Discovered babysitter is taking my son to her house without telling me!

I am a grandma who looks after dgs1 and dgs2 regularly.I live about 9 miles away from them and quite often pop them in the car and take them to my house.I dont ask dd but we always tell her about it.I wouldnt think twice about taking dgs1 on a train ride either.

think you need to be blunt and ask has she gone back to her house and then say you would prefer that she didnt

you say she only works 3 hrs,so cant live that far away/travel for that long to get there and back and have a play in the 3 hrs

my dc often come tomy house,they love playing with my hammys/the toys i have and having tea there as a treat - but im honest about it

I agree midget. Maybe not even a discussion, if you don't want it to happen. Just say, can you not do that next time. Good luck.

You're right Missus, it's just that I'm aware that the place where the worst accidents happen is the kitchen. Recently, a little boy (around 16 months) that leaves at the same block as my parents, nearly died and will have plenty of operations because he toppled the kettle and got scolded. For such reasons, I find homes more tricky than the outdoors.
Also, I responded to the term "babysitter" rather than nanny or CM, who I can appreciate are professionals that adhere to proper standards. If yourself are one, I'm sure you know more on those issues than I do.

Even a childminder would take their charges to places that parents haven't personally vetted though. A nursery is the only place you can guarantee you know exactly where your child is all day.

I feel that I should apologize to the nannies and childminders above if my comment sounded unreasonable...
Maybe it's that my DS is always looking for trouble, in the exploratory way toddlers his age do, and so if he were to habitually stay over a house, I would like to know that it's safe for him. I didn't want to imply that a nanny shouldn't take him out, ladies.

Why do you call her a babysitter? That implies a casual, every now and then arrangement rather than a regular daily or even weekly occurence.

Agree with others that if you're happy for her to take your DS on a train (no limit to how far they go?) then it's not a great leap to them popping into someone's house at the other end.

so midget has a nanny and a babysitter who looks after her child during the day (i would define a bs as someone who looks after children in evening/asleep)

i certainly dont ask my mb if i can go out for a walk/museum/my house/see friends etc

i expect my mb to trust me and she does,if she trusts me to look after her children/be in charge of house/keys/car/dog etc then i expect her to trust my judgement

agree some children will say did abc and nursery says did xyz and deny they did it

you say bs lives miles away, a reasonable train journey - how far away?

IF you dont want the bs(2nd nanny) to do something then tell her

us nannies are not mind readers - strix tells nannies no white bread/choc spread and this is fine - as the nanny knows!!!

I always thought a babysitter was just a kid who watched your children while you went to the pub for a few hours!!!

imo you should use a regulated child care provider, a cm or nanny, or put your child in a nursery..

It seems to me you have taken on this woman without any sort of agreement on expectations or ground rules and then take exception when she takes him out...

why wouldnt you want him to go out incidentally.. long spells in the houise are so boring for child and carer.

i am a cm and take my mindees out every day.

I really really dont understand your dh attitude, didnt he think to interview her with you anrd talk through the day and expectations of care of your child...???

I don't think "babysitter" implies stay at home, especially not when the job is during the day. I also would dispute that a babysitter is only there to watch tv while children sleep.

But, I do think a babysitter is someone who is used for fairly short periods on an ad hoc basis and is therefore not an employee. But, as OP stated this person is used on a regular basis and she does have contract (I assume an employment contract) so I think this "babysitter" on is most likely a part time nanny.

When I was 12 I used to babysit. If it was during the day (as it often was) we would go out to the park or go for a walk. I suppose these were different times when everyone did this and no one talked about their local pre-teenager being an employee.

Of course, wouldn't you visit a childminder's home before agreeing to employ them? I visited the nursery where my DS goes to, and considered what the place was actually like - I should want to see where my child spends time at, especially when little and accident-prone.

"Babysitter" implies someone who comes round on an occasional evening and watches TV while the kids are in bed though. A regular, contracted day time childcarer is normally called a nanny. Maybe that's part of where the problem with expectations has arisen from.

"Actually, if he was to spend time at somebody's house I would definitely want to visit and see what the place is like." Seriously?

I think the term "babysitter" implies caring for the child at home... It's different to take the child to the park or on the bus to taking him to a house. Unless she is a registered childminder you wouldn't know if her house is childproofed, if she has any animals you're weary of etc.
My DS is a very active boy who likes to climb stairs, so I would want to know where he goes has a stairgate, for example. Actually, if he was to spend time at somebody's house I would definitely want to visit and see what the place is like.

I think a chat would be good, and then you could make it clear what you expect of the time she spends with your DS.

I agree with that. But, once mum has been informed (unreliably by a 2 year old), the appropriate course of action is a calm and cool discussion to find out what happened. And if that poin mum is not happy with the course of action, it is then time (again, calmly) to advise nanny of her preferred dos and don'ts.

I still think it is acceptable for the mother to be asked/informed if the nanny is taking her children on a long trip.

It's quite common for me to come home and discover DS has been to the "Dinosaur Museum" (Natural History museum to everyone else). This comes to my attention when DS can no longer contain the excitement. This is fine. Nanny doesn't need my permission to walk out the door. And she doesn't need it to get on a train into London (which takes about 40 minutes) either. If you don't trust your nanny to organise and execute the day, she isn't much of a nanny.

(now I relise this doesn't really apply to OP as she has a regular "babysitter" who only comes a few hours a week. So possibly different. But, the point is certainly valid for nannies who work say a 10 hour day.

I was a nanny and I wouldn't call the mother to say we were going for a walk but if we were going further afield I would normally check it was okay. Just common courtesy.

I think that's strange. But there we are.

And yes if I felt it was a reasonable distance and a worthwhile trip I would take a train trip somewhere, and wouldn't call the parents to tell them unless they'd asked to be told about trips in advance.

The train ride doesn't seem to be a problem for the OP.

Good lord. And without telling the parent you would take the child miles on a train? I think that's extraordinary.