Is my nanny acting inappropriately here - opinions please

Hopefully your nanny will work out as now she knows your views on daytime tv (and don't forget her ex family didn't mind) and that's why she had it on as had done in a previous job

all familys are different how flexible they are over different things whether tv/food (strix and White bread lol) disapline or how tidy they like things left

hi there i use to be a nanny for ten years, i now childmind as my child has started school. when i was working as a nanny i would watch my telly when the children were sleeping and i was eating my lunch or i was doing their ironing. when the children were awake and around i sometimes had the radio on . only stations like magic which don't play songs with bad language., but i mainly had the children's cd's on.

Its simple though isnt it, Your house your rules.. you are employing her to look after your children and she must act according to your wishes and standards or take another job.

I dont think day time telly is appropriate for anyone actually.. rots the brain...

If the baby was having a rest and it was your Nanny's break, then I think you could give her the benefit of the doubt. I have stipulated times when I'm happy for the tv to be on and when the children can play computer games etc. I had exactly this problem, however it was founded as even the children mentioned that the Nanny spent more time watching tv or bidding on ebay than looking after them!! We did have a chat about it and all she needed was some guidelines and communication of exactly what our expectations were and she turned out fine.
I think I was guilty of not communicating this in the first place as I thought it would be a difficult subject and assumed she would just take over and carry on looking after the kids exactly the way I did. Maybe she thought that's what I did....watch telly, bid on ebay and spend loads of time on public forums on the computer !!

I worked as a nanny and would never have
even thought of putting the tv on for myself but if she gets no breaks as I did I can understand her doing something like that just to recharge her batteries everyone has different ways of doing this.

DS1 is 14 months old, and we have a Mothers Help since he was 12 months old, i.e. the same age as your little one, nannywobbles. She wouldn't dream of doing this, and we're not paying her the big bucks you pay a nanny.

She might occasionally have CBeebies on if they're stuck inside due to bad weather and he's overly fractious, but even this is few and far between. Most days the TV isn't on at all, and she would never have adult TV on.

Admittedly, she works 9-6 and has a one-hour lunch break (I work from home so am fortunately able to provide her with very civilised hours), so it's not like she needs the breather, but knowing her (she's a gem) she wouldn't do this anyway.

I think it is definitely possible to be overly precious about this sort of thing but wouldn't be overly impressed to see it in the first week, plus as a professional, she shouldn't really expect to watch TV during the day, just like the rest of us in paid employment.

Totally agree. I think it's much more important to encourage manners, courtesy, imagination, friendships, creativity, responsibility and integrity in children than to sit them down for hours on end hot housing them. Academia is only one facet of a person and even if that side of them is amazing, it will mean nothing if that child isn't also an interesting and kind person too.

"The parents feed it too - it goes beyond PFB. They want 'value for their money' which I can understand on one level as nannies are expensive. But I think it's also very important to remember that they are not just able to engage in pre-school educational activities like writing your name etc but here's how to be a civilised person that has friends and knows how to live with people and 1)tidies up their stuff 2) helps with other chores 3) Thinks about other people etc. I do think people really forget this and want more 'at home tutor' activities with their nannies."

I absolutely agree with you. I've often felt like asking people 'do you want your child to be academically brilliant but socially inept? Or do you want them to be a decent human being?'.

Haven't read all the replies, but I would NOT be happy about this at all!! Good grief this would be flagging up danger signals to me. I don't think it's petty at all, she's only been with you a couple of weeks, what's she going to be like in a couple of months. I do think a Nanny Diary is the way forward.

Good luck.

The parents feed it too - it goes beyond PFB. They want 'value for their money' which I can understand on one level as nannies are expensive. But I think it's also very important to remember that they are not just able to engage in pre-school educational activities like writing your name etc but here's how to be a civilised person that has friends and knows how to live with people and 1)tidies up their stuff 2) helps with other chores 3) Thinks about other people etc. I do think people really forget this and want more 'at home tutor' activities with their nannies. It's something I would definitely do differently. Hindsight is great hey?

