complain - so pick up on that part of the issue... such as how long you feel he should be left to cry.
- So is nanny now rocking him to sleep, as that is what you had now told her to do, rather than put DS2 in the cot? She may just be trying to do as you have told her.
If a child falls asleep, do you want her to wake them up?
- Good that she has found a toddler group on route back from nursery. I thought DS2 slept in the morning? Maybe he only sleeps if not having something more interesting to do.
Half term can be rather tricky... many groups don't operate. Thus I go on outings to various places often quite far away. Gets us back to the driving issue... if you won't let her drive, how will they get to places to go?
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DS1 doesn't like her for some reason. See if he is able to communicate more about that. Perhaps he can suggest things he wants to do... I've had a child say Sit Helicoptor and I've found a place he could do that - again though, it was a long drive!
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I've taken children of those ages swimming. Just because you wouldn't do something does not mean nanny shouldn't do it. That's one of the things about having a nanny - your children get to do things that they wouldn't do if you were at home.
"Why can't she find anything local to do?"
What is there to do locally... have you actually made a list yourself? Sit down with nanny and go through what things can be done locally.
- Children's eating varies constantly. One week they will eat X next week they refuse it. Offering lots of options does not help... so suggest she either offers no option at all, or a choice of 2 things.
I find that a fruit and veg plate goes down well the boys I care for... they will pick at it taking what they want.
This week the toddler I care for refused to eat anything at lunchtime and ended up having a bowl of cornflakes (with milk).
At teatime he ate the lot (pasta with tomato and other "hidden" veg sauce) where as his older brother refused it and only ate the pasta (hmm, wonder if he worked out what was in the sauce - he has had the sauce before and liked it).
I would have expected there was something other than popcorn to offer... though would that something else have been any better.
Be firm with DS1 when he is with you... he can easily accept that one set of rules applies when you are there and another with nanny.
Children won't starve themselves usually... so don't worry too much about what they eat per day... look at the week in total.