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Original poster

Two nanny problems

33 replies

Ronipops · 20/04/2010 09:46

I've got two nanny-related problems that I could really use some objective advice on!

Problem 1 concerns my current nanny. She brings her child to work with her (just over 2 years old). Over the past few months her child started hitting my child (who is a little bit younger). I ignored it at first and put it down to one of those things that happen / her child probably having jealousy issues etc. Anyway, the hitting has recently begun to escalate - the other day it happened at least 5 times (and who knows how many more when no one was looking). It is quite hard and usually on the head. Obviously this upsets my son a lot. It has also begun to bother me a lot more. Even though my nanny disciplines her child, it doesn't seem to have any effect. I just feel increasingly uncomfortable with it, but so far I've not really said anything about it. The other thing is that my nanny is leaving in a few months. Part of me would really like to end the relationship now as I am finding the whole thing stressful and upsetting, but then another part of me thinks that I should just hang on for a few months until she goes.

Problem 2 concerns what to do about childcare going forward. I have two candidates who broadly have the same experience and qualifications. Nanny 1 is via an agency and so comes with a £2k agency fee. She also works out at about £60 pw more expensive than nanny 2. But she would be sole charge. Nanny 2 was sourced privately so no agency fee. But she would come to work with her child (around 2yo). I had sort of decided on Nanny 2 on economic grounds (although my "gut instinct" was in all honesty probably with Nanny 1), however, given the problems with my current nanny's child, I am now not sure whether it is a good idea to get into this arrangement again. Of course, we may not have the same problems again, but it is a risk.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far! I guess what I need advice on is what, if anything, I should do about my current nanny and also whether I should take the current problems into account in deciding between new Nanny 1 or 2. For various reasons I need to make a decision today and so any words of wisdom would be really appreciated.

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Original poster
Ronipops · 20/04/2010 10:20

She is pregnant and doesn't want to come back to work with a toddler and a newborn (I will, of course, be paying her maternity pay).

I do understand that hitting happens, I think what bothers me is that it is not the odd time here and there when playing or both wanting the same toys, but it seems quite deliberate and mean. My nanny even says that her child is badly behaved when they come to our house and also that my son seems afraid of her child. I just don't like the idea of my son being "afraid" in his own home really. She also says that my son has never hit her child back.

I also know that there is perhaps nothing else she can really do about it but I just feel that I have a responsibility for my son's welfare and this makes me feel uncomfortable and that I should be trying to resolve it in some way. Maybe I just have to accept that I can't.

What's sad is that I thought having another child in the house would be a positive thing - to have a playmate - but it just hasn't turned out that way and it is now making me question whether I should consider doing this again.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 20/04/2010 10:15

nanny 2 child is the same age as current nannys child

Haliborange · 20/04/2010 10:01

I think you probably could get rid of current nanny if the job changed and became a sole charge position. She would then be redundant unless she was prepared to come to work without her son.

However, as APassionatewoman says, children of this age hit. It's not something I would be particularly concerned about as long as she is disciplining her child.

As for your next nanny dilemma, you really have to follow your gut. Nanny 2 sounds quite expensive if she is bringing her own child, too. Are you sure though that you would be happy with nanny 1? And how old is nanny 2's child? That might impact too.

Laquitar · 20/04/2010 10:00

If the situation with current nanny bothers you so much then you wouldn't be happy with nanny 2 either. Or with CM, or with nursery.

Why has to be nanny 1 or nanny 2 if none makes you very happy? You still have months until current nanny leaves, take your time and interview more. You might find one with no agency fees and no child of her own.

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/04/2010 09:58

whats her reason?

Original poster
Ronipops · 20/04/2010 09:55

Yes - she is leaving by choice.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 20/04/2010 09:53

why is your current nanny leaving? your or her choice - I assume hers

techinally/legally i dont think you can get rid of your current nanny now to imm replace her with a new one

current nanny should be def disaplining her own child better/more with time out/taking away fav toy/treats etc and think you both need to sit down and have a chat about her childs behaviour

your child should not have to put up with being hit (bullied) every day in his own home

ALWAYS trust your gut and if you like nanny 1 then go for her

APassionateWoman · 20/04/2010 09:52

Re: the hitting thing.

Lots of toddlers do go through a hitting (or worse, biting!) phase. If your nanny is disciplining him, I can't see what else she can do? To be honest, this is all part and parcel of your child interacting with other children. Your child may be the one repeatedly hitting other children at some stage! It would be the same at a nursery/daycare. If you really aren't happy about it, I'd suggest you look into employing a nanny without their own child.