We are off topic now thanks to me.

bonsoir - we have those kind of friends round - never again!!!

No, you were quite, quite right Harriet!

I have big issues with nannies and other domestic staff waiting on children hand-and-foot. I once had a child home for a playdate - never again - she was an empress on a throne at 3!

not making too much at all harriet

my charges sometimes pass me rubbish and i wont take it and reply, do i look like the bin?

which makes them giggle and then they put their own rubbish away

Anyway, she should have gone to the bin herself. Was really the point. Maybe I'm making too much of this but it bothered me.

I agree it depends on the child (and the nanny!) DD1 is particularly princess. One afternoon when we were catching up with the former nanny, DD1 one unwrapped a bar of chocolate and just passed the paper to the nanny, without speaking or even looking at her. Nanny wordlessly and without thinking walked over to the bin to throw it out. It was a WINDOW into what had been going on. No please. No thank you. No question she was to wait on her hand and foot. I flipped.

I love your expression "courtier complex" HarrietTheSpy .

However, I don't think it happens only to children on their own. DSS2 has it much worse than DSS1!

I am not one of these people who thinks nannies should be entertaining the children at all times - I am not saying YOU are but I think it's a bit precious to expect someone to spend every minute of every day keeping them occupied in some mind expanding activity. DD1 ended up with a bit of a "courtier complex" after two years on her own before DD2 arrived as a consequence of this and I think it's actually one of the downsides of having a nanny with only one child.

However. I would draw the line at reading her own book and watching daytime TV. It wouldn't bother me if it were an au pair whose got an unusually long stint that day for some reason but I do think it's reasonable to expect a nanny to be more professional. I would be wondering what was coming next.

I know it seems like a hassel trying to recruit someone else now that you're semi settled...but you might want to consider whether it would be worse if you had to do this when you are already working...

I think it is perfectly in order to ban television while your nanny is in charge. My DD is not allowed to watch TV, only DVDs, so that I am sure that the quality of the media she watches is OK.

My nanny has her quirks and faults, but the reason we hired her was because she loves playing with the kids and does activities with them, takes them out, helps my DS1 practice on his bike etc, etc. (Things that I find it really difficult to do myself, even if I have the time, hence why I could never be a nanny!)

By the sound of it your nanny doesn't do this and probably never will. Sounds more like she thinks her role is to 'supervise' them and to make sure they don't get into trouble rather than actively engaging with them. I know finding another nanny would be a bit of a pain, but are you really happy with a nanny that doesn't stimulate your children?

I'm starting to find my way around this site - I think.
Go to my photos and you will see the answer to your problem!

I thought I'd posted a picture here but it is not to be. Sorry, I'll try help again.

nannywobbles, it is totally understandable for you to take a wait-and-see approach as you are just returning to work.

I started in a new job and had to switch aupairs 2 months into it. The old one left me in the lurch once she sensed the writing was on the wall.

My advice is that if you decide you will not stick with her, is to start the recruitment process before you give her notice. That gives you the option to get someone in earlier should she decide to drop you in it. Alternatively, put emergency childcare on standby.

There is an adjustment period when changing over - as you well know. My new aupair is absolutely wonderful, and so the temporary inconvenience of the switch is well worth it.

Maybe she just needs very clear feedback/management at the start, but will be fine once she's got into your way of doing things. It can be difficult for a nanny going from a family who does things one way, to a family who does things another way (and for families with nannies too I'm sure!) - so understandable that there's some adjustment time.

Nannywobbles - good luck and you seem very reasonable with your expectations so there is a good chance you'll have a successful relationship if she meets you half way. I hope all goes well and keep us updated as I'm very nosy

You sound like a great boss and from a nannys point of view they are not always easy to come by.

If you channge your mind I know a mindblowingly good temp who is free from 1 May.