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Original poster

Have been put on the IVF waiting list and don't know how to tell employers...

34 replies

NotSureAboutAnythingAtAll · 14/04/2010 13:47

I've namechanged for this, just in case, if anyone works out who I am, please don't say anything

I work as a nanny for one of the best families EVER. My job is fab and I never want to leave, baby is 8 months old, have been with him since 11 weeks.

Prior to getting this job my DP and I were having investigative stuff done as to why we couldn't conceive. We found out recently that based on what they have found, they can offer us one cycle of IVF.

Its all happened rather quickly and now I am panicking as I don't know what to tell my lovely boss!
I have already told a fib when I was having my HSG done, I said I was having an ultrasound because of painful periods so already I have decieved her and I feel terrible

I am worried because I don't want her to think I am a liar (which I clearly am..!) or think less of me because the outcome may affect my job.

Oh I don't know, I don't even know if I'm making any sense

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Original poster
NotSureAboutAnythingAtAll · 11/05/2010 11:23

Right, well.

We are starting the the IVF next month which has obviously happened really bloody quickly! They don't lie when they put you on the 'short notice contact' list...

Still have no idea what to say to boss, thought I'd have more time to think about it, but as its only been 3 or so weeks, I am just in a bit of a panic really. I have a co-ord appointment on Thurs so that will give me an actual time table to reference and make things a bit clearer in terms of time off (if any) etc. IT does however seem I will definitely need some sort of time off, and as the IVF will be happening June/July its all cutting it a bit fine!

Are there any other nanny employers that would have a view on this situation? How would anyone else go about telling their boss?

OP posts:
Original poster
NotSureAboutAnythingAtAll · 15/04/2010 10:44

Nick - your reply made me laugh, exactly what my DP said
Sadly, I don't know whether it will affect my work, I might react badly to the injections, it might affect me emotionally... I'm just think worst case senario here I guess???

Thank you to everyone that commented, I feel slightly better about my little fib now. I think my best course of action is to speak to the clinic directly and ask them the average waiting times for treatment as I think that will give me a better time frame with which to decide when/if to speak to her.

I only work 3 days a week so while it may not involve too much actual time of work, I think my main worry is how it will affect my emotions and indeed the state I may be in if it doesn't work.
In the 5/6 months I've been here I have really hit it off with my boss and I know all about her struggle to have the little one I look after (not IVF thou) so I suppose that makes me feel a bit guilty too because from a personal point of view I feel she would be very understanding but I'm trying to think about the impact it would have professionally iyswim??

I do however have a tendancy to overthink things WAY too much so there is that. I think I'm still trying to make sense of it all as well so all sorts of things are going through my head

OP posts:
Kendra9991 · 14/04/2010 19:16

Telling your boss may have its benefits , she has had a child and probably understands the strains of getting pregnant.

Plus you ucan sometimes get leave that takes ivf into account . Id talk with your boss , you never know she may even let you go on work time, plus she will understand mood changing and help and support you if you are that close.

IVF is stressful and its best she understand if you are not feeling good hugs with the treatment and lots of baby glue ur way

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/04/2010 17:29

waves

tbh i would tell your boss as ivf is soooooooooooo emotional and stressful - if you are worried about what mb may say/find out then you are going to feel stressed and to make ivf work you need to be as relaxed as possible

normally you need a few months to get your body up to scratch with hormones/injections etc to give yourself the best chance so by the time you leave for ml you are prob talking in a years time

as nannies (well female ones) get older there is always a chnace that they may want children and you are not wanting/doing anything abnormal

you know where i am if you want a chat x

shouldbeironing · 14/04/2010 17:01

Hi OP, first of all I wouldnt worry about the fib you told your boss before - it is a very personal thing to go through and I am sure she would understand that.

Secondly, you need to find out how long the wait is likely to be before the IVF starts - some places can take quite a while. No need to worry yourself or your boss too early in the day.

I think it could be hard to keep this from your boss ultimately. The timing of IVF can be unpredictable as once you have been accepted onto a clinic's list for a certain month they dont give specific dates to you - you have to wait for your natural cycle to start and even after that the timing depends how your body responds to the drugs etc.

You will need time off. IVF involves a few appointments prior to the procedure, then the procedure itself involves daily injections and then there is the procedure of egg collection and transferring the embryos etc. The whole process takes a few weeks and although you can get away with only a couple of full days off for egg collection/embroyo transfer, the various appointments for the injections and monitoring might take a bit of time each day depending if you have to travel to/from the clinic - and it will depend on the clinic as to what time of day these appointments fall.

Can you chat to someone about the process so you are realistic as to what it means and then decide what to tell your boss. i would recommend being honest with her nearer the time but it's your call.

Best of luck with the treatment.

Missus84 · 14/04/2010 16:08

Will the IVF itself mean you need time off work? You could just take those days as annual leave and don't need to tell your boss what it's for.

Personally I'd hold off from saying anything until you actually get pregnant - you don't need the extra pressure on yourself from telling your boss at this stage.

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2010 14:44

Sorry what I meant was I did see your bit about the fib but TBH I'd fib/be vague to my employer too if I was having gynae tests - none of his business!

StealthPolarBear · 14/04/2010 14:44

Why would you be a liar? Don't see why you should discuss your medical history in detail! Or are you very friendly?
You have worked there for about 6 months, presumably you'd work while pregnant (?), I don't see what the problem is. You're entitled to a life and family too.

GOOD LUCK

nannynick · 14/04/2010 14:41

Why would you need to tell your employer?
If you have a good relationship with your employer you could discuss how you have been offered IVF. However I don't feel the employer has any right to know.

Will having IVF affect your ability to work?