Discovered babysitter is taking my son to her house without telling me!

I would start a job assuming I could take a child out during the day, unless specifically told not to.

But missus if they already know you will take the child out, it's different.

backtotalkaboutthis - I wouldn't inform the parent every time I left the house with the child, can't imagine anyone would want to be disturbed repeatedly at work with updates every time we went to the park.

The nanny may have acted perfectly innocently, or she may be hiding something, but you can't know until you ask her.

If you hire someone on a regular basis to look after your child and that person is not operating as a childminder, then he/she is your employee. You could give them any job title upo which you both agree, including but not limited to "nanny". There are no formal qualifications which are legally required to be a nanny.

I think the mum needs to say (and as far as I can tell this conversation has not yet happened)something like:

mum: Hi. I can't find DS' toys. He said he left them at your house yesterday. Is this true?
Nanny/BS: Oh yes we stopped in because we were in the area and I spilled juice on my shirt so wanted to change quickly before the stain set in. I chucked it in the wash and must have forgotten his toys then.
mum: Oh I see. I'd actually prefer that DS spend his time in this neighborhood. So, in future can you please not take him to your house?
nanny: Oh. Okay. Sorry, it didn't occur to be to be a problem. But, of course, we won't do it again.

There. Happy ending.

is she a professional? do you have to be a professional to have a contract? I just thought she said babysitter

god I would expect a professional to have more sense than not to let the parent know, tbh

Curious as to why you have a nanny and a baby sitter.

You need to talk to her and say you do not want her doing again and she is to bring the toys he left back the next day. Should you be concerned that she would get cross with your child for telling you then she shouldn't be looking after him.

Strix - you can't cover every possible scenario over what not to do. And if the babysitter thought it was okay why didn't she tell the mother?

AS this is a "regular babysitter" I would expect her to get on with it. And as it is daytime, yes, I would expect her to leave the house if the urge struck her to do so.

As I said earlier, everyone is different. Some parents will be happy with this and others won't. Either is fine, but if she does something the parent doesn't like than the parent should have a chat. There is no cause for alarm. Simple misunderstanding.

I believe it has already been established that a "regular babysitter" is actually a part time live out nanny with a contract.

please don't conflate babysitter (casual child care) with childminders and nannies (professionals)

In fact I can't believe anyone would defend a babysitter as not doing anything wrong because she hadn't been told not to do it.

Common intelligence would really be enough to know that you let a parent of a 2.5 yo know where their child is.

I would not expect a babysitter to take my child out of my house on a train ride to another house without telling me where my child is. Would you?

I would remove my child from a childminder who was apparently too stupid to know it was inappropriate not to let a parent know where here 2.5 yo is.

I don't think the OP is erring on the side of being too timid. She is thinking about sacking this girl for something she has never been asked not to do. When one manages an employee, they should expect to do just that: manage them. Nobody expects there employees to just know what to do all the time without meeting / announcements / written and verbal clarification. This is all part of managing. It is difficult with ananny because you aren't there while she is at work. But, still, you have a responsibility to behave like her manager.

Yes of course they are. It's an exchange of services and there's no need to feel any kind of guilt about specifying the service you require. The OP shouldn't be afraid of talking about it.

Not "I guess" at all! Childminders are self-employed and you are using their services in the same way that you would use the services of a nursery, unless you care to take responsibility for their national insurance and other benefits that an employee would expect.

Nor would I expect any parent to say "Don't do this" as though I were a child. I'd expect them to discuss the situation with me and for my own views and that of the other parents to be taken into account. When you work with more than one family, you have to consider all their needs, not have one parent laying down the law. Any parent who can't accept this is free to leave, of course...

I don't think it's that odd for a nanny to take a child back to their own home occasionally tbh, lots do.

Yes I guess. But you are employing their services and many people do seem to be so terrified of ever saying don't do this or I don't like that -- you know what I mean, as if it's a sort of guilt trip.

backtotalkabouthis, I agree that relationship, but just to be pedantic, childminders don't work for parents, they are self employed.

Oh I forgot. Thirdly, don't be afraid. Too many people are terrified of the domestic or childminding staff who work for them. There's no need for this.

You are not overreacting. It's an odd thing to do without asking or telling you. Very strange indeed. Very strange.

You need to firstly, establish the truth. Secondly say you don't want it to happen. Not too complicated.

I can't understand why your DH has flown off the rails. You have every right to say to nanny that you don't want your DS spending time at her house. But, the fact that she has assumed it is okay is not really cause for alarm. It is just cause for a casual chat and clarification of what you do/don't want.

Tell your DH to settle down. I can't really see this is worth freaking out over. Just talk to the nanny and tell her what your expectations are.

It is possible she just popped in for 5 mintues as they passed by and so didn't think it a report worth event.

If you asked me what I did yesterday, I would probably say I went to work, spent too much time on MN, and went home and saw the kids, put them to bed and cooked dinner. AS it happens I also stopped at Tesco on the way to work, but I would probably not mention that, and not because I was intending to deceive you.

If you don't have one already, I would highly recommend a nanny diary where you can read in more detail what they have done with the day. Just get one and nanny, babysitter, and you can all write in it. And, it makes a great keepsake in later years.

I'd agree that you should make sure what your ds has told you is actually true before taking drastic action.

My dd2 has a whole imaginary 'other' life including her 'other house', 'other Mummy' etc she knows what the cats are called, what colour the car is etc etc and tells Nursery staff completely mundane, yet completely untrue, little domestic stories from this fantasy life.

FWIW my 2/ 12 year old told me yesterday she played with giraffes at nursery. She also utterly and vehemently denied doing any painting, despite a) her communication book stating "littlemade enjoyed painting today", b) paint splattered trousers, and a c) new peice of "art" making its way into the house. Try and get the full story from someone a lottle older!

btw she can't be that far away if she only looks after your kid for a few hours, but still has time to get to and from her house, and, you suspect ask your DS to "occupy himself for an hour or two with only a couple of small toys") and have him settled back home by time you come in...

Instant dismissal without talking to her first?!

She has mislead you on what she does when your son is in her care, that IMO makes her untrustworthy. I agree with your husband instant dismissal.